Chris's article

In the poly dating world, sometimes it feels like just setting up a legitimate date is half the battle. Casual dating is great if that’s what you’re looking for, but as a polygamist, you’re probably only looking for something serious. Here are some signs of what to look for when figuring out if your newest partner is serious about polygamy - and about you.


Looking for your perfect match? Download the official Sister Wives polygamy dating app FREE in the Google Play Store or launch our PWA App for Apple and other mobile devices!


Their Actions Match Their Words

When you’ve found someone who is serious about polygamy, the most obvious sign is that their actions align with their words. If you set a date with them, you know you can rely on them to show up. Too often, we find ourselves accepting partners who don’t value our time and effort. Setting a date with someone who isn’t serious about you usually feels like a tentative plan, even if neither of you has expressed this. 


Sure, sometimes things come up. Some people do have crazy jobs and/or schedules. However, this doesn’t excuse them if they constantly reschedule or forgetting dates. It also doesn’t excuse them if they continuously don’t call or text when they say they will. The fact is, if someone is serious about joining your poly family, they’ll make time. 


This goes both ways. If a partner acts loving and seems very interested in you while on your date, but says they don’t know when (or if) they’ll be ready to commit, listen to them. If they’re meant to join your family, they’ll find their way back to you when they’re ready. This can be hard to do, but you can’t force something to work that’s just not meant to be. Any time spent trying to do so is just time taken away from finding the right poly partner. 


They Make You Part of Their Life

Someone who is serious about you shows this by introducing you to their lives. They’ll want to take you to their favorite places and to meet their favorite people. It’s important to ask about your partner’s friends and family toward the beginning of your courtship. If they say they aren’t ready to talk about it, that’s totally fine. Not everyone has a good relationship with their families and/or a steady group of friends. 


Maybe they have children from a previous relationship. Maybe they just need a little more time before they feel certain enough about your relationship to meet your spouse(s) and/or other partner(s). Some things take time, which is totally understandable! The key thing to look for here is if they’re giving you insight into why and expressing intent to making this a goal to meet together. For example, “I would love for my kids to meet you, but it’s important to me to be super cautious when it comes to who is in their lives. Let me think about a timeline for you to meet them that I’d be comfortable with.”


However, at a certain point in your relationship, your partner should begin to grow more and more comfortable telling you things about themselves. It’s always important to respect people’s boundaries, but someone who isn’t ready to be open with you may not be ready for the kind of commitment a polygamist marriage takes. The point is, in a serious relationship, you have to show you’re ready to work toward merging your lives together. 


They Talk About Your Future 

Think about going on a first date. How do you know if it went well? If you make plans to see each other again. Keyword: Plans. The more serious you get about one another, the further out your plans for the future should go. These don’t have to be huge, life-changing plans. Just things that move your relationship forward. 


They’ll want to know what your plans are, too. They show this by asking questions about your long-term goals like: Are you planning to have any (more) children? Do you see yourself living in this area for a long time? These are questions that most people would feel comfortable asking in the first few conversations with you if they’re looking for someone to settle down with.


Someone who is ready to commit to a long-term poly relationship or marriage with you will show this by taking the right steps forward. They might need guidance on what those steps should be, but they should show that they want to work on moving forward together. When each partner in the relationship is committed to it long-term and knows how to communicate, setting milestones should come naturally. If planning your future feels one-sided on your end, or finding out what they want from your relationship next feels like pulling teeth, then they probably are not ready to get serious.


They Move at a Healthy Pace

Every relationship timeline looks different, but a serious partner won’t drag out each phase. They also won’t rush into anything. If they aren’t sure about becoming poly, that is their decision to make. It’s definitely something that might require a bit of thought. It’s important that you know and express that to them. Otherwise, they may freeze and struggle to make a decision, or jump into something their heart isn’t really in.


A healthy pace includes lots and lots of communication for everyone involved. Eventually, your other partners will need to weigh in on what steps work for your family. Integrating a new partner into the mix can be both a loving and stressful time. Make sure you, your new partner, and current partner(s) are all on the same page!


When you sign up with a Sister Wives, you’ll find much more than a poly match: You join our community too! We offer our members access to several helpful resources as they embark on their dating journey including articles, community forums to ask for advice in, and individual blogs to read about other people’s journeys. 


Ready to meet your perfect match? They could be waiting for you here now, so sign up today!









Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc: Sisterwives.com


I’ve written my fair share of poly dating guides. I’ve expressed my thoughts on how to become a sister wife, how to bring up polyamory to your partner, and even how to navigate the sexual spectrum of poly relationships. Here, I’m focusing on how to find a second wife--or a third, and fourth without putting any pressure on your current relationship. Your first instinct might be to browse the usual poly dating apps--Feeld, OkCupid, Sister Wives, etc.--but there are other steps you can take beforehand.


1. Don’t force it

In a monogamous relationship, not every person you meet is a life partner candidate. Moreover, good relationships feel natural and effortless. Of course, all great relationships need effort, but the start of one blossoms without it being forced. If it doesn’t feel right, you probably shouldn’t pursue a relationship further than platonic friendship.


Granted, meeting people naturally on dating sites sounds like an oxymoron, but even these digital encounters should have a genuine, organic feel. When you’re on dating sites long enough, you start to be able to filter out who wants a real connection and who’s up for a short-term fling. There’s no problem with either, which brings us to our next step.


2. Set boundaries, but don’t limit yourself

When dating online or preparing yourself for the dating world in general, don’t be so consumed by a “Dream Wife'' checklist that you’re rejecting people left and right. You might (or probably already have) discuss what type of person you want your second wife to be with your current spouse. You might even discuss personality, life goals, sexual orientation, poly attitudes, etc. While it’s great to have a general sense of what type of people you want to surround yourself with, a strict list of requirements might set you back.


You miss out on great people who might not fit your description of an ideal second wife on paper. After all, the attributes on a dating site profile or app can only tell you so much about a person. The only way to know for sure if they’re the right fit is to give them a chance. You might be surprised at how much your ideal second, third, or fourth wife might actually be a completely different person than what you imagined.


3. Let your heart lead, but be realistic

New relationship energy (NRE) is a thing. You might even feel it strongly in the early dating stage. In fact, another word for it is the honeymoon phase where the people in the newfound connection feel giddy (euphoric, really) to the point where everything feels right and magical. At its worst, new relationship energy can lead you (the man) to always be seeking out new potential partners and getting lost in the dating stages, leaving your first wife on the back burner as you expend all your energy in searching out and wooing new potential wives.


So my humble piece of advice would be to check yourself whenever you find that the NRE is turning into an urge and not necessarily a genuine romantic feeling. While you may be a sociable person who just tends to hit it off with many people, be wary of how much energy you expend in your dating ventures.


4. Be safe, and trust your gut

Let’s talk safety. Safe sex is a common topic in poly circles, and rightly so. Depending on you and your polycule’s sexual orientations, safe sex and open communication about it helps build trust between everyone. It also ensures everyone’s personal health and safety, no matter how many people are involved in the relationship.


Another part of safety is safety in meeting people offline. In your search for finding a second wife, you might be eager to meet quickly and without thought. The sad truth is, there will always be people who don’t care about others’ safety and actively want to harm others. A safe practice is meeting in public for the first time, providing you with a harmless exit strategy should you want to leave the rendezvous. 


In more extenuating circumstances like, say, a global pandemic, meeting responsibly is also a matter of public duty. When in doubt, video calls are always a great way to break the ice before meeting in person. This way, you can gauge a person’s intentions and personality without taking on too much risk.


5. Try different dating sites

You might be a staunch Sister Wives user or a diehard Feeld customer, but exploring different  platforms is worth it when trying to find a second wife. Similar to how you wouldn’t frequent the same bar every weekend in the hopes of meeting new people, you might dip your toes in other dating apps to broaden your horizons. If you feel frustrated or begin to feel like you’re forcing it (See Step 1), take a break from dating and return when you feel ready again. It isn’t fair to you or others when you’re dating with an affected mindset.


6. Let it happen naturally

This next suggestion is a slight reiteration of Step 1, but I feel the need to keep it as a separate step. Many poly relationships do start on dating sites like Sister Wives, but many others begin somewhere random. Maybe your coworker’s friend’s cousin just happened to attend a networking event and you were introduced by chance. Maybe you’ll take a different route home one day and decide to try a new restaurant where you’ll meet and find your future second wife. Yes, this sounds like a terrible cliché, but love really can be found in the most unexpected places. If you’ve got a particularly interesting meet cute with your wives or partners, I’d love to hear about it in the comments below.








Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc: Sisterwives.com


A lot has changed as a result of the COVID-19 pandemic. While most things were slowing down, dating apps saw a spike in traffic. Though obviously dating apps are not a new concept, they suddenly became the only option for many people’s love lives. 


In this blog post, we’ll tell you what to expect when poly dating post-COVID. We’ll also dive into what a healthy balance of online and “real world” dating looks like as you set out to build your polygamist or polyamorous family. 


Bumble and Tinder aren’t the only dating apps: Download the official Sister Wives polygamy dating app FREE in the Google Play Store or use our Progressive Web App for Apple and all other mobile devices!


Pros of Online Poly Dating

When you’re a polygamist, it’s more difficult to meet someone organically in public than it would be for someone who is monogamous. That’s why many poly people have turned to online dating. Dating apps like Tinder and Bumble have broken the mainstream in the last few years and have been successful for many.


We’re sure some poly people have found a couple dates there too, as long as they clarified what they were looking for beforehand. That’s the beauty of dating apps and websites: You can communicate with each other without exchanging contact information first. This is a great way to feel each other’s personalities (and standards for a partner) out before meeting in person. 


At Sister Wives, we actually have a polygamy matchmaking system in place to make it easier for our members. This system analyzes every user’s profile information and matches people based on that info. It helps you enter the dating pool starting with more compatible users, and also notifies you whenever a potential match has signed up.


Along with most other dating apps nowadays, we also offer video chatting. Since March 2020, video dates have become a much more used option than they were before. Of course there hasn’t been many other choices, but many believe video chatting is here to stay.


Why? Because video chats offer a natural next step in between talking online and meeting in person. Sure, you can message people all day long and feel you’re hitting it off. But without speaking face-to-face (digitally) you simply cannot know how well you will mesh. 


With a texting conversation, you can take as long as you need to think of a good response before actually hitting send on your reply. If you’re nervous around new people or don’t do well with awkward silences, video dating is a great way to test the waters without actually getting stuck at a restaurant or somewhere you can’t easily excuse yourself from. That’s not to say you should never date in the real world again (we’ll tell you why you should in a minute!) but it does relieve a lot of pressure and make your first in-person meeting that much more comfortable. 


This is especially true when it comes to poly dating. The poly community faces its own unique set of potential complications. Just like we feel more comfortable talking over messages, so do phonies. Unlike monogamous people, we join dating sites because we are looking for something serious. Which makes it that much more disappointing if a date stands you up at a public location after you spent time getting ready and making your way there.


Cons of Online Dating

The most obvious con is not exclusive to polygamy dating, but is definitely very prevelant: Catfishing. Catfishing is known as when someone uses photos that don’t belong to them and pass them off as their own online. However, it often goes a lot deeper than that. 


Many catfishes intentionally hurt people for their own amusement. Or, they’re just fulfilling some social desire or using someone’s affections to profit financially. Catfishes aren’t just defined by the pictures they use. They’re defined by lying about their identity. 


When it comes to people who catfish in the poly world, there are people who could fit the bill as a typical catfish. However, something that’s more common to happen on polygamist dating websites: People are curious. They see the television show with the same name as our Sister Wives website and decide to sign up. 


This would be great if the person was both curious AND open to the idea of finding poly love online. Unfortunately, they usually aren’t. The good news is that Sister Wives (and we hope all dating apps) are heavily monitored for fakes. 


If you come across someone who is disingenuous, report them immediately. Be sure to read our previous article on spotting the red flags in online poly dating to learn how to recognize the signs.


Another con is the obvious missing connection. Sure, video chatting can answer a lot of questions about how you’ll click with someone but at a certain point, you want to spend time with them in person. As amazing as the level technology has progressed to is, nothing will ever beat hitting it off in person!


How to Merge The Two Worlds

Online dating may not be a permanent polygamy dating solution, but it sure does give you options. We strongly recommend video chatting before meeting anyone in person. Do this as early on as possible. That way, you’ll spend less time getting your hopes up if it doesn’t work out. Alternatively, you’ll be able to erase those doubts and be able to fully enjoy getting to know your potential partner now that you know they’re, well, themselves!


In short, always take advantage of the comforts and insight gained from dating online. It’s a great way to date at your own pace and avoid unnecessary anxiety so you can have the best poly dating experience possible!


A perk of joining a poly matchmaking site like Sister Wives is that you won’t just find a match, but a community as well. We offer our members access to several helpful resources as they embark on their dating journey including articles, community forums to ask for advice in, and individual blogs to read about other people’s journeys. 


Our goal has always been to help polygamists and polyamorous people find love and happiness. Your perfect match could be waiting for you here now, so sign up today!









Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc: Sisterwives.com



From craft coffee to artisanal sandwiches to monthly therapy, millennials are no strangers to self-care. But how is this self-aware generation faring in the dating world? Unfortunately, they fall victim to modern challenges too often--particularly ghosting, the hook-up culture, and saturated apps. So where do millennials stand on poly dating sites and poly life? Unsurprisingly, they’re more receptive to non-monogamous relationships, polyamory, and open relationships.


What poly dating sites do millennials use?

Even with the advent of social media, apps, and dating sites, it can be difficult to find the right poly match precisely because of these platforms. Millennials use Sister Wives, #open, and other mainstream sites or smartphone apps. However, very popular platforms tend to attract a more questionable crowd that often gives poly dating sites (and poly relationships overall) a bad rep. These sites comprise match.com and Tinder (just two out of many non-poly-friendly sites) where you’re likely to encounter feigned interest and people thirsty for a hook-up in the name of sexual exploration. 


To be fair, some poly individuals have probably found worthwhile relationships on these sites, but we don’t have the data for conclusive statements. Nevertheless, this means polyamory visibility and access to good poly dating sites are on the rise. According to a study by OkCupid (Tinder’s older sibling) in 2016, 42% of its users expressed that they would be interested in entering a relationship with someone already in a polyamorous arrangement. Though a little outdated by our standards, this figure is a noteworthy discovery.


Are millennials more likely to be in poly relationships than Baby boomers?

Research by the Institute for Family Studies suggests that Baby boomers are more approving of monogamous relationships as the status quo compared to younger generations (Hawkins & Smith, 2019). In the same vein, the Silent Generation (their parents), are less likely to have been in a consensual non-monogamous relationship or be interested in entering one. By contrast, millennials are more interested in consensual non-monogamy and are far more likely to have tried it in the past.


It’s safe to assume that millennials are then more likely to be in a poly relationship compared to their predecessors. Although some of our elders are credited with bringing poly love to the forefront via polycules in the 1960s and 1970s coupled with the invention of birth control methods, it seems that an even larger number still value the normal family unit of a straight, monogamous relationship epitomized by children.


Some argue that this warmer reception by millennials and higher poly instances in their group are due to the changes in marital expectations and timing. This claim might have some substance to it. After all, millennials are eschewing tradition by focusing more on careers, choosing marriage less and less, and straying from the nuclear family model. Furthermore, when millennials do get married, they tend to get married at a later age. 


This longer period between single life and married life (or a marriage equivalent) is where many say millennials get to explore and try new things, including consensual non-monogamy, but the study we provided above found that even with these factors in mind, millennials are still more likely to be in a poly relationship or at least consider it. We may never know exactly why this is so, but it’s still a compelling correlation we’ll keep an eye on throughout the years.


How is poly dating in millennials being undermined?

Besides limited representation in media and pop culture, poly dating is also vastly misunderstood in psychological circles. In fact, according to the study Polyamorous Millennials in Therapy: Interpreting Experiences to Inform Care by Rebecca Calhoun-Shepard, many psychologists aren’t trained to counsel or help treat poly millennials regarding self-identity issues, dating challenges, and other personal struggles. Therapists commonly play down poly clients’ issues and try to help clients solve their life’s dilemmas through a monogamous lens, thereby wasting time, money, and effort, while making the client feel shameful, helpless, and rightfully misunderstood (Calhoun-Shepard, 2019).


Of course, these unique obstacles don’t just stem from intentionally insensitive therapists, but also from a lack of research about poly clients in a psychological context. In Calhoun-Shepard’s breakthrough study, therapists describe their experience evolving from an uninformed provider to an empathetic one as a type of awakening, aptly nicknamed “getting it.” Instead of treating clients with a preconceived notion of poly relationships, they worked hard to reframe their way of thinking to best serve their patients.


This approach of being an educated ally is something we can scale up with a larger audience. Instead of relying on monogamous codes of conduct, we should open up the table to include alternative lifestyles, especially in professional settings. Sadly, people who do not understand or disagree with poly lifestyles might reflexively feel like they’re sacrificing their pride or values when they decide to change their views about poly dating.


What’s the future of poly dating sites and millennials?

Baby Boomers and Silent Generation constituents are quick to criticize millennial habits, but the truth is, millennials care, and they care deeply. Sure, they might splurge on a fancy sandwich with avocado, free range chicken, and fair trade vegetables, but this just means they recognize the costs of sustainable production and are willing to support it with their dollar. Yes, millennials are quick to cancel a celebrity or influencer, but this means they don’t stand for hate, bigotry, or other forms of animosity. 


And yes, millennials are more likely to use dating sites to meet potential partners, but at the same time, they’re also more accepting of different lifestyles in general. Whether millennial interest in poly dating is rising because they feel that poly life is a natural course of action after hundreds of years of traditional partnerships or if it’s because they’re more likely to seek meaningful connections, one thing is for sure: poly dating sites will continue to be a prominent feature in the dating realm.









Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc: Sisterwives.com



You may have recently realized you’re polygamous or polyamorous, or are a poly person who recently met a new potential partner. However, while it’s important to live an authentic life, it’s unfair to assume your partner or spouse - or potential partner or spouse - is automatically okay with a non monogamous relationship. To help you all navigate, the Sister Wives team has compiled a few ways to ensure all partners are onboard with a poly relationship.


Educate them

If your partner or potential partner are new to the poly lifestyle, it’s important to educate them. There are two overarching areas of poly: Polygamy and polyamory. Which do you identify with? It’s also okay if you don’t want to label it. Education on poly lifestyles is important, and you can learn a lot by reading the articles section of the Sister Wives dating website. The most important thing, though, is that you explain what it means to you.

 

What we mean by that is, explain why you feel drawn to polygamy or polyamory. That answer, while it will sound different for everyone, probably won’t be “because my current partner isn’t enough”, and that is what most monogamous people are afraid of. They feel that by opening your relationship to another partner, you’re saying they aren’t enough for you. This clearly isn’t the case, so just be sure you’re compassionate when communicating with them about being (or becoming) poly.


Address the sigma around polygamy and polyamory

People are becoming more and more accepting of poly lifestyles every day. Unfortunately, that doesn’t mean the stigma and bias poly people face has disappeared. Polygamist, polyamorous or otherwise multi-person marriages are illegal across the US as well as several other countries. Recently, there have been a few steps in the right direction, including the decriminalization of polygamy in Utah last year. Even more recently, Cambridge, Massachusetts, announced in March 2021 it will legalize domestic partnerships between three or more people.


Understand the history

While there is progress, it’s happening at a slow pace. For polygamy marriages, this is partially because of its association with religious groups such as Mormons and Muslims, and many feel the US should operate under Christianity. Some religion-based polygamists have pressured women into opening their marriage to sister wives.

 

While this is not and should never be something included in polygamy, it’s important to acknowledge it has happened to people in the past, and is currently happening to some people - mostly women - in other countries that practice polygamy. Modern polygamists have to understand where this bias comes from, because it shows how important consent is. This is a huge thing you should be prepared to discuss with your partner. If they aren’t on board with polygamy, you have to accept that. Even if that means you have to part ways.

Another reason poly marriages struggle with gaining legality: Taxes. There is an argument that multi-spouse marriages would give those households unfair advantages when it comes to paying taxes. Unfortunately, it is much easier for lawmakers to ignore the poly community rather than reform the current tax system in place.


Unpacking biases

Obviously, polygamous and polyamorous people don’t want to get married to cheat the tax system. While it would probably make filing easier, they want to get married because they have the right to be who they are. That, and the fact that partners who aren’t legally married don’t get the benefits that monogamous spouses have. For example, insurance companies and hospitals don’t have to recognize the marriage.

 

Plus, not many people know or understand why poly marriages are illegal, they just know that it is. Sadly, most people also don’t research things like this until it impacts them directly. So there’s a decent amount of people who look down on something they don’t really know anything about simply for the fact it’s not what they deem ethical.


Give them time

As we said at the beginning of the article, you can’t expect a partner or potential partner to jump on board right away. They may not be on board until months later, if at all. This is a lot of information to take in, after all.

 

If they express interest but want to learn more, then great! Use the section above to help you lead some honest and real conversations with them about why they’re hesitant. Don’t pressure them to give you a response by a certain deadline.


What if my partner freaks out upon me telling them?

Know that any big reactions stem from a place of hurt and/or fear. You have to be patient and show them you understand where they’re coming from. Be sure to spend some time preparing for the conversation both mentally and emotionally. Mentally, because you want to be prepared to answer their questions and explain to the best of your ability. Emotionally, because you may not get the response you want to hear.

 

It is possible that you could lose a monogamous partner or spouse by telling them you're poly. As hard as that would be, you deserve to live authentically. And so do they. If you can’t bring yourself to be monogamous and they can’t become poly, you will both have to move on. Because it isn’t fair to either of you to pressure the other into being something you’re not. It’s also unfair to keep something from a partner, so always be honest about who you are.


Utilize Sister Wives as a Resource

Whether you go into the poly dating world with a partner or alone, the Sister Wives dating website is here to help you along your journey. We’ve already mentioned our articles, but that’s not all we have to offer our members. Be sure to check out our member forum, where people who have been or are in your shoes ask and answer each other's questions, as well as support one another. You can learn more about other people’s stories by checking out member blogs, too. Whatever step of your journey you’re on, know that you’re not alone.









Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc: Sisterwives.com


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