Sleeping arrangements. | Forum

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Sergeantforce Feb 13 '19
Do wives of a polygamous relationship ever habitually sleep in the same bed with their husband at the same time?
theoneo Feb 15 '19
Sleep in the same bed?  Yes, I've heard this mentioned many times.  The "big bed" approach appeals to some women as it makes everyone feel less isolated, particularly if they are kinesthetic people (as most women are, statistically).  One bed becomes impractical with more than 3 wives, and I hear that when there are 4 or more wives they frequently choose to sleep in each other's beds anyway for comfort, convenience, and to be social.  That being said, almost all women love maintaining a sense of individuality also, so it should be entirely their choice.  I would generally assume everyone has their own bedroom (possibly even their own house, be prepared for that request) so that they don't feel stifled or pressured.  Everyone needs their own time and space.

Have sex in the same bed?  No.  Well, I have heard this once or twice, but I can't emphasise enough how extremely rare this is.  Try to think of this from their point of view.  It's a marriage, not a porno. :-p

The Forum post is edited by theoneo Feb 15 '19
Sergeantforce Feb 15 '19
Thank you, theoneo. I am new to this lifestyle.
Noblequest Feb 21 '19
I think the big bed notion is more of a thing people who are playing with the idea of plural marriage will come up with as a cool theory in their minds before having the opportunity to put many theories into practice. Lots of stuff sounds good on paper that does not actually work out in practice. People need their own space and while everyone being all bundled together like a basket full of cute puppies sounds fun, it just won't translate to real life. Real life has people on different schedules and different sleeping styles/habits, morning people vs non morning people etc etc. Everyone will come up with lots of theories on how their plural marriage should work out at the beginning and most end up being discarded. I tend to think keeping everything simple is best and that people do need their own space to one degree or another. 

As theories go it could be worse. On a defunct plural marriage site there was a guy who would tell all the woman he was trying to romance (frequently even the married ones)that the best way to go was for him to have the master bedroom and that whatever number of wives he would accumulate would all share a bed in the second bedroom when it was not their night with him. Also something about multiple sets of bunk beds in time. 

Yeah buddy...sure thing. Let me know how that works out for you. 

Sergeantforce Feb 21 '19
Thank you for your input, Noblequest. I really do value the knowledge and wisdom of those with more experience in this field.
Noblequest Feb 21 '19
Experience perhaps... wisdom? Oh man you should hear my sob stories and my hard knock lessons. Less wisdom and more scar tissue that proves even the dumbest can learn but thank you for the kind words. 
donb Feb 21 '19

Everyone my wife and I have been in contact with are pretty clear where they stand on this issue. The ones we chat with want their own space within the home so that means own bedroom and bed lol. My wife also prefers it that way. Of course there will be times when that doesn't happen like when we all go camping. From a man's and husband perspective I'd advise you to simple ask if your unsure. I hope you find what you're looking for Sergeantforce. Our family thanks you for your service too.

Sergeantforce Feb 21 '19
Yes, Sir. Thank you for your input.
vegemite Sep 23 '19
I have a secret fantasy about sleeping in a different bed to my wives. A single bed. Hey, I am fine with a camping mattress, really. With a book. I remember reading...
littlebitofnc Nov 13 '19
There are certainly all types of family dynamics in this world.  Ones where bedrooms are shared and those which are all separate.  This female's vote would be for each wife to have their own bedroom and preferably where the bedrooms didn't share a common wall.  With everything else being shared in a plural relationship, the intimacy between myself and the husband is the one thing I personally would insist to be kept separate.  I am not one who has any issues with talking about intimacy as a family, however, the actual acts outside of PG rated displays of affection should take place behind well insulated doors/walls.  By PG rated, I mean hello/goodbye kisses, hugs, holding hands, and even everyone snuggled up on the sofa to watch a movie - husband in the middle of course.  :D

Texasfarm Mar 22 '20
We're a very well established polygyny family (over a decade).  Each of the wives has a large suite (king bed, walk in closet, linen closet, sitting room, and bath.  Yes, the farmhouse is large - 9000 sq ft, multistory (its a story in and of its self!)...  Typically I rotate.  Every once in a while, two may snuggle up together with me - but thats discussed and agreed to among the ladies.  And the rotation gets changed from time to time; specifics are usually not something I get as the ladies negotiate the details amongst themselves.  When I have inquired, I get answers that typically have to do with biology.

I've seen polygyny practiced very successfully over multiple decades so I draw from those examples.  Each wife needs her own 'space' in addition to the common areas.  Otherwise there will be friction and that will lead to problems IMO.

Polywifen Apr 19 '20
I wouldn't want to do it, I love my own space and I love to roll across my bed at night or starfish. ;o)
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