The Honor Code to my Healthiest and Longest Lasting Sisterhood from StationaryGypsy's blog

         I was 14 years old. A girl from the nearest city was spending the night with me for the first time, and she was trying to understand who my "Aunt" (other mom) was and what her capacity in my life was. I wanted to tell her... but the FLDS Texas raids had just happened, and my family huddled around the TV most days watching, scared.

         As the night wore on, I finally told "Maury" there was something my parents could go to jail for. She encouraged I go on. She promised she'd never tell a soul. I explained I had two moms; my Dad loved and was spiritually married to both. It was the first time I had ever talked about polygamy to someone outside of my family.
         Two days later, another girl from the city, "Taylor", sent me a message. She explained she was a mutual friend of Maury's. She warned me not to trust Maury, because since she got home from her weekend with me, she had told at least a dozen people what I shared with her.
         Now, this Taylor girl seemed cool.
         A week later, we introduced our mothers and arranged for her to spend a weekend with me. We walked around my hometown our first night together talking about all the things that irritated us about girls our age. The nonstop drama, petty bickering, arguments over whose best friend is whose. As we discussed our ideas about what Friendship through Adolescence could be like: we were unknowingly writing an honor code for a friendship that would last the rest of our lives. In its simplest form, what it boiled down to was this.

-If we are friends, we know that we love each other. That is established.
-If there is love, we know that there is not malice. We would neverintentionally do anything to hurt the other.
-Our emotions are valid. If one of us is feeling hurt by the other, there is a valid reason for it: but the reason was always accidental.  
-Though it may be accidental: accident does not absolve responsibility. The pain should be voiced aloud and resolved together, rather than bottled in.
-Futhermore, we desire to know anything we may have done that caused pain to the other: so that we understand one another more, and can take care that it doesn't happen again.
-The resolution and peace can and should be reached without spirits of accusation or blame between us.

         The foundation Taylor and I laid at 14 has carried us through 11 years of sisterhood without a single fight. Our communication policies prevent fights before they have the chance to happen because we peacefully navigate any hint of disharmony together. Through our teen years when girls our age were bickering incessantly and changing their mind about who their Best Friend was on a weekly if not daily basis: Taylor and I remained blissfully drama free, stuck like glue, and eternally thankful for the safety in our connection. We always said that Best Friend was just a label that meant nothing to our generation. Our focus was less on labels, and more on offering the best versions of ourselves to a friendship, while simultaneously creating a safe space for us to retreat on those days when we couldn't be our best.
         I hope some of you will find this story useful as you lay your sisterhood relationship foundations.


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DanSmith
Feb 19
Great post! I'm glad you were able to find true friendship with Taylor. She sounds like an amazing woman.

It's interesting how among all the attributes of your relationship you have, love and honesty/communication seem to be the biggest (at least to me). If you truly love someone, you wish to see them happy because you simply love them. I've experienced this with my family, but there have been a couple of times that I truly felt something more higher and inspired than what I would or could experience on my own.

Part of that love is being able to communicate when problems arise. I heard this talk once about how "People are like porcupines". We all have quills and most of the time that someone gets poked, it's completely accidental due to the nature of being a porcupine (or being human/mortal). Honesty and communication to speak up when you get poked, and also love to seek forgiveness and ask offer it, those are key.
Great post! I'm glad you were able to find true friendship with Taylor. She sounds like an amazing woman.

It's interesting how among all the attributes of your relationship you have, lo...See more
Noblequest
Feb 24
Good post. I enjoyed it
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By StationaryGypsy
Added Feb 18

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