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Dual monogamy comes in a couple of well-known forms. First up there’s the monogamous marriage and the other one in the affair. Then there’s the dual monogamy so frequently misunderstood as polygyny. Both these have incredible similarities and I’m certain my adult audience can use this brief blog post to launch into a more comprehensive list. Dual monogamy in the affair scenario is when the husband has two (or even more) women in his life but they are completely separate and the mistress cares for herself (mostly) and has him to herself on a very limited basis. Dual monogamy in the mind of many considering the polygyny marriage choice is where the second wife comes in with a list of demands which demonstrates more that she wants a good man on her terms other than a woman looking to “join a family”. The man sees polygyny as a means of having other women but not included within his family structure. Frequently the new wife’s demands include absolute equal sharing of the husband in her separate living quarters. Often eager husbands, who want another woman, will agree to this. This is not joining a family, this is finding a man/woman perhaps one moral step up from having an affair. Dual living quarters and completely separated lives despite the fact of the common husband is dual monogamy. This arrangement will destroy the husband, I speak from experience; this will drive him crazy let alone drain his bank accounts. Husbands who agree to this will have lots of trouble in the flesh. Folks, our view is that polygyny is family in marriage, not convenient arrangements to have a good man or another woman without respect to the other family members. Polygyny must not destroy but build up and make more wonderful. Polygyny is not satellite monogamy with minimal connection to the “other” wife and his family. If you are considering polygyny you are considering joining a family. The items I’d like on top of the polygyny consideration list are these; What does joining a family really mean? Do I really want to join a family or have a man on my terms? (Joining a family means just that, coming in and participating in the family from breakfast to supper, every day, not just on “my day”, or worse still, in my living quarters). What can I bring to the existing wife or wives and any children he might have? How can I enrich his life as a good father and husband? What will this marriage/family structure demand I give up and am I willing to give anything up? Polygyny is not a series of deal breakers but seal makers. What is it about having equally divided time that removes the husband’s right to initiate intimacy or to be with the one on his mind? Granting him the right to have her on your day is not giving him the spiritual headship in his family, in fact, quite the opposite. Would I demand equal “sharing” of the husband if monogamy was in view? (That is, would I list the days I would be available to him and demand equal time with his golfing buddies or work demands?). What does taking another wife really mean? Do I really want to expand my family or have another woman on my terms? (Expanding the family does not mean taking more time away from it to cater for the new wife and her whims). What can me and my family offer another lady? How can I enrich the new wife’s life while at the same time continue to enrich my existing family members? How can I avoid diminishing my love for my first wife? What will polygyny demand I give up? Do I have the strength and commitment to make this work? How can I love and reassure all my wives constantly and not fall into the divided equal time sharing disaster. How do I lead when both are making contrary demands? Do I have quality leadership skills? Is my first marriage strong? If not polygyny will destroy it. I’m praying these points help everyone as they consider this incredibly enriching marriage option. We thank God every day that He brought us together. Brian from the Kelson Family

We have one opportunity to live this life and I’m hoping that we’re all striving to live it for the best, and as stress and drama free as possible. It is also my hope that we are not dismissing the obligation to consider our Heavenly Father and the wonderful redemption he offers through Christ our Lord and Savior. Let us remember now the creator in the days of our youth, our youthful mature age. Learning to live life in a fulfilling and satisfying way is a progression. The first step in learning to achieve these objectives is to struggle through family upbringing. Most of us had parents and siblings who tested our patience but by whom we leant well-adjusted and morally correct behavior; I say most of us. It is also hoped that we learnt to understand ourselves in preparation for adult years. Who am I goes way past sibling order and family name. It wasn’t very long before, by the explosion of hormones and social pressure, we entered into another phase of life learning when we took on relationships of a more intense and deeply personal sort. Hopefully, our upbringing to a reasonable level of maturity enabled us to succeed in them. I’d love to say success in marriage was the case for most of us but the divorce rates confirm that for whatever reasons, failure in these areas designed to bring the most joy and fulfilment is pandemic and we would fail dismally if we wanted to data base all the reasons why. One thing is for sure; failure told us something about ourselves and we should have taken that on board. Blaming others exclusively for failure is deflection and not a sign of the maturity we ought to have found as we grew. So we who love polygyny come from either of these groups, for the most part. We come from those who enjoy reasonable success in monogamy or from a broken or a series of broken monogamous experiences. Yet it has to be said that whatever our relationship background, not many of us truly know ourselves and are thus not strong enough to make such monumental changes that are necessary to live and love polygamously. It is my contention that many folks fail because they don’t who they really are. These will cringe at the heat of committed poly relationships because it will manifest some terrible inner being hitherto unknown. Polygamy will cut open and expose any deep flaws in me quicker than a hot knife through butter. It would seem reasonable that those enjoying some success in monogamous marriages are better placed to enter polygamous ones but this might not be the case. Often monogamous people sweep things under the carpet or just accept stuff between themselves which really isn’t acceptable. This doesn’t help us face who we are and grow. Again, be warned, polygamy will expose these flaws either personal or corporate. If a monogamous marriage is weak then polygamy could well destroy it. If the individuals in monogamy are weak then polygamy could break down that individual to the detriment of the other lives associated with it. Those who consider polygyny from a background of broken relationships may be far worse placed to consider this marriage choice. Failure but especially repeated failure is a red flag waving large and ominously and must not ignored. Somehow the one failing repeatedly is not learning something about relationships and especially about themselves. To even consider bringing a repeat failureee into any family is a step in the wrong direction. So who am I? Am I ready to face the heat of polygamous marriage? Marriage should be a choice, not a romantic fling. Marriage is about enduring through tough times, not fleeing at the first hurdle. Marriage is about so many things that are unpleasant in self-correction and who can truly endure that? Polygynous marriage can be far more searching and demanding; it’s a three way heat and asbestos panties don’t provide sufficient protection. Polygamy is not for those who are afraid of self-examination and who avoid any course of self-betterment. Jumping from one relationship to another because it “didn’t work out” is avoiding the mirror examination and is as widespread in polygamy circles as monogamous ones. Polygyny is not a revolving door; not the means for weak men to feed on as many women as can be consumed. Polygyny is not for women who want a good man but make demands about how it will function. Polygyny is not a formalized facilitator of fornication; if you just want sex with benefits then that makes polygyny prostitution. Polygyny is marriage for those who are strong enough to love the others in it for their betterment and fulfilment and for our own mature growth. Who am I? I’d better know real good before polygyny, because we might not like what polygyny will expose. I write from sad experience. Brian of the Kelson Family