User blogs

The best way to get people to read what you write is to keep it brief. I have come to the conclusion that most people are looking for Ken and Barbie. Let me tell you this, Ken and Barbie suck. They are not real people in that they are fake in their actions. I love my fat wife and she loves me. We may not be pretty as Ken and Barbie but she is one hell of a woman who puts up with me. More to come.

This was a response I gave to this question on another forum.  I thought it would go well here to help explain my comments in our profile about the first wife. . . .

Since this question is asked on a Biblical Poly forum. . . . . In my opinion, all the wives have equal status as they’ve all been made wives.  That being said, not all wives are honored the same.  That depends on the relationship that they’ve created with their husband.  As I see it, biblically, there is always a special honor for the mia wife in a family, usually because the family that the rest of the wives join is one that she was integral in helping to create.  The man would not be a verifiable quality husband without her efforts and involvement, and her perception, attitudes and outlook on life and a poly family proves that he’s the kind of man that can succeed with additional wives.  She will experience and overcome a level of emotional and cultural turmoil that no other wife will be exposed to, and will usually be entrusted with a higher level of trust and responsibility than the other wives.

 

Does this mean that she should “rule” the household?  Most definitely not!  There is one husband and only one head of any household, and a man that has not established and jealously guards his headship is a husband who will fail at poly.  A husband that has not transformed his wife away from these type of feminist tendencies has proven he’s not ready yet IMO.  Any of the wives ruling the house or trying to rule unchecked will bring disaster or gross dissatisfaction with the family unit from all parties.

 

Just my .02. . . . . .

 

*********Props to you on your wife.  Very few men in our culture have a wife that is logically tuned to natural truth that way. With one or two exceptions, most accepting wives that I’ve seen are ok with it primarily because they are anticipating sexual benefits from incoming spouses (with the exception of fundamentalist Mormons who have grown up in the culture and understand the intrinsic benefits)

 

As to the jealousy issue, jealousy is not wrong or evil when its used properly.  Case in point is that God is a jealous God and this means that he is very protective over his people and demands exclusivity.  He also demands loyalty and obedience as a result of this attribute.

For his people to be jealous among themselves over his attention or resources, that is an evil jealousy because it is usurping and manipulative.

 

I personally do not believe that a man is called to polygyny any more than he is called to matrimony.  Both are a natural outcome of choices and decisions and natural desires in a man’s life.   Some men are more prepared for matrimony and polygyny, and some wives are more prepared than others.  I believe that all men have the right, but most will never be successful because most have squandered their credibility and influence as head of their home thru mismanagement of their spousal relationships and finances and parenting.

This doesnt mean that they cannot improve and transform into a husband or wife that would be great at poly, it just means that they’ve usually got a lot of work to do to be ready to take that step. 

Hello,

My name is Lin and I would love to know about this lifestyle for several reasons and I guess security is my main concern. If I choose to live in a plural situation, what do I truly have with my partner? I guess I am just worried and not quite sure where to start

After reading through a few blog posts on the site, I noticed that they all seem to come back to this idea that it's god's will or Christ's teachings that are guiding people to this path.  That's all fine and good, but I'm curious if there are others out there that are looking at this type a family unit from a more reasoned approach.  Just for clarification, I'm not suggesting that making choices based off of religious doctrine is impractical or unreasonable or whatever, but more that you are following a path that has been laid out before you.  Not having ever been religious, nor athiestic, I only have a layman's understanding of religion, so I can't and won't judge others based on their beliefs.

As for the practical side of things, I'm refering to basic pros and cons of this type of family.  The biggest appeal to me is the idea of 'more'.  More members of your tribe.  More real coonections.  More skills and ideas in your household.  More people to back you up and for you to back up.  More family members to share the challenges/burdons of child-rearing, home-ownership, and general living.  Now, the 'more' I speak of sounds self-serving, but it's a means to an end.  It allows you to have more time to devote to your loved ones, raise you children into better people, enjoy life, and help your family, friends, neighbors, and even strangers to enjoy their lives more too.  With mre people, each of you requires less time to devote to the ratrace of life, and therefore, more time to devote to yourself and each other.

In a world filled with societies that are seeming more and more predatory, there is strength in numbers, in unity.

Can someone help me with how to secure that a first wife has to do

Quick question do anyone actual use this site?

Dear Friends, If you are interested in poly, you might wonder how everything actually works out. There is a lot of theory out there and many people have opinions, but what is it really like to live it day by day? 

The truth is, most of the time poly families are pretty much like extended or blended families you might find through divorces, except the people get along and love each other.  Multiple women share the house work (if you are in one home) and birth parents have the primary responsibility to care for and discipline children. Moreover, some stay home and some work out.  Usually the man is the main bread winner with some or all of the girls holding down full or part time jobs. 

The main things that comes into play that are different are sleeping arrangements - it works best if each woman has a set day.  What goes on during the mornings is open for whomever wants, but having a set time does bring some order and gives the woman a sense of security. 

If everyone gets along, date nights or vacations can be done together.  However, often times the wives desire some alone time with their husband while the other girls hold down the fort. All in all, a lot of "living poly" boils down to common sense and a desire for everyone to work together for the common good. 

One thing that a man needs to do is be as fair as possible so that each woman has the perception that she is being considered and cared for.  Sometimes this does not work out, but most women understand that if a man is making an good faith effort, perfection in that area isn't required. 

In the end, promoting a sense of family and "we're all in this together" is essential.  If everyone is on board, most of the details will work themselves out. In our family, since we are spiritual filled, christian believers, we try to practice God's Love towards each other.  It is His love from above that is part of the Tabernacle Experience.  This way, it is not just us doing the loving, but God loving each other through us. 

Big hugs and lots of love,

Michael

Dear Friends, I personally believe there is great value in being authentic. First of all, when you are authentic, it helps people know how to interact with you. You are not vague or misleading, so it saves a lot of time that may otherwise be lost by people not understanding where you are truly coming from. 

It demonstrates credibility and honesty to those whom you speak with.  A real conversation with a person who is being authentic, has a certain "ring" to it.  Therefore, from the outset, trust begins to be established which forms the basis of any meaningful dialogue. 

It demonstrates that you are serious about meeting someone.  When you are authentic and open, it lets people know that you don't have hidden agendas, but rather are up front about who you are and what you are looking for in a relationship.

Authenticity, tends to discourage those who are not authentic themselves, thus saving both parties a lot of time. 

A poly relationship must be based upon authenticity so that those who are participating can know what is really going on.  In my experience, the poly scene is rife with people who really are not sure what they are looking for and thus don't have a clear idea of how to communicate what they want.  It would be better to know what you really want and then be honest about it with others.

Being authentic also gives you confidence to talk with others in a sincere and open way.  You are, for instance, able to share about your life and your goals with others without having craft some answer you think they might like to hear.  I really lowers the threshold of anxiety a lot. 

I encourage all to open up and share honestly with one another.  There is little down side to doing that.  After all, friendship takes time and their is plenty of opportunity to get to know if others are the one or ones you are compatible with along the way.

Big hugs and lots of love,

Michael

Dear Friends, To begin with, I am not judging those who are strictly or primarily interested in finding a sexual partner. That is your business and I think everyone understands that. Moreover, people have a lot of different types of lifestyles and beliefs and it is agreed that it is best to recognize that everyone should have the right to live as they wish. 

What I am going to discuss today is the question: when is the right time to talk about sex? The answer to that is often times not so simple. Being as I am not into swinging I am going to examine this question from the standpoint of someone who is really looking for a permanent life partner. 

To begin with, when I look over a profile one of the things that puts me off is displaying sexual pictures. No matter what the woman is really like, I tend to make assumption if I see too much of body right off the bat. I like a woman's form as much as anyone else, but if a woman reveals herself right away to me (an everyone else) that sends the message that she is advertising her body for a romp in the hay and not a really, lasting relationship (so to speak).  Being as fidelity is of paramount importance to me and my family, I ask myself, "could I ever trust such a woman to be faithful? 

Furthermore, if the first thing out of my mouth (or in text) is a "come-on: full of sexual innuendo, am I worth a real relationship with the person I'm talking to?  Again, I think not. 

In my opinion (which I realize is just that), I don't think that women who are really wanting a good man, wants him to zero in on her body or sexual acts right away.  I suppose, if both parties are just interested in hooking up, that would be a different matter, but for those who are honestly looking for someone to add to they hearts and home, that is not what we're looking. 

Moreover, when people come at women, who are seriously looking to join a family, with sex talk, that may tend to sour them on the whole concept.  Perhaps it even ends up driving them away from this site and from the notion of poly altogether. 

For me, personally, I will not talk about sex with a woman until there is a relationship that warrants such a conversation.  The woman I want would not lead with sexuality either.  While we are both adults and intimacy is at the heart of any vibrant relationship, getting to know her character and spirit, is the place to start for me.  Practically any woman can be very sexy if she is really in love with the man she's with, so it is not necessary to advertise that initially because it is a given. 

Some women have learned that being sexy or, appearing to be sexy, gets them a lot of attention.  Furthermore, the promise of sex with men can lead them to advantages in all sorts of ways.  However, given the choice between getting what they want through advertising their bodies and having those things given to them freely by a man who truly loves them as a person, I think many might prefer a real relationship. 

Also, and I think this is a valid point, just wanting to use a woman (or a man) only for your pleasure degrades them as a human being. 

In conclusion, I think "sex talk" might be better reserved for the time when their is a love relationship that is appropriate for that kind of intimacy.  Getting to know a woman or a man well before sex is perhaps the safest way to know what you are getting yourself in to. 

Lastly, if hooking up is really all you want to do, are their not other places better suited for find such a situation?  Why hide what you really want behind the facade of finding a sister wife if all you want is a sexual partner with little or no commitment?

Finally, everyone can do and be what they want.  I just know for myself, I want a woman good character, a sweet heart, and a loyal disposition.  If I can find that, everything else will follow.

Big hugs and lots of love,

Michael and family

Dear Friends, One thing that I've noticed in living our lifestyle, is that the man needs to be a fair as possible with his women. This means, to me any way, that you know the needs of your wives and do you best to meet those needs if possible. All women are different and frankly their love language are different too. For one, it may be words of affirmation, for another, deeds of service, for another, helping them go to school, for another staying home and being a mom.  It is not a one size-fits-all proposition, but a tailored approach to meeting their individual needs. At times, this is easier said than done and no man can be perfect to everyone, every time.  However, even doing little things can mean a great deal to your woman and let them know you care. 

It takes quite a lot of commitment on the part of the women to make this type of lifestyle work too.  The girls needs to really be "all-in" and believe that this is the greatest thing since sliced bread.  In fact, in all my years of being a husband to more than one, it is the women that determine the happiness of the household.  They must have a love for one another that supersedes the small things they may disagree with. 

Lastly, in my life I have found that, when things are not working out with a wife, it is has been my tendency to let things go on too long in hopes that the situation will resolve.  If I had anything to do over again, I would have cut things off sooner, just for the sake of those who remained.  When a woman goes bad and doesn't want to be part of your family anymore, it is best to let her go.

Big hugs and lots of love,

Michael