Tidying Up Your Poly Love Life

May 26 '2019, 10:56 PM | By Chris

The recent Netflix hit ‘Tidying Up’ with Marie Kondo started a trend of mindfully cleaning up our spaces and lives. Humor about considering all the items around us and keeping only those that bring joy has found its way into modern comedy, it’s a funny idea, but it remains an incredible tool for polishing up our lives. The same concept can be used to help your relationships. This is not to say you should get rid of people in your life, but rather aspects of your relationships that don’t bring you joy should be explored. Things evolve over time, people change, desires shift, and expectations can diverge dramatically. Taking time to tidy up will keep your relationships healthy and vibrant.  

It’s easy to hold something in because you don’t want to spend the emotional energy you know it will take to air it out with your significant other. It’s easy to imagine sister wives letting little annoyances with each other build up because they want to keep the family functioning and happy. It’s even easier to imagine sister wives in a family being annoyed while watching their husband find new sister wives to date and potentially join the family. Embracing polygamy dating can be strenuous for even the most seasoned of polygamist families. Just a little time spent intentionally and mindfully exposing the things that are not bringing joy gives everyone involved a chance to find solutions. It’s hard to be mad at a polygamist husband that knows seeking sister wives is perfectly natural when he has no idea a current wife is struggling. Creating space to speak candidly about issues will help find resolutions before they are too big to tackle. 

Whether your interest is in polygamous dating, or another form of polyamorous dating, moments spent tidying up along the way can assure the relationships you’re exploring are what everyone involved really wants. A woman that wants to become a sister wife may find her real interest is in a polyamorous lifestyle. A woman that is enjoying her polyamorous life might eventually find her true joy in becoming a sister wife. A man that believes he is heterosexual and enjoys dating women can discover he has developed a strong attraction to men as well. Being polyamorous gives you the power to explore whatever paths you come across and being mindful with yourself, and your partners, can make sure nobody gets hurt and everyone is truly enjoying themselves. Keeping everyone on the same page ensures you’re all writing the same story together. 

As important as it is to maintain strong communication, a great deal of tidying up your relationships needs to happen in your own heart and mind. When you find something is not bringing you joy you need to figure out why it isn’t bringing you joy. Sometimes you’ll find that when you lay out the details behind your feelings, they’re unreasonable. Dating a potential new sister wife is not against the rules for a polygamist, so figuring out what is actually bothering you is important before telling your husband you don’t like a woman he’s seeing. An evening alone while your boyfriend is out seeing another man or woman may not be the most fun experience, but it is to be expected for an open poly couple. Being mindful and tidying up before getting too involved will avoid landing you in a situation that does not genuinely make you happy. You have to be honest with yourself before you can be honest with anyone else. In fact, the worst kind of dishonesty comes from not knowing yourself because you end up unintentionally hurting yourself and others. 

Never lose sight of why you originally joined a polygamist family or got involved in a polyamorous relationship. The potential joy in these situations is off the charts and you get to explore who you really are rather than following a blueprint for a ‘perfect’ life. Being so in touch with your authentic emotions and desires will draw endless opportunities and happiness into your life, but you can’t be afraid to face dark moments or thoughts. With all light comes darkness. Facing difficult feelings takes courage and sharing them with the people you love might seem impossible. However, creating a safe space and time to occasionally tidy up your relationships means you can help each other through struggles rather than experience the agony of faking a smile just to keep everyone comfortable. Fake smiles can carry you through a little while but they can’t stop whatever is building up inside you.

The more often you clean something the easier it is to keep it clean. You don’t want to ‘clean’ so much that you wear things out, but as you learn to take time to be mindful in your life, and tidy up, it will start to come naturally. Creating an intentional safe space for your loved ones to freely express their feelings periodically will translate eventually into a constant more open and supportive life together. Sweeping everything out from under the rug consistently will keep negativity from overwhelming your love life. Something, or someone, not bringing you joy needs to be thoughtfully considered and addressed. The last thing you want is any of those someone’s you truly care about stepping out of your life because you were too afraid to be honest. Celebrate your polyamorous or polygamous love lives together and make sure all your loved ones are always finding great joy.    

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc: Sisterwives.com


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