VV76's blog
This was a response I gave to this question on another forum. I thought it would go well here to help explain my comments in our profile about the first wife. . . .
Since this question is asked on a Biblical Poly forum. . . . . In my opinion, all the wives have equal status as they’ve all been made wives. That being said, not all wives are honored the same. That depends on the relationship that they’ve created with their husband. As I see it, biblically, there is always a special honor for the mia wife in a family, usually because the family that the rest of the wives join is one that she was integral in helping to create. The man would not be a verifiable quality husband without her efforts and involvement, and her perception, attitudes and outlook on life and a poly family proves that he’s the kind of man that can succeed with additional wives. She will experience and overcome a level of emotional and cultural turmoil that no other wife will be exposed to, and will usually be entrusted with a higher level of trust and responsibility than the other wives.
Does this mean that she should “rule” the household? Most definitely not! There is one husband and only one head of any household, and a man that has not established and jealously guards his headship is a husband who will fail at poly. A husband that has not transformed his wife away from these type of feminist tendencies has proven he’s not ready yet IMO. Any of the wives ruling the house or trying to rule unchecked will bring disaster or gross dissatisfaction with the family unit from all parties.
Just my .02. . . . . .
*********Props to you on your wife. Very few men in our culture have a wife that is logically tuned to natural truth that way. With one or two exceptions, most accepting wives that I’ve seen are ok with it primarily because they are anticipating sexual benefits from incoming spouses (with the exception of fundamentalist Mormons who have grown up in the culture and understand the intrinsic benefits)
As to the jealousy issue, jealousy is not wrong or evil when its used properly. Case in point is that God is a jealous God and this means that he is very protective over his people and demands exclusivity. He also demands loyalty and obedience as a result of this attribute.
For his people to be jealous among themselves over his attention or resources, that is an evil jealousy because it is usurping and manipulative.
I personally do not believe that a man is called to polygyny any more than he is called to matrimony. Both are a natural outcome of choices and decisions and natural desires in a man’s life. Some men are more prepared for matrimony and polygyny, and some wives are more prepared than others. I believe that all men have the right, but most will never be successful because most have squandered their credibility and influence as head of their home thru mismanagement of their spousal relationships and finances and parenting.
This doesnt mean that they cannot improve and transform into a husband or wife that would be great at poly, it just means that they’ve usually got a lot of work to do to be ready to take that step.
Isaiah 11:13. The envy also of Ephraim shall depart, and the adversaries of Judah shall be cut off: Ephraim shall not envy Judah, and Judah shall not vex Ephraim
This seems to be the primary source of contention within the poly household. It is also one of the biggest fears that can exist within the household. The first wife’s fear of being marginalized by the husband as his infatuation for a new wife overcomes his sense of decency and order. This coupled with the new wife’s inexperience in how to be a good wife to her husband and sister to her sister wife, tends to lend itself to a perspective and attitude that is destructive to the wellbeing of all parties and the household in general. It’s a perspective of selfishness that manifests as vexing the first wife. The first wife becomes jealous and envious of the second, and the second, misunderstanding and misconstruing her influence in the house, begins to build her own house by dividing his house.
This entire dynamic is completely and easily avoided, simply by the presence of a strong husband who clearly articulates his vision and boundaries to all the family, and secondarily by the women practicing and exampling the fruits of the spirit to each other.
Applicants will be dismayed to learn that VV76 & Co. is a draconian branch in a firm that requires absolute loyalty from it's partners. Applicants with employment histories that list companies still doing business will be rejected, unless sufficient evidence can be presented showing breach of contract against the applicant. Applicants without relevant work experience may be considered, as may applicants who have previously worked unpaid internships, as well as applicants whose previous company has fully closed down.
Other start-up companies would do well to follow this model. Nothing saps capital like the mandatory severance package that accompanies a departed employee. Maintaining a mission driven concern under these circumstances is not optimal.
Any applicant that wishes to be taken seriously must state their understanding that the job they are applying to encompasses the verbiage "other duties as assigned" in its post orders. Job functions may change abruptly due to mission creep or strategic shifts handed down from Corporate Headquarters.
VV76 & Co. does not support an extensive internship culture. All work done by interns will be voluntary and no intern will be asked to perform any job function of an employee, nor will any intern be allowed to perform any of the essential job functions of an employee. Blurring the line between employee and non-employee really screws with payroll and opens up the company to unacceptable liability.
All applications should be handed in directly to Corporate Headquarters. There is a a door that says Human Resources Department at the VV76 & Co. branch, but curiously it is being used as a janitor's supply closet. Whether this is an oversight or a joke is unclear.
This is due to the large number of potential employees that are at odds with Corporate's business model and mission. The number of employees these days who want to turn a branch office into a private business has truly poisoned the hiring pool.
Qualifications:
Loyalty is Job #1 : Central to Corporate's business model is complete rejection and hostility to the current economic system that most other business concerns operate under. There is no real way to know from year to year what we will be ordered to do. This can create stress and fatigue and isolation, so it is imperative that all employees understand that the well being of all other employees is a top priority for each employee to address.
Corporate Rats Welcome: Chain of command is strictly enforced at the local branch (VV76 & Co.), with the exception that every employee is encouraged to personally communicate and take all issues, large and small, to the President and Founder. It is the experience of this branch that employees who have a strong relationship with Headquarters are the most profitable employees. Any employee that does not prefer the management style or direction the local branch is taking can and should take it up with the President to ask for assistance. If the local branch is ordered to adjust its practices due to employee communication with Headquarters, no adverse action will be taken against the employee. In fact, a bonus will be awarded to the employee for helping our branch remain mission focused.
Corporate Function, Entrepreneur Attitude: While it is true that VV76 & Co. will likely employ any applicant with a Presidential recommendation (and good luck getting one!), this local branch considers itself to be an 'operative branch', enacting hostile takeovers of other businesses to come under corporate umbrella. Ideally, all employees are motivated to be personally engaged in some aspect of this. Ultimately, we derive our worth as a branch from our ability to acquire businesses for Corporate, not in accumulating mundane profits or swelling employment ranks.
Young business owners are encouraged to consider the aforementioned attitudes and practices and see if VV76 & Co.'s model can be utilized in whole or in part for your venture.
Good luck!
I think we're hearing pretty much the same tune: you adjust to me, but don't expect me to do any adjusting.My statement to them is that you are joining a family already in process/ progress.
When someone comes into the theater and the movie is already started, they just need to absorb what they can and get with the flow. The movie isn’t going to stop and start over for them.
You want to join my family? Bring a full toolbox so that you can adjust yourself to fit.
This was a conversation between a couple of my Poly male friends about potential SW’s wanting to join the family.
For those of you who are believers, or know anything about Christianity, Does Christ accept you as you are? Of course! Do you really want to remain in the condition you were in when He accepted you into His family?
If your answer is that you dont want Christ to change you to be more like Him every day, then I’d humbly submit that you have bigger Spiritual problems. In my mind, that means you do not understand Christianity at its simplest form. Our goal as believers is to be transformed into someone that He can present to His Father without spot or wrinkle. This is just our reasonable service Romans 12:1&2
Joining a believing family is much the same idea. As husbands, our primary job is to be able and willing to cover and shelter women who want to know and be more like Christ, and to help steward them to be more like Him, and to be fruitful and multiply, both physically and spiritually.
Who doesnt believe that theres a better version of you just waiting and longing to emerge? Your New Years resolution just told on you! God gave the world husbands to facilitate that incredible transformation into your best you.
Just my .02, and not every married man is a husband, just like not every married woman is a wife.
Peace, Love and all the Fuzzy Stuff!
I don’t care how ready you think you are, when someone finally comes along that actually has the potential to fit in your family it creates labor pains in every one of the parties involved.
Wives that are previously reserved but accepting of poly have to re-examine their trust in their husbands judgement and commitment to them and the family. That’s not a poly thing, that’s a people thing. For example, a wife that’s totally ok with one particular lady joining the home, may be reserved initially about a different lady or completely resistant to another.
And don’t get me started on the wives that fit the bobblehead category. When their crucible hits, Katy bar the door!
Husbands that are totally convinced that they’ve got it figured out find out that understanding theory and a commitment to being the greatest husband is just the nose under the tent flap.
Prospects that think they know exactly what they want realize (maybe) that they really have no clear idea of how to make it happen even when they’ve found the “perfect” family! It reminds me of the neighbors dog chasing cars, he wouldn’t know how to drive it if he caught it!
The point is that the metamorphosis for everyone is a litmus test of IF you can succeed at poly for life.
And butterflies aren’t made overnight. . . .
One of the massive changes in my family’s life was that we were unwelcome in a church that we loved, and were actively participants in, and I had a large role teaching adults in.
We were summarily given the left foot of fellowship, simply because I had been studying this “taboo” topic, and had concluded in favor of it. Not because we were looking for another wife or anything like that. Simply studying it and accepting it as a theoretically, Biblically acceptable family structure was enough for people I’d considered friends for over a decade to do a Jekyl/Hyde transformation. Only one person actually tried to look at the Bible with me over it and that was not the Pastor or Deacons.
My point with all of this, is that most of the time, for single Christian women who are hoping to marry into a family with a God fearing christian man, the possibility of continuing to be an active member of a church while being a plural wife is a very slim to none possibility. At least if you are public about it in the very least.
There are definitely alternative solutions to this issue, many home assemblies are ok with it, and many christian men who are poly for biblical reasons are a cut above most Corporate Christianity nodders, and should be more than capable of leading you into a closer walk with the Saviour.
Don’t let this discourage you from your search, just understand that there are more life changes to this than sharing a great man!
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