Family Matters | Forum

My view is that certain high-level rules and guidelines would be handled by the man and some rules would be open for a discussion. The only way to harmony is to communicate and understand the wants of each person and find a comfortable middle ground.

Sure understood, But shouldn't there be a say agreement orr a discussion or would you think its just IE: your rule? theres a reason I ask this as being curious to what others think thanks for your response

Well Earle,

I see things that way as well, Its ok for others to have a different opinion, I was just curious, If someone were to say that a child at 17 only had 2 months to find a Poly husband and if not one would be arranged for her would you feel that would be appropriate for your children? TO me I would think that Olive had a choice in her life over Monogamy or Poly? Just curious really is all.  

Would have to agree 100% with you on this Earle, 

Egalitarian is the way to go. I normally lead discussions but everyone has equal input and decisions are made together. We talk it out till everyone is happy with the outcome.

Thank you all for the feedback. I had to take a break for a few weeks, needed some space to figure out a few things but im back I hope you are all well. 

Quote from Jojo I have a question for all of the couples, When joining a family, How many of you believe that the men/ husband of the house makes all the rules, and how many believe it should be a combined discussion for decisions? I understand this world, My question is when you know its not a match you walk away, but im curious to see what couples believe as to who makes the rules if anyone?

We believe that all major life decisions should be made together. Just like any other marriage.  

JoJo - "If someone were to say that a child at 17 only had 2 months to find a Poly husband and if not one would be arranged for her "

Arranged marriage is practiced around the world and is not in itself a bad thing. Children in other countries or cultures look forward to being arranged into a marriage.

On the other hand marriage by definition requires consent otherwise it is just rape. Forced marriage is wrong.

It looks like what you are describing is forced marriage. I and most civilized people would be opposed to it.

We believe that decisions need to made by everyone as it affects everyone in the group. How ever things like groceries ect are just done. If a problem with one wife about another then it would be brought up to me then we would all discuss it as it may not be as easy to talk about things with the sister wife. But everyone is equal and arranged marriages are not part of who we are.

I agree with cnystrom.

I think it is funny that most people believe choosing you partner is so great when I see so many people who have screwed up their life by doing so. That said, it is the norm here and now so you do the best you can with it.

My wife and I make major decisions together. One or the other may take the lead on something, but we get consent before we move forward. We always work it out somehow. Often we begin in agreement. Sometimes we agree to go with the one who feels stronger about it. Often it leads to more research, and frequently means we find a third option we have not considered which we are both more happy with than our own idea. 

From years in business I have seen more input makes better decisions. It takes longer, so it isn’t worth the time for every decision, but for the bigger ones it is. As for children getting a say in them, this is something I haven’t had to confront. My gut tells me they should be heard, but don’t get a vote. They often don’t have the perspective and background to make complex decisions.