User blogs
One of the great things I love about my husband is his love of people and ability to care for others. I am not inherently wired the same way. With people I’m close to, my heart is there for sure and I don’t mind going the extra mile for my close network of peeps that are either family or passed my trust anc time. But I do not do it in the impromptu way my hubby does things and I LOVE him for that. He’s definitely a man of few words and masculine in his thinking. He runs a traditional household but thinking of others without even “thinking” about it, is also part of what makes him who he is.
Situation one: One of the waitresses (single) at a cafe we frequent had mentioned in a quick simple chit chat, how she couldn’t get warm where she lives; and he goes and gifts her a heated blanket as a Christmas present. When he told me about his idea, I thought it was such a thoughtful thing to remember.
He gave it to her on one of the mornings he stopped off solo so later when we went together, I saw her hesitant to say anything. I asked my hubby if he had given her the present yet because I didn’t want to ruin the surprise. Once he said he had, I turned to where they all were and asked her how she liked the blanket. She nodded and I told her “oh good”; that I had to wait to be sure so as not to ruin the surprise. She immediately looked relieved and lit up talking about it. She loved the blanket (even now says she uses it every night). The other waitresses also chimed in with us that day too. It was such a happy little moment.
Well scenario two, yesterday another waitress(single) saw us come in and in the middle of her zipping by, stops to say hi to my hubby but then immediately turns to me and makes a point to say “first of all, good morning TO YOU” and then makes quick chit chat with him and me but looks mainly at me. Now I hardly know the waitresses as much as my hubby because the days he has to commute, he stops off at our cafe VERY early to grab a bite before traffic. So I wouldn’t expect her to converse with me as much as she knows him. I get it. She’s doing that to me to be respectful as his wife which is thoughtful. Later I made convo with her to put her at ease.
But here’s the thing, it’s sad to me that single woman and men who are simply being nice and innocently friendly feel like they have to do things like hold back genuine happiness/connecting moments because some husbands in the world are not making respectful choices and some wives in the world don’t want anyone talking to their husband no matter what. With our marriage, we have always been happy rooting for one another. We built a pretty solid foundation. So when other women brighten his day, it warms my heart. To me, while it was still a positive moment and I appreciate the respect, I would have much preferred watching the two of them catch up.
And I think if poly was more accepted in society, there would be a lot more genuine, happy moments across the board. When it comes down to it, we’re all just wanting to be loved, seen and appreciated.
All this to say that my observations proved, at the end of the day, people are just people and good people deserve to enjoy seeing and connecting with the people that make their lives better.
The emotion of jealousy is normally triggered by feeling such as (is he going to give her more attention than me?) (Is she going to give him more attention than me?) These feelings also can be triggered by the lack of self worth.
When one feels jealousy, they need to openly discuss how they feel with their polygamous/polyamory family.
The family also must not overreact and should listen and talk about ways to make the other who is experiencing jealousy, feel more comfortable in the relationship. This is not easy, the as polygamist we have chosen a lifestyle which is not considered the norm in American society.
My current soulmate and I believe in this lifestyle, not so much for physical gratification, but because we believe by practicing polygamy, it shows and helps us grow, loving others unconditionally and not just one individual in our life.
Can feelings of jealousy creep up on individuals who are very balanced? the answer is yes.
But the results are the same, if jealousy is not recognized and expressed to the others involved in the family. It acts like a cancer bringing destruction in it's wake.
Growing up and being around polygamist families I saw both the good and the bad, the families that were well-adjusted and loved each other, confront issues like jealousy, finances, expectations of children and responsibilities openly. They understood that real love require having good communication skills with each other, and that these issues had to be confront it before they cause a problem in all relationships within the family.
The polygamist families that ended up splintering, leaving many individuals hurt during these break ups, contained individuals who did not know how to openly communicate their desires and feelings to each other. Polygamy requires communication it's just that simple, polygamy requires work, polygamy requires mutual respect regardless of gender of the individuals involved in the family.
Most of all polygamy requires compromise and unconditional love for all members of the family and understanding their personal viewpoint even though it may not be our own. I encourage all individuals who fill jealously to discuss their feelings with their family members. And for those individuals who are contemplating relationships, to fully understand that the relationships will ultimately fail, unless all involved possess good communication skills.
So the first step to even contemplating a polygamist marriage, or even polyamory relationship is to address our own individual communication skills first, Secondly it is highly suggested that family set aside time weekly, to discuss things openly that may be bothering individual and the family unit. When the children are approaching adult age, it is suggested that they are included in these discussions. This is to give them some guidance on how to use conflict resolution to work through problems that the family and family's experience.
With love and patience destructive emotions such a jealous can be confronted and even alleviated, I hope the small post has helped. We express our best wishes for all, Sincerely, Carrie and Charles
And while we are open to seeing if we connect with someone specifically on this site, in all honesty, we are not holding our breath on that. It is a challenge to figure out the scammers, fakes and non-serious individuals. What we do appreciate is connecting with like minded people who have shared their insights and experiences in the poly community. Just reading through posts of those who’ve been willing to put it out there and give others a heads up, it has prevented us from negative outcomes. We have met great people, made some friends, and look forward to more friendships ahead!
One aspect of healthy masculinity in polyamory is the ability to communicate openly and honestly with partners. This means being able to express one's needs and desires while also listening to and respecting the needs and desires of others. Communication is key in polyamorous relationships, and healthy masculinity involves being able to have difficult conversations and resolve conflicts in a constructive and respectful manner.
Another important aspect of healthy masculinity in polyamory is respecting boundaries. In a polyamorous relationship, each partner may have different boundaries and limits regarding physical intimacy, emotional connections, and time commitments. Healthy masculinity involves respecting these boundaries and not pressuring partners to do anything they are not comfortable with.
Trust is also a crucial component of healthy masculinity in polyamory. This means being reliable, accountable, and honest with partners. Men who practice healthy masculinity in polyamorous relationships understand that building trust takes time and effort, and they are committed to doing the work necessary to maintain the trust of their partners.
Finally, healthy masculinity in polyamory involves challenging toxic beliefs and behaviors. This can include challenging societal norms that promote possessiveness, jealousy, and competition among men. Men who practice healthy masculinity in polyamory are committed to creating a culture of respect and inclusivity where all partners feel valued and supported.
In conclusion, healthy masculinity in polyamory involves open communication, respecting boundaries, building trust, and challenging toxic beliefs and behaviors. By cultivating these qualities, men can become better partners in polyamorous relationships and contribute to a more positive and respectful culture.
Do they think:
"This man followed every rule. School, College, Uni. He did what he was told by society. Good for him!"
or
"This man broke all the rules! I could never afford that. How can you achieve so much without cheating or manipulating others? How do I look compared to him?"
When you hear someone hate on you as a man, or shame you as a woman, for living an abundant life, what do you really think is going through their mind?
"He must be manipulating these poor women! They only want his money!"
Or
"I could never have that life... I don't understand how that works.
People are MUCH more self absorbed than you think.
They don't care about YOU, but rather how you make THEM feel...
When we can't "make sense" of something, can't wrap our minds around it... That is when we get frustrated and upset.
If people are not happy to see you thriving, it is because they are barely surviving. They are not living up to their egos. Because hate doesn't come from above.
I have found it VERY insightful to see who appreciates you, who's opinions you should value, and to know who sees you as a threat to their ego by just being honest in everything I do in life.
Don't associate with the hate.
Let the haters HATE while we CREATE!
If you have any stories about people not accepting your big family tell us how you overcame the situation.
Tag Search
Tags
