Inevitably Poly

Feb 19 '2019, 5:55 PM | By Chris

As happy days go by in your polyamorous or polygamist life it’s easy to forget about the inevitable changes coming in the future. All sister wives will face uncertainty when a husband finds a new sister wife to court. Any partner will feel a twinge of jealousy when a new love interest presents itself. There is real fear in not knowing what to expect. The best way to approach new relationships alongside your existing one will be a little different for everyone. Different people will struggle with different factors. Being prepared requires introspection and the ability to communicate your feelings honestly and without judgement. 

Imagine you’re out having a fun night in a busy club. You and your partner have been chatting with attractive people and enjoying a dance with them when your favorite songs come on. You felt some attraction but haven’t considered expressing that attraction but suddenly notice your partner is making out with one of your new friends. It can initially be shocking and hurtful but it’s important to approach the situation logically. Have you discussed the rules in situations like this? Have you set up basic standards to follow when you do find another interest? Are these actions meant to be hurtful to you or is it naive fun that’s crossed a line, in your opinion? 

In a polygamist family this situation is somewhat unlikely as a man seeking a sister wife typically finds them in other ways. However, in many polyamorous relationships, a night out as described above is not an uncommon occurrence. It’s important to consider you shouldn’t be too angry over rules being broken by someone that didn’t know the rule existed. There is outright rude and disrespectful behavior and there is behavior in which the perpetrator may have no idea they’re being hurtful. This is why discussing practices and standards is so important with your poly partners. Comfort levels are diverse. Knowing your partners comfort levels is key to respecting their boundaries and making sure everyone stays happy. 

Even in a polygamist family the same standard of communication is important. A husband dating a new sister wife needs to be aware if certain behaviors are going to unknowingly hurt an existing sister wife. It cannot be expected that no romance be allowed in new polyamorous situations so be reasonable in your demands. It is equally unfair to make demands that could prevent any new relationship forming in addition to your own. If you find yourself unable to handle your partner having romantic involvement with another person you may want to reconsider being a sister wife or your involvement in a poly relationship at all. Polygamy and polyamory don’t follow normal monogamous standards. They require an open heart and mind. 

Talk to your partners. Every sister wife and every polyamorous person has feelings that deserve respect. The conversation doesn’t have to be heavy or serious. It’s fine to discuss things in hypothetical terms simply to reveal the feelings of everyone involved and form standards that respect everyone as well. As a sister wife you even have the benefit of other involved women to run ideas by first. The important factor is that you’re not keeping your feelings to yourself. Being prepared for, and ahead of, difficult situations will get your love life back on track handily. Celebrate your polygamist family or polyamorous love life. Love without limits is a beautiful thing.

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc -


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