How Does A Poly Family Really Work? from michaelk's blog

Dear Friends, If you are interested in poly, you might wonder how everything actually works out. There is a lot of theory out there and many people have opinions, but what is it really like to live it day by day? 


The truth is, most of the time poly families are pretty much like extended or blended families you might find through divorces, except the people get along and love each other.  Multiple women share the house work (if you are in one home) and birth parents have the primary responsibility to care for and discipline children. Moreover, some stay home and some work out.  Usually the man is the main bread winner with some or all of the girls holding down full or part time jobs. 


The main things that comes into play that are different are sleeping arrangements - it works best if each woman has a set day.  What goes on during the mornings is open for whomever wants, but having a set time does bring some order and gives the woman a sense of security. 


If everyone gets along, date nights or vacations can be done together.  However, often times the wives desire some alone time with their husband while the other girls hold down the fort. All in all, a lot of "living poly" boils down to common sense and a desire for everyone to work together for the common good. 


One thing that a man needs to do is be as fair as possible so that each woman has the perception that she is being considered and cared for.  Sometimes this does not work out, but most women understand that if a man is making an good faith effort, perfection in that area isn't required. 


In the end, promoting a sense of family and "we're all in this together" is essential.  If everyone is on board, most of the details will work themselves out. In our family, since we are spiritual filled, christian believers, we try to practice God's Love towards each other.  It is His love from above that is part of the Tabernacle Experience.  This way, it is not just us doing the loving, but God loving each other through us. 


Big hugs and lots of love,


Michael



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Polywifen
Jan 2
Sadly Estreendancer, Polygamy is not any less likely to have people who are cold, selfish and dysfunctional than monogamy, more so in fact as some couples have developed couple fronting behaviour where they reinforce their internalised idea of them being the only people who count and hence, they don't really CONSIDER you and your feelings with regards to informing you what the issue was after your visit. There is a big difference between what the ideal is, as set forth from the OP and how people actually ACT, especially those with little to no long term polygamous experience. We all know how it ought to be ideally and how we should act in our heads, but people in the main, especially those cultured to think only of themselves or the couple unit and the myriad little ways monogamous people of the opposite sex speak and approach each other makes the radical honesty and real communication needed for polygamy intensely difficult, polygamy is a hard mental change to make.Sadly Estreendancer, Polygamy is not any less likely to have people who are cold, selfish and dysfunctional than monogamy, more so in fact as some couples have developed couple fronting behaviour wher...See more
Polywifen
Jan 3
One of the reasons why I will no longer do one of those 'group' first meets is because you are generally more likely going to be on the receiving end of the couple front and it is harder to gauge the chemistry and true intention of the man. He will be tempering his communication with you to take account of his wife and whether intentionally or not, you will be too. This makes HER presence a hindrance to your ability to have a true communication with each other and whether intentionally or not, she is being put ahead of of your needs to have an authentic relationship with your potential husband. Therefore I feel a group meet should not be the first, but the second or maybe even the third meet up, so as you get to know whether you have an authentic connection to this man and he you before you invest in the whole family, also it prevents gatekeeping due to the first wife's possible insecurities like your possibly attractiveness, amiability or even if she feels your kids are more cute than hers are. (people get very insecure about the most crazy things). Trust that if you and he had a connection, he wasn't strong enough to go against the opinion of the first wife, but she was looking for what SHE wanted, not what HE wanted. Sadly, couples will always act like a couple front unless they realise that we won't play ball until our rights are respected. Be strong, know what you want and communicate it well. I wish you all the best. xxOne of the reasons why I will no longer do one of those 'group' first meets is because you are generally more likely going to be on the receiving end of the couple front and it is harder to gauge the ...See more
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By michaelk
Added Dec 15 '20

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