User blogs

Only recently accepted the fact that I could have a poly relationship and have come to embrace that. Now seeking to take the next step on that journey. Hookups are all so exciting, but I am looking for something more substantial. Are there any women out there seeking the same thing?

A survey recently asked me what the advantages of marrying me would be. 

 My wife would be better to ask since she's the one who has actual experience being married to me - but from what she tells me I am very good at meeting her needs physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. 

In another question I was asked to describe my family and relationships.  

 We strive to build celestial quality relationships with each other that will last beyond this life. Though I do not always live up to my ideals, I believe that the best way to lead as a husband and father is by example, persuasion, gentleness, love, and kindness. 

I was also asked to articulate my life's greatest goals and ambitions.  

 Above all else, I seek to be an instrument in God's hands to serve and bless as many people as He sends my way. To be a good husband, father, friend, and neighbor. To honor my priesthood and divine sonship. To defend truth and virtue. To teach my children to love and serve God, and enjoy happiness together as they continue to grow. To build my garden, orchard, vineyard, and eventually livestock up to where we can raise everything we need and not have to go to the grocery store more than a few times a year. Last for now (but not least), to read my library of 3000+ books (and always growing).

Note: I come from an LDS background, so this blog post will be written from that perspective.

The growing dating/marriage crisis within the LDS church is no secret; church leaders have been trying to figure out what to do about it, the single women and men in the church are suffering because of it, and even secular sociologists have taken notice (for example see time.com/dateonomics . No longer are LDS women being deprived of marriage solely because LDS men are “slacking” in their duty to find a wife and have a family; the solution is no longer as simple as exhorting more LDS men to marry. It is much more insidious yet mundane – it is a simple math problem. 

Currently within the LDS church, there are more than 3 single women for every 2 single men. This means that if every single LDS man married a single LDS woman, there would still be 1/3rd of the single LDS women left over. One third. Let that sink in for a moment.

This is actually a very predictable consequence within any conservative institutionalized group which encourages members to marry within the group and have large families. When there’s a positive birth rate there will be slightly more 19 yr olds than 20 yr olds, slightly more 24 yr olds than 25 yrs olds, etc. Historically (perhaps even biologically), women on average tend to marry older men and men on average tend to marry younger women; the gap is usually about 4 years. Therefore a 24 yr old man will statistically be more likely to marry a 20 yr old woman compared with a woman his own age, and a 23 yr old woman is statistically more likely to marry a 27 yr old man than a man her own age. The result? If a woman hasn’t married by the age of approximately 25-30, her prospects of finding a husband are disproportionately lower compared with the odds that a man the same age will be able to find a wife. 

Bottom line: for a moment, let’s ignore the trend that more LDS men leave the church in adulthood than women; let’s ignore that more LDS men marry outside the church than women, that on average more LDS men delay marriage than women, the possibility that LDS men on average are “less valiant” as a group than LDS women, or any other potential contributing factors – even if we set aside all of that, we can STILL expect to see this disparity between single men and women due to simple math and economics.

This dating/marriage crisis within the LDS church has reached the point of being essentially irreversible. This is why more and more LDS leaders are promising faithful women that even if they don’t have an opportunity to be a wife/mother in this life, they can still lead a happy and productive life and look forward to having those opportunities in the next. While somewhat true, this is a very inadequate “solution” to the people affected so deeply.

Interestingly, another conservative group that noticed a similar trend (Hasidic Judaism) handled it with arranged marriages, and having men and women marry peers of their same age (20 yr old men marry 20 yr old women, 24 yr old men marry 24 yr old women, etc.). This could be a viable solution moving forward if it were institutionally enforced – for future marriage/family relationships; however, in the meantime, there is a huge group of single women that would still not have their needs taken care of. If only there was another option….

The elephant in the room is that there is a solution that doesn’t take a whole lot of imagination considering the historical precedents and doctrinal foundations of Mormonism/LDS theology. What if all single women in the church were to have their marriage prospects immediately expanded to include not just the single LDS men, but also the faithful, married LDS men? Voluntary associations between consenting adults such as this could certainly provide the opportunities for marriage and child bearing that are desired by so many LDS women, who will statistically never have such opportunities otherwise.

I would not encourage the LDS leadership to get involved in arranging marriages etc. as sometimes happened in the early days – too easy to exercise unrighteous dominion and violate agency. However, to remove the severe penalties currently enforced (note: LDS people choose to practice polygyny today are immediately excommunicated as a rule according to the policy in Handbook 1) and allow the biblical principles (ironically, those restored and practiced by Joseph Smith himself) including polygyny to again be accepted by the church, this would result in a grand reunion between the mainstream LDS church and so many fundamentalist break off groups. It would provide the opportunity for people to live according to God’s inspiration and revelation in their marital relationships, a climate which has been absent since 1890. Removing the stigma against polygyny – by removing the extreme penalties enforced by LDS policy currently in place – would be a huge step in the right direction for all of Mormonism/Restorationism.

Love is meant to be multiplied not divided by jealousy. This is a calling not a lifestyle for everyone..

One "traffic" case the appellate judge ruled he didn't have jurisdiction, so now our clock is ticking to file an action on the prosecution.

Second case is a Federal civil rights action and we have less than a week to respond.

Third case is a "traffic case" removal to federal court where we countered and default the Plaintiffs. Our 12/20/2018 response to the federal district court's attempt to remand has kept the case in federal court.

If fighting for justice is part of your thing then checkout our FB "Law Geeks" study group.

Ok, So we have been chatting with someone on this site for about a week. So she is in college supposedly. So i've been texting her and she tells me that i haven't talked to her in 3 days. Well I HAVE! Today she says, I have something to ask you, In school today my professor asked me to pay $550. So can you send it to me and i'll send you the information to where to send it. But I need it by Friday!. That way i can pay it and start my relationship with you. What The H...? Is this normal? I don't know this person except through some text messages. If she was here then I could see helping, or if we WERE in a relationship. But not only after just a week and not really knowing her. Has anyone else been faced it with this and how do you respond? I'm so lost....We have had nothing but bad experiences from these people. We want a honest, committed relationship and we just can't seem to find it in anyone to wont the same. Are we doing something wrong? We need help!

To each their own and all...

That being said, one of the things that is jumping out to me a fair amount is just how many profiles demonstrate that several people are here looking for a good time, for new partners for sexual liaison or seeing the plural marriage pop culture boom and thinking it would be some kind of yolo adventure and that it might be cool for a while. That is what I see in the single women's profiles. In some of the couples profiles however it is far more of the predatory to desperate spectrum and I do not even slightly wonder at the fact that many are mystified by the lack of any response. In other couples profiles you will see the it is all about the ego stroke for the man equation being played out.

At the end of the day, personally I don't particularly care about being perceived as judgemental when so many are approaching plural marriage for all the wrong reasons. All that it will end up with is games being played, hearts being broken and families pulled apart. 

Plural marriage is first and foremost a marriage. It is about love, permanence, giving each other support and the bonds of family. Plural marriage is not about jumping on the latest fad, it is not about your sexual fantasies or pumping up your ego. 

Yeah yeah... standing on my soap box and preaching to an empty room. I know. Lame and pointless. It is frustrating though to browse through the site and see a handful of those who clearly take the idea of polygyny seriously and who are seeking their family or their new wife that are clearly having to wade through a sea of those who might be more suited to plenty of fish or some other hookup app. 

This is supposed to be about love and family not being part of a fad.

I hope you and your loved and beloved ones have a beautiful and memorable day. 

As people who hope to see wholesome polygamous marriages being normalized we have a vested nterest in sites like this one and others that are less focused on the matchmaking aspect. What we have seen rather a lot of is people who are considering polygyny for what we would consider the wrong reasons. A few but certainly not all of the reasons that I would consider wrong are the couple's who simply wish to find their live in sex toy which will apparently spice up their intimate activities and cure all relationship woes, the horny husband with the grudging wife couples where she is clearly just going along to get along so to speak (lots of these woman are in the position they are in because their religious faith is being used as a lever to force them into agreeing to something they do not want) and the scammer; we have all seen the douchebag guys who will pretend to be anything that will get them at least short term sexual access to any woman, the pure scammer looking for money, the catfish who will pretend to be anything just to keep themselves entertained regardless of the emotional toll they might extract and the busybody who has decided that they know better than you what is right and moral for your family even though you are strangers. All of these will make people cautious about interactions that ideally should be perfectly safe, straightforward and wholesome. Because of the bad actors we all end up being cautious to one degree or another... I personally will council women to be quite cautious in dealings here just like on any dating site nut by the same token I tend to be cautious myself and recommend the same to other plural families. While our vulnerabilities are not the same as single women, nobody wants to get scammed, catfished or worst of all enter into a relationship that is doomed to fail because the person they fell for was approaching this lifestyle as a lark that sounds like fun for a while. Is there a solution? I wish I knew one. In a perfect world I would think that in-person mixers would be great. I like the idea of a large picnic or something of that nature. Lots of fun ideas occur to me but coordinating what amounts to a plural family convention and matchmaking festival. You would probably find me behind the bar.

I am looking to starting in the polygamy lifestyle. It’s Something that I have always wanted and dreamed of. I think the bigger the family unit is the better. All members can contribute to the greater good of the family. It’s not about sex persay it’s about the family and the love that can be shared. I look forward to hearing from you.