User blogs
I was feeling a little frustrated about a couple of things, so I thought I'd write them down. Not looking for praise or even approval if you're offended by it, just need to voice my thoughts. 
FYI, this is Dan speaking.)
To start, I need to "set the table" a little...
My background is that I grew up in a polygamous family in Salt Lake City (I was raised as a fundamentalist Mormon). I was raised in a religious background where it was commonplace to have a couple of wives by your late 20's. There was an intense pressure to ensure you were living polygamy. If you didn't, something was probably wrong with you since you weren't striving to "live Gods law".
In the last few years, I've had a few experiences that changed my religious viewpoints. Mostly, it was understanding that God loves me, wants the best for me, and that He wants me to love others as He does... pretty simply, right? Well, I never really understood it until I came to the conclusion that God ACTUALLY loved ME as an individual. It's a simple thing, but I finally had experiences where I knew and understood that God loves me for me. The last few years of my life I've felt more like I'm walking in Gods steps than I ever have before. It has excited me more than I can describe! It's almost like I'm in a footrace and have just been given the ability to run. It's simply amazing.
As I dove into scripture, I kept uncovering more and more evidence against my belief structure on polygamy, being that it was a "requirement" to fulfill Gods law. As I read and understood scriptures in more detail ---even the words of our own early religious leaders--- I found that many instances of what our beliefs were founded upon weren't actually scriptural. It was simply someone's opinion which turned into "modern-day" prophecy (though I would call it dogma).
As it stands now I can see many instances where polygamy can be damaging for families. I grew up and saw families who weren't supported by the husband/father; I saw times where the mothers HAD to work because they couldn't rely on their husband; I saw children who never knew their father, and their father never knew them; I saw times where women, of their own choice, joined into families simply because it was the "correct" thing to do, though they knew they would never have a REAL family. Sure, they would have children and roommates, but it was never a cohesive family; I saw families where the fathers were simply chasing skirts, where women became a number that they could add to their achievement list.
Despite my viewpoints on polygamy changing, I can still find benefits in polygamy. As a man, it's my natural inclination to want to protect others. (Personally, I'm very protective of my family... Laura calls me the family guard dog, because I tend to act like a dog barking at everything that might be shown as even mildly aggressive towards my family.) As a husband, father, and protector, I feel it's my responsibility to offer a home/family to women/children in need. I can see the benefits for a woman who has come from a bad home, relationship, etc., being able to live in a nurturing home where she's accepted and loved for who she is. Some people have told me it sounds like a"charity" family, to which I say "YES, IT IS!". Do we not think it's charity that God allows us to live, breathe, eat, have families, and be allowed to make mistakes and find forgiveness? We might live in a society where charity is frowned upon, but Newsflash, our entire life is built upon it. Learn to accept it, be grateful when you receive it, and cherish when you can pass it on.
In essence, as God showed me in the past, I want to love others simply because I love THEM. Not because I love the "polygamy lifestyle", or because it's a requirement, but because I LOVE THEM.
A few weeks ago, I told God in prayer that I was happy, willing, and would volunteer opening up our home for another woman looking for a family if He desired it. I felt compelled to open an account here and at least put the "vibes" out to the universe as it were and see what happens.
Since I've joined the website, I have felt very conflicted in how to approach the community, or even trying to make friends at times with women. I've heard from several ladies that they get inundated with messages from couples or families wanting to get to know them. Go figure, it's a dating site.... and while I'm sure it's generally innocent, I think most new-comers feel like a piece of meat being paraded around the dinner hall. I would wager that most ladies are coming here without much experience in polygamy, and while they might feel drawn to it, it's easy to get overwhelmed. Again, I'm sure it's generally innocent since most couples are probably excited about the lifestyle and want to share and love as I do, but I think it can muddy the water.
My whole purpose with getting onto this website was to open myself up and go through my own spiritual journey. I know that our family is open to the idea of adding to our family, but I don't want to pursue new relationships and force things to happen. I want things to happen because they are meant to. When/If the time ever comes that someone wants to join our family, I want it to be because we love them for them, and they love us for us. I want it to be honest, virtuous love.
I believe that you find what you are searching for in this life, good or bad. I want my pursuits to be good, honest, and for the betterment of my family and others. Yes, I want to find women and families that I can help by being a good husband/father to them. However, I don't think this is as simple as finding someone with a flat tire and changing it for them (cue Bill Murray in Groundhog Day). I want to open my life up to the possibilities, and know that when the time comes that it's meant to be.
So, how does all this come back to "searching for a Sisterwife"? I'm coming to the conclusion that searching out or trying to pursue new wives is backwards. While I plan on continuing being a part of this community, I am going to caution myself, and any others that need it, that we should keep our heads, morals, and sights held high. While it might be coming from a good place in most people's hearts, it's a new way of life for many women and I believe we should tap the brakes a little when someone new joins the website. Perhaps I have misconceptions from my past and seeing men pursue polygamy the way they did, but I have seen the same pursuit exhibited here in some degree or another.
If you truly desire the chance to open your home to a woman/family in need, it will come in time. Let's allow a safe space for women and their children to interview and research the polygamous lifestyle. Let them reach out and ask questions. If they're attracted to your family, allow them space to reach out and initiate contact. I'm afraid many women get turned off by the amount of responses they get, and see desperation more than optimism. Let's create a safe culture, give people freedom to explore, and honor their decisions if they pursue this lifestyle or not.
So my fiance and I joined this site in search of a sister wife or more of a triad relationship. It seems like alot of people on here aren't serious about what they're looking for or message you once then you never hear from them again. We aren't here for a hook up or that "unicorn" We are very serious about our search for someone who will be long term. Part of our life forever. But where do we look? Should we just give up? We have been searching everywhere for quite some time and are getting a little frustrated.
Are there no girls out there that actually want to live the lifestyle we want? Are there no girls out there that are as serious as we are? We have so much love to share but can't find that "one" who wants what we do. It seems as though finding someone to share your life with is harder than we had planned. Everyone tells us to be patient but for how long? We have been looking for almost 2 years now with not really anyone that is serious.
Does anyone have any advice or some suggestions on what we should do?
Can someone please tell me why it is unlawful in US and Canada to conduct polygamy. To me, it makes no sense. Aren't their special interest groups out there to abolish this unnecessary law?
To some extent, I can understand if the parliament does not want to consider the second spouse with regards to rules around child benefits, taxation etc. but having a law that prohibits polygamy seems so unnecessary.
Religiously speaking, polygamy is allowed in Islam and probably also allowed in other religions at least Christianity.
It seems like doing the right thing is frowned upon but the state does not find any problem with having strip clubs sand brothels.
That being said, one of the things that is jumping out to me a fair amount is just how many profiles demonstrate that several people are here looking for a good time, for new partners for sexual liaison or seeing the plural marriage pop culture boom and thinking it would be some kind of yolo adventure and that it might be cool for a while. That is what I see in the single women's profiles. In some of the couples profiles however it is far more of the predatory to desperate spectrum and I do not even slightly wonder at the fact that many are mystified by the lack of any response. In other couples profiles you will see the it is all about the ego stroke for the man equation being played out.
At the end of the day, personally I don't particularly care about being perceived as judgemental when so many are approaching plural marriage for all the wrong reasons. All that it will end up with is games being played, hearts being broken and families pulled apart.
Plural marriage is first and foremost a marriage. It is about love, permanence, giving each other support and the bonds of family. Plural marriage is not about jumping on the latest fad, it is not about your sexual fantasies or pumping up your ego.
Yeah yeah... standing on my soap box and preaching to an empty room. I know. Lame and pointless. It is frustrating though to browse through the site and see a handful of those who clearly take the idea of polygyny seriously and who are seeking their family or their new wife that are clearly having to wade through a sea of those who might be more suited to plenty of fish or some other hookup app.
This is supposed to be about love and family not being part of a fad.
I do not disagree with this person in the slightest in their assessment that the site...and all of the others are likely to be the same realistically... is full of fakes and aggressive men.
The fakes are frequently just simple scammers and honestly you have to be a full on lumphead to fall for the kind of obvious cut and paste from a translator bot message that will pop up. Seriously... does anybody really think that a bunch of girls from Ghana are clambering to get into plural families in the states? Anyway, scams happen all the time and this is the internet boys and girls, it is part of the environment. The actual troublesome ones are the fakes from the point of view that they are not serious and are just looking to get an ego stroke or to jack with those plig weirdos or whatever. Tonnes of them on these sites.
With respect to the aggressive guys, I can just assume that they are the assholes who are either trying to larp polygamy because of some fantasy and again ego stroke issue or they are the sort of douche that has managed to bully or convince their frequently unwilling wives into this search with claims that God is talking to them directly in a big booming voice so he can use her faith against her or some other scam perhaps involving fear of losing financial support for her and her kids. The reason being in the end that he wishes to have regular sexual access to another woman. This sort of beta dickhead is not really going to come in many flavors but aggressive is certainly one of the most popular .
Now don't get me wrong... I am not white knighting the girls on here at all. They leave so much to be desired that it makes me all the more thankful that I met and married one of the few real gems that really was looking to be part of a plural family.
The vast majority of woman on here are just simply ill mannered brats that I would not have at all. While a man is absolutely the head of the family, a man should not be forced to reraise a woman he has married and try to undo all of the apparently shoddy work that her parents did in teaching her the bone basics of how to treat people.
I know that just about every serious couple on here who is seeking a sisterwife has experienced the ghosting treatment from the singled women (presuming that they are A. Single B. Women ((what the hell is wrong with people that they have nothing better to do?)) C. Seriously looking for a family instead of screwing around.). They exchange a few messages and or emails and then puff of smoke and the girl is gone. No warning, no 'Thanks but I don't think we are a match' or anything.
Now don't get to thinking I am just being butthurt that some girls ghosted me. A. Noooope. See the profile. Not looking for another wife. Maybe someday but right now we are just trying to network with the community. B. As i previously mentioned, I would not have the ones with such bad manners gift wrapped. I do not wish to spend my life in a contentious marriage with a brat I have to reeducate on courtesy and consideration for others as opposed to the shallow narcissist who can not be bothered considering the time or feelings of others. There are some couples here who really get ahead of themselves emotionally after a few exchanges and while that is not some random girls fault, she should be aware of the effect just blowing them off has. Lots give up just because some woman was not interested in thinking beyond the end of her nose. I/we have been happy to meet and chat with women here but we sure are not going to come out of the gate as anything but plain old friendly and certainly not flirty or whatever.
Yeah I know... 'but a lot of guys are assholes and won't take a polite no'... or 'I get so many emails I am overwhelmed' etc etc. Yeah? Is this your first time on the internet as a female? These are such common issues with such common solutions that I don't see them as valid complaints. Just part of the equation with online seeking of any kind.
So to my mind the couples who get ghosted by the women with bad manners, just move along and be glad. Glad that you found out about this character flaw after a couple of notes back and forth. Imagine how much worse it would be if it seemed to work out only to have the rug pulled out much further along... I mean that genuinely. It could be so so much worse. Nobody is here, whether it is as a single woman or a couple, to get their emotional guts ripped out.
