Chris's article

In March 2021, Sister Wives star Meri Brown announced that her 76-year-old mother passed away, prompting her to pause operations at her Utah bed and breakfast. Mariah Brown, Meri’s daughter and only child with husband Kody Brown, operated Lizzie’s Heritage Inn together on-site with Meri’s belated mother, Bonnie Ahlstrom.


In the wake of this tremendous loss, Lizzie’s Heritage Inn closed down for two months--until recently, that is, when Meri took the reins again with equal parts fervor and suspense. According to one Instagram post, she credits her confidence to the fact that she has a team behind her. Sister wife Meri announced the reopening on Instagram with a newfound perspective.


Meri’s upbeat caption matches a cheerful selfie featuring the inn’s “Welcome” sign. In 2017, the entire polycule wasn’t 100% on board with the idea at first, with one sister wife demanding to see a business plan before the family made decisions. Even husband Kody refused to finance Meri’s dream venture, claiming lack of resources as the cause.


Ultimately, Meri purchased her grandmother’s four-bedroom home in Parowan (several hours away from their then-home in Flagstaff, Arizona) and got the ball rolling with the help of her mother who acted as innkeeper until her death.


Despite this personal and professional success, sister wife Meri’s relationship with Kody has been deteriorating the past few years. A practical divorce, a catfishing scandal, lack of quality one-on-one time together, and other marriage stressors have strained their long-time connection. 


They attend therapy to improve their communication styles and address marital issues, but we are left to wonder whether their relationship can fully recover.


On the bright side, this sister wife has a village she can count on beyond her poly family. As we’ve all witnessed the past year, this support is extremely important, especially in times of loss and change. 


Fans are happy to hear Meri Brown say, “I have my people to lean on, and lean on them I do!”









Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc: Sisterwives.com


Tell someone you’re in the process of finding a second wife as a husband, and you might get some questions and a few raised eyebrows. Tell someone you’re looking for a second husband as a wife, and you might get a full lecture about why it’s wrong and why you should reconsider. 


Lately, there have been many negative opinions thrown around regarding polyandry--the practice of having more than one husband. It might be considered rare in this day and time, but polyandry does exist, and the reasons are varied. 


So let’s explore polyandry as a whole to gain a better understanding of why it may be regarded in a negative light.


How common is polyandry?

Although polyandry remains a unique arrangement, it can be found (and has been present) in nearly all continents. In particular, researchers have studied and surveyed societies in Asia and Africa to better understand this union type. 


During my investigation, I found no exact number that reveals how many families practice polyandry. For the sake of this article, a conservative guess would be that 0.47% of the human population is polyandrous.


Experts have put together a list of possible reasons why polyandry occurs. Frankly, many of them are based on evolutionary concepts, and there needs to be more focus on modern reasons not just in certain parts of the world, but in all societies.


Here are several motives behind polyandry.


Socioeconomic

In older cultures where polyandry is common, socioeconomic conditions perpetuate this type of relationship. For instance, some communities in India and Nepal practice polyandry because families do not want to break up land inheritances when multiple brothers marry different women.


Under monogamy, these land inheritances would be divided between the siblings, and the resulting land portions would be too small to farm effectively. Additionally, men moving away to marry different women further deplete their parents’ resources, resulting in poor living conditions for the parental unit.


Geographic

Some cultures are polyandrous because of their geographic location. This applies to isolated communities and communities with little access to resources. Thus, monogamous marriages with multiple children would not be feasible.


Evolutionary

In other instances, the imbalance between the male population and the female population has also led to polyandry. Although a man might be a suitable bachelor, he may be competing with many other males in the community. The logical solution is entering a polyandrous marriage. 


Combined, the conditions mentioned above all make polyandry the best option to promote survival. Instead of focusing on carrying on the family line by joining a monogamous marriage and producing an heir, males in polyandrous societies are typically more influenced by the community’s overall well-being.


Difficulties with finding a second husband

Although males may accept the fact that they might not produce an heir in a polyandrous marriage, they might still struggle with this truth throughout the relationship. 


In reality, the idea that they are less likely to father their genetic children in a polyandrous marriage is a major stressor. In the same vein, sexual jealousy is a significant problem in polyandrous homes.


As a result, men often seek out and prefer younger wives who have a higher chance of giving them children. However, not all poly couples or groups want children. Other instances of polyandry are a result of the need for protection against intruders who may prey on wives when the husbands are away from the home for too long.


The first husband and wife would rather ensure safety than maintain a monogamous relationship and risk fatal harm. Other obstacles polyandrous households face are similar to any other poly relationship. These challenges include jealousy, unequal affection and resource allocation, and poor connections overall.


Benefits of polyandry

Likewise, polyandry’s benefits mirror the benefits of finding a second wife. Particularly in Western nations, these benefits consist of more shared resources, a larger support network for the whole family, and more assistance in child-rearing.


For others, sexual and/or emotional satisfaction may be the most appealing aspect of having multiple husbands. You might just be someone who enjoys meeting other people, getting to know them, and sharing them with your significant others. You might be someone who wishes to be that supportive second husband to a hardworking wife. 


You might be enthralled by the idea of spending the rest of your days not just with one person, but many others who feel the same. We get it: the monogamous lifestyle isn’t for everyone. That’s why we founded Sister Wives in the first place--to help you find your people without judgment.


So why the judgment against polyandry? One word: bigotry. Many believe that polyandry tips the power too much in women’s favor. Others believe that polyandry violates the laws of marriage and nature. Others balk at the idea of men willingly handing over the reins to women in a household. 


No matter the brand of sexism and intolerance, it’s almost always absurd.


What’s our stance at Sister Wives?


This is to say that the sensational articles questioning or even attacking polyandry come from closed minds. Additionally, polyandry isn’t just “a misguided attempt by activists to equalize men and women” like polygamist Musa Mseleku would have you believe. Although equality and balanced power dynamics are fringe benefits of polyandry and sister wife relationships in general, it’s not the main driving force behind it.


We must keep in mind that people also choose polyandry for no other reason than wanting more meaningful relationships or more joy in their lives.


At the risk of sounding cliché, I’ll say it anyway: Love is love. Although we are called “Sister Wives,” our site offers much more than that. You can sign up as an individual, couple, or group and search for a female, male, couple, group, or all of the above. So whether you’re actively finding a second wife or wanting to explore polyandry, SisterWives.com is a safe space that allows you to be your authentic self.









Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc: Sisterwives.com


When you hear “polygamy” or “sister wives,” you might think of the original Mormons, Kody Brown and his multiple sister wives, or Jacob from the Christian Bible. One thing these characters have in common? Being white. You might be surprised to hear, then, that there is a significant part of the Asian, Latinx, Black, and Indigenous population that practices polygamy or another form of poly lifestyle in America.


Why do we hear so little about it? The answer is a little complex. It’s a mixture of sociocultural attitudes, a lack of representation in the poly world, and privilege. To clarify, this privilege is granted to white or white-passing poly community members, which often makes polygamy dating a tricky and disappointing journey for many people of color (POC).


As allies, we have the honor and responsibility of making the poly community more inclusive, more welcoming, and more secure for everyone regardless of race. Like in many spaces within society, the polygamy dating sphere is tinged with prejudice. Let’s take a look at why this is so, and what we can do together to change it.


Do POC practice polygamy or polyamory?


Judging by the historically white face of the poly community (think shows like “Sister Wives” and Escaping Polygamy), most people assume that only white people partake in polygamy dating or plural relationships. In actuality, some studies have shown that people of color are just as likely to engage in consensual non-monogamy
Additionally, there has been an uptick of poly dating in the black community. Whether it’s due to wanting sister wives, needing economic security, or having more control over children’s education is still up for debate, but it’s rising nonetheless.
However, since POC are not represented well in the poly world, they might feel hesitant to share and be public about their lifestyles with friends and family. In particular, poly Asian and Latinx are less likely to divulge their full identities to family members, which may contribute to our lack of knowledge about the precise number of POC in the poly dating world.
People of color also often feel uncomfortable, unwelcome, or unsafe in poly networks, especially at in-person meetings or in online forums. This discomfort is perhaps rooted in the fetishization of and discrimination against POC, which is then ignored or even inflamed by white leaders in our community.
Kevin A. Patterson, a Black poly community member and author of Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities, noted that he often disagrees with how white organizers treat POC attendees at poly events. 
Holding his ground, he points out where leaders need improvement, and this has sometimes led to real change taking place. The other times it doesn’t, he is alienated altogether by the people in charge. It’s Patterson and other peers like him that we need to listen to.


Common challenges POC face


When I read about poly lifestyles and race, I come across recurring obstacles POC face. These issues keep them not just from attending poly events, but typically prohibits them from trying out the lifestyle in the first place.


● POC are afraid of being reduced to and treated like a fetish. This is especially true for women of color.● POC do not share the white privilege of living a nontraditional lifestyle with little consequence. POC fear that others will resort to stereotypical insults about POC being vulgar, indecent, and/or backwards when admitting that they’re polyamorous. In contrast, white people receive relatively less backlash for this choice.● Many POC simply cannot afford the resources needed in polygamy dating. This includes time and money.● POC families are less likely to be familiar with poly terms. This results in a big misunderstanding of or lack of knowledge about consensual non-monogamy, polygamy, polyamory, polygyny, and other poly subcategories. In the end, many poly POC avoid sharing their lifestyles with family in fear of rejection.


So what can white allies/partners do to protect POC in the poly community?


Just as we must make sure POC are safe in other shared spaces like schools, offices, and public commercial establishments, we must create room for everyone in the poly realm. This process of unlearning biases, calling out racism, and discussing difficult issues is continuous.


Check your own problematic attitude(s), if any.


Like I mentioned above, a big barrier to more POC joining the poly world is feeling like a fetish or object to others, especially to white partners. Having a kink or personal preference about someone (e.g. funny, muscular, smart) is dramatically different than seeking out sister wives who meet a race criteria. This brings us to our next point.


Don’t be afraid to call out others’ racist attitudes.


If you know someone (or a couple) who actively seek out sister wives by virtue of race and color, it’s your responsibility to remind them of the racist agenda behind their actions. This might create tension in your personal relationship, but on the flip side, it might awaken them to a process of unlearning and letting go of their questionable mindsets.


Even if it’s uncomfortable, keep talking about racism and discrimination.


Some conversations will be more difficult than others, but when the going gets tough, you just keep going. To become real allies to POC, we must be open to discussion. To do so, we must educate ourselves and educate others on what it means to have privilege and how to wield it in a way that lifts others up.


Learn about racial and social issues from POC.


What better way to learn how to be a better ally than learning from actual people of color? Nowadays, knowledge is always available at our fingertips in the form of videos, articles, research reports, podcasts, and books. 
There’s no excuse to be uneducated on racial matters. This knowledge and self-awareness help deepen the trust between you and poly POC in your life that experience discrimination every day. 







Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc: Sisterwives.com


Why is Polygamy Illegal?

The reason polygamy and the act of plural marriage as a whole is illegal is complicated. The short answer is: It seems that it’s just easier for lawmakers to keep it outlawed because essentially all systems and policies that America operates on are all built around the concept of two spouse households. Legalizing poly marriages would basically entail an overhaul of all of these systems.  


Now for the long answer, which requires a bit of a history lesson:


Polygamy was outlawed in federal territories in 1862 by the Morrill Anti-Bigamy Act, signed into law by Abraham Lincoln (yes… THAT long ago). The act was directed at Mormons who practiced plural marriage and the resulting property dominance this gave them in the Utah Territory. Basically, it was outlawed because the government felt the Mormon church had too much control over land in Utah, which was not yet an official state.


Though enforcement of the law didn’t begin until 1887, the Mormon church had officially discontinued the practice of plural marriage by 1890. This was the only way they would be granted ownership of their assets back, which they received three years later. 


However, existing plural marriages were not dissolved. This group of people broke away from the official Mormon church and called themselves Mormon Fundamentalists. Many of the polygamists in North America, including Kody Brown of Sister Wives, identify as this. We’ll expand on this later. 


Today, plural marriage - referred to legally as “bigamy” - is outlawed in all 50 states and all U.S. territories. It is enforced on a state level, which is why Utah was able to decriminalize polygamy last year. Keep in mind that decriminalizing is different than legalizing. To legalize plural marriage in all U.S. states and territories, a federal law or Supreme Court ruling (like Obergefell v. Hodges) would have to be passed that overturned all state laws that make it illegal. 


The reason this hasn’t happened, like the reason it was outlawed in the first place, is that the tax systems, healthcare system, immigration system, etc. all operate on the basis that you are either single or married to one spouse. This means there would have to be a lot of policy changes and updates to both accommodate plural marriages as well as prevent people from finding “loopholes.”


It’s ironic that as old a practice polygamy is, it’s somehow ahead of its time in terms of the American societal and legal structure. If you’ve ever wondered why poly marriages weren’t legalized soon after same-sex marriages (because even though polygamy is not a sexuality, thus not part of LGBTQ+) it’s partially because same-sex marriage still only permits two people. Plus, there was a much larger push from society for the legalization of same-sex marriage as the LGBTQ+ community is far larger than the poly community.


Explaining the Stigma Polygamy And Polyamory

Several religions practice polygamy around the world. The main (if not only) religion that practices it in the U.S. are the Mormon Fundamentalists we mentioned earlier. This group of people is mainly comprised of descendants from the original fundamentalists that lived in Utah when polygamy was outlawed. 


So, a lot of people were born into the life of a polygamist - many of which didn’t consent to it. These cases raise the issue of consent among polygamous as well as polyamorous relationships, and rightfully so. All parties of a poly relationship should be willing and consenting individuals. If a partner enters a polygamous marriage at a young age and later feels it’s not the right lifestyle for them, they should have every right to leave amicably. 


This is an important issue to acknowledge and face head-on. Though these actions don’t summarize the entire poly community, they do affect us as a whole. Polygamy isn’t a big enough community in the U.S. for people from the outside looking in to know we aren’t all the same. 


That’s why we wanted to write this post: Because it’s important not to hide from the issues that members of our community have created to show that not only do we not condone that behavior, we also won’t enable it. 


It’s also important to note that while polygamy has been practiced religiously, you don’t have to be a member of a certain religion to become a polygamist. The role religion plays on the bias toward poly people isn’t just in the background of our community, but also in the way other conservative religions view us. 


Like we said, the polygamous community is relatively small, especially in comparison to some religious groups such as Christianity, for example. That’s not to say that all Christians automatically disapprove of polygamy but the amount that do, do so loudly. This created a certain narrative that polygamists haven’t had the platform to speak on until recently, though we could use more representation than a reality show or two.


At Sister Wives, we believe you don’t have to limit yourself to being one thing or the other. We welcome people of all different types of faith and backgrounds into the polygamous community. It’s just important to understand the different stigmas toward poly people and the roots of each of them. Whether you’re thinking about becoming a polygamist or just wanting to educate yourself, it’s important to know the background of something in order to truly understand it.


How Society Feels About Polygamy

Though younger generations are increasingly open-minded toward polygamy, some biases still remain. The main stigma around polygamy revolves around the abuse some religious groups have allowed, particularly towards the wives. Obviously, modern polygamists don’t condone or practice that - but it’s understandable why people would assume we all fall under the same umbrella.


There’s also the hyper-conservative group that loudly oppose polygamous and polyamorous marriages the same way they opposed same-sex marriages. The fact is, no matter how much new information you provide them, there are people who will never change their opinions. Which is fine, but they are not the face of public opinion. 


After doing a bit of research online, we found that the majority of people either support modern poly relationships or… just don’t care. There might be a bit of initial surprise when you introduce yourself as polygamous, but more than likely it will wear off after a few rounds of questions. Being poly is a huge part of our identity but it’s not all we have to offer, and good people will be able to understand that and move along.


We hope you found this article insightful and can walk away with a better understanding of the stigma around polygamy. People at the beginning of their poly journey may be intimidated by the biases people may have toward them should they become a polygamist. If you think about it, it’s mainly because you just don’t know what to expect in terms of how people will react. 


Remember, one of the greatest advantages of polygamy and polyamory alike is that you won’t be alone. Not only will you gain partners, but you also gain a community of people who have been where you are and can help. That’s why at Sister Wives, we offer resources including educational articles and several ways to interact with others in the poly community, such as our forum. These things and more are what make Sister Wives the best poly matchmaking site out there!









Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc: Sisterwives.com


Poly dating is a fated convergence of lives--in some cases, it might result in blended families with children. While most monogamous partnerships celebrate Father’s day reflexively on the third Sunday of June every year, you might be under additional pressure if you’re in the poly dating world with multiple people. 


In 1922, Dr. Gary Chapman popularized love languages through his book The Five Love Languages.. Today, the main points still resonate with most people in relationships. So according to your husband or partner’s personality, they might appreciate one token of love more than the other on Father’s Day. 


Let’s explore the main love languages and what gifts are associated with them. We’ll include both material and immaterial gifts that go beyond a greeting card.


If their love language is giving or receiving gifts

Gift-giving and receiving gifts are common love languages in any relationship, whether it’s a polygamous household or not. Although the central theme of any holiday shouldn’t be about material things, gift-giving is more than just monetary value.


A carefully chosen antique vase or a handmade leather bag tells your partner that this very thing reminded you of them. This concrete token of love is rooted in the thought behind the present, rather than the actual thing, although the gift itself is a great bonus.


To proceed, consider your partner’s interests and find something that shows them you have taken inventory of what they like, and thought about how this gift will impact them. Do they have a pottery hobby? Try giving them a new trimming tool. Are they always complaining about a strained neck in the morning? Research the best pillows online and have one delivered to your home (or theirs).


If you’re eschewing practicality and want to lean into sentimentality, anything handmade or personalized is always a big winner. Think custom photo albums, matching coffee mugs, framed artwork, etc.


If their love language is physical touch

Gifts centered around physical touch might be easier to deliver than other items on this list. Physical touch is also something you can offer all the time when you’re together, not just on a single holiday. 


However, if you want to make it extra special, a scheduled massage or cuddle night can make your partner feel loved. Depending on your relationship, you might also open up the room to more intimate activities--if it’s feasible, of course.


If their love language is acts of service

When it comes to acts of service, magnitude doesn’t matter much. It can be something as small as offering to do the grocery shopping for the month or something as big as sorting out the household’s financial matters, whether it’s calling banks or sorting documents.


One note about acts of service is that daily deeds can make a large impact on your relationship. By picking up the slack or recognizing where your partner needs help (before they even ask for it), you’re actively building a healthy, love-filled relationship.


As for Father’s Day, sweet gestures like cooking extra special meals for the week or running their errands for them during the weekend are some viable ideas.


If their love language is quality time

Quality time is essential in any relationship, but may even be more crucial when plunging into poly dating. When you’re in a polygamous relationship, a decline in quality time can stress out your connections. 


Although some polygamists participate in hierarchical relationships, many others strive to maintain a non-hierarchical status between everyone involved. Thus, the challenge is how to allocate resources effectively.


Truthfully, this gets tricky when children are involved. Everyone’s lives are filled with different activities, work schedules, and social obligations, so that some relationships may preserve quality time better than others do.


For Father’s Day, organize a date with you and your partner alone with no interruptions. Unbroken conversation, full eye contact, and thorough mindfulness help set your connection in stone. Check in with others in the polycule, and ensure your calendars are all synced to make the one-on-one time a success.


If their love language is words of affirmation

Words of affirmation require no money at all, only thought and affection. This love language places importance on verbal presents like declarations of love, thoughtful compliments, words of encouragement, and meaningful discussion.


A video message from everyone in the family expressing their love is a fantastic expression of words of affirmation. Another idea is sitting with everyone for dinner and taking turns vocalizing what you appreciate about the father figure (or figures) in the household.


Keep in mind that daily words of affirmation are an effortless way of ensuring your partner feels loved and understood, so take advantage of this love language whenever you can.


Should I celebrate Father’s Day when trying poly dating?

Not every poly family has children, although many poly households do. If you’re a couple with children and are looking to add a second male figure into the mix, timing is key. Have an adult family meeting and decide when is the appropriate time to introduce a new figure to your children. 


This discussion might also include when to invite them for big events like Father’s Day, Mother’s Day, and Winter Holidays. As always, an open dialogue is key to mutual understanding.









Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc: Sisterwives.com


Mother’s Day is a tricky holiday to celebrate indeed. More than likely, there are multiple women in your life you want to honor on this special day--two mother figures (your own mother and your partner’s mother) plus any sister wife in the family. Additionally, if you have daughters who are old enough to be mothers themselves, they need to be included in the equation, too. So how does it work in a poly relationship? When is it acceptable to introduce a potential sister wife to your children and celebrate holidays together? Who do you invite to the festivities? Let’s take a look at common questions regarding Mother’s Day in poly households.


How to spend Mother’s Day with sister wives

If you’re a man in a plural marriage, you might need to strategize. When in doubt, a big celebration with everyone included removes the risk of a sister wife feeling neglected. If time and resources permit, this holiday is also the perfect opportunity for quality one-on-one time with each sister wife. This precious day can help you establish some annual traditions like going out for dinner at a specific restaurant or visiting a place that means a lot to your relationship.


If you’re a sister wife and want to show how much you appreciate the other mamas in your relationship, even just a card, a bouquet of flowers, and a heartfelt speech can strengthen any bond. Likewise, a small act of love like preparing the day’s breakfast or offering to take their child (or children) for a few hours to free up time in their schedule can mean the world.


For established poly marriages with sister wives who have multiple children that have grown up together, this might not be a problem at all. You might already have a system in place where the host family rotates each year. Of course, not all poly relationships include children, and consequently, motherhood. Perhaps your dilemma is figuring out whose mother-in-law’s house you’ll visit for the day. In any case, clear communication and reasonable dialogue about expectations surrounding this holiday should not be avoided.


What’s the best gift for a sister wife with kids

We’ve all been there. We’ve struggled to pick out the right gift for a birthday or special occasion, and eventually settled for something generic. While generic works well for casual relationships like with coworkers or neighbors, it might spell disaster as a Mother’s Day offering.


Keep in mind that while being a mother can be a big part of a sister wife’s identity, that’s not their whole identity. Mothers in monogamous relationships also have other interests outside of caretaking, whether it’s a photography hobby, an annual international trip, or a reading club. Paying attention to a sister wife’s interests outside of family (whether you’re a partner or a fellow sister wife) and acknowledging it on big days like this only fosters a more loving relationship. My advice is to take note of their current likes and dislikes even before Mother’s Day, and pick out something with thought instead of opting for a gift they might end up returning to the store. While gift cards usually scream, “I didn’t know what to get you, so here’s $100 in credit,” it might actually work in your favor if the gift card is to a store or place a sister wife frequents.


When do we introduce someone to children at home?

Poly dating or not, this question baffles the best of us. Most love seekers follow the general rule of thumb of waiting three to six months before introducing someone to the family. This number might change depending on your children’s ages and therefore whether or not they have an understanding of your family dynamics. Moreover, you might introduce someone you (or you and your partner) are dating to friends before introducing them to your family. Why? Typically, meeting friends is less complicated and less stressful.


In terms of when to invite dating partners to big events at home, it depends. If your children have a close relationship with a sister wife (or unofficial sister wife) and see her as a mother figure, including her in Mother’s Day celebrations is natural. However, feelings are never clear cut, and your first wife (or the childrens’ mother) might not agree with sharing the title of Mom. Again, the key here is communication about expectations, but this time, you can extend the conversation to boundaries and family roles.


Other holidays with sister wives and poly families

The bottom line with poly families and holidays is that figuring out logistics might always be more effort than a nuclear family’s simple plans. This is especially true if sister wives and their children live in different households, or if the children have their own families, too.


The key to determining the best gift, venue, food, and entertainment is a matter of trial and error. You might not be able to control everything in life, but you can count on family members who would do anything to ensure your well-being, holiday or not. Together, you’ll figure out a system that works for everyone.









Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc: Sisterwives.com


advertisement
Password protected photo
Password protected photo
Password protected photo