User blogs

Hello I would like to introduce myself my name is Monique and I am brand new to the site I have been thinking about this for a while after I got divorced five years ago because lately I’ve been kind of the second will in a relationship so why keep such a gem a secret when she can be out in the open.

hi everyone, and i'm pleased to be back.  

i'm not breaking any new ground when saying that this has been a very hard year.  i won't even get into politics, i promise :). it's been hard because it's been isolating, and things like depression can take over. i was active here in the spring, when at least as we emerged from the hard times of April, i felt some sense of hope, but then we had waves of challenges here in FL and other southern states, and it honestly made me withdraw.

that was a hard thing to do, and not the right thing either.  i could protect myself, but in doing so, i harmed myself by not allowing the exploration of the loving relationship with a Man and my sisters that i so deeply crave, and need, and that God has told me is the way to live.  it was humbling to admit that alone i do not have the strength, but in partnership with a Man and my sisters, i can find strength.

And so, here i am again!  i remain all the things i've come to know myself to be: smart and caring, humble and submissive, a believer in God and His way, and ready to be in service to my Husband.

I have always fet in a part of me that this is how it is meant to be. 3 means so much in so many ancient texts and believes, why not in out lifes? More love, more support, a friend alsways by your side. I'm coming to bnelive it's not possible, all these dateing sites just want a hookup but thats not what this is about. I wanta wife, a sister wife. To love and cherish spoile. Ando sometimes I feel like Im crazy for it but who has the right to tell me this tisnt how its meant to be? Im fun, down to earth, educated, work a great job and fincially secure.

When I started studying poly 3 or so years ago, I had no idea that it would be as involved as it was or make so many changes in my life and christian walk.

One of the massive changes in my family’s life was that we were unwelcome in a church that we loved, and were actively participants in, and I had a large role teaching adults in.

We were summarily given the left foot of fellowship, simply because I had been studying this “taboo” topic, and had concluded in favor of it.  Not because we were looking for another wife or anything like that.  Simply studying it and accepting it as a theoretically, Biblically acceptable family structure was enough for people I’d considered friends for over a decade to do a Jekyl/Hyde transformation.  Only one person actually tried to look at the Bible with me over it and that was not the Pastor or Deacons.

My point with all of this, is that most of the time, for single Christian women who are hoping to marry into a family with a God fearing christian man, the possibility of continuing to be an active member of a church while being a plural wife is a very slim to none possibility.  At least if you are public about it in the very least.  

There are definitely alternative solutions to this issue, many home assemblies are ok with it, and many christian men who are poly for biblical reasons are a cut above most Corporate Christianity nodders, and should be more than capable of leading you into a closer walk with the Saviour.

Don’t let this discourage you from your search, just understand that there are more life changes to this than sharing a great man!

Hello Everyone, hope you are all keeping safe during these uncertain times. Just wanted to briefly say a few words about community building and friendships with those who seek this similar life of polygamy. Polygamy is found more in nature than monogamy (which barely exist). This means nature has a reason why this life of polygamy is innate and effective, However, we have for thousands of years been influenced by many philosophies and social behaviours that might not aid in a polygamous life. Many times the women or men we meet on here just do not work out because of those philosophies and social behaviour.  Don't expect to always find someone quickly. Build a mental community. Build bonds with people who know that you like this life. Figure each other out and get to know ways in which you can create a new path from the many different paths you are all coming from. My wife and I came from different paths, and we are able to be fully united and free from arguments because we got to know each other's path and form a new path. Monogamous relationships sometimes are painful and a lot of that has to do with the influence of society. Society transforms us into what it wants and oftentimes that conflicts with nature. This brings the many complex problems relationships face today. Polygamy is a beautiful but nature strategic way of living. It can be powerful, it can be effective, but should be done with joy and patience as we learn this new/old and natural way of living. 

To each their own and all...

That being said, one of the things that is jumping out to me a fair amount is just how many profiles demonstrate that several people are here looking for a good time, for new partners for sexual liaison or seeing the plural marriage pop culture boom and thinking it would be some kind of yolo adventure and that it might be cool for a while. That is what I see in the single women's profiles. In some of the couples profiles however it is far more of the predatory to desperate spectrum and I do not even slightly wonder at the fact that many are mystified by the lack of any response. In other couples profiles you will see the it is all about the ego stroke for the man equation being played out.

At the end of the day, personally I don't particularly care about being perceived as judgemental when so many are approaching plural marriage for all the wrong reasons. All that it will end up with is games being played, hearts being broken and families pulled apart. 

Plural marriage is first and foremost a marriage. It is about love, permanence, giving each other support and the bonds of family. Plural marriage is not about jumping on the latest fad, it is not about your sexual fantasies or pumping up your ego. 

Yeah yeah... standing on my soap box and preaching to an empty room. I know. Lame and pointless. It is frustrating though to browse through the site and see a handful of those who clearly take the idea of polygyny seriously and who are seeking their family or their new wife that are clearly having to wade through a sea of those who might be more suited to plenty of fish or some other hookup app. 

This is supposed to be about love and family not being part of a fad.

Dual monogamy comes in a couple of well-known forms. First up there’s the monogamous marriage and the other one in the affair. Then there’s the dual monogamy so frequently misunderstood as polygyny. Both these have incredible similarities and I’m certain my adult audience can use this brief blog post to launch into a more comprehensive list. Dual monogamy in the affair scenario is when the husband has two (or even more) women in his life but they are completely separate and the mistress cares for herself (mostly) and has him to herself on a very limited basis. Dual monogamy in the mind of many considering the polygyny marriage choice is where the second wife comes in with a list of demands which demonstrates more that she wants a good man on her terms other than a woman looking to “join a family”. The man sees polygyny as a means of having other women but not included within his family structure. Frequently the new wife’s demands include absolute equal sharing of the husband in her separate living quarters. Often eager husbands, who want another woman, will agree to this. This is not joining a family, this is finding a man/woman perhaps one moral step up from having an affair. Dual living quarters and completely separated lives despite the fact of the common husband is dual monogamy. This arrangement will destroy the husband, I speak from experience; this will drive him crazy let alone drain his bank accounts. Husbands who agree to this will have lots of trouble in the flesh. Folks, our view is that polygyny is family in marriage, not convenient arrangements to have a good man or another woman without respect to the other family members. Polygyny must not destroy but build up and make more wonderful. Polygyny is not satellite monogamy with minimal connection to the “other” wife and his family. If you are considering polygyny you are considering joining a family. The items I’d like on top of the polygyny consideration list are these; What does joining a family really mean? Do I really want to join a family or have a man on my terms? (Joining a family means just that, coming in and participating in the family from breakfast to supper, every day, not just on “my day”, or worse still, in my living quarters). What can I bring to the existing wife or wives and any children he might have? How can I enrich his life as a good father and husband? What will this marriage/family structure demand I give up and am I willing to give anything up? Polygyny is not a series of deal breakers but seal makers. What is it about having equally divided time that removes the husband’s right to initiate intimacy or to be with the one on his mind? Granting him the right to have her on your day is not giving him the spiritual headship in his family, in fact, quite the opposite. Would I demand equal “sharing” of the husband if monogamy was in view? (That is, would I list the days I would be available to him and demand equal time with his golfing buddies or work demands?). What does taking another wife really mean? Do I really want to expand my family or have another woman on my terms? (Expanding the family does not mean taking more time away from it to cater for the new wife and her whims). What can me and my family offer another lady? How can I enrich the new wife’s life while at the same time continue to enrich my existing family members? How can I avoid diminishing my love for my first wife? What will polygyny demand I give up? Do I have the strength and commitment to make this work? How can I love and reassure all my wives constantly and not fall into the divided equal time sharing disaster. How do I lead when both are making contrary demands? Do I have quality leadership skills? Is my first marriage strong? If not polygyny will destroy it. I’m praying these points help everyone as they consider this incredibly enriching marriage option. We thank God every day that He brought us together. Brian from the Kelson Family

I have been on a polygamous journey for over a decade now. I started investigating non monogamy and polyamory first, but decided the frequent partner changes and lack of permanence bothered me,  I wanted stability, I wanted a life with someone, not just a hobby relationship.  Back then, it was my understanding that polygamy was for only certain religions (Mormons and Muslims) and not for the rest of us so I thought it would not be for me.  But then came the internet message groups.  I started off on a yuku group not long after Big Love started airing (yes, I have been on the polynet WAAAAAYYYY too long) and finally found a home, a place where people were interested in Polygamy (mostly Polygyny) who were all different faiths (and none) and we were all new and ignorant, it was delightful.

I met my poly family on there when I was still new and ignorant. 

At this point I would usually make a joke about it 'not ending well' but tbh I think it ended fairly well, I went through a lot of negatives, but I also learnt a lot, grew and I have an even more enriched life now than I might have had, had I not gone through it so for that, I would say.  It went well enough.

Back to the polyweb then, not ready to seek but more in an advisory role while I healed and recovered.  I put most of my energy into my family and having a happy life.  

So now, many years later, I consider myself a bit of a single woman poly advocate, I am the loudmouth who challenges the anti polygamist narrative that claims that women are brainwashed into polygamy and they don't 'love themselves'.  I also advise couples against couple privileged behaviour which can be othering towards us single Potentials and leads to the destruction of healthy polygamous relationships (been there.....) If I say or have said anything to you, please don't take it badly, I see things from a singleton's point of view and it is important to know our mindset and how things might look to us, I am trying to help, not upset anyone.

I am very close to my extended family although we live in separate countries, I hope you would want to meet them though,  I have lived in many places in my Nation  (UK) and also spent a significant amount of time in the United States and my family live in Central Florida, if you are a great lover of the Disney/theme park experience, you will definitely be getting those holidays with me.  That being said, I do prefer staying on this side of the Atlantic for myriad reasons, but will move if the person/people and conditions are right.  I am especially fond of Canada, PNW and NZ sooooo I must have a thing for rain. ;o))

What I am seeking ideally is a classic polygynous relationship with a husband and wife/ves. Or a single poly minded man who I could be a first wife to and we can then build up our polygamous family from scratch.  I have zero interest in bedsharing or threesomes so no triads at all please.  I am not materialistic, I don't care if you are a bin man or a business man, I am not after riches, I am after a man who is strong, passionate, kind and likes to laugh.  Loves and emotionally invests in his family, child friendly and treats women and children with respect, not as slaves of his household. 

I am 5'10 and full figured/curvy, so you have to be into that I daresay. I am not necessarily looking for a man taller, but it is a benefit because I like to look up to a man, but with all else being equal, I don't really care that much. I tend to go for quite pale men, the ones who go red in the sun, with blue eyes and a warm smile. If during the summer you get lobster comparisons, we might be a match! Mentally fit and more positive than negative as I am a bit sensitive to emotions and find depressives draining. Honesty is of extreme importance to me, so if you are in the habit of lying to avoid confrontation, please pass me by.  I don't mind facial hair, a receding pate or beer gut, I am not looking for Adonis, I am looking for a good man and with confidence comes sex appeal. 

For my part, I love to treat my man like a King, to indulge and please him, tempered by a bit of lighthearted teasing j to keep him honest! ;o)  I like to go out and experience cultural things or family things. Not really much of a club type/nightlife. I prefer to spend time together in the evenings, talking together, eating and drinking in the mediterranean style manner into the late evening.   My hobbies include historical reenactments, costuming, watching films and geeky culture.  I love historical cooking too, though only plant based so no, the wild boar will not be on the menu!!  

I think spending time in each dyad is important though, but I am flexible with how those dates go, doesn't have to be night time, doesn't have to be something romantic.  It's just about building on our emotional intimacy and touching base.  Going out to eat, see a film or walking around a museum is fun for me, things need not be too structured or expensive, I just would like to spend time with you.

With regards to sister wives I do consider myself a woman's woman.  In that I value female friendships and crave that emotional connection in my life and family.  I am somewhat extroverted but  not emotionally overbearing, I have cultivated a very useful model to process jealousy and I would hope you have done some work with that yourself so as not to make it a big issue.  I am also into clear, honest communication.  There will be no expectation of telepathy with me, no giving the cold shoulder or dropping passive aggressive hints.  I will always be honest with you and expect the same in return.  I like spending time doing girlie things, I will paint your nails or dye your hair if you asked, I will gladly mix cocktails and watch that terrible romcom he didn't want to watch with you OR if you just want to sit and read your book alone, I will respect that,  it is about respecting the woman YOU are, not trying to force you into being the woman I want!

What I love seeing in profiles 

'Honesty is important' 'Love children' 'not looking for a specific type, just the right person' 'loyal' 'equality'.

What I dislike seeing in profiles

'Seeking a female'  'want a third' 'why is it so hard to find a woman?'  'looking to add to are (our) relationship'  'no kids/divorcees/single mothers' 'must be willing to have children for us' 'you must send me a full length picture and an essay on why i should pick you to be considered to be a part of my harem' and finally 'I am in charge of this profile, you must please me before I will let you talk to my husband because I can't trust him to make good decisions'...... 

Plus those who are racist, sexist or any ist who thinks just because I value a traditional type of relationship myself, that I insist that all women should be forced to live a way that doesn't suit them.  Any indication that your woman is not into polygamy and you are forcing her into it by threats of infidelity and a history of such with her making her fear a recurrence of such behaviour. Any desire for hierarchy amongst the wives, I have no interest in junior/secondary wife status or being treated as a concubine. I will forever be grateful to a first wife who was so kind as to want to share an amazing man with me, she would be a true Queen, but our status in the home will be equal, even if she will get the outside legal validation. 

So anyway, I hope this helps you understand me a bit, I am rather a big mouth poly woman on social media but don't let that scare you, I am just a woman who is open, passionate and a bit sarcastic, but most of it is tongue in cheek.  If anything connects with you, please do say hello.

Kind regards,

Natasha

2020

In quarantine black mirror episode

London, UK

xx

I am not looking to be 'added' to someone's life, I am not an extra or a thing.  I am a person, I have a life and family, I want a connection, I want a blending and joining together.  You will be brought into MY family just as much as I am brought into yours.

I am not an addition. 

Please be aware of the language you use, you are objectifying us and you don't even know it.

xx

Websites like this gives us the opportunity to build networks and relationships with people who are like minded with us. It is understood that we are here to find a match first and foremost, but we also have an opportunity to build networks and give support to each other. Don't be afraid to reach out to someone just to say hi, how is your search going? Platonic friendships here can also go a far way and lead to powerful relationships.