Legalize Polyamory!

May 8 '2020, 1:42 AM | By Chris

At the very core of policies limiting the nature of the relationships you may choose in life is a gross overreach of power. Looking back through history you’ll find the origins of modern laws concerning marriage and love weren’t always well intended. Some served a good purpose in addressing problems in their respective era, but most are about controlling and limiting one or all people involved. The idea of forcing any loving relationships to live in secretive or gray areas in order to avoid legal consequences is truly unconscionable as the ability to define the love people share has no need for outside interference. 

Pushing to legalize all reasonable forms of intimate relationships is an important cause if we hope for a happier, more fulfilling, future with more control of our own destiny.

One of the top so-called ‘taboos’ that comes to mind is polygamy. 

Everyone knows the horror stories about young girls being forced to marry a man that could even be older than her father, or women living under the strict control of a cruel husband. There are sociopaths out there that will use plural marriage as a form of control over women in their community. It’s unfortunate this seems to be the face of polygamy to the general public rather than the more accurate reality of thousands of happy group marriages. When a woman is allowed to choose becoming a sister wife it completely changes the nature of the marriage. Same for men, really. Rather than following arbitrary religious orders to marry multiple women a man can choose to seek sister wives with the purest of intentions. When polygamy is viewed with an eye for truth it’s clear it can be a path for any loving group to express their commitment to each other. So, why is it illegal? Why aren’t there more laws protecting individuals from dangerous people rather than strict laws forbidding a perfectly healthy way of life?

Taking power away from women has been a long tradition. Marriage itself has more roots in ownership and business dealings than love. Marrying off your daughter was a way to gain wealth, status, or even create alliances between families or even nations. For the most part, until fairly recent times, a woman’s choice for a husband wasn’t even a slight consideration. This tradition continues in far too many places to this today. Dowry’s are exchanged, contracts are made, and teenage girls are used as bargaining chips. Somehow, this behavior has fallen under less legal scrutiny than a group of three or more adults wishing to obtain a plural marriage contract with each other. Polygamy is viewed as favoring patriarchal power when the term doesn’t refer to gender at all. It simply defines any marriage involving more than two people. Polygyny and Polyandry are the gender specific descriptors nobody ever seems to mention! Polygamy is also not exclusive to any sexual preference. Anyone in the LGBTQ community involved in a committed relationship with more than one other person is engaging in polygamous dating or behavior. The fact they can’t express their commitment by marriage to all of their loving partners is yet another discriminatory and outdated policy.

There are efforts underway to at least decriminalize polygamy. This article is focused on the United States where polygamy is illegal in all

50 states. Utah is the only state that has adjusted the law thus far, and only recently, to reduce the severity of punishment down to the equivalent of a traffic ticket. It’s better than nothing, but a drop in the bucket of the changes likely to occur over the next decade as an entire generation entering their mid-life holds far more open views about individual rights concerning their personal relationships and sexual preferences. This rundown of polygamy policies around the world are interesting in that they show no nation in the world allows a woman to have more than one husband, yet many allow a man more than one wife. 

Sexism is alive and real. Part of the modern action to update marriage laws to allow polygamy is also an effort to correct the sexist roots of marriage laws overall. Women deserve justice for the way their mothers, grandmothers, great grandmothers, and ancestors were treated just the same as the LGBTQ community deserves for their horrifying treatment both past and present. Part of that justice is making the world safer and more fair for everyone.

Part of making the world safer and more fair includes protecting monogamy right along with polygamy by ensuring the respect of people involved in either form of marriage. Granting equal rights to your fellow citizens does not mean reducing your own. If a friend expresses their desire to find sister wives or a polygamous husband to marry. 

Treat her the same as your friends that latched onto the first handsome fella they could find to marry and be his only wife. If a buddy mentions interest in finding a husband and a wife don’t blow up and tell him that’s sick or crazy. Help him find good options. There is no harm in adults engaging in consensual relationships of any form as long as they are involved by their own safe and healthy choice. The focus of the law should change to ensuring protecting people in dangerous or difficult situations. Offering mechanisms to safely report abuse and programs to help get away from abusers is far more important than telling a woman she shouldn’t look at other women sexually if she already has a husband. 

Why do we think the sexuality of others is any of our business?

The world is changing. There will be ups and downs while sometimes we feel we’re just taking three steps forward then two steps back. Progress is gradual and difficult. The fact is that polygamy is gaining a foothold as people realize it’s the polyamorous answer to marriage. As those people choose to express their commitment to their multiple lovers through plural marriage and realize the law doesn’t allow it they’ll begin fighting for their right to live as they choose and be treated equally under the law. This is already happening and the numbers will continue to grow. The legal safeguards and benefits offered through a marriage contract should not be privy to only heterosexual monogamous people. As we move into a better future remember to respect the choices of others while demanding respect for your own as well. Be the beautiful poly person that can help spread the word about how wonderful the lifestyle can be.

Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers, Inc:


Jul 26 '2020, 11:49 PM
Its illegal but once it's done is it recognized and acknowledged? Like can a throuple go to UT and get maried and all the rights go to two other people instead one 1?
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