Chris's article

Humans have opinions. Some opinions are very strong while others may be of little importance. Either way, we are full of them. It’s good to have opinions! They are developed from experience and knowledge and they help keep your life on a stable track that you can comprehend and make progress on. Sometimes we think we know more than we do and sometimes that leads to attitudes or words that only work to harm the world around us. Knowing when and where your opinions can help or when they will only cause harm is a trait everyone needs to develop. 

Polygamous and polyamorous people are no stranger to opinions that only work to cause harm. If a woman mentions she wants to become a sister wife she will face harsh scrutiny by people that disagree with polygamy. It’s important for a man looking for a sister wife to know his prospective sister wives face this scrutiny so he can be supportive. It’s the same story for polyamorous people. Discussing the issue and providing support to your partners, and your peers, is a necessity. Unfortunately, there are too often harmful opinions being expressed even within the polygamist and polyamorous communities. The inability to accept the diversity of lifestyle and choice does serious damage to the happiness and viability of polygamist and poly families. 

Diversity conjures images of a multi-ethnic group. While the right to date a person of any background you please is important, diversity means this, and so much more, in the polyamorous world. Diversity refers to every possible variation in the world outside of yourself. There is diversity in dating standards. Diversity in religious views. Diversity in expectations. It’s everywhere you look! Other people are not always like you and accepting this will free you from creating negativity in the world. 

Here’s a great example. A current ‘Sister Wives’ star recently expressed her disapproval of a couple on ‘Seeking Sister Wife’. She feels their choice to have sex before marriage was morally wrong. At the very core it is none of her business. It’s not her family or relationship and she has no place even sharing an opinion on the matter. While it may seem harmless on the surface, words like this go a long way in making life more difficult for polygamist people. Words like this are divisive and seek to put others below yourself as if, somehow, it makes you morally superior. People questioning polyamory or polygamy may hear this and use it to help form a negative opinion of both. It shows a lack of solidarity and a belief that polyamory is basically immoral at its’ core.

Solidarity is vitally important when you don’t live according to societal norms. People that want to express disapproval, and prove they are correct, will look for any cracks they can find and expose them. Having an opinion and convincing others to agree with you is like a drug for some people. They can’t get enough and if you give them the power they’ll have everyone they know shunning you. Every time you think you’re winning their approval by saying things against others like you, they’re actually getting further ahead. Don’t feed the beast of negativity. 

The old saying, “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all,” fits perfectly here. A sister wife can approach a fellow sister wife privately with questions about her choices, but they should avoid nasty judgments when speaking publicly about each other. The same goes for the polyamorous community. Concern for one another is healthy. Judging each other is not. A good rule of thumb before expressing disapproval of others is to first ask yourself, “is this helpful, is it doing any good?” If the answer is no it’s best to keep your opinion to yourself. 

Finding sister wives is like finding gold for a polygamist man. Finding multiple partners you love is heaven for polyamorous people. The joy polygamist and polyamorous lives can bring is beyond words. There are too many miserable people in this world that want nothing more than to rain on your parade. They find multiple romantic partners, of any sort, to be morally corrupt and they aren’t afraid to say it. The entire poly community must maintain solidarity. They must learn to respect the many different possibilities when more than two people love each other. Embrace the diversity. This is the only way to show the world against us how beautiful our lives really are. 

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc:

A new season of Seeking Sister Wife has kicked off and the drama has taken no time to start. There are very different approaches to courting a potential new sister wife and some very differing ideas about boundaries. Negative reactions to your man talking to another woman begs to question how does a sister wife expect him to find new sister wives. Jealousy is difficult but where does it fit in a polygamist family? How can you find a new sister wife if the boundaries don’t allow for the development of a new relationship?

Accusing your partner of essentially cheating when affection develops in another of their relationships is completely in opposition to being a polygamist or in a polyamorous relationship. A sister wife cannot expect a man to only have eyes for her and it’s ludicrous to demand standards that will prevent other relationships from developing. What’s the point of being a polygamist if you don’t want your partner to have other relationships and potentially grow the family? Why would you claim to be polyamorous if you don’t want to allow your partner to show affection to anyone but you? 

None of this is to suggest you shouldn’t have boundaries, but when your boundaries essentially push for monogamy you should stop pretending to be poly. It’s unseemly (or worse) to claim you are polygamous or polyamorous, if you’re not, then corner a lover into a life they don’t desire. It’s absolutely possible to ‘cheat’ if you’re polyamorous but setting standards that guarantee your partner eventually ‘cheats’ is cruel. A polygamous family is the same. Standards are important but futile if they only ensure failure. Cheating also doesn’t have to be the end of a relationship.

‘Cheating’ is a tough situation in any relationship. It’s even more difficult and confusing among polygamous families or in polyamorous relationships. The key to coping with cheating is to consider the intent. Monogamous relationships are black and white where the answer to sex with or dating other people is just no. If a polygamous family wants to grow they have to allow for finding new sister wives which means dating other women. If polyamorous people are truly polyamorous they have to allow their partners to express affection with others and not interfere with new relationships. 

If you’re poly partner or spouse is frequently sexting or staying over with a new partner it can feel  heartbreaking. Sharing your established love life with someone new is not always easy. However, getting angry with your partner for doing these things is not necessarily fair. Have you discussed your boundaries with them? Are they outwardly trying to hurt you, or do they even know their behavior upsets you? Do you know your own boundaries?

If you’re uncertain of your own boundaries it’s vital that you spend time considering them. You can save your relationship, and a ton of heartache, if you have set clear expectations with your partners. If your standards basically don’t allow your partners to date or spend time developing other relationships you need to reconsider your entire attachment to your partner. Are you really polyamorous? Or do you really want to be part of a polygamist family? 

If the answer to either question is yes… you have to embrace the lifestyle. If the jealousy is too much to handle sometimes you have to find coping mechanisms to keep it out of your mind. Tell your partner the things you simply can’t handle and create some basic rules you both follow to ensure your relationship stays healthy. 

Don’t be naive. Boundaries will be pushed. When boundaries get pushed be careful to address the situation reasonably. Keep an open mind and don’t forget the love you share with your partner. If the intent was cruel and your partner completely disregarded your feelings you might have a real problem. Some people cannot be trusted, or believe your feelings are nonsensical, and you have to decide if you can handle a partner that refuses to follow any rules. Maybe you also don’t really like rules. In the long run, you don’t want your partner afraid of always telling the truth. At times boundaries have to be be elastic to keep them from breaking. It cannot be stressed enough that intent is the only relevant factor when it comes to cheating in the poly world. 

Seeking Sister Wife is exploring these topics incredibly well this season. The differing approaches to what is perceived as cheating are very interesting. I can’t help but feel one of the situations is revealing a person that isn’t truly comfortable being a polygamist. Another approach is proving to be compassionate and understanding of the inevitability of imperfection. The polyamorous and polygamous world have unique struggles but the payoff can be a life full of love. Nobody is perfect but that doesn’t mean you can’t allow for a little fun. Isn’t that largely why we fall in love? It’s fun. Keep it that way.    

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc -

Polygamist families and polyamorous lovers already demonstrate a capacity to march to the beat of their own drum. The narrow expectations of society have little effect on the good and fulfilling choices being made in the lives of poly people. Along with this individuality comes an ability to explore oneself deeply and approach inner desires without fear. Curiosities about your partner’s, or your own, sexuality are inevitable. People that are romantically involved need to discuss sexuality without barriers or judgment. It can be difficult if a partner surprises you by saying they might be bisexual, or only bi curious, but helping them explore their passion will bring you closer together. 

I use the terms bisexual and bi curious for simplification. If you are involved with someone, heterosexual or not, the news that they have sexual desires you are not familiar with, and maybe don’t share, can be hard to swallow. There are many morally sound sexual persuasions out there and they should all be handled with respect. You should not be with someone to hold them back, especially when they invite you to share their journey. 

In the poly world, a polygamist family with sister wives seeking sexual fulfillment from one husband may be most harshly affected by a variation in sexuality. When a man finds a sister wife the sexual relationship is with him. If a sister wife expresses sexual feelings toward another sister wife it seems to throw the relationship off balance. One could say the sister wife should have expressed these feelings before joining the family, but sexual attraction can develop over time. She may have never felt this way toward another woman before. Should the family evolve to allow this? 

The answer is yes, but, few things are so simply black and white.

If your family is religious and your religion does not allow anything but heterosexuality the situation is grim. Expressing your desire can come with implications as heavy as being asked to leave. Finding the balance between protecting your family and your life, and not living in the dark, is much more difficult when you have to do it alone. Don’t let secrets chip away at your happiness. Do not hesitate to find a counselor or friend that will help you address the issue and mitigate any damage as much as possible. 

If you are not heterosexual due to a religious requirement consider yourself fortunate. Being a polyamorous person means you’re very likely to encounter variations in sexuality and can learn to address them respectfully and according to your persuasions. If you’ve looked for a new sister wife and really like a potential candidate that says she is bisexual it’s really a whole new world you can explore. The same goes if you are a sister wife and your husband expresses sexual attraction to a man. A strong relationship will help explore new feelings and ideas rather than making each other bottle it up inside or feel shamed. The same open mind that makes the beautiful world of polyamory possible is needed when a partner expresses new desires. 

The unfamiliar can seem scary or even gross. Don’t let childish reactions prevent the potential joy of something new. Before diving in it may be best to specifically discuss things you want to try or maybe role play to build some familiarity. Sexy talk about new ideas during sex can help with arousal when the time comes. If one of your partners expresses interest in exploring with someone of the same sex you may have another partner that would enjoy them with you. Polyamorous people can form group relationships quite easily and many even prefer a closed group.  

Many people, even polyamorous people, are only heterosexual. Many polygamist men will seek sister wives that only want to enjoy him sexually. Many polyamorous relationships are simply heterosexual people that enjoy sharing love and sex with more than one person. There is absolutely nothing wrong with any of this. It would be hypocritical though to treat variations in sexuality with anything but full support and respect. If you love someone enough to maintain a relationship with them you should also love them enough to fully accept everything about them. 

The world does not need to be grim. Narrow minds do not have to prevail when it comes to acceptable sexual inclinations. Sex should be fun! Plural relationships make opportunities for fun multiply endlessly. It seems silly needing to express the importance of open minds to polyamorous or polygamist people, but it’s very easy to dismiss new things when you’re too comfortable with your status quo. Never stop spicing up your life. Find sister wives or polyamorous lovers with open minds and let the adventures begin!

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc -

As happy days go by in your polyamorous or polygamist life it’s easy to forget about the inevitable changes coming in the future. All sister wives will face uncertainty when a husband finds a new sister wife to court. Any partner will feel a twinge of jealousy when a new love interest presents itself. There is real fear in not knowing what to expect. The best way to approach new relationships alongside your existing one will be a little different for everyone. Different people will struggle with different factors. Being prepared requires introspection and the ability to communicate your feelings honestly and without judgement. 

Imagine you’re out having a fun night in a busy club. You and your partner have been chatting with attractive people and enjoying a dance with them when your favorite songs come on. You felt some attraction but haven’t considered expressing that attraction but suddenly notice your partner is making out with one of your new friends. It can initially be shocking and hurtful but it’s important to approach the situation logically. Have you discussed the rules in situations like this? Have you set up basic standards to follow when you do find another interest? Are these actions meant to be hurtful to you or is it naive fun that’s crossed a line, in your opinion? 

In a polygamist family this situation is somewhat unlikely as a man seeking a sister wife typically finds them in other ways. However, in many polyamorous relationships, a night out as described above is not an uncommon occurrence. It’s important to consider you shouldn’t be too angry over rules being broken by someone that didn’t know the rule existed. There is outright rude and disrespectful behavior and there is behavior in which the perpetrator may have no idea they’re being hurtful. This is why discussing practices and standards is so important with your poly partners. Comfort levels are diverse. Knowing your partners comfort levels is key to respecting their boundaries and making sure everyone stays happy. 

Even in a polygamist family the same standard of communication is important. A husband dating a new sister wife needs to be aware if certain behaviors are going to unknowingly hurt an existing sister wife. It cannot be expected that no romance be allowed in new polyamorous situations so be reasonable in your demands. It is equally unfair to make demands that could prevent any new relationship forming in addition to your own. If you find yourself unable to handle your partner having romantic involvement with another person you may want to reconsider being a sister wife or your involvement in a poly relationship at all. Polygamy and polyamory don’t follow normal monogamous standards. They require an open heart and mind. 

Talk to your partners. Every sister wife and every polyamorous person has feelings that deserve respect. The conversation doesn’t have to be heavy or serious. It’s fine to discuss things in hypothetical terms simply to reveal the feelings of everyone involved and form standards that respect everyone as well. As a sister wife you even have the benefit of other involved women to run ideas by first. The important factor is that you’re not keeping your feelings to yourself. Being prepared for, and ahead of, difficult situations will get your love life back on track handily. Celebrate your polygamist family or polyamorous love life. Love without limits is a beautiful thing.

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc -

It’s that time of year when red hearts and specialty chocolates greet you at your favorite stores and florists are gearing up to sell millions of roses. Valentine’s Day is a time to celebrate your love and appreciate the joy your love brings. Those in the world of polyamory have a lot of love to celebrate and multiple opportunities to be creative and make it a perfect day. Whether you’re preparing a surprise or planning magical moments together, don’t forget to make your Valentine’s Day unique to you and the loves of your life. 

If you’re a polygamist family it may be time to have a special dinner at home with all the sister wives being treated to a catered meal or maybe a big dinner out. Don’t stick them doing dishes! You could also spread Valentine’s through the week and find personal time to spend with each of your love’s. This time of year brings a lot of attention to finding a date so it’s a great time to find a sister wife. Women wanting to be a sister wife will have an extraordinary story to tell if she can join the whole prospective family for a special dinner on Valentine’s Day. She’ll also have wonderful insight on the dynamics of a happy polygamist family and how she might fit in. Sister wives and Valentine’s day are a recipe for beautiful moments and memories.  

Polyamorous relationships are especially fortunate with the opportunity this time of the year presents. With no limit to one lover and the freedom to forge your own traditions, outside of narrow expectations, one can create unique and unforgettable moments. Bringing two, or more, separate lovers together for a special evening can be fun and enlightening. Events with other polyamorous groups are always a great time. Exploring new possibilities is a perfect way to celebrate the love you already know. Mix it up and have fun on this day of romance! Do know and be respectful of your partner’s boundaries. Not everyone likes to mix things up or be surprised. 

There are plenty of poly people that have no interest in Valentine’s Day. Keep in mind that even if you’re not a fan there is nothing wrong with acknowledging the day and doing a little something to make sure your lovers know you care about them. Few people truly enjoy being completely left out of a tradition. If you insist on protesting Valentine’s Day at least come up with another special day. Celebrating love is too important to ignore. Keeping it simple with a small gift is always touching. Small moments and gestures can have incredible impact.

If you have the great fortune of finding a new sister wife this time of year, or of bringing together two of your lovers, count yourself a lucky soul. Few get to know the beauty a polygamist family experiences or the happiness polyamory makes possible. Maybe you already have everything you need. Celebrate it. Make your Polygamist Valentine’s Day or Poly Valentine’s something to remember. You’ll never regret your efforts and multiplying love is always a good idea. Happy Valentine’s Day!

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc -

Polygamy and polyamory are all over media lately. The possibility of forging your own relationship style promises lives that were previously left to only wild imaginations. Acceptance of women who choose to be sister wives and of people that choose to maintain multiple lovers is widespread and it allows opportunity for happiness previously unheard of. When ideas are trending it’s easy to buy into the hype. New things sound so exciting! Even with the amazing experiences a poly lifestyle can bring there are difficult times and situations to be considered. Polygamy and polyamory are not for everyone. If you believe either is right for you here is a helpful process to help you be prepared.

The first step is consideration - 

What are the real motivations behind your desire to find sister wives or to date multiple people? If sex is your core drive you should take a step back and determine if you’re ready for any relationship at all. Having multiple sexual partners doesn’t have to involve commitment and it’s important to be honest with your encounters about your motivation. If finding a sister wife or multiple relationships appeals to a deeper sense of being whole your approach to dating will need to reflect your ideas of building close connections with prospective partners. Either approach is valid and you need to know where you stand. 

Your family, friends, and maybe even current lover can be daunting hurdles when you consider adopting a polyamorous or polygamist life. It’s devastating if you’re already involved in a relationship and they refuse the life you want to explore. Your family and friends may not be able to accept your choices. Ultimately, the choice is yours, but affecting other lives negatively is no good way to begin. If you know you cannot be happy in a fully monogamous lifestyle you will need a game plan.

The second step is planning - 

Before you can start searching for a sister wife or poly date you have to prepare yourself and anyone around you that will be affected. Telling your wife you’d like to find a sister wife might seem impossible but it has to be done and the fallout has to be dealt with. You’ll regret it far worse acting autonomously if you’re already involved in a relationship. Your family and friends can come later but the early plan has to involve transparency and honesty with current lovers. If you’re shut down you have to return to step one and decide how much its worth to you. 

Once your plan to reveal yourself as a polyamorous or polygamist person is in action you can begin planning your approach. Determine exactly how you want your family or relationships to be and find the aspects that will fulfill your heart’s desires. Once you know where you stand it’s time to begin your search.

The third step is implementation - 

During the planning process you’ll come across several options for approaching a polyamorous life. Being an active member of a poly community, online or IRL, will be one of the biggest sources of support and appropriate options for dating. Be clear with people, and in your profile, about what you’re looking for and be open to new ideas. It’s rare we don’t evolve as we become more familiar with things. Learn as much as you can from every encounter and always give back by sharing your experiences with others. Building your relationships and new friendships will be an award in itself. Eventually you’ll have the home or relationships you worked hard to achieve.  

The fourth step is sustaining - 

Finding sister wives to build a polygamist home is an exciting process. Maintaining that home should also be something that brings everyone involved joy. Finding multiple lovers of any sort is greatly rewarding and should continue bringing joy for years to come. Working together to resolve issues and providing an environment of love and understanding will make all of your efforts worth it. Never forget your days back on step one when considering your deep desires and the love and understanding you needed to fulfill your life. Times may come when someone you love has to follow their heart away from you. Don’t make it more difficult than it already is. Love is a complicated thing and not every relationship has to be forever. Be the person you’ve needed others to be in every situation. 

Being a sister wife or in any polyamorous relationship is rewarding if it’s right for you, but with great things comes great responsibility. There are more hearts to handle carefully and situations can be more complicated with more people involved. It takes a strong person to successfully maintain a polygamist or polyamorous life. Is it right for you?

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc -

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