Europe | Forum

Topic location: Forum home » General » General Chat
Polywifen Dec 28 '20
As my country lost its bloody mind and decided to leave the EU, I wanted to make it plain that I totally appreciate the EU and will happily marry into it.

But where are my euro polygamists and why are Polygamists outside of the States hard to find? 

Some reasons I believe to be possible.

1) The USA is far more religious than most of Western Europe, this leads to people reading the Bible more and noticing Polygamy in it and therefore deciding if it is allowed, they too can do it.

2) There is a homegrown cultural tradition of polygamy in Mormon polygamy, which therefore doesn't have the 'oooh scary foreign people and there funny ways' veneer that people have with polygamy in Europe.

3) There is a lack of social support in the country that makes people feel that they might need to think outside of the box more often to get ahead, this is especially true for people who see Polygamy as a form of economic advancement and wealth building by pooling resources and investing heavily in business and education. 

4) Americans don't mind seeming a little weird.  

Anything else you can think of?

theoneo Jul 27 '21
Individualism.  I see the same problems in monogamous marriages as there are in polygamous ones.  We're not taught to share anymore, we're taught to "succeed".  That means more pressure, and more pressure means less time to enjoy, be yourself, and to share.  

People who are less individualistic and more communal can still be monogamous, but they also tend to have stronger social bonds and lower incomes, making them more vulnerable.  Bohemian lifestyles match this, too, and I've found more people in alt-lifestyles in these groups than I've ever found in a relgiious setting.  (Utah excepted, of course, but we're talking about outside America.)
Individualism encourages one to compare a lot.  Can you get a better job, house, car, husband, wife?  "Change is the path to success."  Who cares how that affects others, so long as you're happy.  It also (rightly or wrongly) encourages one to assess and stand up for their rights (but not necessarily their privilege).

It's a real shame because I've had the overwhelming impression from my vast (pre-COVID) travels that the people I've met in the poly* community have undergone more self-development, understand the world better, have more empathy and compassion when it's needed, have more friends, and live happier, healthier, more fulfilled lives than the general community by several orders of magnitude.  

I believe that's partly because they're not looking for "the one" or questioning themselves or the relationship.  They already *are* in the relationship they want because they chose to be there in the first place.  They have confidence to manage their own feelings and behaviour and negotiate their own needs and wants because they already learned those skills before they even got into their first relationship.  They didn't assume anything.  They didn't expect the relationship to "solve" anything for them.  They accepted in some ways and encouraged in others.

But that could just be my bias.

Polywifen Jul 27 '21
Thank you for the input.
Password protected photo
Password protected photo
Password protected photo