Couple Privilege - Does it exist and what do you think? | Forum

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stocktoncouple
I recently read an article that had a different take on "couple privilege" - typically it is defined as the primary couple taking precedence over any other parties in the relationship, which, in a hierarchal relationship, that could be true, that is the definition of it being hierarchal. If that is not for you, then you need to seek a different kind of relationship and you should ALWAYS be clear about what your expectations are about your role in a plural relationship. 


What my partner and I are seeking, has nothing to do with hierarchy. We want everyone to be equal partners in our relationship. Period. Not one of us is better than the others and none of us takes priority over the others. Which brings up this other definition of couple privilege that I came across. Where a M/F couple seek out a bisexual female and the expectation is that she have a relationship with both parties. Ok, I get it that couples who are out there hunting the proverbial unicorn are relentless and a single female gets inundated with messages asking them to join in threesomes, to be their play toy, etc - which is NOT OK. People need to respect other people's boundaries and approach them as a person FIRST and then learn about what they are seeking, so you can decide if matches what you want or not. Period. If it doesn't YOU MOVE ON! That being said, we are a couple looking for that special woman to have a relationship, romantic & sexual, with BOTH OF US. I don't think that makes me feel privileged at all, because we are respectful of others and we know exactly what we want. We don't approach anyone with anything sexual, EVER. 


All that being said, I get what the article was saying about how if someone comes into the relationship and hits it off with one person but not the other, are they then invalid? The answer is NO. If we met someone and she and my partner hit it off and I was lukewarm about it, then we would have to talk about that. It doesn't make them a bad person, it doesn't negate what they mean to each other, but the bottom line is, that is not the relationship dynamic that we agreed to. Does that mean they are just automatically voted off the island? NO! There are many factors in how and if that relationship progressed further. Would I deny my partner an amazing partner and a potentially good friend for myself just because we weren't feeling each other sexually? Probably not. Of course I can say that now because I am not faced with this issue, and nobody can predict what will happen in the moment. I can only say that if EVERYONE enters into the dynamic with the INTENTION of the specific dynamic being met, then through communication, everyone will reach the right resolution to the scenario ending up in a place that none of us planned. It could also be that her and I hit it off and they don't, IT HAPPENS. We have been there and we worked through it with open and honest communication that led to the best outcome for everyone involved. 


Anyhow, that is my brain dump on the issue. I have been on both sides as the single female and as the couple, so I think I have a pretty grounded opinion on this but I am open to hearing from you. I love a good healthy debate!



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texastrucker
texastrucker Sep 9
I think couple's privilege has to exist in the beginning (while at a dating stage).  But once assent has been given each would have to be equal.
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