User blogs

It's hard to keep the faith when you put your heart and soul into finding that special person, things start to look promising, you are starting communication, or maybe taking that next step to meeting that person, or have met and are looking toward the future and things are looking bright, only to have communication stop dead, they start drama and or games, or decide that this lifestyle isn't for them, or just completely take your heart and crush it into a million pieces just for the fun of it. If it weren't for the unexplainable feeling of being called to live plural marriage, I would give up searching and just say I'm done. But I feel this so strongly that I can't stop hoping that our special sister wife is out there somewhere. 

If you are out there, and you just might happen to read this, and are truly serious and committed to living plural marriage, we would love to get to know you! All we want to do is find that special person for us, just like everyone else on this site. We are real, we are 100% all in! Talk with us, give us a chance, I can promise you that we will give that to you as well. We really, honest-to-goodness want to live plural marriage. All I'm asking for is to be given a chance. 

Steve

We've started the process of looking for another wife to add to the family.  The last one as the concensus is that four is a perfect number.

So far we've started talking to three different ladies with the typical results.  Two fakes/flakes/scammers, one princess.  0 for 3.

We tend to be practical (rural farm family) and, since we have been thru the process a few times before, have gotten pretty good at spotting the fakes, flakes, frauds, scammers and con artists.

The first (not from here, Brittany) wanted assurances and $2000 per month guaranteed income, paid apartment (living in a suite in the farmhouse not good enough), separate phone (not part of family plan), car, etc.  In other words a paid mistress.  I'm not going to repeat the wives comments....

The second and third were the typical damsels in distress.  These types always have horrible stories about their horrible lives.  So much so that they have gotten to be 'over the top' - you'd think they were auditioning for Springer.  And, they almost always say 'I'm not looking to be rescued'.  What they all  seem to have in common is that they want to go slow (not a problem) and have all sorts of things that keep them from being able to actually relocate or consider relocating soon.  Times tend to vary but they are always looking at 3 to 9 months.  They don't like talking to the wives - independently or as a group, but will always chat up and often get a bit risque with me.  Then, when they realize that 1) we are REAL, 2) we compare notes, 3) they will have to interact with all of us, 4) we won't 'help them' with bills etc. while they are dithering, 5) want to verify their existence thru other means, 6) ask point on questions about leases, debt, family ties, stuff to be moved, etc., they ghost and block.

Both #2 and 3 were from here. H & J.

I'm not sure why these folks seem to pop up in poly so much.  But they do...  they seem to be a very active bunch, and put in quite the effort.

Anyway, we are here for the long haul.  We will succeed eventually - despite the catfishing cretins.  And we will have tons of fun identifying the chaff.

I wonder how many single women begin talking to families to ultimately only find out that the couple isn’t ready and now knows it.
I don’t like being anyone’s experiment.
I am not practice.
I wish I could count how many times in the last two years I’ve been told, “you’re an amazing beautiful woman and you deserve a couple who can commit to you.”
How about this one: “We have realized we aren’t ready for this lifestyle now. But we wish you the best and we’d like to stay friends.”
Oh gosh I have so many examples by now. I open up and become vulnerable only to find out a month in, that they don’t want a third.”
People...Families...Please please make sure you know what you want. Or give it a chance before suddenly dropping it with some epiphany that you don’t want another woman in the relationship.
My favorite *sarcasm* is when people admit their own insecurities and never think of mine.
“We are too busy to pursue this kind of relationship.”
Oh gosh I could go on and on.
I Still allow myself to stay open and vulnerable. It’s difficult. I am exhausted by the same story almost every time (outside of a very painful breakup with a more long term relationship).
Some of my friends and family wonder why I would keep looking. I know 100% what I want and seek. I wish everyone did. My feelings get hurt most when I feel like a trial run.
People
Be
Honest
With
Yourselves

I have always fet in a part of me that this is how it is meant to be. 3 means so much in so many ancient texts and believes, why not in out lifes? More love, more support, a friend alsways by your side. I'm coming to bnelive it's not possible, all these dateing sites just want a hookup but thats not what this is about. I wanta wife, a sister wife. To love and cherish spoile. Ando sometimes I feel like Im crazy for it but who has the right to tell me this tisnt how its meant to be? Im fun, down to earth, educated, work a great job and fincially secure.

I tend to glance at the list of users who have viewed our profile fairly regularly and saw a profile announcing that the site was full of "fakes and aggressive men" and it inspired me to write a blog post on a topic I have had in mind for a while.

I do not disagree with this person in the slightest in their assessment that the site...and all of the others are likely to be the same realistically... is full of fakes and aggressive men.

The fakes are frequently just simple scammers and honestly you have to be a full on lumphead to fall for the kind of obvious cut and paste from a translator bot message that will pop up. Seriously... does anybody really think that a bunch of girls from Ghana are clambering to get into plural families in the states? Anyway, scams happen all the time and this is the internet boys and girls,  it is part of the environment.  The actual troublesome ones are the fakes from the point of view that they are not serious and are just looking to get an ego stroke or to jack with those plig weirdos or whatever. Tonnes of them on these sites. 

With respect to the aggressive guys, I can just assume that they are the assholes who are either trying to larp polygamy because of some fantasy and again ego stroke issue or they are the sort of douche that has managed to bully or convince their frequently unwilling wives into this search with claims that God is talking to them directly in a big booming voice so he can use her faith against her or some other scam perhaps involving fear of losing financial support for her and her kids. The reason being in the end that he wishes to have regular sexual access to another woman. This sort of beta dickhead is not really going to come in many flavors but aggressive is certainly one of the most popular .

Now don't get me wrong... I am not white  knighting the girls on here at all. They leave so much to be desired that it makes me all the more thankful that I met and married one of the few real gems that really was looking to be part of a plural family. 

The vast majority of woman on here are just simply ill mannered brats that I would not have at all. While a man is absolutely the head of the family, a man should not be forced to reraise a woman he has married and try to undo all of the apparently shoddy work that her parents did in teaching her the bone basics of how to treat people.

I know that just about every serious couple on here who is seeking a sisterwife has experienced the ghosting treatment from the singled women (presuming that they are A. Single B. Women ((what the hell is wrong with people that they have nothing better to do?)) C. Seriously looking for a family instead of screwing around.). They exchange a few messages and or emails and then puff of smoke and the girl is gone. No warning, no 'Thanks but I don't think we are a match' or anything.

Now don't get to thinking I am just being butthurt that some girls ghosted me. A. Noooope. See the profile. Not looking for another wife. Maybe someday but right now we are just trying to network with the community. B. As i previously mentioned, I would not have the ones with such bad manners gift wrapped. I do not wish to spend my life in a contentious marriage with a brat I have to reeducate on courtesy and consideration for others as opposed to the shallow narcissist who can not be bothered considering the time or feelings of others. There are some couples here who really get ahead of themselves emotionally after a few exchanges and while that is not some random girls fault, she should be aware of the effect just blowing them off has. Lots give up just because some woman was not interested in thinking beyond the end of her nose. I/we have been happy to meet and chat with women here but we sure are not going to come out of the gate as anything but plain old friendly and certainly not flirty or whatever.

Yeah I know... 'but a lot of guys are assholes and won't take a polite no'... or 'I get so many emails I am overwhelmed' etc etc. Yeah? Is this your first time on the internet as a female? These are such common issues with such common solutions that I don't see them as valid complaints. Just part of the equation with online seeking of any kind. 

So to my mind the couples who get ghosted by the women with bad manners, just move along and be glad. Glad that you found out about this character flaw after a couple of notes back and forth. Imagine how much worse it would be if it seemed to work out only to have the rug pulled out much further along... I mean that genuinely. It could be so so much worse. Nobody is here, whether it is as a single woman or a couple, to get their emotional guts ripped out. 

I’m new to here so I just wanted to say hi. I’m still trying to learn how to work this lol. I don’t even know how to delete a message lmao. I hope everyone has a great experience on here.

As people who hope to see wholesome polygamous marriages being normalized we have a vested nterest in sites like this one and others that are less focused on the matchmaking aspect. What we have seen rather a lot of is people who are considering polygyny for what we would consider the wrong reasons. A few but certainly not all of the reasons that I would consider wrong are the couple's who simply wish to find their live in sex toy which will apparently spice up their intimate activities and cure all relationship woes, the horny husband with the grudging wife couples where she is clearly just going along to get along so to speak (lots of these woman are in the position they are in because their religious faith is being used as a lever to force them into agreeing to something they do not want) and the scammer; we have all seen the douchebag guys who will pretend to be anything that will get them at least short term sexual access to any woman, the pure scammer looking for money, the catfish who will pretend to be anything just to keep themselves entertained regardless of the emotional toll they might extract and the busybody who has decided that they know better than you what is right and moral for your family even though you are strangers. All of these will make people cautious about interactions that ideally should be perfectly safe, straightforward and wholesome. Because of the bad actors we all end up being cautious to one degree or another... I personally will council women to be quite cautious in dealings here just like on any dating site nut by the same token I tend to be cautious myself and recommend the same to other plural families. While our vulnerabilities are not the same as single women, nobody wants to get scammed, catfished or worst of all enter into a relationship that is doomed to fail because the person they fell for was approaching this lifestyle as a lark that sounds like fun for a while. Is there a solution? I wish I knew one. In a perfect world I would think that in-person mixers would be great. I like the idea of a large picnic or something of that nature. Lots of fun ideas occur to me but coordinating what amounts to a plural family convention and matchmaking festival. You would probably find me behind the bar.

Dual monogamy comes in a couple of well-known forms. First up there’s the monogamous marriage and the other one in the affair. Then there’s the dual monogamy so frequently misunderstood as polygyny. Both these have incredible similarities and I’m certain my adult audience can use this brief blog post to launch into a more comprehensive list. Dual monogamy in the affair scenario is when the husband has two (or even more) women in his life but they are completely separate and the mistress cares for herself (mostly) and has him to herself on a very limited basis. Dual monogamy in the mind of many considering the polygyny marriage choice is where the second wife comes in with a list of demands which demonstrates more that she wants a good man on her terms other than a woman looking to “join a family”. The man sees polygyny as a means of having other women but not included within his family structure. Frequently the new wife’s demands include absolute equal sharing of the husband in her separate living quarters. Often eager husbands, who want another woman, will agree to this. This is not joining a family, this is finding a man/woman perhaps one moral step up from having an affair. Dual living quarters and completely separated lives despite the fact of the common husband is dual monogamy. This arrangement will destroy the husband, I speak from experience; this will drive him crazy let alone drain his bank accounts. Husbands who agree to this will have lots of trouble in the flesh. Folks, our view is that polygyny is family in marriage, not convenient arrangements to have a good man or another woman without respect to the other family members. Polygyny must not destroy but build up and make more wonderful. Polygyny is not satellite monogamy with minimal connection to the “other” wife and his family. If you are considering polygyny you are considering joining a family. The items I’d like on top of the polygyny consideration list are these; What does joining a family really mean? Do I really want to join a family or have a man on my terms? (Joining a family means just that, coming in and participating in the family from breakfast to supper, every day, not just on “my day”, or worse still, in my living quarters). What can I bring to the existing wife or wives and any children he might have? How can I enrich his life as a good father and husband? What will this marriage/family structure demand I give up and am I willing to give anything up? Polygyny is not a series of deal breakers but seal makers. What is it about having equally divided time that removes the husband’s right to initiate intimacy or to be with the one on his mind? Granting him the right to have her on your day is not giving him the spiritual headship in his family, in fact, quite the opposite. Would I demand equal “sharing” of the husband if monogamy was in view? (That is, would I list the days I would be available to him and demand equal time with his golfing buddies or work demands?). What does taking another wife really mean? Do I really want to expand my family or have another woman on my terms? (Expanding the family does not mean taking more time away from it to cater for the new wife and her whims). What can me and my family offer another lady? How can I enrich the new wife’s life while at the same time continue to enrich my existing family members? How can I avoid diminishing my love for my first wife? What will polygyny demand I give up? Do I have the strength and commitment to make this work? How can I love and reassure all my wives constantly and not fall into the divided equal time sharing disaster. How do I lead when both are making contrary demands? Do I have quality leadership skills? Is my first marriage strong? If not polygyny will destroy it. I’m praying these points help everyone as they consider this incredibly enriching marriage option. We thank God every day that He brought us together. Brian from the Kelson Family

After reading through a few blog posts on the site, I noticed that they all seem to come back to this idea that it's god's will or Christ's teachings that are guiding people to this path.  That's all fine and good, but I'm curious if there are others out there that are looking at this type a family unit from a more reasoned approach.  Just for clarification, I'm not suggesting that making choices based off of religious doctrine is impractical or unreasonable or whatever, but more that you are following a path that has been laid out before you.  Not having ever been religious, nor athiestic, I only have a layman's understanding of religion, so I can't and won't judge others based on their beliefs.

As for the practical side of things, I'm refering to basic pros and cons of this type of family.  The biggest appeal to me is the idea of 'more'.  More members of your tribe.  More real coonections.  More skills and ideas in your household.  More people to back you up and for you to back up.  More family members to share the challenges/burdons of child-rearing, home-ownership, and general living.  Now, the 'more' I speak of sounds self-serving, but it's a means to an end.  It allows you to have more time to devote to your loved ones, raise you children into better people, enjoy life, and help your family, friends, neighbors, and even strangers to enjoy their lives more too.  With mre people, each of you requires less time to devote to the ratrace of life, and therefore, more time to devote to yourself and each other.

In a world filled with societies that are seeming more and more predatory, there is strength in numbers, in unity.

One thing I have noticed is that a lot of people can't handle constructive criticism and react very defensively to it. All I can say to it is, if you can't handle a bit of online criticism, you DEFINITELY cannot handle polygamy.  This is not the life for the very sensitive.