Making a Love Triangle Work

Sep 25 '2020, 10:51 PM | By Chris

It’s a story as old as time. Boy meets girl, they form an intimate relationship, but along the way one finds out the other has entertained other options. Also throughout history this situation has typically not gone well and many relationships come to a tragic end. Hearts are broken, lives are shattered, and it can result in emotional damage that takes years to overcome, if ever. The notion of only two people being able to love each other deeply and intimately isn’t actually so natural, it’s just been encouraged throughout modern history. There is certainly no harm in two people choosing to be together exclusively, but the unwillingness to explore other options has likely inflicted more damage over time than it’s worth. For people that already identify as polyamorous, this situation seems poisoned with stubborn and controlling sentiment instead of supportive love. Before deciding to end an otherwise wonderful relationship over attractions that are inevitably going to develop, people should consider other options.

It happens all the time in movies and soap operas. Someone notices a married woman out for lunch with a man other than her husband, or vice versa, and reports back to the spouse which kicks off a litany of drama. Sometimes everything works out and other times it results in a separation. Rarely is the polyamorous option even explored in popular culture. It’s becoming more common nowadays, but is still a rarity. Why doesn’t the narrative include an exploration of allowing another person to become involved in the relationship? Why are we so hooked on monogamy?

Control is a difficult subject because we obviously have to maintain control in many aspects of life, or everything would be a giant mess. However, if you look at successful polygamous families you quickly realize that multiple people enjoying the same relationship can actually result in fantastic variations of very traditional families. Many women that want to be sister wives are attracted to the idea of bonding with other women, and running a healthy family, while enjoying the same man they love. Becoming a sister wife is certainly not any kind of nefarious choice. It embraces the idea of making your relationship work for you without concern for what works for other people. Look into the world of polygamy dating and you’ll see there are many people interested in this lifestyle that lets you decide what ‘control’ looks like. If ‘control’ to you looks like subjugation and limiting someone you love, it’s best to reevaluate your intentions. It should be about respecting and supporting one another as you grow, and embracing life’s changes together gracefully.

If you find yourself in a situation presenting an outside love interest to your relationship, don’t panic! Keep lines of communication open and explore what allowing this love interest could mean. There is more than one way to approach these things. Maybe you’ve always had bisexual leanings that you can finally explore without losing the person you already love. Maybe allowing your partner or spouse to enjoy someone else will actually offer more alone time that you’ve been craving. There is no requirement for both of you to be sexually involved with this new person so it could result in you having a live-in best friend. Maybe your spouse has a high sex drive that two people can handle easier than one. The sky's the limit with polyamory. Rather than tightening your grip on monogamy and being stubborn when new attractions arise, open your mind and consider the benefits that could come from rolling with it.

It doesn’t mean you’re losing control of your life or relationship when you explore options in the polyamorous or polygamy dating world. In fact, it means you’re taking more control of your love life. It requires thought and discussion to find the unique form the relationship will need to take in order to make it work. It can be your new beginning, or the spark your relationship needs to stay vibrant and healthy. There will be struggles. Watching the show ‘Sister Wives’ or ‘Seeking Sister Wife’ reveals that challenges will certainly arise, and some new relationships won’t work out. Nothing is fool-proof when it comes to love.

Jealousy is natural and deciding to be polyamorous does not mean it will go away. It’s something you have to be prepared for and willing to discuss respectfully. It’s very easy to let it get the best of you. It’ll take practice and determination to trust your poly lovers until you have a real reason not to. People like to create entire scenarios in their heads, and can dwell on invented circumstances so much they become convinced it’s real. Have you ever had an entire conversation 20 times in your head only to realize you were completely mistaken once the actual conversation occurs? This is another way that polyamory actually helps you be in better control than monogamy. You have to have a handle on yourself and be willing to lay everything out to your lovers when a perceived problem is driving you crazy. On the other hand, your lovers have to be capable of listening to you, and of addressing the issue without becoming upset over your suspicions or feelings. It takes work, but the results can be incredibly rewarding if you’re willing to do it.

It’s easy to stick to the easy routes in life. Monogamy is a path that is laid out in a standard fashion so it won’t require too much thought very often about how your relationship works. There is no shame in this, certainly, but the limitations seem to cause so much unnecessary pain. If everyone would let go of the narrow standards we’re accustomed to the world would be a happier place. People would have an easier time finding their unique paths and living genuinely. Polyamory or polygamy may never work for you, but it will work for many people, and should be a respected option to save relationships and help them grow. Being too stubborn in love matters rarely has good results. Next time a tough situation comes up in your love life, have real and raw conversations about poly related options. Start clearing a path to real and lasting love and respect in whatever form it needs to take. Wherever you end up, you won’t regret it.

Published By: Christopher Alesich 

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