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northwoodsbear

What is your relationship founded on? Will it last?


Most people approach marriage and relationships looking for love. You wouldn't marry someone you didn't love. Romance and love are at the heart of our conception of marriage. We dream about finding love. We tell stories about it. Entire industries are devoted to producing movies or books about love.


And you know what? It doesn't work.


Around 44% of all marriages will fail. And if you add a second wife the likelihood one or both leaves skyrockets to 68% (average) and even as high as 90% (typical).


That is failure. Big time. It is no coincidence that we have the 7 year itch. Romance (or erotic love) is transient. It naturally fades with time. This makes it a shaky foundation that makes marriage unstable.


Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you can't or shouldn't find someone you love to marry. Do that. And also put effort into cultivating and maintaining erotic love within you relationship. But it is not a good foundation, all the more so in polygamy where there is so much more potential for drama, hurt, and loss.


So what is a good foundation?


Many Christians counter this situation saying we need to marry a Christian or have Christ centered marriages. But is that really working either? The divorce rate among Christian's is not much different. In practice this concept often results in people using Christ or religion as an excuse for rebellion, abandonment, or upsetting the Godly order in marriage.


But there is a solution and a better foundation for marriage: Christ-like love.


The Christian New Testament talks a lot about love and even commands men and women to love their spouses. But it doesn't mean love like we mean love. The New Testament scriptures were originally written in Ancient Greek, which has several different words for love. When we think love in relationship we think romantic love. But the word for that in Greek, eros, is not found even once in the New Testament. But what it does talk a lot about is agape love. 


Agape love is the love Christ modeled for us. This is other centered, self-sacrificial, benevolent, forgiving, unconditional love. This love is an action, not a feeling. It is the opposite of selfishness and jealousy. This is the love that can bind us all together stronger than strong. When wives love this love for each other it subsumes and overcomes the conflicts. When husbands love this for their wives it overcomes the hurts, convicts and leads by its example.


"This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends. You are My friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you slaves, for the slave does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I have heard from My Father I have made known to you. You did not choose Me but I chose you, and appointed you that you would go and bear fruit, and that your fruit would remain, so that whatever you ask of the Father in My name He may give to you. This I command you, that you love one another." - John 15:12-17


But how do we achieve this love?


Love is the prime command in Christianity. It is the core principle and thing which must characterize our Christian walk. But to get there, we first must be rightly ordered with God.


"Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me. “For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it." - Matthew 16:24-25


Being a Christian isn't about what God can do for us or about how it will make our life better, it is about completely submitting ourselves to Christ; for Him to use us as we walk in His commandments. To do that we must surrender our will our selfishness our desire to control our own destiny.


When men and women in marriage have died to self in that way and given up their will to Christ, their life will become characterized by selflessness. When they love Christ they will sacrificially love each other; and love covers a multitude of sins. 


The Fruit


When a man has died to self, he lives a godly example for his wives to follow as he follows Christ.


When a wife has died to herself, she no longer lives selfishly but channels her submission to Christ through her husband as she follows him in his journey for Christ.


When men and women in marriage do this they will come to live their lives according to Godly order. God has established a hierarchy of authority in creation: God -> Christ -> man -> woman -> children (1 Cor 11, Eph 5&6). In scripture, when a woman leaves her family and marries her man she passes from under her fathers authority to her husbands. When she lives under the authority and direction of her husband, she is living in sync with the created order. 


This makes everything easier. No longer is she there just because she wants to be, or because she's feeling feelings of love. She is there because it is her right place in the world as she follows her leader. When divorce is no longer an option, everyone has the incentive to make it work and to stick it out when times get tough. Divorce is the easy out. Couples who stick together through tough times build stronger, happier marriages.


Contrast this with the normal way of marriage: the equal partnership. Equality is an impossibility because when two disagree one must prevail. And that means the marriage set up for a constant struggle for supremacy. And when you throw multiple wives into the mix this situation goes from contentious to impossible.


But when wives follow their husband in love as he follows Christ you get a beautiful oneness that shines forth in their lives with a joy beyond measure. And this oneness of heart, mind, and purpose is how you get lifelong marriage. 


"And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart." - Ecclesiastes 4:12

God Bless,


NorthWoodsBear



Jojo

What are you considering?! Is it true that you are insane?!?

Alright, simply joking. As insane as this truly sounds to the world, or to anyone that is first dealing with this question, those of us who have been through the move and lived to tell have taken in a couple of things, and in all actuality on the off chance that you can ace your weaknesses and venture up to this way of life, you will be luxuriously remunerated. You will be all the more liberated to act naturally and to seek after your interests. You will share the highs and lows of your existence with more individuals that genuinely cherish you and need the best for you and are on your side. Furthermore, you will be free from the annoying trepidation that your better half will abandon you some time or another for another person.

There's a considerable measure to consider, a great deal of issues. Numerous advantages and disadvantages to be weighed. Take as much time as is needed.

On the off chance that you are as of now wedded, and you and your significant other have begun discussing this, DON'T accept that your better half is quite recently searching for more sex, or is exhausted with you, or in any capacity considers less you a man and as a spouse. We can't represent precisely what's experiencing your better half's brain, however consider the accompanying cases:

A lady who has had a child, and that infant is currently two or three years of age, may wind up needing another infant. It doesn't mean she doesn't love her first tyke. She simply needs a greater amount of what she has, and to the degree she is a decent mother and is generally benevolent, she simply needs to dispatch all the more balanced youngsters into the world.

A business person who has enlisted a worker, whose business is as yet developing, may choose to enlist another representative. It doesn't mean there is anything amiss with the execution of the main worker. It just implies that the business is developing and needs more hands to deal with the work process.

An undergrad who has a companion she invests a great deal of energy with may meet another companion—somebody fascinating and invigorating that she needs to become more acquainted with better and thinks might be a decent long haul companion. The 'old companion' could get desirous and possessive and attempt to undermine the new relationship, or she could value the new companion, maybe build up her own relationship, and to the degree them three all appreciated each other's conversation and delighted in doing things together, they'd all be wealthier for it.

Clearly none of these cases hits precisely being a spouse. In any case, each in its own specific manner hits a piece of being a spouse. Regardless of whether it's the arrangement and insurance that a spouse offers a wife and a mother offers a youngster, or the feeling of cooperation and fellowship that describes solid business connections, or the basic fraternity of a decent companion, none of these connections is essentially debilitated by the expansion of more connections. When they're set well, "the more, the merrier".

In the event that you are thinking about turning into a man's second or third spouse, your circumstance is comparable in some ways, and diverse in others. You're measuring whether to surrender trusts and dreams in some relationship that hasn't happened yet; the primary spouse is managing feeling deceived, similar to some person changed the arrangement on her without inquiring. You're feeling sort of exceptional that your man would need to add you to his family; she's fondling somewhat utilized and dismissed that he would need to add you to the family, which is her family, as well, coincidentally. In any case a similar question presents itself: Where does your self-esteem originated from? What makes you like yourself and gives you seek after what's to come?

That is a ton to consider. Gone up against with the likelihood that what God needs for your life is drastically not quite the same as what you have been directed to expect, it's reasonable this would be a troublesome and some of the time enthusiastic process. Be that as it may, don't stop. Try not to surrender. What you're experiencing now will pass. Concentrate on what's valid about the affection for God and the will of God, "and reality might make you free".

Jojo Jun 5 '17 · Rate: 4.86 · Comments: 2 · Tags: biblical polygamy
Jojo

"Man, you should be some sort of pimp!"


"I don't know how you do it. I can scarcely take great care of one!"

Those are the two sorts of reactions (other than the clear gaze) that are run of the mill when a man is 'turning out' to somebody about having a plural family. The littler gathering essentially accept that it's about the sex. The bigger gathering comprehends the duty that a Christian man has for the individuals from his family.

For the most part, in their reactions to the subject of polygamy, both men and ladies uncover something of what they consider the way of marriage and its expenses and advantages. Also, the truth of the matter is, you can't appreciate the diversion unless you concede to the tenets, and there's no reason for belligerence the relative benefits of polygamy with somebody that has a totally extraordinary esteem framework and comprehension of what marriage is than you do.

So in case you're engaging this nutty thought, be prompted that you would be advised to have your own particular esteems cleared up. A few people will acknowledge what you're doing on the grounds that they simply couldn't care less in particular, some have an "incline toward toleration" logic, and some will love you enough to at present love you notwithstanding when they think you've truly lost your brain. Yet, then again, some will believe you're odd funkily, some will believe you're irregular scarily, some will believe you're risky, and some will detest you.

All in all, our families and families we know have been tossed out of houses of worship, disregarded in their nearby groups, lost kids in care fights, had first spouses leave after it gets hard, been undermined with criminal arraignment (no feelings yet, express gratitude toward God), had developed youngsters cut us off, and in one case even had a demise risk. Not everyone, not in any case the vast majority, will despise you and attempt to hurt you. Simply enough individuals to keep it truly intriguing.

That is the awful news. The uplifting news is that this will improve you a man, a superior spouse, and a superior father. A superior sibling to other men in the collection of Christ. A more mindful adherent of the lessons of Jesus and a superior audience to the still, little voice of the Holy Spirit. In the event that you need this way of life to work—implanted in 21st century Western culture, with its open antagonistic vibe to and mistreatment of conventional parts and connections—you have no other decision.

Jojo Jun 5 '17 · Rate: 4.86 · Comments: 4 · Tags: biblical polygamy
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