Are my tastes unrealistic? | Forum

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JingoFamily Nov 12 '21
Everyone has their ideals obviously but I am not so unrealist as to imagine that some fictional perfect woman is going to show up with all my wish list boxes ticked. I am fully aware that there is no telling who is really right for you or what situation  will come along.

That being said though...

Is it unrealistic to hope for someone who is not obsessed with their appearance, what pop culture thinks is important in the transient moment, focused on the next dopamine hit of approval of strangers on the internet? 

Is it weird to think that living lives that are more focused on working together towards common goals or simply spending quiet time together sounds more satisfying than going to bars or "out" constantly? 

Is it funny to think that depth is more important than something shiny on the surface?

I am afraid that I am failing to communicate the idea I have in my minds eye. Hopefully some small peripheral part of what I am trying to get across will come through.

theoneo Nov 18 '21
Not at all.  There are real people around.  All it takes is patience, honesty, and putting yourself out there at every opportunity.  I wish you well. :-)
cwc419 Jan 4
Every single dating site is the same, filled with superficial people. And the gems in them are suppressed by the coal. I'm with you JingoFamily in wanting to speak out and say that building families is the greatest achievement in this world.
JingoFamily Jan 4
Good for y'all. 

This is part of what I am hoping to encourage.  

Those of us who offer a tad more depth to the equation and who are looking to build capital F Families and who are interested in Marriage rather than another lame hookup need to be the ones making the noise and driving the narrative. 

One of the ways I contend that we should do this is by having vastly more conversation going in the forums and loads more blogging. Make it very much welcoming for those who have similar notions. 

As it stands...and this is not criticism of the site owners... it is not unlike coming to eat in a big empty concrete room. No decorations on the wall and nothing to help set the mood...just silence and then a bit of an echo if you speak. I think that those of us who are serious about plural marriage need to start being the decore, backdrop and to set the mood rather than it just feeling empty.

cwc419 Jan 5

I am in complete agreement with you. The only way to make our 'normal' way of relationship accepted by the masses is to talk about it, openly. And forums such as this are a good way to do that. What we need is the sincere couples and singles to put it out there, let others see their life and their journey. Talking about it between us who are looking, figure out what works and doesn't work. Those of us who are experienced in poly relationships being able to help those who are newer. The problem is though, this is a paid site and there is really not that much activity here, at least in my age bracket. I participated heavily in the other forum sites I mentioned seeing you on, JingoFamily, but participating here would only depend on if there are singles to participate with.  I don't normally sign up and pay the fee when there is no singles to attempt contact with. But, when there are I do. Anyway, maintaining a discussion on a paid forum does get hard. Also, the idea that singles don't pay for this site leads for it to be filled with insincere people. One thought I had was have singles pay, but get rewarded money, or points to the next month, for their participation in responding to messages sent by couples. Heck, make a reward system for couples too, who participate on the forum. There has to be a better way to point people who join to this forum?

I am all for stepping up the conversation like you suggest, it's a really good idea. But, there is a cost and there has to be some return, don't you think?

Just my thoughts please share yours.

The Forum post is edited by cwc419 Jan 5
JingoFamily Jan 5
I have considered the notion of looking into what would be required to set up a site with a setup not unlike BF but without the specific biblical focus. Not excluding it obvious or anything like that but just going more broad strokes. Discussion forums heavy and ideally scheduled chats and what not. 

Pretty sure one would need to have the explicit disclaimer that it was not a singles site etc. Then again 4thefamily was not a singles site and I managed to meet a wife and come pretty close with a second woman so one never knows how something like that might work out. 

Not a clue what kind of price that would run. 

I certainly like the idea of building a point system or rewards system for participation. Mixed feelings about singles paying a fee. Yes it would be nice to thin out the ranks of profiles created on a whim and those who are just looking etc. By the same token one assumes that some of these single might realize how good of a deal plural marriage is for some by consuming the content. 

I think till one or some of us find the time to put a project together that is a plural marriage hub but not a dating site we will just have to beat the bushes here. I definitely appreciate the fact that you are in here participating and helping to make some noise. 

cwc419 Jan 6
I think there is a potential for this site to do both. Yes, dating sites are important, but the community aspect of people coming together to support those who try to build families is also important, as it appears you too believe as well. Coming here to find someone to date is only half the story. Fundamentalist Mormons that support polygamy do very well in their communities. All faiths that accept polygamy would benefit from the same type of community. 
JingoFamily Jan 6
I agree and it is the community and proverbial support network and peer group that would be especially nice to have access to. 

In an ideal circumstance a plural family would be spending so very much more time just living their lives, raising their kids and doing all of the normal activities that one associates with normal life rather than seeking/courting. The dating sites as you say certainly has a place but I don't know that many of us want to spend all that much time in our search whether a single woman or a family. We would rather have some success and move along. 

It would certainly be nice if our hosts were to consider the notion of an offshoot of the dating site that was more focused on the social side. I have no idea if that would be practical however. Perhaps they or someone else more in the know will weigh in. 

Ghostcouple2 Jan 23
It’s very valuable in having these discussions, mainly due to the lack of response’s, ghosting’s and fakes on these sites. But it gives someone such as my wife and I a community to learn and appreciate. It’s hard enough finding that special someone for one, but trying to find that individual that fits a already healthy relationship appears to be more of a sole search than most anticipate. At least paying members on this site have a tendency of being more relationship oriented, versus the other dating sites that are primarily hook up sites now days.
JingoFamily Jan 24

The more those of us who are serious about our interest and advocacy for plural marriage come together to discuss our motivations, ideas and potential hurdles the more apt we are to attract the women who are sincere in their searches for marriage. Good conversations about polygamy should help to signal that it is ok to come on in since this is a valid potential alternative to the serial monogamy that so often fail to be fulfilling. 

The Forum post is edited by JingoFamily Jan 24
cwc419 Jan 26

Quote from Ghostcouple2 It’s very valuable in having these discussions, mainly due to the lack of response’s, ghosting’s and fakes on these sites. But it gives someone such as my wife and I a community to learn and appreciate. It’s hard enough finding that special someone for one, but trying to find that individual that fits a already healthy relationship appears to be more of a sole search than most anticipate. At least paying members on this site have a tendency of being more relationship oriented, versus the other dating sites that are primarily hook up sites now days.

As long as we who are sincere can learn to communicate with each other in this forum type setting,  and we can get others who are trying to figure out what they want,  it does give a place for there to be genuine dialog, and maybe just maybe someone will find something that sparks an interest with someone else without all the ambiguous wishful thinking that seems to go on here. 
We are open to creating friendships with couples just as much as wanting to create friendships with singles. All about community. 

The Forum post is edited by cwc419 Jan 26
cwc419 Jan 26
The quote thing didn't work out so good,  but I think you can figure out what I was trying to .say
Ghostcouple2 Jan 28
I completely agree, this group allows me to receive other personal perspectives in a neutral manner in which we will not be persecuted for it. Allowing individuals and couples the opportunity to speak freely and grow meaningful trust and knowledge of those involved in the discussion. What better way to express your options and beliefs, without judgment. I’m in, love the idea. May our discussions be knowledgeable and meaningful to those who are here in search of their future partner or partners and friends. Thank you ahead of time for sharing and allowing us to be a part.
Ghostcouple2 Jan 29
So, my wife and I have been talking with a younger lady about 20 years younger than ourselves. Just a friendly level of conversation, it appears after 25 years of marriage, our dating and flirting skills need a tweak. Lol. Then out of the blue, she stated the possibilities of us being together. Now my views have always been along the lines of, love does not have an age. As long as they are of legal age, all the power to love. But I find myself torn apart at my very words and beliefs. She asked me if I had any concerns about having a relationship with someone her age and to her surprise, I said yes. I fear you find true love and as we grow older and we pass on, you are left with the rest of your life searching for the missing pieces. She thanked me for being honest with her and we are still talking to this day. However, I still remain torn and shameful about how I believe. Any advice?
cwc419 Jan 29
Age is only a mindset.  Someone who is 20 years younger could be more relationship oriented than someone who is, let's say 5 years younger.  And the same goes for a single who looks at an older couple. It really is about chemistry. But I will say that any younger single seriously needs to take a look at a long term marriage relationships. A 25 year marriage is a very valuable thing to become a part of.  In today's world that's a treasure.  My advice,  give the relationship opportunity a chance before saying no.  
The Forum post is edited by cwc419 Jan 29
JingoFamily Jan 29
 I would concur on the age thing... with tje caveat that all of you should examine the possibilities from all sides and ensure you are all aware of the pluses and minuses. 

No reason it can't be fine, just might need a little tweeking here and there. Hell, it might be a tonne of fun spending the first couple or three years catching up one each others context so to speak. You can all share what may be totally new music, food, movies, books, hobbies, loves and frustrations.

Huh...sounds like a totally normal relationship. 

Weird right?

Either way, good luck

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