User blogs
i'm not breaking any new ground when saying that this has been a very hard year. i won't even get into politics, i promise :). it's been hard because it's been isolating, and things like depression can take over. i was active here in the spring, when at least as we emerged from the hard times of April, i felt some sense of hope, but then we had waves of challenges here in FL and other southern states, and it honestly made me withdraw.
that was a hard thing to do, and not the right thing either. i could protect myself, but in doing so, i harmed myself by not allowing the exploration of the loving relationship with a Man and my sisters that i so deeply crave, and need, and that God has told me is the way to live. it was humbling to admit that alone i do not have the strength, but in partnership with a Man and my sisters, i can find strength.
And so, here i am again! i remain all the things i've come to know myself to be: smart and caring, humble and submissive, a believer in God and His way, and ready to be in service to my Husband.
They don't even change the profile names much.
And, since this is a 'pay' site, I have to wonder why they are still on here.
Also, how many of you get messages from 'ladies' that consist of just 'Hi'? Or are just one liners that are fairly generic? Or seem to have the same general answers from different ladies?
Bots perhaps?
After years of searching (and succeeding) we have pretty much come up with the golden rules.
1) first mention of needing money, dump them.
2) no audio call, dump them.
3) no video, dump them.
4) no social media? dump them. Really folks - no single woman today does NOT have social media. If they say they don't, they are lying.
5) availability to communicate - if they have 'brown out times or blackout times or drop off abruptly, they have side games going, DUMP THEM.
I'm sure there are a few real women on here. I'm sure that they get swamped by messages (flies on excrement, pirahnas on a hot dog, etc etc). And lets face it: the swingers and party lifestyles and material enticements are what a lot of them are here for. The remaining .001% that are real and great catches run away as fast as they can.
Notice the one thing really missing here: real stories of real success and can be verified.
So, on the off chance this is read by a REAL lady that is looking, message us. If you are a scammer that we have dealt with or outed in the past, the internet never forgets.
On that note, we will NOT be renewing till we see a positive change. Don't hear anything about that anymore.... hmmm....
We've been a poly family for a decade or so - three of us. During the last 3 or four years we have been looking off and on.
We realized from the start that we have several things that limit our potential match pool. First of all, is the 'rural' issue - we are 35 miles from a city. We own our farmstead, so our 'match' needs to be willing to relocate. Additionally, we are in Texas, have kids, and dogs. We don't have huge disposable incomes and are the opposite of 'glamourous'. We are much more 'prepper' and 'off-grid'. Also, we are not into the party/drug/booze/swinging lifestyles. The one bright spot in our searching is that we are not set on a specific 'look' or age.
So, our potential match pool is pretty small no matter how you look at it.
Over the years we have learned that the vast majority of single women profiles are garbage. First off, there is a significant number that are outright fake - for whatever reason. These folks could be easily eliminated by the sites by ID verification, IP tracking, and text/phone verification. That would effectively eliminate duplicates and stop the majority of scammers, once identified, from starting over. But, that would reduce the number of 'members' which in turn is believed to reduce the incentive for couples to pay.... So no dating sites have really cracked down on it. In fact most of the software packages have 'fakes' bundled. Of the ones that are 'real', many are shopping for the best deal they can get and move from family to family. Others want to be 'pillow princesses'. And then there are some that are outright psycho or even mentally disabled that have seen the 'sisterwives' shows and feel that that is what they want. Some are even looking to actively attempt to destabilize existing poly families for personal gratification or the 'get even' for previous failed relationships (hell raisers).
About the term 'pillow princess' - both of the wives use this term to describe the women that feel that they can 'join' without bringing (or doing) anything other than playing in the bedroom. They expect to be taken care of - room, board, etc - yet contribute nothing to the family. If they work outside, they typically keep everything they earn and spend it on themselves (car, clothes, etc.)
We have run into every one of these many times. Yet, we still keep looking.
One of the great things I love about my husband is his love of people and ability to care for others. I am not inherently wired the same way. With people I’m close to, my heart is there for sure and I don’t mind going the extra mile for my close network of peeps that are either family or passed my trust anc time. But I do not do it in the impromptu way my hubby does things and I LOVE him for that. He’s definitely a man of few words and masculine in his thinking. He runs a traditional household but thinking of others without even “thinking” about it, is also part of what makes him who he is.
Situation one: One of the waitresses (single) at a cafe we frequent had mentioned in a quick simple chit chat, how she couldn’t get warm where she lives; and he goes and gifts her a heated blanket as a Christmas present. When he told me about his idea, I thought it was such a thoughtful thing to remember.
He gave it to her on one of the mornings he stopped off solo so later when we went together, I saw her hesitant to say anything. I asked my hubby if he had given her the present yet because I didn’t want to ruin the surprise. Once he said he had, I turned to where they all were and asked her how she liked the blanket. She nodded and I told her “oh good”; that I had to wait to be sure so as not to ruin the surprise. She immediately looked relieved and lit up talking about it. She loved the blanket (even now says she uses it every night). The other waitresses also chimed in with us that day too. It was such a happy little moment.
Well scenario two, yesterday another waitress(single) saw us come in and in the middle of her zipping by, stops to say hi to my hubby but then immediately turns to me and makes a point to say “first of all, good morning TO YOU” and then makes quick chit chat with him and me but looks mainly at me. Now I hardly know the waitresses as much as my hubby because the days he has to commute, he stops off at our cafe VERY early to grab a bite before traffic. So I wouldn’t expect her to converse with me as much as she knows him. I get it. She’s doing that to me to be respectful as his wife which is thoughtful. Later I made convo with her to put her at ease.
But here’s the thing, it’s sad to me that single woman and men who are simply being nice and innocently friendly feel like they have to do things like hold back genuine happiness/connecting moments because some husbands in the world are not making respectful choices and some wives in the world don’t want anyone talking to their husband no matter what. With our marriage, we have always been happy rooting for one another. We built a pretty solid foundation. So when other women brighten his day, it warms my heart. To me, while it was still a positive moment and I appreciate the respect, I would have much preferred watching the two of them catch up.
And I think if poly was more accepted in society, there would be a lot more genuine, happy moments across the board. When it comes down to it, we’re all just wanting to be loved, seen and appreciated.
All this to say that my observations proved, at the end of the day, people are just people and good people deserve to enjoy seeing and connecting with the people that make their lives better.
As for the practical side of things, I'm refering to basic pros and cons of this type of family. The biggest appeal to me is the idea of 'more'. More members of your tribe. More real coonections. More skills and ideas in your household. More people to back you up and for you to back up. More family members to share the challenges/burdons of child-rearing, home-ownership, and general living. Now, the 'more' I speak of sounds self-serving, but it's a means to an end. It allows you to have more time to devote to your loved ones, raise you children into better people, enjoy life, and help your family, friends, neighbors, and even strangers to enjoy their lives more too. With mre people, each of you requires less time to devote to the ratrace of life, and therefore, more time to devote to yourself and each other.
In a world filled with societies that are seeming more and more predatory, there is strength in numbers, in unity.
