VV76's blog

This was a response I gave to this question on another forum.  I thought it would go well here to help explain my comments in our profile about the first wife. . . .

Since this question is asked on a Biblical Poly forum. . . . . In my opinion, all the wives have equal status as they’ve all been made wives.  That being said, not all wives are honored the same.  That depends on the relationship that they’ve created with their husband.  As I see it, biblically, there is always a special honor for the mia wife in a family, usually because the family that the rest of the wives join is one that she was integral in helping to create.  The man would not be a verifiable quality husband without her efforts and involvement, and her perception, attitudes and outlook on life and a poly family proves that he’s the kind of man that can succeed with additional wives.  She will experience and overcome a level of emotional and cultural turmoil that no other wife will be exposed to, and will usually be entrusted with a higher level of trust and responsibility than the other wives.

 

Does this mean that she should “rule” the household?  Most definitely not!  There is one husband and only one head of any household, and a man that has not established and jealously guards his headship is a husband who will fail at poly.  A husband that has not transformed his wife away from these type of feminist tendencies has proven he’s not ready yet IMO.  Any of the wives ruling the house or trying to rule unchecked will bring disaster or gross dissatisfaction with the family unit from all parties.

 

Just my .02. . . . . .

 

*********Props to you on your wife.  Very few men in our culture have a wife that is logically tuned to natural truth that way. With one or two exceptions, most accepting wives that I’ve seen are ok with it primarily because they are anticipating sexual benefits from incoming spouses (with the exception of fundamentalist Mormons who have grown up in the culture and understand the intrinsic benefits)

 

As to the jealousy issue, jealousy is not wrong or evil when its used properly.  Case in point is that God is a jealous God and this means that he is very protective over his people and demands exclusivity.  He also demands loyalty and obedience as a result of this attribute.

For his people to be jealous among themselves over his attention or resources, that is an evil jealousy because it is usurping and manipulative.

 

I personally do not believe that a man is called to polygyny any more than he is called to matrimony.  Both are a natural outcome of choices and decisions and natural desires in a man’s life.   Some men are more prepared for matrimony and polygyny, and some wives are more prepared than others.  I believe that all men have the right, but most will never be successful because most have squandered their credibility and influence as head of their home thru mismanagement of their spousal relationships and finances and parenting.

This doesnt mean that they cannot improve and transform into a husband or wife that would be great at poly, it just means that they’ve usually got a lot of work to do to be ready to take that step. 

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