loveandgratitude's blog

Take a moment of reflection. Close your eyes and truly envision the picture of your relationship happiness. Hang onto that. I have my vision and I hope one day that a family will have the same one.
I am not complaining, as this goes for ALL of us —Please reflect. Everyone.

I wonder how many single women begin talking to families to ultimately only find out that the couple isn’t ready and now knows it.
I don’t like being anyone’s experiment.
I am not practice.
I wish I could count how many times in the last two years I’ve been told, “you’re an amazing beautiful woman and you deserve a couple who can commit to you.”
How about this one: “We have realized we aren’t ready for this lifestyle now. But we wish you the best and we’d like to stay friends.”
Oh gosh I have so many examples by now. I open up and become vulnerable only to find out a month in, that they don’t want a third.”
People...Families...Please please make sure you know what you want. Or give it a chance before suddenly dropping it with some epiphany that you don’t want another woman in the relationship.
My favorite *sarcasm* is when people admit their own insecurities and never think of mine.
“We are too busy to pursue this kind of relationship.”
Oh gosh I could go on and on.
I Still allow myself to stay open and vulnerable. It’s difficult. I am exhausted by the same story almost every time (outside of a very painful breakup with a more long term relationship).
Some of my friends and family wonder why I would keep looking. I know 100% what I want and seek. I wish everyone did. My feelings get hurt most when I feel like a trial run.
People
Be
Honest
With
Yourselves

How many people (families or singles) do you talk to at one time? At what point is it disrespectful to keep adding people? Think about it. (If anyone even reads this.) Think about yourself and also make sure to think about others! After all, we as a community are full of so much love. I need to focus my own love right now. I’ll keep you posted.

When you feel alone, you probably aren’t. When you don’t feel great about yourself, there is surely someone else who is there, too. If you have questions, remember there is indeed an answer. Also remember it may take a while to find it. Live your truth and everything will be okay.

What are red flags? Yellow flags? White? Do we create issues that aren’t even there because we are scared? Think about it. Everyone has a goal. A relationship they seek. Is it ok to go into the world blind in this lifestyle? What do people truly need to prepare? Do extended families need to know the plan? What secrets must you keep from the world in order to live a polygamist or polyamorous life? Is everyone on the same page or do some people not know their own page? What is self sabotage? I always question doubts. My own. Those of others. At what point does everyone go forward in the same direction? I agree that communication is everything. I think we all do.

Love is freedom. We are not adjusting to the confines of what other people want us to be anymore. Life is air. I am finally starting to breathe.

Do you ever talk to potential mates you really like and wonder how it really went? Do you ever think of whose “criteria” will match? I have a hard time prioritizing the list of what matters most in a relationship. Is it having things in common? Level of optimism? Lifestyle? Is it the feeling in your gut? Age? Looks? Location? Is it everything? Sometimes I get the feeling that people (including myself) focus on the minutia and not the big picture. If you really like someone, you will make a way to accommodate a new partner or partners. I mean there are only a relatively small number of “us” out there. Do we move mountains to be together or get stuck on silly details? Forever-love doesn’t come easily. I just wonder how stubborn we should be when it comes to qualities in a mate/mates. Maybe someone has the answer. I don’t. Love is a river, not a lake.

Just kidding. Blah blah blah to come! Hmmm. I would like to start a blog about the experiences of a single woman who puts herself out there for love. There are a lot of us. We are doubted my many. Those who have come before us have broken a lot of hearts. We are questioned, even often interrogated. I suppose self-doubt is normal all the way around. Can you imagine things growing organically and openly? If you can, that’s great. Really, this needs to be done with resumes. People say things like about telling them your hobbies and how they will benefit the family in order to be “considered.” I just think it sounds funny. Considered. A job. Being a sister wife or in any form of polyamory is a job. We might as well be sitting in a waiting room with our lists of recommendations. And that goes on on both sides. I can try to wish it were different, but I guess this is our reality. Let’s do it with more warmth. Easier said than done. We get pressured. Sometimes we are inundated by emails. Sometimes we have zero. That almost compounds the feeling of pressure. On ourselves to be successful in love, loneliness. It’s like ”Hey wait, I am cute. Where did everybody go? How do I prove myself? Do I need to be cuter? Have more money? Where have I gone wrong?” It’s a silly thing, but so many of us feel it. Hmmmm. Plural love. Plural marriage. I was at dinner with the in-laws (if you read my profile, you’ll see I’ve been widowed 14 years. But the in-laws are always in-laws!). They started talking about polygamists in Utah. The typical talk: Disgust over FLDS. I looked over to my 17 year old daughter (who knows all about my beliefs and my search), and I opened my eyes widely to speak to her. I shaked my head. I thought, “Will you Stop speaking about the stereotypes from tv? This is different. What will happen when I meet the right family? Will they think I am even more of a weirdo? Will they talk about the Bible and monogamy? Will I have to go further into polygamy being normal in the Bible or keep my mouth shut? Will I just present it as ‘none of your business?’ Will they be disgusted?” That’s the internal pressure. Let. Me. Breathe. Love is freedom. Allowing oneself to believe in abundance. No limits to joy. Giving oneself the freedom to just live. Just be. Be love. Sigh. I know I am a romantic. But I am indeed alone. Climbing the rungs of self knowledge to the heights of sharing lives together. Those are my thoughts of the day.