Chris's article

The summer season is full of important social events. Weddings, fundraisers, community barbeques, cook-offs, and more. The toasty warm weather makes everyone wants to be out and about. Going public about your polygamous family is a huge step that must be approached with care. Your family or community may not be as accepting as you’d hope so being prepared for any reaction is vital to a successful reveal. Before picking your outfits and loading up for the ride to the event of the season, you need to figure out how much is appropriate to reveal, and if such an event is even the right place to start. Being the ‘talk of the town’ is probably not a desired outcome, and the nature of your family and love life is not necessarily anyone else’s business. Here are some things to consider. 

There is power in numbers. Inviting supportive friends or other polygamous families will make sure you and your family don’t feel alone. It will also reduce the notion that your family is so unusual. Unfortunately, responding with fear to something unfamiliar is a very human trait. It’s a powerful survival mechanism but isn’t always easy to shut off, even when you’re perfectly safe. Those that are unfamiliar seeing polygamous people, and their friends, socializing and enjoying themselves just like everyone else will help normalize the idea in their minds. You may not win everyone over. Some people enjoy their limited scope on life and there is nothing you can do about it. Being able to avoid those people and having friends and family near will minimize the effect of those that will never respect you. 

If you’re in an incredibly conservative community you may have to be more creative. Ultimately, what goes on behind closed doors, and the relationships that work for you, are your business. You are not obligated to explain anything to people outside of your home or relationships. It’s not the best way to live, but there are situations where being too open will cause more harm than good. So how do you attend a summer social event with all of your sister wives, or whatever you wish to call all of your partners? There is nothing wrong with ‘living with good friends,’ and there is no lie in that either. Let people wonder. Whatever simple answer you can give, then move the conversation along, can prevent people from digging too much into your private life. Eventually, ideally, you can reveal the truth with your family and/or community, but we don’t live in an ideal world. Your continued success, safety, and happiness are more important than other people knowing your personal business. 

Maintaining healthy boundaries is huge when you’re a polygamist. If you’re looking for a sister wife to join your family you can’t look just anywhere. A summer social event might not be the best place to approach a woman about becoming a sister wife. Most often the risks associated with looking for a polygamy related date at a community event will outweigh any possible benefits, however, inviting a new friend to join your family for dinner wouldn’t be out of the question. If you are interested in someone be sure to gauge your language appropriately and read their responses carefully. The last thing you want is a person simply being polite while they’re horribly uncomfortable and trying to get away from you. Don’t be a creep. Everyone has boundaries. Knowing and respecting boundaries will save you from embarrassment and regret in any situation. 

Be politely fearless. It may sound weird after talking about avoiding regret, and keeping personal information to yourself in certain situations, but being politely fearless might be the most important key to social success. Living fearlessly is about confidence and not needing the approval of others. Rising above the need for approval means you have no concern for what others might think of you. It also means you fully understand that your personal life is none of their business. You won’t be handing over power by giving information to the wrong people. When someone starts digging, or judging, you can find the finesse to change the conversation seamlessly without experiencing any of their intended negative effect.

Have fun! Polygamy dating, finding sister wives, looking for polyamorous dates, or any relationship oriented quest is not out of the question at a community event, but these things are not the actual purpose. Needless to say, they are not the purpose of a family event either, but that’s a different paper altogether. If you allow yourself to focus on building social connections with your community you’ll find the rewards will be well worth the effort for you and your lovers. There are multiple characteristics that make us individuals. Sharing the characteristics that make you a positive force in your community gives you the opportunity to help shape the community into one of acceptance and support for those that don’t follow the traditional path of a nuclear and/or hetero-normative family. 

The summer social, in whatever forms they occur, is an anxiety inducing event for most of the people attending. It’s a time to learn about the world you live in and make connections to improve your quality of life, as well as the quality of your community. Handling these social events with wit and grace will empower you and help you make the world just a little better, at least. Be the person you’ve always needed around new people. Say hello first. Your polygamist or polyamorous home and family life should have no bearing on your position in the community, or the opinions of others. Knowing you and your loved ones are prepared for whatever may come lets you drop any guards and simply enjoy the world you live in.

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc: Sisterwives.com

One amazing thing about humans is that we are all unique. You may find people with a lot in common, but barring an insanely identical twin, you are different in plenty of ways. Being the only you is an amazing thing. The contributions you offer to people around you, along with everything they bring to the table, can create a life that’s rewarding and full of pure bliss. If you’re fortunate enough to have an interest in the polyamorous or polygamous life you are probably pretty well in tune with your unique self. However, even the most confident among us should ask ourselves a few questions once in a while to make sure we’re on the right path. Here are four questions to consider that will help you find and maintain your poly groove. 

What does your perfect life look like?

Keep in mind that part of life is accepting realities that cannot be changed and making reasonable compromises in order to achieve a functional existence. That being said, there is nothing wrong with dreaming about perfection. Taking time to consider the things that would make your life feel the most complete will help with staying on the right track. Polygamy Dating or polyamorous dating are both complicated processes that you’ll need to know yourself well to navigate. A woman that wants to be a sister wife shouldn’t date a polyamorous person with no interest in building a family or committing to a relationship. A man that wants sister wives should make that clear to women he approaches for dates. Having an idea of your end goals, and sharing them freely, makes sure the people you pursue have similar desires in mind. 

What are your true main priorities?

It’s worth repeating that in life you will have to make compromises. Harsh realities cannot be avoided, however, there are concessions you should never accept. Beyond the idea of what you imagine to be your perfect life are key elements that make you the person you are. A person that knows they are a polygamist at heart should not attempt to entertain a monogamous marriage. Even though you may find great success in committing to the concept of ‘one man with one woman’ there will always be a part of you longing for more. If you know you’re incapable of committing to any relationship at all there are ways for you to date, and enjoy a love life, without hurting someone you claim to love. Accepting your real self and embracing the core elements that make you you, without compromise, will save you and people you care about a lot of time and trouble. There is no recipe for basic morality greater than honesty, integrity, and causing no harm. You can rest assured that you will find others like yourself, and can lead a very happy life, no matter what drives your sexual and emotional desires. 

What are your red flags?

You can be cruising along enjoying dates with other polygamists or poly people and fail to see red flags if you haven’t thought ahead about them. One ill-conceived relationship can ruin your poly dating life, or life overall, for indefinite amounts of time. Knowing your red flags and how to spot them is crucial to protecting yourself from life leeches or desperate people that will say or do anything for a relationship. Figure out the questions and topics that need to come up while dating in order for you to gauge people. Testing for red flags should happen as soon as possible with every new person you meet. It’s much easier to end involvement with someone early rather than when feelings have had time to develop. Don’t be desperate. Your body, mind, and soul, and maybe even your bank account, will thank you for avoiding relationship disasters. Sorry, red flags fall under the ‘no compromise’ category. 

What improvements can you make for yourself?

Being good to ourselves and finding ways to be the best person you can be should always come first. Wanting to love others and build lives with them is a wonderful thing, but making sure you have enough to offer is the first step. This isn’t referring to being wealthy or perfect in any way. It’s about knowing who you are so you’re aware of what you bring to the table. What talents can you develop? What activities get you excited? What subjects can you dive into that motivate your mind to learn and grow? Being a whole and self aware person needs to be the first goal for anyone interested in polygamy dating, or any polymorous way of life. Becoming a sister wife is not as easy as 1, 2, 3. There will be tough moments and you’ll face some vicious opposition that will require a strong mind and sense of self. A poly or polygamous man will face some especially harsh criticism. Accusations of being a womanizer, or of having an inability to commit and be a good man, don’t fall easy on the ears. You don’t work on yourself just to find a relationship. You do it to prepare yourself to find good relationships and maximize your contributions to them no matter what adversity you might face.

Whether you’re looking for a new sister wife to join your family, a woman or husband to start a polygamous family, people to join or begin a loving polyamorous group or family, or just to get out and go on dates it’s important to be your best self and know what you’re looking for. Mulling over these four questions from time to time will guide you to a better dating and love life. It sounds weird, maybe selfish, to believe working on yourself is more important than working on your relationships but it’s absolutely true. You can’t be good to someone else if you don’t even know who you are or what you really want. Sure, you can get by and maybe even maintain a love life, but you won’t thrive. Being polyamorous reveals a desire to thrive. A desire for a big polygamous family shows you’re a person that wants more than a mundane existence. Take a little time to look inside and your focus will adjust for a clearer view outside too. Don’t let anyone mess with your poly groove.  

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc: Sisterwives.com

Psychologists have recently had a lot to say about polyamory. Some are claiming it has no specific benefits beyond those of a monogamous relationship, some say there are some benefits, and others even claim it’s a sign of mental illness (it’s not). Claiming polyamory is a result of mental illness clearly comes from people with ulterior motives and lackluster educations, but it’s also silly to discount the real benefits people in both the polyamory and polygamy world enjoy. All relationships come with their ups and downs. Monogamous relationships make the down times more difficult because a person can feel extremely limited or defenseless when it’s them alone against their partner. Involving more people in your intimate life opens doors for more self expression, greater honesty, and a deeper understanding of yourself and everyone involved. These massive benefits should not be ignored.

Polygamist families are a perfect example to show the mental health benefits of a plural relationship. Sister wives may all love their husband very much, but at times will feel like they can’t even look at his face. It’s natural for lovers to have moments where they disgust each other. When a woman becomes a sister wife she is joining a family that provides not only a husband to love and adore, but sister wives to vent her frustrations with when he’s pushing her buttons. If there are major issues that need to be addressed with the husband a sister wife doesn’t have to feel alone in her approach. Too many issues are left lingering in monogamous situations because everyone is simply trying to not rock the boat. Talking to someone about a problem you have with them is not so easy when you have to do it alone. 

This flows right into another benefit. Less time feeling lonely. When a polygamous man finds a new sister wife he is introducing her into his already active family. She can choose to work or help take care of the home without fear of long days spent alone if she chooses the latter. She has multiple companions to enjoy. A sister wife can focus on how she can best contribute to her family and have plenty of time for personal development as well. She doesn’t have to be the sole source of care and affection for a man.

Speaking of ‘sole source’ opens a whole new range of benefits from a polyamorous life. Anytime a person feels the pressure of being another persons’ ‘everything’ it creates an enormous amount of pressure. In trying to be everything for a person it’s very easy to lose yourself and end up not having much to offer them at all. At least not in a genuine and healthy way. People fall in love because they love a unique individual. Evolving for each other is inevitable but when you involve more than one person in your love life everyone can actually evolve to be closer while staying more true to themselves as well. Knowing yourself well, and being yourself, makes you a better lover, and a better person overall.

All of these things that help make people better and more honest lead to mental well-being and happier lives. Your life expectancy will increase, your physical health with benefit, your ability to produce more good in the world will strengthen, and even your financial situation can benefit from the positivity inside you. A well tended polyamorous relationship can make your life exponentially better over time. The boost in mental health has no limits. 

Naysayers will always be around. Avoiding them is impossible. A refreshing lack of concern about their judgments, and the positive light you can shine into their darkness, is yet another benefit of a poly life. There is strength in numbers. The confidence you’ll find when you have a big happy home full of love goes beyond valuable. Life is tough. Having a big team that loves you unconditionally, and with whom you can share deep compassion, will make the harder times in life melt away. I can’t imagine something more inspiring than having a few sister wives that will fight as hard for you as you’d fight for yourself. Add a loving husband on top of that and you’re unstoppable. Any psychologist claiming polyamorous or polygamous families are a result of mental illness, or are of no mental health benefit to anyone, can safely be dismissed from your reality. 

If you are not currently involved in polyamorous or polygamy dating because you’ve been on the fence about it, consider giving it a try. Looking into becoming a sister wife doesn’t mean you have to become one. Chatting with potential poly dates or groups online doesn’t commit you to anything. One thing experts certainly have correct is that neither monogamy, nor polyamory, are right for everyone. Part of developing yourself is the willingness to explore and find what’s right for you. If you’re reading this article, chances are you have an interest in polygamy, or at least polyamory. The very real mental health benefits are practically guaranteed for people that are truly built to handle the ups and downs of plural relationships. Don’t dive in too quickly believing polyamory is good for everyone. Forcing yourself into situations that don’t really suit you can have a horrible effect on your overall well-being. Take your time, explore, stay in touch with yourself, and don’t be afraid to tell your potential lovers exactly what you’re looking for. Healthy relationships, plural or not, start with people in generally good mental health. The added mental health benefits come from the love and support you provide each other as you build your lives together. All love is good love. Go find the life and love that’s right for you.  

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc: Sisterwives.com

American society is heavily steeped in traditional marriage and the concept of a ‘nuclear family.’ This is odd when considering the number of unique families far outweighs the number of what is perceived as ‘normal’ families. Families come in all shapes and sizes. Many unique families were made possible by the dedication of admirable individuals that didn’t have to take on the responsibility of raising someone else’s child. Even so, some people that have had the great fortune of finding a good marriage, having healthy children, and finding decent work like to pretend they have accomplished moral superiority instead of feeling appreciation and humility. Humility is too rare, unfortunately. These folks will often gladly let you know your family is less worthy because it’s ‘flawed’ or looks different, or you’ll at least see this through their fake smiles. There’s a beautiful irony in this that polygamous and polyamorous people can embrace. While struggling is never fun, and inventing your own family based on your true self isn’t easy, it provides insight and enlightenment that those who’ve had it too easy will never understand. Consider these few things next time you feel judged, and embrace the compassion and pity you feel for the poor souls that have no idea who they really are.

Let’s start with a woman that wants to be a sister wife. Even as she steps into the complicated world of polygamy dating, which is enough pressure alone, she might have family and friends turning their backs on her. She might have to face most of the journey to find her polygamist family alone. That means no phone calls with girlfriends to talk about her struggles, no family to show her unconditional support, possibly no community around her where she can be herself and take time to let everything go. When you’ve decided to embrace who you really are, and play by your own rules, it might mean losing everything before gaining all of who you are. It’s a journey that breaks a lot of people. Finding others like yourself will ease the struggle and help make sure you stay on your correct path. Loneliness can be overwhelming and lead to compromises that shouldn’t be made. Your new community doesn’t have to be other women that are, or want to be, sister wives. People that choose to live outside of societal ‘norms’ can all help each other. The friendships you build along the way can be deeper and more enduring than you imagined possible. 

A man that wants to be a polygamist husband faces particularly harsh judgment from people that oppose the idea. Other men often stay away from a man that is looking for sister wives. Building a polygamist family is a concept they’re scared of. Women may accuse a man seeking sister wives of being a misogynist even if he’s a huge supporter of feminism. A few bad apples have painted polygamy in a bad light and a polygamist man will be all too aware of the negative views out there. Without sounding like polygamists should be too apologetic about people in the past they don’t even know, a little public good goes a long way. Volunteering in your community, helping neighbors every chance you get, sacrificing your Thanksgiving dinner to go work at a soup kitchen, etc… This is not to pay any kind of penance. This is to challenge the haters. Give them something to talk about. As you build your family the ability to add even more good to the world will grow with it. Leading by example is a concept that’s been lost on too many men today, and it’s a concept polygamous men will benefit from. Your future sister wives will admire you for it and your community will discover your family is invaluable to them. 

While polygamous families may often (not always) stick to a few traditional concepts sexually, polyamorous families or groups introduce a vast array of possibilities. Polyamorous people face scrutiny from a public that believes they pose a threat to marriage as we know it. This is hilarious when considering a ‘monogamous’ heterosexual can be on their fifth marriage and still speak out against polyamorous relationships. It’s as though people hate the idea of everyone not being under legal constraints. Preposterous! Right? The good news is that polyamory is becoming more common and it’s finding inclusion with the LGBTQ+ community. Pride today has far more to do with embracing yourself for exactly who you are (homo or not), without shame, and with no respect for the judgment of others. Parades may not be your thing, but being part of a community that promotes diversity will open your eyes to beauty and life (and fun) you won’t soon forget. 

There’s a strange tendency in humans to tear others down when they seem happier than us. The same oddity arises when we see someone that’s different from us. We may never understand why, but it must stem from a sort of survival mechanism that belongs back in the stone age. The choice to be your unique self will not be easy. Once you start crossing boundaries the world has set around you the backlash will be quick. Being prepared mentally and spiritually for your journey will make it a beautiful time in your life. As long as you know you’re being true to yourself, don’t give in to the pressures people will gladly put on you. It’s your life and your love. The people you share yourself with, and how much you want to share, is up to you. The relationships you want to invest in are your choice. Don’t hand your happiness off to others that have no real interest beyond securing their own. 

Happy Independence Day! Celebrate it your way.

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc: Sisterwives.com