Chris's article

Love exists in many forms and at differing levels on a spectrum. The love a person has for a parent or a child is as strong as the love between intimate partners, but very different in nature. We say the words, ‘I love you’, to friends, family, and lovers. Perhaps the reason some find polyamory hard to justify is an inability to understand how to love more than one person as intimately as a lover. Sex definitely complicates things between two people. How can you justify your attraction to a friend? How do you tell your current lover you’re interested in them and another person? Polyamory is natural for everyone. It’s how you approach your feelings and how honest you are about it to yourself and others that makes all the difference. Cheating is gross and should be avoided at all costs. Loving, or being intimate with, more than one person can be a beautiful thing if the situation is handled like a grown up. 

In fact, it’s often the people that scream the loudest against polyamory that will eventually get caught cheating on their husband or wife. We live in a world that values only what they can see on the surface of everything far too much. If a man finds a woman that is not his wife attractive and would like to be intimate with her, he’s not doing anything wrong. Desire is normal. Where he goes wrong is not sharing this information with his wife then having an affair that betrays their marriage. Telling your wife you find another woman attractive may sound impossible, but when vows are made you have to be willing to be completely honest with each other. If you can’t be honest with each other then what do you really have? Is it a real marriage or just a contract you feel trapped in? Cheating will only make a bad marriage worse. It’s better to take a chance on honesty. You may find that your wife finds the same woman attractive and would like to date her as well. That woman may love the idea of becoming a sister wife and joining your family. Aren’t those possibilities far better than living in lies and secrecy?

Another thing people that love each other need to embrace is that we are always evolving. Two people that love each other very much might find shifting sexuality and attractions, or various causes, lead to sexual dry spells in a marriage or partnership. Too often people assume this is a sign of a problem between lovers when it may only be revealing a need for a little adventure. Despite being creatures of habit, humans have a built in desire to explore. This is where it goes right back to living honestly. While the basis of the song is a bit unfortunate, the ultimate result of Elton John’s Pina Colada song is a discovery that the two lovers were still perfect for each other all along. Rather than sneaking around behind each others backs, though, why not explore dating others together? Ultimately, your spouse or life partner should be your best friend with whom you can explore anything without shame. If that is not the case, it’s time to start making it right. 

As polyamorous people, opportunities for new relationships are always all around you. It’s important to keep an open mind, but be certain to know appropriate boundaries around people that are just friends. It’s not healthy to live every day prowling for dates. Friends you are not involved with intimately should never feel uncomfortable around you or your partners. It’s not only disrespectful to them, it’s disrespectful to your lovers too. Nobody likes a person that is constantly hitting on people. That being said, it’s very possible for a friendship to evolve into something more. It can be tough tip-toeing around shifting boundaries. Something that feels natural to you might come across as predatory to someone else. If you are the polyamorous person already you have to be the adult in the situation. Talk to your current partners about developments, make sure everyone is on board, and let the interested friend make all the moves initially. Don’t be stand-offish in any way, but help them be certain this is what they want. If you’re the interested friend in this situation there are also responsibilities you need to know. 

It’s possible, depending on your polyamorous interest’s agreement with their current partners, that you could have a personal relationship with them. It’s more likely you’d be getting involved, in some way, with everyone in either the polygamous or polyamorous family. Do not get any ideas in your head that you can take them away from their current lovers. If you want to date a polyamorous person you have to fully embrace and respect their current lovers and situation. If you are not able to handle sharing there is no shame in remaining only friends. The shame comes from meddling in an established relationship with a malicious intent. You are not saving anyone from their choices or showing them what real love is by interfering with their current life and love. If you’re fortunate enough to become polyamorous you’ll appreciate future prospects showing you this same respect. 

The world of polygamy dating and polyamorous life can be very complicated at times. Different people will prefer different sets of rules and finding a middle ground with all of your partners or sister wives will require open and honest communication all the time. Maintaining friendships outside of your love life is an important part of it as well. We all need friends we can feel no pressure around. Cherish your friendships and be very careful if they begin to evolve into something more. It’s true you will often find your best lovers through building a friendship first, but also true that sex can create unwanted awkwardness if an intimate relationship doesn’t work out. Finding and respecting boundaries is good practice for everyone. Handling shifting boundaries like an adult is vital to maintaining a healthy and happy love life along with a great circle of friends. Love is a beautiful thing in all its forms. Protect and cherish it all. 

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc: Sisterwives.com

TLC’s hit show ‘Seeking Sister Wife’ has been a roller coaster of emotions both on and off screen for the past year. The number of life changing events and level of real life drama among the cast has left fans wondering if it will even be returning for a third season. TLC is no stranger to tragedy and drama, but questions remain about the viability of the show as we know it. A key star of ‘Seeking Sister Wife’ has passed away, relationships have started and ended in dramatic fashion, and the show has been subjected to plenty of public scrutiny concerning its edgy content. No announcements yet, as of the middle of January 2020, could mean ‘Seeking Sister Wife’ either has outdone the turmoils of other shows and met its demise, or TLC is letting the tension build ahead of an explosive new season. They’re certainly not at a loss of fans or entertainment value they’d be crazy to pass up on.  

What’s all of the hubbub? Here’s a rundown for any newbies or curious folks out there, and a refresher for everyone else. 

The death of Bernie McGee in June of 2019 was a major blow to the show as he and wife Paige were not afraid of a dramatic battle of words and will. The couple’s time on the show involved the search for, and dating experience with, a possible sister wife to join their family. It was later revealed that Bernie had a closer dating relationship than revealed on the show with their now ex-girlfriend, Brandy. Brandy outed Bernie for kissing him intimately and attempting to initiate a sexual encounter that his wife Paige knew nothing about. The fireworks that ensued made for an emotional live interaction between the three. Paige ultimately denied the accusations and defended her husband. The show continuing without Bernie may sound like too big of a feat, and Paige has expressed no interest in another season, but TLC hasn’t made an announcement suggesting any intent to cancel. 

Another scar on the show is the surprising and unseemly nature of the demise of another polygamous relationship from the second season. Dimitri and Ashley Snowden had welcomed Vanessa Cobb into their marriage which was a central theme of season two that ended up in an elaborate wedding ceremony as well. Not long after the seasons Tell All episode Vanessa suddenly left the Snowden’s. It was a long courtship, big wedding, lots of hype, then a sudden end. There was speculation the relationship wasn’t real as well as accusations that Vanessa used the Snowden’s, and the show, to seek fame... not to honestly seek being a sister wife. The 'throuple has since refuted all such claims and confirmed they all still love each other, but polygamy simply didn’t work for them. Dimitri and Ashley also confirmed they will continue looking for a sister wife to join their family. They affirm that polygamy was not the issue with Vanessa. It just simply did not work for her the way she had hoped. 

The second season started to experience turbulence even before it aired in a situation that involved the Briney family who were cut from the show entirely. After filming the second season, April Briney decided to leave her family. The tabloids covered the split heavily and the choice to cut the Briney’s came down to the desired direction of the show. Sister wives splitting from their families doesn’t suit the narrative of ‘Seeking Sister Wives’ well. Ignoring some of the harsher realities of dating and marriage to focus on positive dating themes may not have been the best decision, but it certainly shouldn’t prove to be fatal.   

The timing of these major events has understandably created a lot of uncertainty for fans of the show. 2019 was undeniably a difficult year. TLC has not eased any speculation about the show’s demise by remaining silent about it. While fans are concerned by the TLC’s silence they should also consider it a little slice of hope. It’s clear ‘Seeking Sister Wife’ has not yet been cancelled. TLC, and other productions in general, have no habit of secrecy surrounding the cancellation of shows. They also have little to gain by avoiding such announcements, but a lot to gain from allowing the build-up resulting from uncertainty. The best we can do for now is consider the facts and make a well informed prediction. 

TLC is no stranger to turmoil, or even death, surrounding their shows. They often choose subject matter that most other networks won’t even consider. Polygamy was not a safe lifestyle to cover to begin with and they haven’t expressed any regrets about it. Their other polygamy based hit ‘Sister Wives’ is alive and well. In fact, the delay in announcing a third season could be from recognizing the need to reconsider its timing. ‘Sister Wives’ is on its 14th season. The amount of attention and drama ‘Seeking Sister Wife’ has drawn might threaten to distract from an existing hit, so airing it later in the year could help keep both hits alive and thriving. Popular shows have to evolve in order to hold their audience.  

Losing any cast member on a show throws the entire production into a whirlwind, and Bernie McGee was no minor character. His sudden death, along with Vanessa’s split from the Snowden’s and the Briney’s being cut from the show, means TLC has to search high and low for new people to fill a number of roles. Casting is no easy task and it makes or breaks a show. Casting for the third season was announced in April of 2019 before the death of Bernie McGee, which likely delayed and/or extended the timeline necessary to meet unexpected new demands. 

Relationship drama that leads to break-ups or divorces may have been underestimated with the original direction of the show. TLC itself helped bring polygamy into the spotlight and may now have to adjust their presentation of the lifestyle to accommodate the very evolution they encouraged. The number of people interested in becoming or finding a sister wife has swelled with the popularity of TLC’s productions. Heavier vetting of cast members, and consideration about people that are new to the lifestyle having a sudden change of heart about polygamy, is a natural development that will have to be addressed. ‘Seeking Sister Wife’ quite possibly is being held up while they explore new angles and ideas to keep the show current and fresh. 

None of the events influencing the shows future have merited a loss of funding or positive support. Breaking up, divorcing, or suddenly dying are all tragic and painful in their own ways, but not revelations of hidden corruption or poor character. Vanessa Cobb was accused of using the show to gain celebrity, but it’s become clear her relationship with the Snowden’s was very real either way. More than average negative press or opinions about the show existed since its inception as a show about polygamy dating, and will never change. Otherwise, nothing has happened to create any significant new ill will toward the cast members or the production.     

‘Seeking Sister Wife’ has drawn so much attention it’s clear TLC would not want to cancel it. A simple Google search pulls up multiple results from all corners of the media. Popular shows have been canceled before, but in this case it appears extremely unlikely. Actually, outgrowing your original concept and evolving to keep up with the characters, and your audience, are signs of a bright future. TLC’s mission to both inform and entertain through unique and sometimes difficult productions shows no sign of changing. Maybe ‘Seeking Sister Wife’ will make a great summertime series? Maybe it will explode back on the scene with a fresh concept and an incredible new cast (mostly) this fall. The summer of 2019 was a destiny changing phase for the show. Either way, it’s safe to say we’ll know when to expect season 3 soon. It would be no surprise to see the announcement coincide with the end of the current season of ‘Sister Wives’. We’ll be watching. Stay tuned! 

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc: Sisterwives.com

The holiday season is kicking into high gear and all of the anxiety and stress that can come along with it will be no stranger to many. It’s a time you can’t hide from overwhelming obligations and toxic friends and family that will be knocking at your door. Some people give up on the holidays and hunker down to hide from the world, but that’s probably the worst way to avoid the depression loneliness can bring. When you’re a person that doesn’t always follow the ‘rules’, like polyamorous people, options to have a nice holiday can feel painfully limited. Judgmental family or friends can really take the wind out of your sails even when you think you’re prepared for whatever they might throw at you. In order to avoid the desire to hide away you have to create your own traditions with non-toxic friends and family, or really gear up for the assault of negativity. Here are a few things to keep in mind either way. 

If you’re already part of a polygamous family or polyamorous group, you’re in luck. As a polygamist family grows with new women wanting to be a sister wives so do your own family holiday traditions. Same idea for a polyamorous group. Maximizing time and festivities with those in your core relationships is your first line of defense against people that are opposed to the life you live. One of your sister wives, or partners, may choose to go ahead and go ‘home’ for the holidays and face a disapproving family, but the love from their real home can carry them safely through it. This time of the year is the most important for us to lift our loved ones up. Facing a parent that treats you like a disappointment is never easy even when their reasoning is completely absurd. Family drama can kill a person’s spirit in ways that can last a lifetime. Make sure you’re helping your loved ones find their happy places and reminding them how amazing they are. 

Continuing with the idea of spending time with a disapproving family, it’s important to talk about toxic people. Making choices about your family is incredibly personal. Your choice to continue a relationship with a parent or relative that hurts you emotionally is nobody’s business but your own. It is not, however, off limits for a loved one to tell you they believe one or all of those people are toxic. Sometimes your loved ones notice things you can’t see, or that you refuse to see. If your behavior changes for the worse for days, weeks, or even months after visiting your family it’s important for your loved ones to tell you. Don’t get angry because they care about you. You don’t owe toxic people in your life anything at all, not even your parents if they’re toxic. If people are negatively affecting you it’s important to have a long, hard look at why you keep them in your life. Until you shed any sense of responsibility for the shadow others cast over you, you’ll be stuck in their trap. Don’t ever be guilted into a situation that ultimately harms you. 

Now let’s talk about non-toxic people. Far too much time is spent dealing with toxic people when most of our time would be better spent focusing on building relationships with non-toxic people. ‘Relationships’ referring to simply friendships and/or more. These are people that won’t tear you down to build themselves up. They won’t batter you with judgmental garbage that stems from their own lack of joy. A non-toxic person can be having a bad day yet still do nothing to drag you down to their level. In fact, if you have family members like this you should be building holiday traditions with them as a way to save you both from the agony of miserable people you’re related to. A non-toxic relative will welcome your entire polygamous or polyamorous family without judgement. They will put their lack of knowledge aside to love and respect you and the people you love. Just as you should include non-toxic relatives, you should build traditions with non-toxic friends. True family is chosen family. 

Nobody chooses the life of polygamy or polyamory because it’s an easy option. They choose it because it’s a more honest approach to relationships. Rejecting the hetero-normative standard of lifelong monogamy leads to deeper and stronger loving relationships. Whether it be jealousy, or fear of the unknown, many hetero-normative people are gatekeepers to what they believe is the only moral way to live. Poly people from all types of poly lifestyles have to work together to create new traditions. We have to step up to defend and support each other. The holiday season is possibly the most important time to make a show of support for each other. Reach out to your poly friends to make sure they have someone to talk to. Host holiday parties for your poly friends and non-toxic friends. Excluding judgmental or negative people is an acceptable protest to their behavior. The depression so many are willing to inflict on others in an effort to defend their limited world view earns them zero respect. It is one thing to choose monogamy because it’s right for you, but another thing entirely to impose your personal choice on others. 

Bringing back the joy of the holidays isn’t so difficult when you try. Maybe it’s time to find a polygamous or polyamorous dating service to try and meet a lonely soul you might love. Maybe getting as far as you can from your families with your poly loves is the ticket. The holidays are a time to celebrate and reflect. They give us a little time to just love each other and share our joy. If they aren’t the positive time of year you deserve it’s time to figure out why. We can all help each other find happiness but the first step begins inside you.

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc: Sisterwives.com

Often in life the things we want most turn out to be the hardest to attain. One can suppose this is because the best things in life wouldn’t be so special if they were easy, but that doesn’t help with the waves of frustration everyone will experience at times, even after their greatest efforts. We all come up against moments we feel like giving up. Some say it’s a sign that you’re on the wrong path when things don’t go as hoped, or planned, but nothing is so black and white. When it comes to love the same dilemma applies. Shared disappointment between two lovers is no easier than handling it alone. When polyamorous dreams fall apart, pulling yourself back together can take time, but it can be done, and you can be better because of it. 

Taking time to reevaluate is a habit everyone should build into their regular life. Exploring motivations, considering capabilities, and testing desires are ways to lead a fuller and more in depth life based on your ever evolving self. This applies to relationships as well. Polyamorous couples may go through periods of time polyamory won’t work for them just as much as they might go long periods of time without meeting anyone that would fit in their relationship. If you meet someone for the first time in a long time and it doesn’t go well, it’s easy to feel polyamory just isn’t right for you. Maybe it’s not, but be careful not to jump to conclusions because of a few bad experiences. If you’ve had a poly mind set for any considerable time you want to make sure you aren’t removing options that actually help keep your current relationship exciting and thriving. Even if all you ever end up sharing is the ‘thrill of the hunt’, that may be something which ultimately pulls your current relationship closer. This is not to recommend being skeevy or messing with people’s heads, but limiting each other too much due to a couple regretted intruders could cause more strain than it’s worth. 

Do not blame yourself! Never blame yourself when a relationship doesn’t work out. The inability for people to remain in each others lives is a natural process. It’s better to learn to spot the signs of incompatibility than to waste energy wondering what you did wrong. When a polygamous man finds a potential sister wife for his family everything may seem perfect in the beginning. Everything may seem perfect months into dating to an untrained eye. Unfortunately, everyone is borderline lying when they meet someone new. Lying may seem too strong of a term but we certainly are presenting the best versions of ourselves in an attempt to ‘sell’ ourselves to this potential new mate. This is normal behavior and we all do it. A polygamous man needs to observe how a possible new sister wife interacts with his entire family. He needs to gauge how well she’ll be able to share a husband with other women. The potential new sister wife also needs to pay attention to how the sister wives treat her and how the husband handles the courtship. She should feel welcome and loved, never like a commodity or burden. The same concept applies to any polyamorous relationship. Think back to how easy your current relationship felt in the beginning. Think about how very much in love you were. If the new prospect is nothing like that for everyone involved it is at least a sign to proceed with caution. 

Never stop evolving. Stagnation is one of the toughest places to be in life. It thwarts creativity, energy, and general well-being. If you and your partner have experienced a failed attempt at dating someone new the desire to start nesting with each other and shut out the world will be strong. It’s fine to do that for a little while, but while you’re nursing each others wounds make sure you’re discussing all of your feelings and ideas about your future together. Times like this should bring you closer. It’s easy to throw in the towel on polyamory after a break up. Maybe you’re right, but it’s better to take a little time before making that decision. Fresh heartache can make us feel too hopeless to be making any major decisions about the future. Relish in the fact you still have each other and find your way back to knowing everything will be okay. 

Let yourself be annoyed or angry, but don’t let it poison you. Obviously, when someone wastes your time, or breaks your heart, it’s not something that will just roll off your back. Expressing your frustration in responsible ways is far healthier than trying to ignore it or bottle it up inside. At some point you have to let it go because you don’t want it to poison you forever. Hanging on to a bad experience will actually work to create more bad experiences in your life. Search for the important lessons to take away from everything and let all things become part of the past. You can choose to bring all the joy of your past with you to your future, or you can drag all the negative aspects with you. It’s hard enough to hang on to the best things in life, especially if we’re clinging on to the bad. 

Relationships are tough no matter what type you’re trying to build. Even basic friendships take work. Nobody is truly a perfect match for anyone because it just doesn’t work that way. Without wanting to sound too cold or formulaic, we have to learn to do a cost-benefit analysis of where we spend the most energy in our lives. This applies to polyamorous and polygamous dating as well. If it is taking more than it’s giving it’s fine to give it a rest. In fact, it’s often when we stop looking too much that the best things in life find their way to us. Keeping an open heart and mind paired with a careful eye for lessons already learned serves us best. Breaking up will never be fun. The feeling of rejection and failure will never be easy to swallow, but it’s not your fault life and relationships are so complex. Embrace the love you already have in your life and never be afraid to pursue your collective dreams.

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc: Sisterwives.com