Sexual Variations in Polygamist or Polyamorous Relationships

Feb 28 '2019, 3:19 PM | By Chris

Polygamist families and polyamorous lovers already demonstrate a capacity to march to the beat of their own drum. The narrow expectations of society have little effect on the good and fulfilling choices being made in the lives of poly people. Along with this individuality comes an ability to explore oneself deeply and approach inner desires without fear. Curiosities about your partner’s, or your own, sexuality are inevitable. People that are romantically involved need to discuss sexuality without barriers or judgment. It can be difficult if a partner surprises you by saying they might be bisexual, or only bi curious, but helping them explore their passion will bring you closer together. 

I use the terms bisexual and bi curious for simplification. If you are involved with someone, heterosexual or not, the news that they have sexual desires you are not familiar with, and maybe don’t share, can be hard to swallow. There are many morally sound sexual persuasions out there and they should all be handled with respect. You should not be with someone to hold them back, especially when they invite you to share their journey. 

In the poly world, a polygamist family with sister wives seeking sexual fulfillment from one husband may be most harshly affected by a variation in sexuality. When a man finds a sister wife the sexual relationship is with him. If a sister wife expresses sexual feelings toward another sister wife it seems to throw the relationship off balance. One could say the sister wife should have expressed these feelings before joining the family, but sexual attraction can develop over time. She may have never felt this way toward another woman before. Should the family evolve to allow this? 

The answer is yes, but, few things are so simply black and white.

If your family is religious and your religion does not allow anything but heterosexuality the situation is grim. Expressing your desire can come with implications as heavy as being asked to leave. Finding the balance between protecting your family and your life, and not living in the dark, is much more difficult when you have to do it alone. Don’t let secrets chip away at your happiness. Do not hesitate to find a counselor or friend that will help you address the issue and mitigate any damage as much as possible. 

If you are not heterosexual due to a religious requirement consider yourself fortunate. Being a polyamorous person means you’re very likely to encounter variations in sexuality and can learn to address them respectfully and according to your persuasions. If you’ve looked for a new sister wife and really like a potential candidate that says she is bisexual it’s really a whole new world you can explore. The same goes if you are a sister wife and your husband expresses sexual attraction to a man. A strong relationship will help explore new feelings and ideas rather than making each other bottle it up inside or feel shamed. The same open mind that makes the beautiful world of polyamory possible is needed when a partner expresses new desires. 

The unfamiliar can seem scary or even gross. Don’t let childish reactions prevent the potential joy of something new. Before diving in it may be best to specifically discuss things you want to try or maybe role play to build some familiarity. Sexy talk about new ideas during sex can help with arousal when the time comes. If one of your partners expresses interest in exploring with someone of the same sex you may have another partner that would enjoy them with you. Polyamorous people can form group relationships quite easily and many even prefer a closed group.  

Many people, even polyamorous people, are only heterosexual. Many polygamist men will seek sister wives that only want to enjoy him sexually. Many polyamorous relationships are simply heterosexual people that enjoy sharing love and sex with more than one person. There is absolutely nothing wrong with any of this. It would be hypocritical though to treat variations in sexuality with anything but full support and respect. If you love someone enough to maintain a relationship with them you should also love them enough to fully accept everything about them. 

The world does not need to be grim. Narrow minds do not have to prevail when it comes to acceptable sexual inclinations. Sex should be fun! Plural relationships make opportunities for fun multiply endlessly. It seems silly needing to express the importance of open minds to polyamorous or polygamist people, but it’s very easy to dismiss new things when you’re too comfortable with your status quo. Never stop spicing up your life. Find sister wives or polyamorous lovers with open minds and let the adventures begin!

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc -


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