5 Considerations for Exploring Polyamory in the New Year

Dec 31 '19 | By Chris

The year 2020 is upon us! It’s the end of a very strange decade we won’t soon forget and a time to look ahead to new and better things. One of the still developing revolutions that will come to fruition in our modern 20’s era is a more honest approach to love, sex, and relationships. Many of the old rules surrounding gender roles and relationship norms no longer apply, or, at least, only apply by choice. The days of ‘good ‘ole boys’ and their ‘little ladies’ aren’t over, they’re improved because we now have a choice to play the roles we desire in our relationships. These roles no longer have to suit the expectations of others. Divorce rates are declining for the first time in decades because marriage doesn’t have to feel like a prison to many people any longer. Couples are finding the value in dating outside of their relationship, either apart or together, according to the rules that work for them. Removing the scourge of sneaking around behind each others backs is creating stronger and more loving relationships. Sharing truly is caring. Here are 5 considerations for exploring polyamory either with your current partner, or if you want to meet someone new. 


1. Use your imagination. Taking time to consider all of the possibilities and honing in on the relationship styles and situations that suit your desires will ensure you’re on your correct poly path. Maybe becoming a sister wife and enjoying a big family is right for you. Maybe dating an existing couple and being involved with them both is your cup of tea. Perhaps you want to avoid serious commitments and only date a few people at a time for the intimacy and fun then keep moving along. The only limits on your polyamorous relationships are those agreed upon by everyone involved. Do keep in mind that the desire to sleep around freely and never have any level of commitment is not polyamory. That’s fine if it’s your thing, but polyamory implies relationships that are more than just hookups, even if they aren’t serious at any point. Think about the respect you’d like from others while imagining the intimate situations that turn you on and you can narrow down the scenarios that will work for you. After some thoughtful consideration it’s time to get out there and mingle!  


2. Avoid delusions. Polyamory is not a magic bullet that will take out all of the common difficulties relationships can face. All of the same red flags when meeting others still apply. In fact, you have added red flags to look for. Stay away from people that use polyamory as an excuse to avoid commitment or that are covering up for a sex addiction. The trendy factor is also a major red flag. Getting involved with someone that thinks it’s cute to be poly for now, but will want to tie you down in 6 months, will bring nothing but heartache eventually. Be honest with your potential partners and forget any notions that eventually you’ll have a ‘normal’ relationship. Don’t use poly dating with an intention of fishing a monogamous relationship out of it someday. It’s unfair, unseemly, and you’re only going to hurt yourself and people you love.

 

3. Focus on enjoying yourself. It’s easy to feel alone and a bit desperate when you’re not making any connections that might lead to something more. The need for affection and intimacy is certainly a strong force within all of us. Don’t lose sight of the importance of self love, as well as love for everyone already in your life. Whether you’re a polygamous husband seeking a new sister wife, a single lady looking for a few Mr. Right’s, or a couple looking to date a third, neglecting the existing love and friendships already in your life will only feed feelings of loneliness or desperation. Polygamy or polyamory shouldn’t be mechanisms to complete you. They should be sources to share the whole person you are with other whole people you love. The ability to enjoy yourself, even when you are alone, puts a big green flag over you. Losing the need for others to feel complete is a gift we should all work to give ourselves.


4. Find the appropriate resources. Some people enjoy going out on the weekend while others enjoy community based social or religious events. There are online resources for everything from looking for a sister wife to finding a couple interested in a third just for some fun. It’s great to explore all the options out there, but important not to get yourself into uncomfortable situations. To put it in extreme but simple terms, if you have prudish tendencies it’s advisable to avoid swingers. Don’t judge yourself for your comfort zones. Know your comfort zones and learn to be confident about enforcing your boundaries. Not one thing about being polyamorous suggests being a pushover. Be open, be honest, be yourself, and you will eventually find the people and places that bring your unique version of joy.   


5. Remember who you are, and what you want. Honesty is almost always the best policy. We’ve all had that friend that always changed for every person they dated. Not changes that are natural, but in ways that made it clear they were out of touch with any personal identity and seeking an identity through a relationship. These people may be perfectly happy living for someone else, but something will always be missing for those that never really know themselves. Being in touch with your true personal desires and interests will help you be a better lover and friend. It will also help keep you from getting involved in relationships or situations that will never make you happy. Never compromise your core self to satisfy others when it comes to your life and happiness. Embrace yourself first, then others.    


With every new year comes a new lease on life. Something about putting a year behind us feels like leaving the past behind. A new year is a great time to step outside of our boxes and explore things we may not have dared to explore before. Keeping these considerations in mind will make sure you’re keeping it reasonable and thoughtful. Exploring the polyamorous possibilities in life doesn’t require you to do anything but get out there  and meet new people. Even if it never goes anywhere you could make some great new friends along the way. You and your current partner might only spice up your own relationship, but where’s the harm in that? You’ll learn more about yourself, your partner, and relationship at the very least. Keep it honest, keep it fun, keep your love growing in whatever way is right for you. Happy New Year! 









Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc: Sisterwives.com


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