How can I help her | Forum

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thisisme86 Mar 7
Hi Everyone

I suppose are more after advice than anything else. I have been seeing this lovely couple for about a month now, prior to that we were chatting for three months or so getting to know one another. They are a wonderful couple, and they have a wonderful family and I felt things were going really well until recently. While  he is eager to continue on this journey I have been feeling that she is extremely hesitant. I find that I am the one always in this year's in conversation, sending texts and messages to her  to arrange to meet or talk. I have spent time with her alone, trying to get to know her and build a relationship and trust between us. I just feel that she isn't interested in this now, and my heart is in it. I'm not sure where to go or how to approach the situation. Being in Perth Australia means there aren't many people here to match with so really i  struck gold when we met. She is wonderful and so is he, and I do find i am attracted to him and was looking to build a relationship with both of them so that we could do life together. She has pulled back and I was wondering if anyone could give me some advice on how to make her feel more comfortable  pursuing this life? Were any of you Sister Wives in the same position when your husband was looking for a second wife? How did you come to terms with having another woman coming in? Is there any advice you can offer me? I'm just feeling a bit lost at the moment, I was hoping that this was it for me. 

The Forum post is edited by thisisme86 Mar 13
donb Mar 10

It's not uncommon for reality to set in. We noticed that many "think" this is the life for them until it's close to actually happening. The fact that she pulled away indicates to us that she's no longer on board. It could be that the husband is "to eager" in the eyes of his wife. We don't know everything that gets said behind closed doors. We don't know the true hearts of people only God does. There may have been struggles beforehand and they were just good at hiding them until now. Of course we could be completely may be that she just needs time / space to adjust to the future you've all been heading towards. We've never had a sister wife enter our family for reasons all of their own even though on the surface everything seemed to be falling into place. Don't give up. If this is the life you're called to live then pursue it. This family may in the end not be the one for you but that doesn't mean the right one isn't out there. We'll be praying for you all.

DanSmith Mar 10
Probably going to echo the same thoughts as donb. Growing up in polygamy, I saw lots of families where the wife was really behind it up until a point when reality set in. Most women who are committed to this lifestyle will still go through emotions and struggles. It's part of the process and I would say is to be expected in almost all polygamous relationships. This is where she needs to be honest with where she is. It might be embarrassing to admit that she is having trouble. However, if you and her husband love her, you will be patient and allow her the space and freedom to admit it and work through it. Patience, time and love is likely the best thing you can give her.

Now, playing devils advocate, she might be really against it all of a sudden... in which case, she still needs to admit it and have that discussion with you both. It can be a sucky discussion to have, but sometimes you have to open the wound and clean it before it can heal up. I hope and pray that things work out for the best for you all. Keep the faith and chin up!

Noblequest Mar 12
I would just be patient. Give her some time and continue to keep engaging with her as much as you can. Perhaps ask her outright her as comfortable and non confrontational way as possible naturally. There is a good chance she could feel defensive and that won’t be productive obviously. In the end though there is no better source of information than the wife in question. Good luck.
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