Chris's article

Spending money on dates is so ubiquitously expected that it feels reflexive. A high-end gastronomic experience, a luxury weekend getaway, a beautiful jewelry set—all these tokens have come to mean that our interest (and often love, later on) is deeper than it would be in the absence of them.

Finding a sister wife, though, is generally even more expensive than monogamous dating. Poly relationships are unique in that the dating stage may last for a long time—or indefinitely in some cases—so the obligation one feels in providing physical proof and ritzy experiences of our love is doubled compared to monogamy.

However, poly dating on a budget is possible. Not every couple and potential partner will have equal financial status, and the key to avoiding negative feelings and relationship outcomes is to talk about financial expectations openly.

Why is finding a sister wife more expensive than monogamy?

Dating multiple partners is more expensive just from a logistical standpoint. You multiple dating costs by two, or three, and this fact becomes clear. That said, there are other aspects of poly dating that make it more costly than monogamy dating.

Poly dating is not linear

In monogamy, Person 1 meets Person 1. They date for up to a year or two and decide to move in together. Within a few months, though, they become comfortable with each other and share the costs of dating—meals, trips, gifts, etc. When they decide to cohabitate, they share living costs. If they decide to have children, they share childcare costs.

In polygamy, though, the chronology of dating is a bit more nuanced. For solo polyamorists, many relationships can stay in the dating stage forever. This makes it difficult to avoid the costly parts of dating such as eating out, going out, and taking trips together.

Finding a sister wife is a whole another challenge. Not everyone is looking to get into such an arrangement right away, which means the dating stage will last significantly longer than a monogamous courtship.

Even though a couple dating a woman may be more financially stable and are willing to bear the costs of dating, the potential sister wife may experience shame for relying on the couple or fear of relying on the couple should they break up.

On the other hand, the couple might feel resentment over being financially responsible for their new sister wife somewhere down the line, especially during times of financial crisis or if they decide to welcome a child into their home.

Distance is often a factor

One example that comes to mind is a couple from Seeking Sister Wife, Garrick and Dannielle Merrifield, who met a sister wife from Brazil. They applied for her documentation so she could move to America, but before that, several trips were required for meeting and spending time together.

In the show’s current season, newcomers Sidian and Tosha Jones are courting a woman from the Philippines. Sidian has the opportunity to fly to the Philippines to meet Arielle, but not all couples can afford such trips.

In the same vein, not all potential sister wives could afford to fly out to meet new partners. Sure, the possible rewards are great for the costs (i.e., a happily ever after for all), but these dates and trips add up.

Gender roles play a part

Although polyamorous dating breaks many relationship stereotypes, some traditions are so ingrained in human behavior. Even in multiple relationships, the cost of a date typically falls on the man. It’s no problem for husbands who are head of the household and are the main financial caretaker, but for polyamorists males not yet financially established, this can make poly dating inaccessible.

Ways to save money in finding a sister wife

When we focus on experiences, genuine connections, and open communication, money doesn’t have to be a limiting factor in dating—it remains a mere factor.

Sign up for free dating sites and apps

Most dating services, including Sister Wives, offer free versions with options for premium memberships. Sometimes, dating services also offer limited discounts on memberships or limited trials. These are great ways to explore your options with little risk—and money.

Get comfortable with video calling

Nothing beats talking with someone face-to-face, but video calls can be just as intimate. With platforms like Zoom, Skype, and Facetime, you can set up private and secure calls with your partner(s). Utilizing video calling cuts down on transportation costs, too.

Attend free, local events

If you’re lucky enough to live near someone you’re dating, attending community events is a great way to build your relationship without breaking the bank. Community fairs, farmers’ markets, craft events, and other local-sponsored fetes are not only great for supporting your neighbors, but they usually don’t cost as much as going to a commercial establishment or taking a road trip.

Stay in

The ultimate money-saver, however, may be to stay in! You have the option of cooking up a homemade meal together or meeting after dinner and spending a few hours watching a movie, playing board games, hosting a book club, or catching up.

Meet in the middle

If you and your partner are the types to go on “official” dates, it’s best to choose activities that accommodate both partners’ financial resources. This way, one partner is not always treating the other, and you can maintain a sense of equality and respect.

Again, there are endless date ideas that cost little but mean so much. Do you have a hobby you share, such as rock climbing, hiking, car detailing, or gardening? Are you both museum buffs or art lovers? Are you both extroverted, or are you both comfortable just relaxing at home?

Talk about finances openly

Lastly, finding a sister wife on a budget and poly dating on a budget only works when all parties are honest. Personal finance is a difficult topic to bring up for most people because it’s directly connected with other sensitive information like income, debt, and spending habits.

In fact, money is the leading cause of most divorce cases, and 44% of Americans find it difficult to talk about personal finance. When we’re dating, we’d rather focus on the butterfly-inducing sides of relationships like intimacy, hopes, dreams, and shared first experiences. Excluding finance topics during dating, is a mistake, however.

When we’re open with our finances—how much we’re willing to spend on dates/gifts/trips, whether or not we want to merge finances with serious partners, what our financial goals are, what our current financial status is—when poly dating, all parties can make decisions together to ensure the best possible arrangements and outcomes.

Only when we realize that finances don’t have to be kept private or shameful will we realize that spending copious amounts of money on dates doesn’t have to be the norm.

Published By: Sister Wives 

Matchmakers Inc

Online poly dating is a tricky digital landscape to navigate. You might spend hours researching how to approach a potential sister wife, let alone a couple that is on a search to find a sister wife. The best advice we can give is to be yourself, remember the best safety and polite practices when online dating, and don’t be afraid to make the first move.

You won’t get anywhere without pushing yourself even just a little bit out of your comfort zone, and the worst that can happen is you don’t get a reply back. The only thing holding you back may be the idea that every single interaction has to be perfect, and frankly, that’s just not realistic.

Be yourself

In finding a sister wife, you must be honest not just with yourself but with others.

● Have an accurate, recent profile photo

● Clearly state what you want out of this dating service (i.e. “Finding a sister wife”)

● Share hobbies and interests

Be bold, but don’t be pushy

Our dating service allows you to message other profiles privately, and you can also invite multiple people to a group chat. The group feature can help ease some nerve-wracking pressure if you’re new to dating or if you don’t want to pressure someone into a one-on-one conversation.

When you initiate a meaningful conversation, others may be more likely to trust your profile, too. You’re establishing yourself as a genuine, real person (i.e., not a bot or fake profile), by asking others about their interests and hobbies.

What’s not attractive is spamming someone with messages if they don’t respond within hours or days! The best case scenario is that the other person is just extremely busy, and the worst case scenario is they’re not interested.

Don’t worry—the right person will respond, so don’t go to extreme measures just yet. We also alert you when a potential sister wife who matches your profile and interest signs up for our service.

Be yourself, but don’t be too open with personal information

We do our best to eliminate fake profiles to help you avoid romance scams, but unfortunately, scammers are using new ways to bypass our human-powered efforts and thwart your efforts in finding a sister wife.

We continuously weed out bogus profiles, but it’s always a good idea to be safe online whether you’re on a dating service or not.

● Never reveal information that can lead to your physical location

● Never share information that gives someone access to your bank account or credit cards

● Never tell anyone where you work before vetting them

Be vulnerable, but trust your gut

Dating can make us feel euphoric with feel-good brain chemicals like dopamine and oxytocin rushing through us. Unfortunately, these feelings can overshadow the red flags that others may be showing.

● Is the other person overly flattering?

● Do they conceal information about themselves, but always ask questions about you?

● Do their stories add up?

Lies big and small

If you consistently catch someone in a lie—no matter how small—it may be a tell-tale sign that they’re not a mature person. Worst case scenario is they’re not actually on the dating site to look for a legitimate relationship.

Asking for money

Why would anybody ask for money on a dating site, you ask? To conduct a romance scam! Never send money online to someone you don’t know, no matter how urgent they make try to make it seem.

Most suspicious are profiles that ask you to send money overseas through wire transfers or gift cards.

Wanting to meet within days of first contact

If somebody confesses their love within three days of meeting you, you’re right to feel skeptical. Our dating service allows you to video call other members to make it easier to find a sister wife who is authentic and honest, helping filter out fakes that may be after your money or targeting catfishing victims.

Don’t dox other members

Just because you get rejected by someone online does not give you the right to reveal their personal information to the world or to their circle if you are part of it. In a similar vein, some people may not be out as polygamists or polyamorists, and we should give them the opportunity to come out on their own terms.

Finding a sister wife in the digital age

Online poly dating is full of exciting new connections and poly members who want to join you on this journey. At times, online dating can feel awkward and unnatural, but treat it like you would as an in-person dating event or a casual walk through an unknown neighborhood.

There are people you will naturally gravitate toward, and there are people who you will happily pass by without greeting. Who knows, in your search to find a sister wife online, you might make a lifelong friend instead—there’s no lose-lose situation here.

Published By: Sister Wives 

Matchmakers Inc 

For heterosexual people, there are all kinds of support groups available. From online advice groups to speed dating events, monogamous people are always one click or call away from someone who understands what they’re going through.

What about if you need a polygamy community that understands what it’s like to feel jealous of a new partner, or feel frustrated at not being able to spend time with your metamour? Fortunately, help is here, and you just need to know where to look.

That Kind of Polygamy Community

One Google query of “polygamy community” yields alarming articles about genetic disasters in secluded polygamous communities, remote ranches inhabited by polygamists, and rural areas that serve as havens for practicing polygamists.

While these areas are indeed very real, they’re not the type of polygamous communities we’ll be talking about today. We’ll be talking about online or in-person communities where the average Joe or average Jane can connect with other like-minded peers.

In-Person Polygamy Meetings

If you’re a face-to-face type of person, and you thrive on social relationships, you might want to find groups that meet regularly.

To find them, try going on events-oriented sites and typing up your city. You can also try Google by typing in “polygamy event + [Your City]” or “polygamy support + [Your City]” depending on what you’re looking for.

Broader groups like LGBTQIA+ organizations can also provide a way for you to meet other polygamists. You never know—you might also meet your new partner or sister wife through one of these events!

● meetup.com

● eventbrite.com

● groupspaces.com

Online Groups

If you want to keep things virtual, or if you want to vet people before you meet them at a physical location, you’re in luck. There are plenty of online groups where you can connect with others about the poly lifestyle.

Facebook

Check out some of these groups I discovered on the platform.

● Polygamy meetup

● Relationships Outside the Box: Polyamory and Open Relationships

● Relationship Success Secrets: Polyamory, Consensual Non-Monogamy, Freedom

● Polyamorous Dating

● Homesteading & Polygamy (polygyny)

● Biblical Christian Polygamy/Polygyny

● Polygamy Personals, Advocacy & Education

● Poly Dating & More in your 30's-50's

● …and more

These are just a few groups I found during a quick search. Your results may yield something different based on your location, and you can also add “[Your City]” to any poly group-related searches on Facebook.

Reddit

For those unfamiliar, Reddit is a forum-type social media platform where you can post comments, send messages, or post images/videos/text. Everything you post is public, but the messaging feature is private.

It’s incredibly helpful for seeking advice or making casual connections. Alternatively, there is a cheekier side of Reddit, just like any other online platform, where you may be able to strike up a dating-oriented conversation or exchange some explicit content, given that both parties are consenting.

Check out these useful groups if you want to give the platform a try.

● r/polyamory

● r/Polygamy

● r/SisterWives

● r/seekingsisterwifetlc

● r/PolygamyDiscussion

● r/TLCsisterwives

● r/polyamoryR4R

● r/nonmonogamy

● r/polyfamilies

Sister Wives

We also provide a safe, welcoming space on our site for members to connect. Use our forums section to discuss anything from how to come out as poly to what is the best music genre—any topic is fair game!

Other Sites

Here are a few more forum-type sites you can explore for information, advice, or discourse.

● polyamory.com

● polyliving.net

● polyamorysociety.org

Other Types of Support

If you’re looking for other kinds of polygamous information like podcasts, shows, or books, take a look at some of the more popular resources down below. While these may not be your typical poly community, consuming these media can help you get a better understanding of the polygamous lifestyle, its roots, and its current direction.

Podcasts

From dissecting poly love and relationships through a feminist lens to a Mormon viewpoint, there’s no shortage of great podcasts to enrich your ideas and knowledge of this lifestyle.

● Polyamory Weekly

● Unmasked

● Year of Polygamy Podcast

● Polygamy: What Love Is This?

TV Shows

Granted, the variety of shows available is limited to reality TV and harrowing docu-dramas, but they provide great insight into the lifestyle, nonetheless.

● Sister Wives

● Seeking Sister Wife

● Escaping Polygamy

● Big Love

Books

Most books that touch on polygamous subjects are autobiographies recounting women’s experiences with religious or forced plural marriage If you’re dealing with this kind of trauma, hearing others’ accounts of similar experiences may validate your feelings and help you process your emotions.

Shot in the Dark: Craigslist or Other Classifieds

Craiglist is nearly obsolete, with the rest of the Internet moving onto more advanced (and probably more secure) platforms like Facebook, OfferUp, Poshmark, etc. However, it may not hurt to post a classified looking for a support group, supportive peer, or something along those lines.

At worst, you receive an unsolicited message, and at best, you find a genuine peer who is also in a poly relationship. Who knows, they may be able to point you in the right direction when looking for a polygamy community.

Published By: Sister Wives 

Matchmakers Inc