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What is your relationship founded on? Will it last?

Most people approach marriage and relationships looking for love. You wouldn't marry someone you didn't love. Romance and love are at the heart of our conception of marriage. We dream about finding love. We tell stories about it. Entire industries are devoted to producing movies or books about love.

And you know what? It doesn't work.

Around 44% of all marriages will fail. And if you add a second wife the likelihood one or both leaves skyrockets to 68% (average) and even as high as 90% (typical).

That is failure. Big time. It is no coincidence that we have the 7 year itch. Romance (or erotic love) is transient. It naturally fades with time. This makes it a shaky foundation that makes marriage unstable.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you can't or shouldn't find someone you love to marry. Do that. And also put effort into cultivating and maintaining erotic love within you relationship. But it is not a good foundation, all the more so in polygamy where there is so much more potential for drama, hurt, and loss.

So what is a good foundation?

Many Christians counter this situation saying we need to marry a Christian or have Christ centered marriages. But is that really working either? The divorce rate among Christian's is not much different. In practice this concept often results in people using Christ or religion as an excuse for rebellion, abandonment, or upsetting the Godly order in marriage.

But there is a solution and a better foundation for marriage: Christ-like love.

The Christian New Testament talks a lot about love and even commands men and women to love their spouses. But it doesn't mean love like we mean love. The New Testament scriptures were originally written in Ancient Greek, which has several different words for love. When we think love in relationship we think romantic love. But the word for that in Greek, eros, is not found even once in the New Testament. But what it does talk a lot about is agape love. 

Agape love is the love Christ modeled for us. This is other centered, self-sacrificial, benevolent, forgiving, unconditional love. This love is an action, not a feeling. It is the opposite of selfishness and jealousy. This is the love that can bind us all together stronger than strong. When wives love this love for each other it subsumes and overcomes the conflicts. When husbands love this for their wives it overcomes the hurts, convicts and leads by its example.

"This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends. You are My friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you slaves, for the slave does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I have heard from My Father I have made known to you. You did not choose Me but I chose you, and appointed you that you would go and bear fruit, and that your fruit would remain, so that whatever you ask of the Father in My name He may give to you. This I command you, that you love one another." - John 15:12-17

But how do we achieve this love?

Love is the prime command in Christianity. It is the core principle and thing which must characterize our Christian walk. But to get there, we first must be rightly ordered with God.

"Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me. “For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it." - Matthew 16:24-25

Being a Christian isn't about what God can do for us or about how it will make our life better, it is about completely submitting ourselves to Christ; for Him to use us as we walk in His commandments. To do that we must surrender our will our selfishness our desire to control our own destiny.

When men and women in marriage have died to self in that way and given up their will to Christ, their life will become characterized by selflessness. When they love Christ they will sacrificially love each other; and love covers a multitude of sins. 

The Fruit

When a man has died to self, he lives a godly example for his wives to follow as he follows Christ.

When a wife has died to herself, she no longer lives selfishly but channels her submission to Christ through her husband as she follows him in his journey for Christ.

When men and women in marriage do this they will come to live their lives according to Godly order. God has established a hierarchy of authority in creation: God -> Christ -> man -> woman -> children (1 Cor 11, Eph 5&6). In scripture, when a woman leaves her family and marries her man she passes from under her fathers authority to her husbands. When she lives under the authority and direction of her husband, she is living in sync with the created order. 

This makes everything easier. No longer is she there just because she wants to be, or because she's feeling feelings of love. She is there because it is her right place in the world as she follows her leader. When divorce is no longer an option, everyone has the incentive to make it work and to stick it out when times get tough. Divorce is the easy out. Couples who stick together through tough times build stronger, happier marriages.

Contrast this with the normal way of marriage: the equal partnership. Equality is an impossibility because when two disagree one must prevail. And that means the marriage set up for a constant struggle for supremacy. And when you throw multiple wives into the mix this situation goes from contentious to impossible.

But when wives follow their husband in love as he follows Christ you get a beautiful oneness that shines forth in their lives with a joy beyond measure. And this oneness of heart, mind, and purpose is how you get lifelong marriage. 

"And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart." - Ecclesiastes 4:12

God Bless,

NorthWoodsBear

Growing up, even as a young boy, I always knew there was more.  I grew up and was raised as a Mormon boy with all the great things that includes like becoming a Boy Scout, learning to speak in front of congregations of 500 people, playing basketball, studying the Bible, and going on campouts with the guys.  It was great but something was missing.  I read about polygamy in our history and I, even though young, understood why they would choose to live that lifestyle.  It made sense to me even at the very young age of 12 years old.  I had never met a family that had a plural life but I could imagine the happiness it could bring. As I grew older I knew that "we", as humans, as people, as spirits, were capable of so much more that what our society was telling us was "normal".  Not because it would make a god, or the God, happy....but because it would make life here better, happier, and more complete.....if done correctly...if the people involved understood how to live "the right way" with each other.  (the "right way" is subjective but a later blog post I hope

I grew up Mormon but left for a time.  I was married and had babies.   Then, realizing I didnt like how tough some of our culture was and how devoid of any thought towards a spiritual life many people were, I decided to go back to the Mormon (LDS) faith to help me instill morals and God into the hearts of my children.  It was important for me to raise my babies with a sense of who God was, that they are important to me and to themselves, and that they were with others who were striving to be moral and good people.  However, as time wore on I could see the "childishness" of the religion.  The requirement to do certain things that didnt make sense to me on any level.  The requirement to be something that seemed only for mans sake and not something that a god would want.  And at some point I realized that I knew more about life and spirituality than those that were teaching me and my children. So I took the best of what the LDS church had taught me and decided to be independent but moral, brave but humble, religious but not relentless, meek but not mild.  I would teach my children the best of what I had found.  And free them from the burden of religion.  And be more enlightened about our spiritual side of life.  

I remember feeling so free when I realized that I do believe in a God, but if there was a God, he would love me as a person no matter where I went to church, even in my own front room, or on a camping trip with my family, that if there was a God, he would want me to succeed and to return to be wherever he is and be happy.  That he would not look down on me for wanting more, for loving more, in fact, he would find joy in my joy as I wanted to make a larger family and see all of them experience the joy of living in a home that was full of love, soft-spoken words, activities to build relationships, and so much more.  I realized that society and structure had created a family system that was breaking down.  A monogamous structure giving men too much power and leaving women alone, tired, and afraid.  I realized that men and women are different.  I want to love and protect her and my children.  And she wanted more bond with the women around her. And, the way to have true happiness was to love more, be more, do more, and to give more.

Some men, and some women, though mostly men, would be horrible at living this lifestyle and would damage homes, mothers, and lives.  To live this lifestyle I can see that the father of the home needs to be gentle with children, ensure situations are dealt with in a soft tone and with love, and fathers need to work and secure the needs and wants of the family, additionally fathers need to set an example of loving others and being respectful, but most of all they need to create a safe home, a place where little ones can grow and become whatever it is they are meant to become.  Understanding, compassion, love, trust, charity, and confidence that he is doing the right thing to help those around him...those are the foundation to a sound family relationship and a beautiful home where children can become so much more.  And where women are empowered, supported, find companionship, and thrive as they each reach their goals with the support of sisters.

I would have 1000 wives if I could.  It is not about physical intimacy, although that is important, but it is about wanting to spread my arms and gather in all the sweet, amazing, sad, and lonely people I see.  I see so many women wanting a man but realizing their options are young men with an uncertain future and no responsibility.  They either can choose a young immature man or find one that has had many divorces, has baggage and has proven not to be able to build a house for a family.  So many women are left by their husbands and now caring for their babies and the extra burden of finances.  Anna understands and supports my desire to help and love those around me.  However, I can only do so much directly.  I can see that if a husband takes on too much responsibility then his family suffers.  There is a balance that needs to be found in order to create the best harmony in a families life.  So as much as I would help thousands, I can only realistically reach a few directly.  Perhaps 3 women under my roof and their babies.  And, as a family we will reach out and help others and as a team, as a family, we will help hundreds....and more.  

As I have emailed some women here letting them know I would be interested in getting to know them better I have worried that they won't know my feelings about life and love and family and will just assume I am like other men in the world that seek physical intimacy only.  I have sought to put here, in writing, a description of what can be, a recipe for happiness that I ascribe to, a way of life that brings harmony, and a commitment that I am willing to give to whomever next blesses my life with theirs.  We are excited to meet her, eager to find her, and love the idea of what can be, but not for the same reasons the rest of the world gets excited.  We want to give more, love more, and ultimately be more.  And not just for a minute, a year, or a fleeting time.  We are a forever family.  We believe that people who marry and have children should only do so when they are ready to commit for life....or God willing....eternity.   Through thick and thin we love and encourage each other.  Loyalty to each other and to the children will set a foundation upon which love can work to create a family and a future some only dream of.  And, in this lifestyle, love and abundance will be flowing from multiple directions to each other at all times.  We, as a team, as a family, will create.... heaven on earth if you will.

I put this here because you are wondering, who is he, what is his intention in contacting me, why, when, where?  Now you know a little about who I am.  The rest of the questions can be answered quickly if you have any....just say Hi. 

Know that if you say hello we understand that it is a simple hello.  We know it will take time to get to know each other.  At least we will get the chance to possibly make a new friend.  And that is worth it.  We are excited to meet new friends and people that believe as we do and to create a future and a life that is more full of everything.

Whatever your circumstance, whatever your past, know that I am here, we are here, a safe place in the storm, a heaven on earth, a warm place to grow.  

Come find me, come find us, come if you are ready and willing to be a part of a something bigger, to be more, to spread love, to enjoy life, to be........................a family.

Hey everyone! 

This may be a long post, but I would love everybody to know who I am, and not just some lady looking for a husband and wife to have babies with. I'm so much more than that! So, where do I begin? Let's start with my age and location. I'm 32, and from Louisiana, near Baton Rouge, Louisiana. Next, my ideal family. My ideal family is 2 wives, 1 husband, we don't live together, and we rotate weeks or days. We have family days and game nights. I have severe cerebral palsy, and basically, I'm a quadriplegic, (I have feeling everywhere, I have muscle spasms and involuntary movements.) but I live an amazing life. I have met celebraties. I don't let Cp stop me from living a normal life. I have a college degree in Liberal arts. I'm very outgoing, funny, playful, nice, and just beautiful soul overall. Now, I don't have a lot of room for a polygamy family right now. My parents designed a mobile home for Me, (3 bed 2 bath fire place and wheelchair accessible,) so they live with me. Family is really important to me. I can't carry kids unfortunately. I'm hoping that the wife could have one child (at least) I have a sister, brother-in-law, and niece. She's 2 going on 10, lol. I love going places like zoo's fairs aquariums and museums. I love children and can't wait to be a mom and wife. Thank y'all very much for reading this! Hopefully, now, y'all can see some of my personality...

Love, 

Jayla 

PS Louisiana government is trying to take away my aides away. They are Trying to cut the budget,     so I will need caregiver personalities. 

Someone asked ".... seems like you are more interested in the sex aspect"

Thought we would post the response in case someone else has that question about us:  "Thanks for the response and glad you are comfortable asking what is on your mind.   We are definitely  here looking for family!  (I suspect we all get as much sex as we want already.)  While sex is a natural part of a loving family/marriage, it is only one part of it.  The right connection on other levels is both more important and harder to achieve."  

BTW we both love sex and enjoy it often! 

I met a single mom the other day. She is stressed, exhausted, miserable. She has an adorable 4 year old son. She's young, 25 or so. She is working herself to death just trying to keep shelter over their heads. They stress is prematurely aging her. I asked what she wanted, said she was still looking for her prince charming.

My heart broke for her. I imagined a family where she is valued, surrounded by love, her child enveloped in the love of another mom and a dad...adults he could anchor to. The stability and security of a poly family makes more sense than anything else Ive heard.

I am a dad, I've raised 6 children (3 boys, 3 girls). I am stable, have room, have a heart full of love. Travel, stability, love, security, why couldn't this work?

We have one opportunity to live this life and I’m hoping that we’re all striving to live it for the best, and as stress and drama free as possible. It is also my hope that we are not dismissing the obligation to consider our Heavenly Father and the wonderful redemption he offers through Christ our Lord and Savior. Let us remember now the creator in the days of our youth, our youthful mature age. Learning to live life in a fulfilling and satisfying way is a progression. The first step in learning to achieve these objectives is to struggle through family upbringing. Most of us had parents and siblings who tested our patience but by whom we leant well-adjusted and morally correct behavior; I say most of us. It is also hoped that we learnt to understand ourselves in preparation for adult years. Who am I goes way past sibling order and family name. It wasn’t very long before, by the explosion of hormones and social pressure, we entered into another phase of life learning when we took on relationships of a more intense and deeply personal sort. Hopefully, our upbringing to a reasonable level of maturity enabled us to succeed in them. I’d love to say success in marriage was the case for most of us but the divorce rates confirm that for whatever reasons, failure in these areas designed to bring the most joy and fulfilment is pandemic and we would fail dismally if we wanted to data base all the reasons why. One thing is for sure; failure told us something about ourselves and we should have taken that on board. Blaming others exclusively for failure is deflection and not a sign of the maturity we ought to have found as we grew. So we who love polygyny come from either of these groups, for the most part. We come from those who enjoy reasonable success in monogamy or from a broken or a series of broken monogamous experiences. Yet it has to be said that whatever our relationship background, not many of us truly know ourselves and are thus not strong enough to make such monumental changes that are necessary to live and love polygamously. It is my contention that many folks fail because they don’t who they really are. These will cringe at the heat of committed poly relationships because it will manifest some terrible inner being hitherto unknown. Polygamy will cut open and expose any deep flaws in me quicker than a hot knife through butter. It would seem reasonable that those enjoying some success in monogamous marriages are better placed to enter polygamous ones but this might not be the case. Often monogamous people sweep things under the carpet or just accept stuff between themselves which really isn’t acceptable. This doesn’t help us face who we are and grow. Again, be warned, polygamy will expose these flaws either personal or corporate. If a monogamous marriage is weak then polygamy could well destroy it. If the individuals in monogamy are weak then polygamy could break down that individual to the detriment of the other lives associated with it. Those who consider polygyny from a background of broken relationships may be far worse placed to consider this marriage choice. Failure but especially repeated failure is a red flag waving large and ominously and must not ignored. Somehow the one failing repeatedly is not learning something about relationships and especially about themselves. To even consider bringing a repeat failureee into any family is a step in the wrong direction. So who am I? Am I ready to face the heat of polygamous marriage? Marriage should be a choice, not a romantic fling. Marriage is about enduring through tough times, not fleeing at the first hurdle. Marriage is about so many things that are unpleasant in self-correction and who can truly endure that? Polygynous marriage can be far more searching and demanding; it’s a three way heat and asbestos panties don’t provide sufficient protection. Polygamy is not for those who are afraid of self-examination and who avoid any course of self-betterment. Jumping from one relationship to another because it “didn’t work out” is avoiding the mirror examination and is as widespread in polygamy circles as monogamous ones. Polygyny is not a revolving door; not the means for weak men to feed on as many women as can be consumed. Polygyny is not for women who want a good man but make demands about how it will function. Polygyny is not a formalized facilitator of fornication; if you just want sex with benefits then that makes polygyny prostitution. Polygyny is marriage for those who are strong enough to love the others in it for their betterment and fulfilment and for our own mature growth. Who am I? I’d better know real good before polygyny, because we might not like what polygyny will expose. I write from sad experience. Brian of the Kelson Family