User blogs

I tend to glance at the list of users who have viewed our profile fairly regularly and saw a profile announcing that the site was full of "fakes and aggressive men" and it inspired me to write a blog post on a topic I have had in mind for a while.

I do not disagree with this person in the slightest in their assessment that the site...and all of the others are likely to be the same realistically... is full of fakes and aggressive men.

The fakes are frequently just simple scammers and honestly you have to be a full on lumphead to fall for the kind of obvious cut and paste from a translator bot message that will pop up. Seriously... does anybody really think that a bunch of girls from Ghana are clambering to get into plural families in the states? Anyway, scams happen all the time and this is the internet boys and girls,  it is part of the environment.  The actual troublesome ones are the fakes from the point of view that they are not serious and are just looking to get an ego stroke or to jack with those plig weirdos or whatever. Tonnes of them on these sites. 

With respect to the aggressive guys, I can just assume that they are the assholes who are either trying to larp polygamy because of some fantasy and again ego stroke issue or they are the sort of douche that has managed to bully or convince their frequently unwilling wives into this search with claims that God is talking to them directly in a big booming voice so he can use her faith against her or some other scam perhaps involving fear of losing financial support for her and her kids. The reason being in the end that he wishes to have regular sexual access to another woman. This sort of beta dickhead is not really going to come in many flavors but aggressive is certainly one of the most popular .

Now don't get me wrong... I am not white  knighting the girls on here at all. They leave so much to be desired that it makes me all the more thankful that I met and married one of the few real gems that really was looking to be part of a plural family. 

The vast majority of woman on here are just simply ill mannered brats that I would not have at all. While a man is absolutely the head of the family, a man should not be forced to reraise a woman he has married and try to undo all of the apparently shoddy work that her parents did in teaching her the bone basics of how to treat people.

I know that just about every serious couple on here who is seeking a sisterwife has experienced the ghosting treatment from the singled women (presuming that they are A. Single B. Women ((what the hell is wrong with people that they have nothing better to do?)) C. Seriously looking for a family instead of screwing around.). They exchange a few messages and or emails and then puff of smoke and the girl is gone. No warning, no 'Thanks but I don't think we are a match' or anything.

Now don't get to thinking I am just being butthurt that some girls ghosted me. A. Noooope. See the profile. Not looking for another wife. Maybe someday but right now we are just trying to network with the community. B. As i previously mentioned, I would not have the ones with such bad manners gift wrapped. I do not wish to spend my life in a contentious marriage with a brat I have to reeducate on courtesy and consideration for others as opposed to the shallow narcissist who can not be bothered considering the time or feelings of others. There are some couples here who really get ahead of themselves emotionally after a few exchanges and while that is not some random girls fault, she should be aware of the effect just blowing them off has. Lots give up just because some woman was not interested in thinking beyond the end of her nose. I/we have been happy to meet and chat with women here but we sure are not going to come out of the gate as anything but plain old friendly and certainly not flirty or whatever.

Yeah I know... 'but a lot of guys are assholes and won't take a polite no'... or 'I get so many emails I am overwhelmed' etc etc. Yeah? Is this your first time on the internet as a female? These are such common issues with such common solutions that I don't see them as valid complaints. Just part of the equation with online seeking of any kind. 

So to my mind the couples who get ghosted by the women with bad manners, just move along and be glad. Glad that you found out about this character flaw after a couple of notes back and forth. Imagine how much worse it would be if it seemed to work out only to have the rug pulled out much further along... I mean that genuinely. It could be so so much worse. Nobody is here, whether it is as a single woman or a couple, to get their emotional guts ripped out. 

I just found this site today after trying others. Please don't anyone judgeme. Like I said I'm very new to this and still learning. On another site I did begin to talk to another couple. I started having feelings for the husband. Then I had a wake up call. It was not the marriage for me and I almost came close to packing up my bags and moving out of state to be with them. The reason I said it was not for me because that marriage was not about me being equal to the husband and first wife. Joining there family would have required me to change myself completely to fit what they desired and for me to be miserable because basically I had to fake it to be with them. It seemed like with the husband it was more about sex. I was considered selfish and unsubmissive if I didn't perform sexually the way he wanted. The wife....i was required to stay home, clean, cook and tend to their children while they worked. That's not what I had planned for myself, even in a monogamous relationship. I wss considered selfish and unsubmissive for not wanting to. Also I had to change my eating, my physical appearance, etc to suit him. I was not allowed to go anywhere outside the house without a family member. The excuse was that wanting to do things on my own was saying I didn't want to be with family. I felt like that was an excuse for just keeping me under watchful eyes. I mean every marriage is different. Some might be willing. I woke up and realise I felt like it was controlling, they was selfish, I was going to be a sex slave, maid and nanny. I was just a grown child. I had no say so, no compromising so I could be happy, nothing about that relationship included me in it. I might be wrong for feeling that way but I experienced other couples only about sex and wanting me to be bisexual. So can someone teach me the true marriage of Poly and set my mind at ease that this is the right thing for me. That all couples are not like that. 

A survey recently asked me what the advantages of marrying me would be. 

 My wife would be better to ask since she's the one who has actual experience being married to me - but from what she tells me I am very good at meeting her needs physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. 

In another question I was asked to describe my family and relationships.  

 We strive to build celestial quality relationships with each other that will last beyond this life. Though I do not always live up to my ideals, I believe that the best way to lead as a husband and father is by example, persuasion, gentleness, love, and kindness. 

I was also asked to articulate my life's greatest goals and ambitions.  

 Above all else, I seek to be an instrument in God's hands to serve and bless as many people as He sends my way. To be a good husband, father, friend, and neighbor. To honor my priesthood and divine sonship. To defend truth and virtue. To teach my children to love and serve God, and enjoy happiness together as they continue to grow. To build my garden, orchard, vineyard, and eventually livestock up to where we can raise everything we need and not have to go to the grocery store more than a few times a year. Last for now (but not least), to read my library of 3000+ books (and always growing).

Note: I come from an LDS background, so this blog post will be written from that perspective.

The growing dating/marriage crisis within the LDS church is no secret; church leaders have been trying to figure out what to do about it, the single women and men in the church are suffering because of it, and even secular sociologists have taken notice (for example see time.com/dateonomics . No longer are LDS women being deprived of marriage solely because LDS men are “slacking” in their duty to find a wife and have a family; the solution is no longer as simple as exhorting more LDS men to marry. It is much more insidious yet mundane – it is a simple math problem. 

Currently within the LDS church, there are more than 3 single women for every 2 single men. This means that if every single LDS man married a single LDS woman, there would still be 1/3rd of the single LDS women left over. One third. Let that sink in for a moment.

This is actually a very predictable consequence within any conservative institutionalized group which encourages members to marry within the group and have large families. When there’s a positive birth rate there will be slightly more 19 yr olds than 20 yr olds, slightly more 24 yr olds than 25 yrs olds, etc. Historically (perhaps even biologically), women on average tend to marry older men and men on average tend to marry younger women; the gap is usually about 4 years. Therefore a 24 yr old man will statistically be more likely to marry a 20 yr old woman compared with a woman his own age, and a 23 yr old woman is statistically more likely to marry a 27 yr old man than a man her own age. The result? If a woman hasn’t married by the age of approximately 25-30, her prospects of finding a husband are disproportionately lower compared with the odds that a man the same age will be able to find a wife. 

Bottom line: for a moment, let’s ignore the trend that more LDS men leave the church in adulthood than women; let’s ignore that more LDS men marry outside the church than women, that on average more LDS men delay marriage than women, the possibility that LDS men on average are “less valiant” as a group than LDS women, or any other potential contributing factors – even if we set aside all of that, we can STILL expect to see this disparity between single men and women due to simple math and economics.

This dating/marriage crisis within the LDS church has reached the point of being essentially irreversible. This is why more and more LDS leaders are promising faithful women that even if they don’t have an opportunity to be a wife/mother in this life, they can still lead a happy and productive life and look forward to having those opportunities in the next. While somewhat true, this is a very inadequate “solution” to the people affected so deeply.

Interestingly, another conservative group that noticed a similar trend (Hasidic Judaism) handled it with arranged marriages, and having men and women marry peers of their same age (20 yr old men marry 20 yr old women, 24 yr old men marry 24 yr old women, etc.). This could be a viable solution moving forward if it were institutionally enforced – for future marriage/family relationships; however, in the meantime, there is a huge group of single women that would still not have their needs taken care of. If only there was another option….

The elephant in the room is that there is a solution that doesn’t take a whole lot of imagination considering the historical precedents and doctrinal foundations of Mormonism/LDS theology. What if all single women in the church were to have their marriage prospects immediately expanded to include not just the single LDS men, but also the faithful, married LDS men? Voluntary associations between consenting adults such as this could certainly provide the opportunities for marriage and child bearing that are desired by so many LDS women, who will statistically never have such opportunities otherwise.

I would not encourage the LDS leadership to get involved in arranging marriages etc. as sometimes happened in the early days – too easy to exercise unrighteous dominion and violate agency. However, to remove the severe penalties currently enforced (note: LDS people choose to practice polygyny today are immediately excommunicated as a rule according to the policy in Handbook 1) and allow the biblical principles (ironically, those restored and practiced by Joseph Smith himself) including polygyny to again be accepted by the church, this would result in a grand reunion between the mainstream LDS church and so many fundamentalist break off groups. It would provide the opportunity for people to live according to God’s inspiration and revelation in their marital relationships, a climate which has been absent since 1890. Removing the stigma against polygyny – by removing the extreme penalties enforced by LDS policy currently in place – would be a huge step in the right direction for all of Mormonism/Restorationism.

Love is meant to be multiplied not divided by jealousy. This is a calling not a lifestyle for everyone..

One "traffic" case the appellate judge ruled he didn't have jurisdiction, so now our clock is ticking to file an action on the prosecution.

Second case is a Federal civil rights action and we have less than a week to respond.

Third case is a "traffic case" removal to federal court where we countered and default the Plaintiffs. Our 12/20/2018 response to the federal district court's attempt to remand has kept the case in federal court.

If fighting for justice is part of your thing then checkout our FB "Law Geeks" study group.

Ok, So we have been chatting with someone on this site for about a week. So she is in college supposedly. So i've been texting her and she tells me that i haven't talked to her in 3 days. Well I HAVE! Today she says, I have something to ask you, In school today my professor asked me to pay $550. So can you send it to me and i'll send you the information to where to send it. But I need it by Friday!. That way i can pay it and start my relationship with you. What The H...? Is this normal? I don't know this person except through some text messages. If she was here then I could see helping, or if we WERE in a relationship. But not only after just a week and not really knowing her. Has anyone else been faced it with this and how do you respond? I'm so lost....We have had nothing but bad experiences from these people. We want a honest, committed relationship and we just can't seem to find it in anyone to wont the same. Are we doing something wrong? We need help!

To each their own and all...

That being said, one of the things that is jumping out to me a fair amount is just how many profiles demonstrate that several people are here looking for a good time, for new partners for sexual liaison or seeing the plural marriage pop culture boom and thinking it would be some kind of yolo adventure and that it might be cool for a while. That is what I see in the single women's profiles. In some of the couples profiles however it is far more of the predatory to desperate spectrum and I do not even slightly wonder at the fact that many are mystified by the lack of any response. In other couples profiles you will see the it is all about the ego stroke for the man equation being played out.

At the end of the day, personally I don't particularly care about being perceived as judgemental when so many are approaching plural marriage for all the wrong reasons. All that it will end up with is games being played, hearts being broken and families pulled apart. 

Plural marriage is first and foremost a marriage. It is about love, permanence, giving each other support and the bonds of family. Plural marriage is not about jumping on the latest fad, it is not about your sexual fantasies or pumping up your ego. 

Yeah yeah... standing on my soap box and preaching to an empty room. I know. Lame and pointless. It is frustrating though to browse through the site and see a handful of those who clearly take the idea of polygyny seriously and who are seeking their family or their new wife that are clearly having to wade through a sea of those who might be more suited to plenty of fish or some other hookup app. 

This is supposed to be about love and family not being part of a fad.

I hope you and your loved and beloved ones have a beautiful and memorable day. 

As people who hope to see wholesome polygamous marriages being normalized we have a vested nterest in sites like this one and others that are less focused on the matchmaking aspect. What we have seen rather a lot of is people who are considering polygyny for what we would consider the wrong reasons. A few but certainly not all of the reasons that I would consider wrong are the couple's who simply wish to find their live in sex toy which will apparently spice up their intimate activities and cure all relationship woes, the horny husband with the grudging wife couples where she is clearly just going along to get along so to speak (lots of these woman are in the position they are in because their religious faith is being used as a lever to force them into agreeing to something they do not want) and the scammer; we have all seen the douchebag guys who will pretend to be anything that will get them at least short term sexual access to any woman, the pure scammer looking for money, the catfish who will pretend to be anything just to keep themselves entertained regardless of the emotional toll they might extract and the busybody who has decided that they know better than you what is right and moral for your family even though you are strangers. All of these will make people cautious about interactions that ideally should be perfectly safe, straightforward and wholesome. Because of the bad actors we all end up being cautious to one degree or another... I personally will council women to be quite cautious in dealings here just like on any dating site nut by the same token I tend to be cautious myself and recommend the same to other plural families. While our vulnerabilities are not the same as single women, nobody wants to get scammed, catfished or worst of all enter into a relationship that is doomed to fail because the person they fell for was approaching this lifestyle as a lark that sounds like fun for a while. Is there a solution? I wish I knew one. In a perfect world I would think that in-person mixers would be great. I like the idea of a large picnic or something of that nature. Lots of fun ideas occur to me but coordinating what amounts to a plural family convention and matchmaking festival. You would probably find me behind the bar.