Polygamy: Advice Being The Second Wife

Feb 20 '2023, 12:14 PM | By Chris

Before we hand out any advice or start discussing what it's like to be the first wife, second wife, etc. in a polygamous marriage, we must stress the following:

In any polygamous marriage or other relationship where more than two people are involved, the rules, stipulations, agreements, etc. are up to the individuals involved within the relationship. Everything should be agreed upon ahead of time before entering into a relationship with anyone, but this is particularly important when the entire relationship revolves around more than two people. Schedules, boundaries, and more must be discussed and agreed upon.

Example: In some polygamous marriages, the first wife is assigned to certain duties. In other relationships, wives share the duties equally or as assigned/agreed upon (e.g., housekeeping, childcare, cooking, laundry/ironing, etc.).

With all of that said, let's take a look at what being the second wife in a polygamous marriage entails and some thoughts on it.


Unfortunately, jealousy is a human emotion that can rear its ugly head in any relationship. Hopefully, before you entered into a relationship where polygamy was going to be involved, you sat down with yourself and had a serious talk. Jealousy, if not dealt with appropriately, can make or break any relationship – particularly where more than one wife is concerned. If you find yourself harboring feelings of jealousy, in expedited fashion, discuss them with your partners openly, maturely, and honestly.

Second Wife Versus First Wife

It is not at all uncommon for the second wife in a polygamous marriage to feel like they are playing "second fiddle" to the first wife. "He chose her first so he must love her more." This is an unhealthy outlook. The man should be equally loyal to all sister wives and comparing yourselves to each other won't help anyone.

On the other hand, the first wife may have insecurities of her own and feelings of inadequacy. "I wasn't enough for him, so he had to look elsewhere." Again, jealousy can throw a wrench into a polygamous marriage and should be dealt with quickly, honestly, and appropriately.

Second Wife Perks

As the second wife, what kind of perks do you have? Well, you may have more opportunities to focus on things like the family relationship, work, and school because you will likely be sharing the responsibilities around the house with other sister wives (not to mention, sexual obligations).

Dealing with The Position

The position of second wife may be harder for some to deal with than for others. She may need a greater deal of inner self work as the second wife in a polygamous marriage, having to navigate one's life plan, accordingly, figuring out healthy relationship skills, navigating insecurities, etc.

It's important that you try to think of "second wife" as less of a label and more a reference to the fact that you are part of a large, loving, and committed family. When it comes to emotional connotations and baggage, it is never healthy to label one's self or others. Focus on your identity as a wife in a loving marriage and your identity as an individual.

Are You Looking for Perspective Wives For a Polygamous Marriage?

If you'd like to explore your options where perspective sister wives are concerned, the Sister Wives community can help. We would love to introduce you to a number of possibilities. To meet other individuals who share many of the same beliefs as you, consider attending some of our activities and events.

You may also want to get to know how others feel about our website and/or their lifestyle experiences by clicking on our "Blogs". Throughout our website, you will find chat opportunities, matchmaking services, videos, and so much more.

Please for free to use our convenient online form to open the lines of communication with Sister Wives. In the meantime, consider following us on social networks like YouTube, Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.

Published By: Sister Wives 

Matchmakers Inc


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