i'm not breaking any new ground when saying that this has been a very hard year. i won't even get into politics, i promise :). it's been hard because it's been isolating, and things like depression can take over. i was active here in the spring, when at least as we emerged from the hard times of April, i felt some sense of hope, but then we had waves of challenges here in FL and other southern states, and it honestly made me withdraw.
that was a hard thing to do, and not the right thing either. i could protect myself, but in doing so, i harmed myself by not allowing the exploration of the loving relationship with a Man and my sisters that i so deeply crave, and need, and that God has told me is the way to live. it was humbling to admit that alone i do not have the strength, but in partnership with a Man and my sisters, i can find strength.
And so, here i am again! i remain all the things i've come to know myself to be: smart and caring, humble and submissive, a believer in God and His way, and ready to be in service to my Husband.
But that's a long story and trying to learn to ignore better is a process I am working on. ;o)
Regardless, as I said, I know myself, know my limits, know my wants and what I can and cannot handle. I wonder how many people have really pondered how they really behave, how they are in and out of relationships, how they argue and indeed, how they communicate.
Or do they, as so many people who sign up in these groups do, feel that 'everything will work out fine with the RIGHT person' thereby leaving the onus on the other person to fill in those relationship skills gap that these people invariably have.
One of the massive changes in my family’s life was that we were unwelcome in a church that we loved, and were actively participants in, and I had a large role teaching adults in.
We were summarily given the left foot of fellowship, simply because I had been studying this “taboo” topic, and had concluded in favor of it. Not because we were looking for another wife or anything like that. Simply studying it and accepting it as a theoretically, Biblically acceptable family structure was enough for people I’d considered friends for over a decade to do a Jekyl/Hyde transformation. Only one person actually tried to look at the Bible with me over it and that was not the Pastor or Deacons.
My point with all of this, is that most of the time, for single Christian women who are hoping to marry into a family with a God fearing christian man, the possibility of continuing to be an active member of a church while being a plural wife is a very slim to none possibility. At least if you are public about it in the very least.
There are definitely alternative solutions to this issue, many home assemblies are ok with it, and many christian men who are poly for biblical reasons are a cut above most Corporate Christianity nodders, and should be more than capable of leading you into a closer walk with the Saviour.
Don’t let this discourage you from your search, just understand that there are more life changes to this than sharing a great man!
We've been a poly family for a decade or so - three of us. During the last 3 or four years we have been looking off and on.
We realized from the start that we have several things that limit our potential match pool. First of all, is the 'rural' issue - we are 35 miles from a city. We own our farmstead, so our 'match' needs to be willing to relocate. Additionally, we are in Texas, have kids, and dogs. We don't have huge disposable incomes and are the opposite of 'glamourous'. We are much more 'prepper' and 'off-grid'. Also, we are not into the party/drug/booze/swinging lifestyles. The one bright spot in our searching is that we are not set on a specific 'look' or age.
So, our potential match pool is pretty small no matter how you look at it.
Over the years we have learned that the vast majority of single women profiles are garbage. First off, there is a significant number that are outright fake - for whatever reason. These folks could be easily eliminated by the sites by ID verification, IP tracking, and text/phone verification. That would effectively eliminate duplicates and stop the majority of scammers, once identified, from starting over. But, that would reduce the number of 'members' which in turn is believed to reduce the incentive for couples to pay.... So no dating sites have really cracked down on it. In fact most of the software packages have 'fakes' bundled. Of the ones that are 'real', many are shopping for the best deal they can get and move from family to family. Others want to be 'pillow princesses'. And then there are some that are outright psycho or even mentally disabled that have seen the 'sisterwives' shows and feel that that is what they want. Some are even looking to actively attempt to destabilize existing poly families for personal gratification or the 'get even' for previous failed relationships (hell raisers).
About the term 'pillow princess' - both of the wives use this term to describe the women that feel that they can 'join' without bringing (or doing) anything other than playing in the bedroom. They expect to be taken care of - room, board, etc - yet contribute nothing to the family. If they work outside, they typically keep everything they earn and spend it on themselves (car, clothes, etc.)
We have run into every one of these many times. Yet, we still keep looking.
As for the practical side of things, I'm refering to basic pros and cons of this type of family. The biggest appeal to me is the idea of 'more'. More members of your tribe. More real coonections. More skills and ideas in your household. More people to back you up and for you to back up. More family members to share the challenges/burdons of child-rearing, home-ownership, and general living. Now, the 'more' I speak of sounds self-serving, but it's a means to an end. It allows you to have more time to devote to your loved ones, raise you children into better people, enjoy life, and help your family, friends, neighbors, and even strangers to enjoy their lives more too. With mre people, each of you requires less time to devote to the ratrace of life, and therefore, more time to devote to yourself and each other.
In a world filled with societies that are seeming more and more predatory, there is strength in numbers, in unity.
My wife would be better to ask since she's the one who has actual experience being married to me - but from what she tells me I am very good at meeting her needs physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.
In another question I was asked to describe my family and relationships.
We strive to build celestial quality relationships with each other that will last beyond this life. Though I do not always live up to my ideals, I believe that the best way to lead as a husband and father is by example, persuasion, gentleness, love, and kindness.
I was also asked to articulate my life's greatest goals and ambitions.
Above all else, I seek to be an instrument in God's hands to serve and bless as many people as He sends my way. To be a good husband, father, friend, and neighbor. To honor my priesthood and divine sonship. To defend truth and virtue. To teach my children to love and serve God, and enjoy happiness together as they continue to grow. To build my garden, orchard, vineyard, and eventually livestock up to where we can raise everything we need and not have to go to the grocery store more than a few times a year. Last for now (but not least), to read my library of 3000+ books (and always growing).