Chris's article

The dating world is tough to navigate no matter your preference for potential partners or lifestyle. Saying hello for the first time, spending those first moments together, and learning about each other is exciting and stressful all at the same time. On top of all of the struggle to find love is the unfortunate reality that disasters will strike. As the old saying goes, *stuff happens. All of us will face things in life that require all of our energy and focus, but the need for human connection cannot be pushed aside. Everyone is living in one of those unfortunate moments right now. Many are stuck at home wondering if life can ever return to normal. Coronavirus, or Covid-19, is likely to change everything for a very long time, maybe forever. Here are some things to consider while confined to home and moving forward as a polyamorous or polygamous person in a world forever affected. 

The main thing everyone has to commit to, immediately, is taking outbreaks like coronavirus (Covid-19) seriously. That’s the first line of defense. Staying home when a deadly virus is circulating will allow the time needed to reduce the speed of its spread and keep it to a level that won’t overwhelm healthcare facilities. Deadly viruses don’t have to be so deadly if we can slow them down and ensure access to care to everyone that catches them. If you are in the polygamy dating or poly world consider new ways to date. Online dating is a great way to make contact with potential new partners or sister wives, and from there you can plan to meet in person once it’s safe to go out again. It’s going to be very tempting to meet sooner, but, stay strong and committed to protecting yourself, and everyone else too! If you all get sick, what’s the point? Be sick and die together? Don’t be ridiculous. Better to be smart together and find ways to have fun in the safety of home. 

Look into applications like Skype, Facetime, and Zoom. With some, you can have multiple people in one chat or meeting which is perfect for your polyamorous group, or for all your sister wives to join in. If you prefer to stick to messaging only, you can have movie dates simply by starting a movie at the same time as a friend and message each other throughout. Share a playlist and dance together on a call. You can even get sexy with all of your lovers at the same time on video chat if you’re feeling frisky. There are so many ways to hang out virtually with the people you love today. Use them the same with new people you’re meeting. Unfortunately, with disaster comes vultures, so watch closely for red flags or scammers. Never send money, nudes, or give out private information to someone you’ve never met. Many people have nothing better to do than to run scams from home right now, be careful not to waste any precious time on anyone that is suspect. Keep it fun, keep it sexy, find new ways to virtually connect, and maybe even invent new ways! The sky's the limit in the virtual world. Finding a new sister wife, polygamous husband, poly date, or poly partner of any kind has never been more accessible than it is today.  

No matter the risk involved, some people will insist on going out into the public and meeting for a date, or worse, going to one or the other’s home. It’s understandable that, for many, virtual hangouts just aren’t the same. It’s natural that you’ll want to share physical space with each other. While it’s risky and absolutely not encouraged there are a few things you can do to mitigate the dangers. Some areas, even areas on lock down, are allowing people to spend some time outdoors in certain places, like parks. Meeting someone new can happen in these spaces, but keep the standards of social distancing in mind. Walk and talk a few feet apart, at least. Don’t kiss, don’t hug, don’t hold hands. Remember that you aren’t only protecting yourself, you’re also protecting them. Shifting your focus off of self protection and toward protecting others helps with adopting safer behavior. It’s not fair, and not right, to put others at risks you were willing to take. Shift your perspective. Going to another person's home during a quarantine involves so many risks it’s unimaginable you’d want to do it. If you do, consider bringing a change of clean clothes and slippers to wear in their home. Take a shower when you arrive and leave your dirty clothes in a plastic bag. Wash your hands regularly while you’re visiting. Stay at least a few feet away from each other and do not engage in physical contact. If you insist on physical contact, the least you can do for each other is discuss your risk level first. Honestly, if you were too selfish to wait until it’s safe you’re part of the problem, but there are still steps you can take to mitigate the danger.    

Let’s get this straight. This is not advice from a medical professional. This is simply a plea for people to take Covid-19, or any deadly outbreak, seriously with a realization that some people will still take risks. If you feel a little under the weather, be honest about it. Don’t meet someone that thinks you’re completely healthy when you’ve been feeling even a little sick. If you’ve been around groups of people, talk about it. If you’ve been around someone that was diagnosed with Covid-19, it would be unconscionable not to share this information. Take real responsibility for your part in this pandemic and the safety of others.

Polyamory is an exciting lifestyle, but like most good things in life, there are always risks. Online dating and social media are modern phenomena that actually make this pandemic more bearable. Take advantage of it. Be smart. Learn to express your love in new, virtual ways. Humans are incredible. We’re able to fly to every corner of the Earth in mere hours nowadays. We’re witnessing the darker side of globalism with this rapid spread of a deadly virus, but we can help protect each other from danger while still meeting and mingling in ever more creative ways online. The world may never be the same. Instead of hearing that and being too sad over the loss of days gone, consider this a new opportunity for a better way forward. Polygamy will live on. Polyamory will continue to grow as one of the most beautiful ways to enjoy people you love. Sexuality will continue both enhancing and complicating lives. Change is ultimately good and if we take charge of this situation we can ensure a better, safer, future. Be safe and protect everyone around you. 

Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers, Inc: Sisterwives.com

Kody has been struggling to find consensus among his four wives about a grand plan to build out their new family compound in Coyote Pass near Flagstaff, Arizona. On top of this struggle the family faces keeping each sister wife and their kids in homes apart from each other. So far, the houses they’ve left behind in Las Vegas have not sold, so the financial situation isn’t allowing the new builds to proceed as soon as previously planned. The new grandbaby is a lovely distraction for the family (spoiler alert in this article, btw), but the pressures of living apart and facing uncertainty has tempers flaring and it’s affecting the kids as well. Let’s dig in.

The land in Coyote Pass is stunning. It’s an idyllic western landscape and it seems like Kody is trying hard to make each of the four homes for his wives as close to their individual dreams as possible. Janelle and Christine seem to be the most prepared to do whatever it takes to find stability for now then build as soon as possible. Meri and Robyn are a very different story. Quite frankly, Meri is making everything far more difficult than the family should allow. She’s all over the place and seems unwilling to make up her mind. It’s as though she prefers the drama, which is not much of a surprise. Meri might not even want to live in Coyote Pass and creating roadblocks for the family might be her intention. Her behavior does not suggest that she’s acting with anyone’s best interest at heart. She can claim she wants to be there in Flagstaff with the family all she wants. Her actions are making it hard to believe. Hopefully she will eventually realize she’s being too difficult and adjust her approach. It’s doubtful she even has to move again now like she’s claiming. Is she just desperate for more of the spotlight? As Robyn says, every plot on the property is absolutely beautiful. They are not victims of anything no matter where the houses are built. Robyn is also being difficult, but her motivation for it does make sense. She has no choice but to move again and she’s truly afraid that buying a home right now could delay the builds to the point that her kids won’t grow up with their whole family. Her insistence on getting the family all to one place as soon as possible comes from a good intent. Once they find the right home to buy her, for now, and she realizes it can be an income property once she moves to Coyote Pass, it’s doubtful that she’ll continue hindering the most logical way forward. 

Kody shows surprising candor when discussing the situation and the difficulties of plural marriage. He suggests that he’s like the little brother to four sisters at times, not even the big brother. He admits that everyone in a plural marriage considers getting out. It can feel impossible. The women will struggle at times with feelings of a lack of affection and a man with sister wives will feel overwhelmed by them frequently. The bond Meri, Robyn, Christine, and Janelle show in these episodes is beautiful. You can see that they love each other very much and, for the most part, give each other unconditional love and support. Kody is in rare form for a few sound bites expressing his frustrations. He suggests he should put his foot down and tell each wife that they get what they get. “Suck it up, buttercup” is uttered in one of his one-on-ones with the audience and it’s very funny. It’s just not his character to be so harsh. He might be correct. More might be accomplished if he were tougher about it, but his sister wives are no pushovers. They each have strong personalities and clear demands about the homes they want.  Meri, again, seems the most distant and unhelpful, but the love she has for the family is clearly still there. Being a good sister wife is important to these ladies. 

It’s very hard to watch all four sister wives pass up on the opportunity for one big house to share. It would be so much easier to get it built and could be done in a way to give everyone all the space and amenities they need. Sharing utilities, a roof, and all that land to explore could be so rewarding. Even the kids get it! The kids think one huge house would be amazing (and they’re right)! The wives are letting past experiences have too much power. Having to adjust an existing home to share would be terrible, yes. Building a giant home from scratch would avoid all the issues they refuse to live with again. They always find some common ground and are absolutely correct this time too. Kody suggests moving double wide trailers onto the property for temporary homes and they all flatly refuse. This can come across as elitist at first, but they each talk about their experiences having already lived in trailers. This was wonderful insight into how down-to-earth and human this family is. Not wanting the family under that kind of stress ever again is a way to protect the love they all share. 

Speaking of love! The grandbaby drama is a perfectly fun distraction. Janelle is infectiously excited about Maddie and Caleb’s new baby. She coaxes Maddie to reveal the gender to her before the reveal party to the rest of the family and she is so tickled about it, it’s adorable. When the rest of the family finds out ‘It’s a Girl’ the moment of joy is palpable. This is a family full of love. Janelle might seem so easy about the property situation because she’s overjoyed about her grandbaby. She’s doing a fabulous job of sharing calm clarity with her sister wives and keeping them talking. She’s also absolutely right about a little park on the property and an agreement that explicitly guarantees everyone access to the pond. The family needs to let her lead as much as she can until the property is built out. Kody is showing his wisdom by letting Janelle lead when she can. 

Kody is also showing an admirable ability to love all of his children. Telling Robyn’s kids about the move and letting them give feedback shows he and Robyn are raising them well. It’s difficult to see the dream of one big happy family at Coyote Pass melting away from the older kids’ hearts. Robyn has expressed that she’s upset about broken promises to her children and Kody needs to realize the family cohesiveness he desires is at stake if things don’t start developing soon. Aurora, their teenage daughter, cannot handle the stress of another move to possibly another rental, or worse, a house they’ll buy that’s not on the property. She begins to stutter, she grows clearly upset, and she goes into a full panic attack. This moment sums up the situation for the entire family right now. They are a family in panic mode. Kody carries her up the stairs and tries to keep her calm until everything, hopefully, is better. 

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc: Sisterwives.com

Many people considering polyamory are discouraged by the unnatural feeling of the idea. Marriage involving only two people has been society's standard for so long that other options simply feel wrong. Fighting our natural inclination to love more than one person intimately has become a badge of honor. Monogamy works for a lot of people. There is absolutely no fault in it as long as it feels right for two people that choose it. There is a major problem with the judgment others face when they choose other standards to follow. The fact that the ability to have a relationship with more than one person takes time to master is not due to any fault in it. It’s a natural lifestyle that has been suppressed to the point of needing to be nurtured until you get it right. Society is waking up to polyamory and poly relationships are becoming safer and better for everyone involved. Here are ways you can embrace your poly dreams, or the poly relationships of your peers.

First off, all relationships are work. Even parents and their children have to work at maintaining healthy relationships. Most great friends go through a rough phase and have to decide to put their love for one another above their qualms. Love is complicated and deep. Assuming anyone wants a poly relationship due to a lack of ability to commit is unfair, and frankly, rude. There are few things more childish than adults that want to hold everyone to their personal standards and preferences. Building a poly family takes a lot of backbone. Your relationship will be judged harshly and you will face people that believe you are living in sin. All of this will be in addition to the normal struggles of any relationship. You will always have a dozen reasons to quit and plenty of people that will believe they’re helping you when you lean on them to leave a plural relationship. Be wary of the intentions of those that don’t respect you to begin with. Don’t leave people you love in an effort to live right in the eyes of others. Always build on what is right for you. 

The argument that plural relationships are not natural is a total non-starter. Mating for life exists in nature, sure, but it is not the only form of reproduction. There are many ways animals mate, even some rather violent ways. Few mammals have sex for both reproduction and enjoyment, but humans are one of them. The very nature of our intimacy, sexual urges, and ability to love multiple people so deeply shows that ‘mating for life’ is very likely the less natural option for humans. It’s important to stop concerning ourselves with natural things. We, as a society, should be supporting the human capacity to make our own choices. Cars are not natural. Brick and mortar homes are not natural. We don’t think those unnatural things are somehow sinful. Why would we consider a relationship that makes someone happy somehow evil? It’s not. What’s evil is the desperation to control every single person and thing around us in an effort to feel safe and validated. Find the things that are right for you and respect the right for others to choose whatever makes them happy. It’s really that simple. 

Once you’ve found the life and loves that make you happy it’s important to encourage others to do the same. We owe it to each other to help bring out the best in every life we touch. If you have a friend that wants to become a sister wife, be a friend she can turn to if anything goes wrong. Don’t judge her. Love her. If you have a friend that wants to build a polygamous family and find multiple sister wives, help them find good people and embrace their family like any other. Pushing people with different lifestyles to the fringe of society leads to dangerous situations where people are afraid to get the help they need if things go awry. There are monsters in the world we can protect each other from simply by loving and fully respecting all the good people in the world. Why would you want to be a person that makes the world precarious for anyone else? The golden rule applies, do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Take it a step further and go out of your way to do more for others than you ever expect anyone to do for you. Nurturing the best in others only makes your world better in return. 

Polyamory is a beautiful lifestyle that can lead to a world with less loneliness and happier love lives all around. It’s absolutely not right for everyone and it’s not easy to make the adjustment. If you’re fortunate enough to find the right people that share your poly dream, the possibilities are endless. You don’t have to close yourselves off to the world. There’s no need to reject or lie about any desire or attraction you may have toward others. Even if you’re part of just a couple that’s only open to the idea, your relationship will benefit from the level of honesty you can share. Being open to new things and supporting the natural feelings of your loved ones gives them the freedom to be their authentic self, which gives you an authentic connection to them. Some people do get involved in relationships to control another person. A lot of men want a wife that will make him the absolute center of her life, and nothing else! This so often leads to resentment, lying, cheating, and heartache. It’s your choice. Your life can resemble a depressing country song, or a beautiful symphony with all its complexities and depth. You can build and share beauty or continue hate’s uncanny ability to infect lives. Stop fussing over the idea of anything being natural and start nurturing love in every corner of the world.   

Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers, Inc: Sisterwives.com