Red Flags in Online Poly Dating

Apr 27 '2019, 10:47 PM | By Chris

Online dating is a modern phenomenon that connects people across geographic and social barriers. People from completely different walks of life can meet and fall in love before they ever see each other in person. The exponentially larger selection of opportunities has led to millions of happy relationships that previously were not possible. There are so many options! Finding your perfect match has never been easier. However, online dating has also led to rashes of fraud and abuse. The illest of intentions can be lurking behind a dating profile. Polyamorous and polygamous people are especially at risk of scammers and fakes due to their more open nature and perpetual dating habits. It’s important to follow a few basic standards to protect yourself. 

First, vet each profile.

This is not to say everyone’s profile will be prolific but there are statements and situations which point out a fraudulent profile. Profiles that feel rushed or poorly written often reveal someone that isn’t worth your time, at the very least. Only two or three pics is not a good sign. A person from Estonia looking for a sister wife or polygamist family in Alabama is highly suspect. A polyamorous couple in Southeast Asia looking for dates in Texas is likely a fake. However, if there are unusual circumstances that are reasonably explained in the profile, it may be safe to approach cautiously. If that polyamorous couple in Southeast Asia is moving to Houston for a job, and looking for dates ahead of the move, that’s not hard to believe. Most people are going to seek a sister wife or polyamorous date within a reasonable range. Go with your gut feeling when vetting profiles. Better to pass up a few real opportunities than get wrapped up in a scam.

Second, Money talks very loud.

The mere mention of exchanging money early in an online dating interaction should lead to immediately blocking and reporting a profile. Anyone online you don’t know asking for help moving money around, in any way, is attempting to scam you. There is no gray area here. Do not accept money from anyone you don’t know and do not send money to anyone you don’t know. If the person, or people, you’re dating online cannot afford their own travel expenses they need to save up until they can (same goes for you). Do not send money for family emergencies or offer money, in any form, for anything related to an online interaction on a dating site. You do not know them and anyone worth their salt would not ask you for money. 

After multiple interactions, video chats, and building a rapport you can ease up on the idea of absolutely no exchange of money. It’s natural you’d eventually want to meet and may need a flight covered to do so, for example. Even if you have reached this point in the relationship be prepared to cover your own accommodations. The person, or people, you thought you knew so well may be completely different in person and you need to be able to get away. Exchanging money for anything but expenses related to meeting should always be a nonstarter. 

Third, say no to strange requests (or refusals).

Requests for other ways to chat should be approached carefully. Pulling you away from a dating site to another resource helps scammers hide and gives you fewer options to call them out. There are plenty other options for chat but be wary of the intentions behind moving off the platform you’re already using. Giving access to your other profiles and social networks provides information. Your information could be what a scammer is after. Access to your phone number, social media profiles, and other possibly revealing information has to be earned. 

One way to earn more access to you is through video chat. Talking on the phone is a close second but video chat puts a face on your new companion. Refusal to arrange times to talk over the phone, or video chat, should result in cutting off communication altogether. You may pass on a few real prospects by adhering to this standard but the trouble you’ll avoid is worth it.

Don’t send nudes!! If you insist on sending nudes don’t include your face and stop sending them if it’s not reciprocal. Asking to see your breasts, or package, should happen only when some rapport has been achieved and basic trust has been established. Be aware of the risks and send accordingly. The more revealing, the more blackmail worthy.   

Some people are only scheming to gain followers on their various social media outlets. While this is generally harmless, it’s annoying behavior that should not be rewarded. If anyone asks you to follow them just ignore the request and move along. A link in their profile is fine but their pushing for followers is a waste of your time. 

Last, don’t hesitate to poke holes in stories.

Inconsistencies in a narrative are one of the surest signs of dishonesty. Claiming to have grown up in Omaha yet speaking, or typing, in broken English is an unlikely scenario. Claims of wealth don’t add up when you suddenly have a request to help with a financial emergency. Many scammers are very good and have practiced their narrative heavily, but paying close attention will help you spot the holes. Don’t be so desperate for love that you forgive glaring inconsistencies in anyone’s story. 

If a man claims to have multiple happy wives and is looking for a new sister wife to join his family you should expect photos to reliably back up his story. A polyamorous couple isn’t as believable if they are not both in touch with you, even if one is in touch far less than the other. Poly dating doesn’t always involve everyone in an existing relationship but pay attention to their story. You don’t want to get wrapped up in one of them cheating on the other either. 

The dangers of online dating have kept numerous people away from dating sites but they are truly missing out. The rewards far outweigh the occasional fake or scammer that might come along. Not getting too excited when you come across a seemingly perfect candidate goes a long way in avoiding trouble. A polyamorous or polygamous person can often detect a non-poly scammer early in a conversation. Pay attention to your gut and trust it. Learning to keep it fun while being vigilant about safety means finding additions to your polyamorous group, or polygamist family, will always be an exciting adventure.

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc:


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