Are single women really looking for a polygamous family? | Forum

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DanSmith Feb 14
Have a question more for the single ladies, but anyone is free to jump in and comment with their experiences. I recently joined SisterWives and have been curious as to single women looking for this lifestyle.

My background is that I grew up in a polygamous family here in Salt Lake City (I was raised as a fundamentalist Mormon). Though I don't subscribe to some of the fundamentalist beliefs, such as that I must live it in order to get to Heaven, I am very comfortable with the idea of polygamy and opening up our home for another woman looking for a stable family. Well, as stable as a family can be sometimes We all get on each others nerves from time to time. 

Anyway, I have more religious/spiritual beliefs that are directing me towards the possibility of polygamy. Our family is very religious, and while we have many Jewish/Christian/Mormon beliefs, that's more the driving force for me. And since I was raised in a polygamous setting, it's not a weird or foreign concept to me.

My question for single women is... why would you be looking for it?
Speaking from my very limited viewpoint, most women I knew looked at polygamy as a means to serve and obey God, and unless you were raised in it or felt a commandment from God to live it, you wouldn't necessarily care to "share" a husband. Why introduce a different and sometimes difficult life choice into your life? If you come from a more generic Christian/LDS/Spiritual background that doesn't particularly find polygamy good (some churches in my experience considered it an abomination), why would you seek it out? Is it more of a lifestyle choice for you than anything else, or are there other drivers?

Thanks for the feedback!

zoec Feb 14
As for myself... I came from a very broken family. All I’ve wanted in my adult life was to somehow create the family that I’ve never had. Unfortunately that never happened the way I prayed and hoped... and I believe lack of support had a lot to do with it. I think there is something to be said from having a supportive friendship/sister bond between the women and still being able to enjoy the benefits of having a loving husband. There is more love and support to go around... and I think better for raising a family (with kids)
DanSmith Feb 14
I appreciate your insight  I completely agree with your viewpoint. Nice to hear that it's not just "brainwashed" women who think there can be benefits to this lifestyle (so long as there's a strong and loving family).
theoneo Feb 15

I am not a woman (obviously) but, given we are born with certain privileges as men, we need to ensure that everyone is able to make their decision in an educated and considered way, freely and without pressure in any direction.

Regardless of whether a woman is choosing to be in a polygamous relationship for a belief or for personal gain, we should not assume that she is uneducated in the decision or unconsidered in her opinion. People in minorities are consistently called "brainwashed" rather than listened to.  Indeed, one of my friends was disrespectfully dismissed as brainwashed in the news yesterday, without consideration to their thorough and logical reasoning for staying with their (and my) beliefs.  Male or female, that's each person's choice individually, so long as we are not hurting or imposing on others in the process.  

If we are concerned about a person's choice, then it is our duty to ask, but we also have to accept their answer as we are all different. There is strength in beliefs that make us comfortable, and seeking out a situation that we feel comfortable in is natural and allows us to be vulnerable, to focus on our own personal desires, and on our development. Many women in polygamous relationships talk about being empowered by them for a multitude of reasons - the sisterhood, the mutual understanding, the pragmatism, and the shared responsibility, among other things. I think we fall prey to the portrayal of women as subservient as depicted in popular culture when they are not and should not assume to be so unless that, itself, is what makes them comfortable and is itself an individual and changeable choice.

This isn't a power struggle between genders. This is a choice to construct a family built on love and caring which has so many benefits a monogamous relationship doesn't, and there's no better proof of a person being good than another person choosing them to build their family. :-)

The Forum post is edited by theoneo Feb 15
DanSmith Feb 16
Great thoughts! And I agree with respecting someone's choices in regards to their life. Unfortunately today, we see many times where people should assume a "live and let live" approach, but instead judge and do their best to keep someone from pursuing a life choice. You might not agree with it, but everyone is allowed to decide how they want to live their life. If they aren't harming anyone, leave them be.

As previously mentioned, Most women I knew that lived in polygamous relationships did it because they felt they were following God as best they knew how. While some of them did it grudgingly and were unhappy with their lives after, it's their decision to make. Some women did it because they thought they had no choice. I believe you always have a choice and should follow that which will help you to grow and become more than you are today. 

Most people may not want to live in a polygamous relationship, but we should respect a man or woman if they decide that's what they want. They make their bed and they have to sleep in it, for better or worse.

Anyway, I'm rambling.... appreciate your post!

vegemite Sep 28
Do you know where you're goin' to?

Do you like the things that life is showin' you

Where are you goin' to? Do you know? 

Do you get what you're hopin' for 

When you look behind you, there's no open doors

 - Diana Ross

The Forum post is edited by vegemite Sep 28
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