Chris's article

Polyamorous people have an enormous edge over monogamous people in life. It might even be a little unfair because the freedom and opportunity poly people enjoy, if appropriately utilized, can make us unstoppable. Forging your own path in life and allowing yourself, and your loved ones, to explore the things that really make you tick can lead to boundless joy and success. Here are a few suggestions to help take advantage of everything your polyamorous life has to offer. 

Do not ever get bogged down in the judgments and expectations others will gladly lay on you. It’s unfortunate, but sadly true, that the world is full of people who find trepidation in the joy of others. We’ve all had a bad day and have been guilty of rolling our eyes at someone being a little too happy for our current mood. Many people, however, are that way all of the time. The amount of love you live with and exude every day as a poly person will make them want to scratch your eyes out. Learning to handle their judgments against you with grace will keep everyone in the room enjoying their time around you. Others aren’t so miserable in their daily life, but have a severe addiction to control. Your freedom will conjure up thoughts of immorality in their minds because that’s the easiest way to put you back in the little box they need you in. Most of them will just think as they wish about you and keep it to themselves, but not all of them. When encountering someone trying to publicly stick you back in one of their ‘boxes’ you should rip the box to shreds. Your life and your love is none of their g.d. business and you have to make sure they know it. Politeness is good most of the time but don’t be a pushover. 

Choose love wisely, every time. The ability to enjoy multiple partners does not mean any of them should be taken lightly. A polygamous man looking for sister wives knows that each new sister wife needs to be an asset to his family. A woman looking to become a sister wife needs to enjoy her entire prospective family, at least for the most part. The same goes for polyamorous people joining an existing group. Multiple people loving each other and building loving groups or families can turn bad quickly if anyone involved isn’t taking it seriously. Polyamorous people have to be confident, honest, and forthcoming if they want successful relationships. Timidity is a big red flag. It signals discomfort and possibly some terrible secrets. On the other end of the spectrum are blowhards. This is an even bigger red flag. A person living honestly and according to their genuine character has no need to be boastful. Boasting is usually a cover-up for things a person lacks. Pity these people, don’t date them and think you can fix them. You cannot. 

Take advantage of the power of numbers! Polyamorous people aren’t bound to the ridiculous notion that a married man or woman can’t hang out alone with someone of the opposite sex. They can also maintain a social life in ways a traditional married couple often has to forfeit in order to be the little nuclear family they’re told to be. A healthy social life means more contacts and more opportunities will come your way throughout your entire life. There is no shame in networking. Humans are social creatures and removing opportunities for connections in your life will only lead to depression, lack of motivation, or worse. As you build your poly family over the years there comes another advantage with the numbers. A lot of people prefer to live alone, or with just one partner, but I’m a big proponent of stacking multiple incomes to enhance your buying power. Five working adults can buy an amazing property together even if none of them make six figures individually. The same goes for vacations, cars, etc. Stacking incomes and sharing responsibilities among multiple people can make life so much nicer. It puts a whole new twist on ‘The Butcher, The Baker, The Candlestick Maker.’ Now that would be a fun tub to share! 

Encourage others to explore polyamory. This refers back to power in numbers a bit, but it’s very important to promote the poly lifestyle. Not only will it help increase numbers and visibility which can lead to social normalization, it also introduces others to happy lives they may have otherwise never thought possible. I’m not saying go door to door to spread ‘the good word’ like many religious groups do, but being out as poly and encouraging the lifestyle for others will go a long way. Religious groups have often accused gay people of ‘recruiting’ more gay people. That’s a ludicrous accusation, of course, but in reality it’s not a bad idea. Why not ‘recruit’ people to live a life that will make them happier and more complete if it suits them? Now we can touch back on the point about addiction to control. There are plenty of naysayers that can’t handle people enjoying happiness and freedom, don’t let them stop you. 

The truth is, if you’re already enjoying a polygamous family or polyamorous group you very likely have already been maximizing your life. It comes with the territory. Poly people decide to become sister wives or join a poly group because it’s already in their character to make the most of life. It’s not hard to live a wonderful life when it’s full of so much love. Using all of that love and confidence along with making good choices for you and all of your family or partners will produce a life many can only dream of. Enjoy it. 

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc: Sisterwives.com

Before I begin, I should point out that the barriers this article explores are not inherent in polyamory itself. These barriers are placed on polyamorous and polygamous people by forces outside of their relationships. We live in a world full of people that are ever-ready to limit or tear others down. Wielding power over others is like a drug for too many people. They prey on differences they know will strike fear in the general population and exploit this to maintain a superior position, or at least the feeling of it. Once you’ve fallen victim to one of these people it can be seemingly impossible to recover your reputation and relationships in a community. It’s never been more important for people with unique lives to hold each other up. Polygamists, polyamorous people, anyone that is LGBTQ, immigrants, and people of color all need to set our differences aside and help each other fight hateful forces. The only way to create positive change in the world is to remove the power of negativity and hate. Knowing how to identify negativity and hate, and where it comes from, is the first step in a better direction.

Polygamous families have faced discrimination for decades now. What was once a fairly normal practice somehow became taboo over the last few centuries. It used to be kings or wealthy men that looked for the historical equivalent of sister wives. Over the years marriage became the social norm for rich and poor alike, but somehow along with this evolution polygamy became an unpopular choice. Recent developments have reintroduced polygamy as a viable option and the morality vultures have been circling ever since. Rather than supporting a woman that wants to become a sister wife, much of society acts quickly to attack her character and accuse her of being weak, or even dumb. Men that want sister wives are often called monsters and abusers. Society just can’t handle the idea of a relationship or marriage unlike their own. It would be one thing to disagree with polygamy and leave polygamists alone, but that’s too often not the case. Polymagous families need to be prepared, both legally and emotionally, to address criticism quickly and efficiently. Learning to be unaffected by hate from others will keep your reaction logical and effective. 

Polyamorous people might have an easier time than polygamists in the public eye, but don’t get too comfortable. Polygamy and polyamory are essentially the same idea. Both involve multiple people being involved intimately with each other. Even though more people might have a negative association with the word ‘polygamy,’ don’t think for a second that plenty of people don’t deeply disapprove of polyamory. There are plenty of conservative old housewives alone out there that would believe they’re accomplishing an important mission by outing polyamorists and informing them of what she perceives as ‘the right way to live’ in a very public way. Don’t forget that we live in an age with people following something called ‘The Gospel of Wealth.’ People really believe God rewards them for being strict Christians. Enforcing their values onto your poly group or family would only serve as a reason for more rewards from God in their eyes. Shaming you into their way of life is not beneath them. These self-described ‘Christians’ are in it for the benefits, and power, not for any altruistic purpose. Don’t get caught in their web. 

There are plenty of good people in the world, both Christian and non-Christian, religious and non-religious. Find the good people and pursue social relationships with them. Building a network with the good people of the world is the only way to push back against the barriers we don’t deserve to face in life. People that choose to follow their own paths need each other. This is why cities like New York and LA have successful people from all walks of life. They provide alternate communities for all kinds of people due to their large and concentrated populations. This doesn’t mean smaller areas can’t provide the same opportunity for everyone. With a little effort even a small town can embrace diversity and provide a safe space for all. Whatever your faith is, don’t let anyone claim to own the patent on Christianity (or any other religion). A person using their faith to harm others is proof their faith is false. You can safely reject the walls they try to build around you. Damage can still be done but confidence and certainty of your moral high ground will help you recover. 

The only real barriers in life are the ones we accept. Not to say other people can’t make life difficult, but most of the limits you feel come from your acceptance of the barriers others place on you. If you are a man that knows finding sister wives and building a polygamous family is right for you, do it. If you’re a woman that knows being a sister wife will make you truly happy, don’t let anyone tell you it’s not an acceptable option. If polyamory is your path to healthy relationships and a life of joy, why on earth would you let a miserable person discourage you from your dreams. A friend with valid concerns is a good thing. A person that’s jealous of your joy is dangerous. Learn to spot the difference and never surrender to the standards others are only interested in using against you. Your life, your loves’, your way.      

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc: Sisterwives.com