User blogs

Dear Friends,

One thing that is difficult to find on the net is transparency.  We all have experienced instances where we thought we knew someone well, only to be ghosted for no apparent reason.  Thus, all our trust levels are set on various degrees of cautious. The good thing is, that despite of the inherent challenges of meeting someone online, nevertheless, we are here!

There are all kinds of reasons people are curious about the poly lifestyle and each one of those are valid in their own way.  For us, we have been "called" to this lifestyle.  Called to us, since we are Christian believers, means that we feel God wants us to live this type of family arrangement.  It is a spiritual desire to love more than one person and create a loving family unit. 

For some time, a few months, I felt like God wanted me to become a paying member of this site, however, I semi-resisted the notion, because we already have a very nice family situation.  The more that I felt God goad me to join, the more I tried to understand why.  The short answer to that is, "just because God said so."  A somewhat longer explanation is that I believe there is someone here that we are supposed to meet.  Obviously, that would be as a potential partner for our family, but maybe not.  We are open to both. 

I said this in order to be open and honest with everyone so that we might be transparent.  One thing that I try to be is forthright with people so that there is less chance of misunderstanding or hurt feelings.  In the end, our goal is to love and be caring for others and we hope that those we meet will have a similar heart. 

The other thing I wanted to share is that we are not your typical Christian believers.  I was looking at one profile where the woman seemed one way, but in my spirit I saw her differently.  How people present themselves is not to say they are not open to know God if they really met Him. 

If you are serious about learning more about our family, we would definitely like to meet you.  Seeing if there is an opportunity for friendship is a great place to start.  Like many, we are not primary looking for intimate relationships, we just assume that intimacy is a given at some point if a spiritual connection develops.

As I said, I am not disparaging anyone for how they feel or believe, I just wanted to open up a bit and let those who may be interested know a more about where we are coming from.

Big hugs and lots of love,

Michael

Dear Friends,

When we first began our journey into plural marriage, it seemed so mysterious.  Coming from a Pentecostal background, you can imagine that we never came in contact with such a life style.  Surprisingly, it was the practicalities that were the most difficult to manage. 

What I have found is that each woman needs a certain amount of space.  If at all possible, they need their own bedroom and their own bathroom.  They can share, but never seem to like doing so.  I thought at first, since they share a man, they would be willing to share everything else.  However, that is not how our experience has gone. 

For me, having everyone close is advantageous.  I've done separate houses, but that is just a lot of work and travel.  So, we've come to a compromise: I have everyone in a big enough house that they have their own spaces.  I understand that that is not always possible, but I can tell you, at least for us, it has proved to be easier to live with. 

Another thing, which seems obvious when you think of it, is that each woman should be encouraged to do what they do best.  Everything, contrary to what people might assume in such a situation, is not same-same.  People are just different, and it is wise to encourage each woman to excel in what they do best.  While there needs to be some equitable division of chores and other responsibilities, some women love to cook more than others, while some like laundry better. 

In the end, no matter what persuasion you are from, it comes down to practical matters that allow many people to live in harmony together.  I cannot be a top down control, but rather a grass roots realization that we all work for the good of our family.  When the women all believe that loving one another and helping where they can help best is a great idea, everything works out pretty well.

Big hugs and lots of love,

Michael

Nice to meet everyone,

I have looked at this site for a while and it is nicely done.  Until now, I haven't felt to join.  However, over the last couple of months I've felt that I should take a serious look. I feel like there is someone we ares supposed to meet here. So, we took the plunge!

What is most important in our lives is being Spirit led.  That is we want to hear what God speaks to us personally, and do His will when he wants to do it.  I mention this because it is an organizing principle of our entire family. 

We have a lot of experience with this type of life choice and know pretty much what works and doesn't work for us.  I believe that you first get to know a person, then meet them (fairly soon), and only after both people feel it is right, explore whether or not it is a good match. 

Additionally, we call ourselves Divine Mates and not polygamists.  We feel that marriage, as is commonly practiced, is not really what God intends.  Therefore, to us anyway, polygamy is just a bigger, badder for of marriage.  Therefore, what is most important in our estimation is a spiritual connection authored by God where everyone feels drawn together by His Spirit. 

Other than our life style, we are very ordinary and middle class American family.  We believe that people who are meant to be with us are a blessing and we will be a blessing to them.  To us, love only multiplies, it does not divide. 

I don't know if you can contact us or if we must contact you first.  We plan to say hi to few people that seem like they have something in common with us.  let's see where it goes from there. 

Big hugs and lots of love,

Michael and family

History of Marriage Laws  (Marriage Compact, part two)

Marriages are as old as mankind itself, and certainly predate government. We can find examples of both monogamy and polygamy in the King James Bible, and even much older, but that is not the point of this section.

Most state and federal statutes today are a restatement of older laws that have been handed down over time. You may already know that most western law is derived from English commonlaw which, in turn, derived from Mosaic Law (Moses).

We tend to think of weddings as ceremony, but when you look at the elements of ceremony you often find solid reasons in law for those elements to be in there.

The first element of a lawful wedding has always been public notice. A weddingoften affects more than just those who marry, whether for good or ill. Others may have been interested in a particular man or woman; families may consider themselves joined by a marriage between two of their members; entire dynasties have been created through marriage. One or another may move to a different town, in which case one town may lose a blacksmith, or a teacher, or other craftsman, while another town gains one.

I’m sure we’ve all been to a wedding and heard the preacher say these words, “If anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be joined in the bonds of Holy Matrimony, let him speak now, or forever hold his peace!?”Consider that if prior notice is not given, how might someone who does know of a reasonhave the opportunity to speak up?

Proper notice has taken different forms over the years, from public announcements at church, to written notice posted at the general store or saloon, to printing a wedding announcement in the local newspaper of record. I suppose it might be considered lawful now to give notice on Facebook, although I would personally like to see Facebook decline in significance in western culture. For a very long time it has been considered proper to give at least thirty days notice prior to a wedding.

Certain marriages have been prohibited, at various times and places throughout history. Examples include marriages between close family members, different races or religions, same gender, and multiple (plural) partners.

Different locales have varying views on age, some younger than others. It has long been customary in most places that people younger than the usual minimum agecould still marry with parents’ permission.

When you look closely, a wedding is very much like a contract. Vows are exchanged, in the presence of witnesses. In most cases some kind of property changes hands (lawful consideration), even if it is only rings.

Traditionally it has been churches which managed and imposed all these rules. The idea of a marriage license was first thought up by the churches. Gradually, government began taking over this role. Today, when most people plana wedding, they also think theyneed to go down to city hall, or the county seat, and obtain a marriage license. I’ll write more about the marriage license in the next section, "Understanding Government Encroachment."

I’m a new member here, my name is Greg.

Just like everyone else using this site, I have my own particular way of looking at the world. I decided to write this blog because even though I’m sure there are folks here who have lived polygamy, and know much more about it than I, still, I may be able to contribute something of value.

I’ve never actually practiced polygamy, or personally known anyone who does, but I’ve been interested in the subject, and attracted to the lifestyle for many years; long before any of the TV shows came out.

I married for the first (so far the only) time when I was thirty-one. It was a monogamous marriage that lasted twenty-eight years, and we raised four children.

She was Mormon. I never joined the church, although I attended many times over the years. I like the Mormons; they are mostly good people who believe in self-reliance, as I do. They take care of their own, and in some ways I admire them, but I think a lot of their views are superficial. I didn’t realize until after we were married, how rabidly anti-polygamy the mainstream Mormons are. In spite of this, Big Love, and Sister Wives became two of my wife’s favorite shows. Of course any discussion that led to talk of bringing a sister wife into our family was quickly shot down.

I quietly accepted my family would never be plural, and never pushed the issue. Our marriage split, more than two years ago, in spite of my best efforts to keep it together. Now that I’m single again, I see an opportunity to do things differently this time around, which led me to join this site.

I’m not an attorney, but I am interested in the law and have studied for many years. My real interest is in the basis of law, the fundamental underpinnings.

A few years after I was married, among other things, I learned about an instrument called a "Marriage Compact" (MC). The MC has been used by the educated and monied people of the world, for thousands of years. You could think of the MC as a kind of prenuptial agreement, although the scope of a true MC is much broader. Pre-nups deal almost exclusively with protecting the premarital assets of one or more parties, whereas an MC can be detailed enough to cover nearly every aspect of a marriage.

Very few people these days except, of course, the folks from the very old monied families, have ever heard of the MC. I believe if I had known about it, and used one with my first marriage, my ex-wife and I would still be happily married today. If we were not, then our divorce would have been considerably less expensive.

I’ve read enough of the blogs and forum posts here to see that this site tries, at least, to function as the glue to hold together a kind of loose-knit community. I’d like to be a part of that, so I’m writing to share what I know about the MC, in hopes it may help others here to have greater success in their marriages.

Monogamy vs. Polygamy

As I see it, Polygamy shares many social problems with Monogamy. These are really just people problems. Sometimes people don’t get along. Maybe they start with different, or even unrealistic expectations. In monogamy it can be maddeningly difficult sometimes to get two people to agree on the simplest of issues. Add a third, fourth, or more to the mix, and I’m sure it can be like trying to get a unanimous vote in Congress.

Where polygamy differs is in its limited acceptance. In most places in the United States, polygamy is illegal. This puts whole families in danger. Families who are peaceful, and otherwise law-abiding, must worry about the safety and freedom of every family member, for no other reason than how they choose to privately live their lives.

This worry goes beyond the fear of law enforcement. As I understand it, many plural families are made up of a husband and first-wife, who were married by virtue of a marriage license, followed by additional wives who have no protection under the law. Those additional wives have no claim on marital assets, no rights of inheritance, and little or no help from the courts in case of dispute, divorce, or abuse.

What’s more, families are potentially vulnerable to unscrupulous sister-wives who might bring a child into the marriage and then leave the family, taking with her the child, and a sizeable portion of the family’s wealth through child-support or other means.

Before I write about how the Marriage Compact can help with these issues, I’m going to try and give you a better understanding of how things got to be the way they are. The next segment will be titled, "History of Marriage Laws".

Just a quick topic has anybody met they significant other on this site

Many like my family have been looking for a special person to join there family. Before I came into the family my husband and sisterwife had a lot of heartache. Before I joined the family as a single female I ran into one heartache. What was I looking for? I was looking for a man that was gentle, romantic, a protector and someone that would be there for me when I was at my lowest. It's not what's on the outside, But what's in the inside for me. I can't say that's everyone's mentality. We have come across women that didn't like how my husband isn't athletic or poke fun of how he looks. Some women have poke fun at mine or my sisterwife looks. Why? Should men or women be cookie cutter? Are looks better than how someone treats others? The first family I found I thought was my forever family. They were slim. He wasn't bad looking. But his and his wife's attitude toward me wasn't what I was looking for. I was told I needed to communicate more. I did but when I did I was torn down. I needed not only to work but help on the tiny farm. I did that wasn't acknowledged.  I did nothing in their eyes. I helped in the house that wasn't acknowledged either. I helped with the kids and I did that all wrong. There was nothing I could do right. I left because I was being torn down constantly. My self esteem was gone. I hated myself. I didn't see my self-worth. I didn't give up as you can see. If you go off of looks you will not find what you are looking for. If you go off of what's on the inside you will. I get pollical views, religion and smoking/drinking is a deal breaker for some. That's a healthy deal breaker but looks is not. For a reference for single women and families don't judge someone on their appearance judge them on something that is more important to judge on. I don't know what the future hold but hopefully we will find the right person to join the family. Good luck to everyone on their search.   

hi everyone, and i'm pleased to be back.  

i'm not breaking any new ground when saying that this has been a very hard year.  i won't even get into politics, i promise :). it's been hard because it's been isolating, and things like depression can take over. i was active here in the spring, when at least as we emerged from the hard times of April, i felt some sense of hope, but then we had waves of challenges here in FL and other southern states, and it honestly made me withdraw.

that was a hard thing to do, and not the right thing either.  i could protect myself, but in doing so, i harmed myself by not allowing the exploration of the loving relationship with a Man and my sisters that i so deeply crave, and need, and that God has told me is the way to live.  it was humbling to admit that alone i do not have the strength, but in partnership with a Man and my sisters, i can find strength.

And so, here i am again!  i remain all the things i've come to know myself to be: smart and caring, humble and submissive, a believer in God and His way, and ready to be in service to my Husband.

It was a very nice passing for Sheridan our Golden Retriever with mouth cancer today, a good last several hours together starting with a walk this morning. Laps of Love is such a great way to do this sad event.

Isaiah 11:13. The envy also of Ephraim shall depart, and the adversaries of Judah shall be cut off: Ephraim shall not envy Judah, and Judah shall not vex Ephraim

 

This seems to be the primary source of contention within the poly household.  It is also one of the biggest fears that can exist within the household.  The first wife’s fear of being marginalized by the husband as his infatuation for a new wife overcomes his sense of decency and order.  This coupled with the new wife’s inexperience in how to be a good wife to her husband and sister to her sister wife,  tends to lend itself to a perspective and attitude that is destructive to the wellbeing of all parties and the household in general.  It’s a perspective of selfishness that manifests as vexing the first wife.  The first wife becomes jealous and envious of the second, and the second, misunderstanding and misconstruing her influence in the house, begins to build her own house by dividing his house.

 

This entire dynamic is completely and easily avoided, simply by the presence of a strong husband who clearly articulates his vision and boundaries to all the family, and secondarily by the women practicing and exampling the fruits of the spirit to each other.