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AB6280
Get a bit shaken up when the female in the couple reaches out.  I think (I am the female in the couple) it is very healthy when the woman reaches out - at least you know she likes you for something not just she is interested in a physical relationship.  Even though some women are interested in that but still there should be nothing to shake them up.  


I notice if I reach out and just say "Hi" they will respond and chat until they realize its a female then it goes dead and they disappear.  If I reach out and say "Hello, this is Adriana and I like your profile and we like to know you more- and NO I am not Bi"  I never hear back from them.  Their profile says they want friendship with the couple and sisterhood with the female but their actions completely different, maybe one or two did respond and I will be darn they wanted a sexual relationship with both of us, something I can't do.  


Anyone else notices that? 

AB6280 Feb 28
nightriders71
Hi We have been talking about this for a long time and decided to see if we could find someone to join our family  I am 63 yrs old  and like to spend time reading or putting puzzles to gather, listening to music I myself like Country but I like 50's 60's and 70's rock and roll also.
DanSmith

I was feeling a little frustrated about a couple of things, so I thought I'd write them down. Not looking for praise or even approval if you're offended by it, just need to voice my thoughts.  FYI, this is Dan speaking.)

To start, I need to "set the table" a little...

My background is that I grew up in a polygamous family in Salt Lake City (I was raised as a fundamentalist Mormon). I was raised in a religious background where it was commonplace to have a couple of wives by your late 20's. There was an intense pressure to ensure you were living polygamy. If you didn't, something was probably wrong with you since you weren't striving to "live Gods law".

In the last few years, I've had a few experiences that changed my religious viewpoints. Mostly, it was understanding that God loves me, wants the best for me, and that He wants me to love others as He does... pretty simply, right? Well, I never really understood it until I came to the conclusion that God ACTUALLY loved ME as an individual. It's a simple thing, but I finally had experiences where I knew and understood that God loves me for me. The last few years of my life I've felt more like I'm walking in Gods steps than I ever have before. It has excited me more than I can describe! It's almost like I'm in a footrace and have just been given the ability to run. It's simply amazing.

As I dove into scripture, I kept uncovering more and more evidence against my belief structure on polygamy, being that it was a "requirement" to fulfill Gods law. As I read and understood scriptures in more detail ---even the words of our own early religious leaders--- I found that many instances of what our beliefs were founded upon weren't actually scriptural. It was simply someone's opinion which turned into "modern-day" prophecy (though I would call it dogma).

As it stands now I can see many instances where polygamy can be damaging for families. I grew up and saw families who weren't supported by the husband/father; I saw times where the mothers HAD to work because they couldn't rely on their husband; I saw children who never knew their father, and their father never knew them; I saw times where women, of their own choice, joined into families simply because it was the "correct" thing to do, though they knew they would never have a REAL family. Sure, they would have children and roommates, but it was never a cohesive family; I saw families where the fathers were simply chasing skirts, where women became a number that they could add to their achievement list.

Despite my viewpoints on polygamy changing, I can still find benefits in polygamy. As a man, it's my natural inclination to want to protect others. (Personally, I'm very protective of my family... Laura calls me the family guard dog, because I tend to act like a dog barking at everything that might be shown as even mildly aggressive towards my family.) As a husband, father, and protector, I feel it's my responsibility to offer a home/family to women/children in need. I can see the benefits for a woman who has come from a bad home, relationship, etc., being able to live in a nurturing home where she's accepted and loved for who she is. Some people have told me it sounds like a"charity" family, to which I say "YES, IT IS!". Do we not think it's charity that God allows us to live, breathe, eat, have families, and be allowed to make mistakes and find forgiveness? We might live in a society where charity is frowned upon, but Newsflash, our entire life is built upon it. Learn to accept it, be grateful when you receive it, and cherish when you can pass it on.
In essence, as God showed me in the past, I want to love others simply because I love THEM. Not because I love the "polygamy lifestyle", or because it's a requirement, but because I LOVE THEM.
A few weeks ago, I told God in prayer that I was happy, willing, and would volunteer opening up our home for another woman looking for a family if He desired it. I felt compelled to open an account here and at least put the "vibes" out to the universe as it were and see what happens. 

Since I've joined the website, I have felt very conflicted in how to approach the community, or even trying to make friends at times with women. I've heard from several ladies that they get inundated with messages from couples or families wanting to get to know them. Go figure, it's a dating site.... and while I'm sure it's generally innocent, I think most new-comers feel like a piece of meat being paraded around the dinner hall. I would wager that most ladies are coming here without much experience in polygamy, and while they might feel drawn to it, it's easy to get overwhelmed. Again, I'm sure it's generally innocent since most couples are probably excited about the lifestyle and want to share and love as I do, but I think it can muddy the water.

My whole purpose with getting onto this website was to open myself up and go through my own spiritual journey. I know that our family is open to the idea of adding to our family, but I don't want to pursue new relationships and force things to happen. I want things to happen because they are meant to. When/If the time ever comes that someone wants to join our family, I want it to be because we love them for them, and they love us for us. I want it to be honest, virtuous love.
I believe that you find what you are searching for in this life, good or bad. I want my pursuits to be good, honest, and for the betterment of my family and others. Yes, I want to find women and families that I can help by being a good husband/father to them. However, I don't think this is as simple as finding someone with a flat tire and changing it for them (cue Bill Murray in Groundhog Day). I want to open my life up to the possibilities, and know that when the time comes that it's meant to be.
So, how does all this come back to "searching for a Sisterwife"? I'm coming to the conclusion that searching out or trying to pursue new wives is backwards. While I plan on continuing being a part of this community, I am going to caution myself, and any others that need it, that we should keep our heads, morals, and sights held high. While it might be coming from a good place in most people's hearts, it's a new way of life for many women and I believe we should tap the brakes a little when someone new joins the website. Perhaps I have misconceptions from my past and seeing men pursue polygamy the way they did, but I have seen the same pursuit exhibited here in some degree or another.
If you truly desire the chance to open your home to a woman/family in need, it will come in time. Let's allow a safe space for women and their children to interview and research the polygamous lifestyle. Let them reach out and ask questions. If they're attracted to your family, allow them space to reach out and initiate contact. I'm afraid many women get turned off by the amount of responses they get, and see desperation more than optimism. Let's create a safe culture, give people freedom to explore, and honor their decisions if they pursue this lifestyle or not.

DanSmith Feb 25 · Rate: 5 · Comments: 14
cnystrom

I have long thought that flying in formation was a good metaphor for marriage.

Here are 8 specific points for you to consider:

1. How do they do it? The key is that there is one leader and the rest are followers. If there is no leader you are not flying in formation.

2. Due to advance communication everyone knows where they are going, but the leader leads and the followers have to keep a close eye on the leader.

3. The followers job is to position themselves correctly in relation to the leader.

4. The leader has to call the maneuvers so that the followers can expect the movements and react to them accordingly. They communicate constantly as needed.

5. There has to be at least two to fly in formation, but structurally you can add on more.

6. Not easily done. It takes intention and practice.

7. It is also mandatory for safety in aerial combat. Singles are picked off like sitting ducks.

8. You need someone to check your six. No individual has complete vision or situational awareness. But good teams are unbeatable in aerial combat.

When done well it is a beautiful thing. Formation flying is commonly seen at air shows for the appreciation of all.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vuznBNZl6ME
StationaryGypsy



The wind carries the dust

Up from the fields of yucca and sage
And through the white canyon
The rain cleanses, renews

Terrified to look too far east
And lose sight of something great
Or to look too far west
And glance over the warnings

The seasons move upon the land
Colors change
Time marches
All of the creatures breathe
It would seem it is the Wilderness
Who is the master of all balance
Nothing lost that isn't gained
Short days, or long waits
High desert, or down low
There is a truth my heart knows
It is love
That outlives all

StationaryGypsy Feb 21 · Rate: 5 · Comments: 4 · Tags: poetry
Noblequest
To each their own and all...

That being said, one of the things that is jumping out to me a fair amount is just how many profiles demonstrate that several people are here looking for a good time, for new partners for sexual liaison or seeing the plural marriage pop culture boom and thinking it would be some kind of yolo adventure and that it might be cool for a while. That is what I see in the single women's profiles. In some of the couples profiles however it is far more of the predatory to desperate spectrum and I do not even slightly wonder at the fact that many are mystified by the lack of any response. In other couples profiles you will see the it is all about the ego stroke for the man equation being played out.

At the end of the day, personally I don't particularly care about being perceived as judgemental when so many are approaching plural marriage for all the wrong reasons. All that it will end up with is games being played, hearts being broken and families pulled apart. 

Plural marriage is first and foremost a marriage. It is about love, permanence, giving each other support and the bonds of family. Plural marriage is not about jumping on the latest fad, it is not about your sexual fantasies or pumping up your ego. 


Yeah yeah... standing on my soap box and preaching to an empty room. I know. Lame and pointless. It is frustrating though to browse through the site and see a handful of those who clearly take the idea of polygyny seriously and who are seeking their family or their new wife that are clearly having to wade through a sea of those who might be more suited to plenty of fish or some other hookup app. 


This is supposed to be about love and family not being part of a fad.



Noblequest Feb 21 · Rate: 5 · Comments: 8 · Tags: family, familynotfad, notabouthookups
StationaryGypsy

         I was 14 years old. A girl from the nearest city was spending the night with me for the first time, and she was trying to understand who my "Aunt" (other mom) was and what her capacity in my life was. I wanted to tell her... but the FLDS Texas raids had just happened, and my family huddled around the TV most days watching, scared.

         As the night wore on, I finally told "Maury" there was something my parents could go to jail for. She encouraged I go on. She promised she'd never tell a soul. I explained I had two moms; my Dad loved and was spiritually married to both. It was the first time I had ever talked about polygamy to someone outside of my family.
         Two days later, another girl from the city, "Taylor", sent me a message. She explained she was a mutual friend of Maury's. She warned me not to trust Maury, because since she got home from her weekend with me, she had told at least a dozen people what I shared with her.
         Now, this Taylor girl seemed cool.
         A week later, we introduced our mothers and arranged for her to spend a weekend with me. We walked around my hometown our first night together talking about all the things that irritated us about girls our age. The nonstop drama, petty bickering, arguments over whose best friend is whose. As we discussed our ideas about what Friendship through Adolescence could be like: we were unknowingly writing an honor code for a friendship that would last the rest of our lives. In its simplest form, what it boiled down to was this.

-If we are friends, we know that we love each other. That is established.
-If there is love, we know that there is not malice. We would neverintentionally do anything to hurt the other.
-Our emotions are valid. If one of us is feeling hurt by the other, there is a valid reason for it: but the reason was always accidental.  
-Though it may be accidental: accident does not absolve responsibility. The pain should be voiced aloud and resolved together, rather than bottled in.
-Futhermore, we desire to know anything we may have done that caused pain to the other: so that we understand one another more, and can take care that it doesn't happen again.
-The resolution and peace can and should be reached without spirits of accusation or blame between us.

         The foundation Taylor and I laid at 14 has carried us through 11 years of sisterhood without a single fight. Our communication policies prevent fights before they have the chance to happen because we peacefully navigate any hint of disharmony together. Through our teen years when girls our age were bickering incessantly and changing their mind about who their Best Friend was on a weekly if not daily basis: Taylor and I remained blissfully drama free, stuck like glue, and eternally thankful for the safety in our connection. We always said that Best Friend was just a label that meant nothing to our generation. Our focus was less on labels, and more on offering the best versions of ourselves to a friendship, while simultaneously creating a safe space for us to retreat on those days when we couldn't be our best.
         I hope some of you will find this story useful as you lay your sisterhood relationship foundations.

StationaryGypsy Feb 18 · Rate: 5 · Comments: 2 · Tags: best friendship, sisters
StationaryGypsy
So I was raised in a quite harmonious plural marriage, my mothers are best friends, and I have always been inspired by their relationship at my deepest levels. I consider myself marvelously fortunate to have grown up with not one, or two, but three individuals nurturing me: and made myself a student of that example throughout my life.
My divorce from my ex finalized in May 2015 when I was 21, and I've been a single mother to my two kids ever since. Our relationship was monogamous, and he's out of the picture completely.
I've tried to get to know 4 couples throughout the 4 years I've been a single mom. I'm finding a pretty unique challenge with plural dating. Seems that in today's world it's hard enough to find one person you're truly compatible with. Finding two or more? Yeesh. I've fallen in love with polygamist men but not had compatibility with their wife or wives, while on the other hand, I've found my absolute soul-sister and lifelong best friend in a plural wife but had no compatibility or connection with her husband. Add into this mix that I've got two kiddos and we share a pretty comfortable life together. So they'd have to be compatible with both individuals as well. 
Honestly, I've given up. I'm taking 2019 to build my career and refine my parenting even further.  The kids and I have had quite a few heartaches and I've decided we're content alone.
But then there's another part of me whisperin' don't close yourself off, don't give up hope for a miracle. That whisper is why this profile is here on this site.
Here's the dream, and it's a bit far fetched.
-A husband I've got an instant connection with. That feeling of familiarity that seems to suggest we already knew each other before we came to this Earth.
-A sister that I can grow old with, raising babies and grandbabies, laughing about that difficult man of ours. Her and I will show the world that Soul Mates don't always have to come in the form of a lover. They can be in the form of an animal, a place, and in our case: a best friend and sister in marriage. 
-These two (or more) people and their children falling in love with my boys, and feeling a calling to adopt them, and raise them with me with the same love they have for their own biological children.

Unfortunately these aren't just wants, they are the very few things I am unwilling compromise on: they are needs. I have done a whole lot of settling. I don't know if what the kids and I need exists. But if it doesn't, then I'll keep on keepin' on alone because I cannot settle ever again. Doing so is a disservice to all involved.
I'll try to keep a little bit of an ember of faith burning in the fireplace, and leave this profile here to see if the man upstairs decides to work a miracle.
Next post, I'll write some about what I can offer a family or relationship. What I bring to the table.

StationaryGypsy Feb 18 · Rate: 5 · Comments: 3
Un1ty
How has all three influenced your life?


Un1ty Feb 15
Un1ty
Transparency is everything..it protects and builds all parties the entire time.


Thoughts?


Un1ty Feb 14 · Comments: 3
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