Chris's article

A passing thought about polyamory can make it seem like an easy and care-free lifestyle that mostly only immature young adults enjoy. There is a certain freedom to be enjoyed when people choose to not limit intimacy and love in their lives. Less finality and more opportunity is lovely, but comes with responsibilities that should not be ignored. Intimacy with more than one person means more chances to cause emotional trauma, more sexual partners means a higher health risk, and following an unfamiliar life path leads to unique circumstances you and many of your peers simply won’t understand. You become part of an ‘alternative lifestyle’ which can expose you to heavy scrutiny. Don’t let any of this discourage you. Your poly life can be one of great beauty and fulfillment as long as you’ve considered your true desires and how to approach them in respectful and constructive ways. 

Think about your ultimate relationship. Do you want to be a sister wife? Would you like one or more lovers of the opposite or same sex, or both? Are you a man that wants sister wives, or would like to join other men and all share one wife or girlfriend together? If you could paint the picture of your perfect family or intimate group, what would it look like? Take this part seriously because this is what will drive all of the decisions and behaviors you’ll need to develop in order to have the life you want in a fulfilling and ethical manner. There are no limits to the life you ultimately desire. As long as you intend and cause no harm, and are genuinely following your heart, you can rest assured you’re doing the right things. 

If you simply don’t wish to commit to anyone romantically, but enjoy finding sexual partners frequently, you are not polyamorous. You can have an open relationship with one or more partners, but sex outside of the relationship is just sleeping around. There is nothing wrong with this as long as any people you have committed to are aware of your activities, however, those behaviors should not be considered a form of polyamory. It’s actually what many people incorrectly perceive as polyamory. Polyamory and polygamy imply a certain degree of investment beyond getting laid. ‘The Ethical Slut’ is a great read that lays out how to live a slutty lifestyle while minimizing risks. If you and/or your partners insist on sleeping around you should read it and consider the behaviors you can develop to protect yourself and others from any harm. 

This leads to poly and polygamy dating in a new pandemic weary world. If you and/or your partners are seeking others to join you romantically it means you have to meet new people, which can lead to sexual encounters regardless of new relationships working or not. It should be pointed out that in order to ethically have sex with anyone many of the standards pointed out here should have already been followed. There has always been risk involved when sleeping with what essentially are strangers. Talk about any risk you bring to the encounter and ask questions about risks the others may pose. This has to become part of the experience without ruining the moment. We have to get comfortable with it. Mostly, we have to tell the truth. There is no way to stay ahead of an outbreak if people are not being candid and taking health risks, of any kind, seriously. If you find yourself afraid of this discussion, or incapable of presenting the truth about your risks, you need to put your sex life on pause to consider your motivations. 

An insatiable sex drive is not a problem if you come by it honestly. Wanting multiple regular partners because you don’t want to overwhelm one person is arguably an amazing gift, good for you. On the flip side, an unquenchable sex drive stemming from an emotional issue runs a high risk of falling into destructive behavior. Dating to find healthy connections with new people and grow your group or family should not be influenced by destructive behavior. It should be a well considered and intentional experience where you’re seeking real connections with people that share similar desires in life and love. This is why it’s so important to be in touch with your personal drives and motivations. Otherwise, you’ll find yourself meeting the wrong people and trying to forge relationships that have no chance of real success. Nobody wants to be lonely, but better to spend some time alone than to hurt yourself and others through desperate attempts to force doomed relationships to work. 

In the time you spend alone it will be easy to believe the naysayers when they say you’re doing something wrong. Choosing to challenge societal norms naturally leads to some level of ostracization because without imposing consequences, society at large feels it’s losing control. People that choose to live outside of the heterosexual, monogamous, patriarchy have a responsibility to support each other. Consider yourself your own, new, letter in the LGBTQ+ movement. In order to be happy, you need supportive friends. In order to enjoy the support of friends it’s only fair to offer your support in return. These are the people that will help you embrace yourself and keep you strapped to your seat while you ride the roller coaster of finding love. Trust them when they’re concerned for you. Tell them when you see red flags they may not notice. The bond you share is just as strong as with any lover you’ll find. Treasure your friends. 

Common themes when discussing ethics are honesty with yourself and others, respect for yourself and others, integrity, intent, and generosity. Nobody is perfect. We will all fall short at times until the day we die. It’s important to genuinely forgive yourself while you sort out the influences pushing you in the right and wrong directions. As you search for that perfect poly love situation, or polygamous family, you can’t forget the number one relationship in your life is with yourself. If you don’t love and respect yourself, it will be difficult to offer others the love and respect they deserve from you. Yes, you can meet a friend or lover that helps you to that goal, but you have to lay the groundwork first. The best thing about approaching anything in life ethically is you can be assured of better results. Feeling good about your choices and being a reliable friend or lover will never lead you astray. Be safe, be strong, and always spread love.

Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers, Inc: Sisterwives.com

The dating world is tough to navigate no matter your preference for potential partners or lifestyle. Saying hello for the first time, spending those first moments together, and learning about each other is exciting and stressful all at the same time. On top of all of the struggle to find love is the unfortunate reality that disasters will strike. As the old saying goes, *stuff happens. All of us will face things in life that require all of our energy and focus, but the need for human connection cannot be pushed aside. Everyone is living in one of those unfortunate moments right now. Many are stuck at home wondering if life can ever return to normal. Coronavirus, or Covid-19, is likely to change everything for a very long time, maybe forever. Here are some things to consider while confined to home and moving forward as a polyamorous or polygamous person in a world forever affected. 

The main thing everyone has to commit to, immediately, is taking outbreaks like coronavirus (Covid-19) seriously. That’s the first line of defense. Staying home when a deadly virus is circulating will allow the time needed to reduce the speed of its spread and keep it to a level that won’t overwhelm healthcare facilities. Deadly viruses don’t have to be so deadly if we can slow them down and ensure access to care to everyone that catches them. If you are in the polygamy dating or poly world consider new ways to date.

Online dating is a great way to make contact with potential new partners or sister wives, and from there you can plan to meet in person once it’s safe to go out again. It’s going to be very tempting to meet sooner, but, stay strong and committed to protecting yourself, and everyone else too! If you all get sick, what’s the point? Be sick and die together? Don’t be ridiculous. Better to be smart together and find ways to have fun in the safety of home. 

Look into applications like Skype, Facetime, and Zoom. With some, you can have multiple people in one chat or meeting which is perfect for your polyamorous group, or for all your sister wives to join in. If you prefer to stick to messaging only, you can have movie dates simply by starting a movie at the same time as a friend and message each other throughout. Share a playlist and dance together on a call. You can even get sexy with all of your lovers at the same time on video chat if you’re feeling frisky. There are so many ways to hang out virtually with the people you love today. Use them the same with new people you’re meeting. Unfortunately, with disaster comes vultures, so watch closely for red flags or scammers. Never send money, nudes, or give out private information to someone you’ve never met. Many people have nothing better to do than to run scams from home right now, be careful not to waste any precious time on anyone that is suspect. Keep it fun, keep it sexy, find new ways to virtually connect, and maybe even invent new ways! The sky's the limit in the virtual world. Finding a new sister wife, polygamous husband, poly date, or poly partner of any kind has never been more accessible than it is today.  

No matter the risk involved, some people will insist on going out into the public and meeting for a date, or worse, going to one or the other’s home. It’s understandable that, for many, virtual hangouts just aren’t the same. It’s natural that you’ll want to share physical space with each other. While it’s risky and absolutely not encouraged there are a few things you can do to mitigate the dangers. Some areas, even areas on lock down, are allowing people to spend some time outdoors in certain places, like parks. Meeting someone new can happen in these spaces, but keep the standards of social distancing in mind. Walk and talk a few feet apart, at least. Don’t kiss, don’t hug, don’t hold hands. Remember that you aren’t only protecting yourself, you’re also protecting them. Shifting your focus off of self protection and toward protecting others helps with adopting safer behavior. It’s not fair, and not right, to put others at risks you were willing to take. Shift your perspective. Going to another person's home during a quarantine involves so many risks it’s unimaginable you’d want to do it. If you do, consider bringing a change of clean clothes and slippers to wear in their home. Take a shower when you arrive and leave your dirty clothes in a plastic bag. Wash your hands regularly while you’re visiting. Stay at least a few feet away from each other and do not engage in physical contact. If you insist on physical contact, the least you can do for each other is discuss your risk level first. Honestly, if you were too selfish to wait until it’s safe you’re part of the problem, but there are still steps you can take to mitigate the danger.    

Let’s get this straight. This is not advice from a medical professional. This is simply a plea for people to take Covid-19, or any deadly outbreak, seriously with a realization that some people will still take risks. If you feel a little under the weather, be honest about it. Don’t meet someone that thinks you’re completely healthy when you’ve been feeling even a little sick. If you’ve been around groups of people, talk about it. If you’ve been around someone that was diagnosed with Covid-19, it would be unconscionable not to share this information. Take real responsibility for your part in this pandemic and the safety of others.

Polyamory is an exciting lifestyle, but like most good things in life, there are always risks. Online dating and social media are modern phenomena that actually make this pandemic more bearable. Take advantage of it. Be smart. Learn to express your love in new, virtual ways. Humans are incredible. We’re able to fly to every corner of the Earth in mere hours nowadays. We’re witnessing the darker side of globalism with this rapid spread of a deadly virus, but we can help protect each other from danger while still meeting and mingling in ever more creative ways online. The world may never be the same. Instead of hearing that and being too sad over the loss of days gone, consider this a new opportunity for a better way forward. Polygamy will live on. Polyamory will continue to grow as one of the most beautiful ways to enjoy people you love. Sexuality will continue both enhancing and complicating lives. Change is ultimately good and if we take charge of this situation we can ensure a better, safer, future. Be safe and protect everyone around you. 

Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers, Inc: Sisterwives.com

Many people considering polyamory are discouraged by the unnatural feeling of the idea. Marriage involving only two people has been society's standard for so long that other options simply feel wrong. Fighting our natural inclination to love more than one person intimately has become a badge of honor. Monogamy works for a lot of people. There is absolutely no fault in it as long as it feels right for two people that choose it. There is a major problem with the judgment others face when they choose other standards to follow. The fact that the ability to have a relationship with more than one person takes time to master is not due to any fault in it. It’s a natural lifestyle that has been suppressed to the point of needing to be nurtured until you get it right. Society is waking up to polyamory and poly relationships are becoming safer and better for everyone involved. Here are ways you can embrace your poly dreams, or the poly relationships of your peers.

First off, all relationships are work. Even parents and their children have to work at maintaining healthy relationships. Most great friends go through a rough phase and have to decide to put their love for one another above their qualms. Love is complicated and deep. Assuming anyone wants a poly relationship due to a lack of ability to commit is unfair, and frankly, rude. There are few things more childish than adults that want to hold everyone to their personal standards and preferences. Building a poly family takes a lot of backbone. Your relationship will be judged harshly and you will face people that believe you are living in sin. All of this will be in addition to the normal struggles of any relationship. You will always have a dozen reasons to quit and plenty of people that will believe they’re helping you when you lean on them to leave a plural relationship. Be wary of the intentions of those that don’t respect you to begin with. Don’t leave people you love in an effort to live right in the eyes of others. Always build on what is right for you. 

The argument that plural relationships are not natural is a total non-starter. Mating for life exists in nature, sure, but it is not the only form of reproduction. There are many ways animals mate, even some rather violent ways. Few mammals have sex for both reproduction and enjoyment, but humans are one of them. The very nature of our intimacy, sexual urges, and ability to love multiple people so deeply shows that ‘mating for life’ is very likely the less natural option for humans. It’s important to stop concerning ourselves with natural things. We, as a society, should be supporting the human capacity to make our own choices. Cars are not natural. Brick and mortar homes are not natural. We don’t think those unnatural things are somehow sinful. Why would we consider a relationship that makes someone happy somehow evil? It’s not. What’s evil is the desperation to control every single person and thing around us in an effort to feel safe and validated. Find the things that are right for you and respect the right for others to choose whatever makes them happy. It’s really that simple. 

Once you’ve found the life and loves that make you happy it’s important to encourage others to do the same. We owe it to each other to help bring out the best in every life we touch. If you have a friend that wants to become a sister wife, be a friend she can turn to if anything goes wrong. Don’t judge her. Love her. If you have a friend that wants to build a polygamous family and find multiple sister wives, help them find good people and embrace their family like any other. Pushing people with different lifestyles to the fringe of society leads to dangerous situations where people are afraid to get the help they need if things go awry. There are monsters in the world we can protect each other from simply by loving and fully respecting all the good people in the world. Why would you want to be a person that makes the world precarious for anyone else? The golden rule applies, do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Take it a step further and go out of your way to do more for others than you ever expect anyone to do for you. Nurturing the best in others only makes your world better in return. 

Polyamory is a beautiful lifestyle that can lead to a world with less loneliness and happier love lives all around. It’s absolutely not right for everyone and it’s not easy to make the adjustment. If you’re fortunate enough to find the right people that share your poly dream, the possibilities are endless. You don’t have to close yourselves off to the world. There’s no need to reject or lie about any desire or attraction you may have toward others. Even if you’re part of just a couple that’s only open to the idea, your relationship will benefit from the level of honesty you can share. Being open to new things and supporting the natural feelings of your loved ones gives them the freedom to be their authentic self, which gives you an authentic connection to them. Some people do get involved in relationships to control another person. A lot of men want a wife that will make him the absolute center of her life, and nothing else! This so often leads to resentment, lying, cheating, and heartache. It’s your choice. Your life can resemble a depressing country song, or a beautiful symphony with all its complexities and depth. You can build and share beauty or continue hate’s uncanny ability to infect lives. Stop fussing over the idea of anything being natural and start nurturing love in every corner of the world.   

Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers, Inc: Sisterwives.com