Chris's article

Managing jealousy and insecurity is one of the most difficult challenges in polyamorous relationships. After all, we’re still human, and these feelings are natural for us. At the same time, the nature of polyamory means that you will possibly “share” your partner with other people. So, how do you cope with these feelings and overcome insecurity? Find it out in this article!

Understand the Feeling of Insecurity in Polyamory

First thing first. To effectively cope with insecurity, you need to understand what causes it in polyamory. Several reasons can cause jealousy in polyamorous relationships, including:

• Unmet needs - Insecurity may be caused when you feel that your partner does not meet your needs. This might be especially problematic if your partner meets the same needs for others in his poly network.

• Sense of inadequacy - Another possible source of insecurity in polyamory is your partner triggering your sense of inadequacy. Mind that it does not mean that they make you feel inadequate, but rather intensify this feeling that you already have. This might be caused by, for instance, comparing yourself to their other partners.

• Fear of abandonment and anxiety - Here, the case is simple—it’s not what your partner does with other people that causes the feeling of insecurity; it’s the pure fact that they could possibly leave you for them.

• Distrust - Whether valid or not, distrust may also lead to insecurity.

To cope with insecurities in your poly relationship, you need to find out what causes them. Only then can you apply adequate measures.

How to Deal with Insecurities in a Poly Relationship?

So, how can you battle your insecurities and embrace compersion in polyamory? We have prepared a few tips that will help you with this. Take a look below.

Talk with Your Partner(s)

The best way to deal with insecurities in a polyamorous relationship is to talk them through with your partner(s) and find a solution together. This is especially true if you have unmet needs and struggle with distrust.

Your conversations should be open; you shouldn’t be afraid to talk about your needs. When it comes to trust, the more you observe your partner react to your concerns and expectations, the more trust you should build. However, remember not to seek reassurance - this won’t help you get rid of the feeling of insecurity. Instead, tackle this feeling at its roots and find ways to eliminate the causes of insecurity and jealousy together!

Self-Help

Sometimes, the reason behind your insecurities is rooted deeply within you (e.g., a sense of inadequacy). In such situations, you need to cope with them yourself.

Self-help resources are a great aid in this process. Books about jealousy and online polyamory resources, like podcasts, videos, or articles, will all prove extremely helpful in dealing with your insecurities. In them, you will find ways to deal with your emotions when they occur, as well as learn about the most common challenges in poly relationships and the best solutions to them.

Engage with the Poly Community

You might also seek help from other poly people in the community. For instance, our “blogs” section offers you a forum where you can ask your questions anonymously and seek answers from others…or read their posts and learn something on your way. You can also make new poly friends using our polyamory app - who knows; perhaps they will turn into your additional partners?

Therapy

Finally, if nothing works, it might be beneficial to speak about your polyamory insecurities with a trained professional. Therapy is nothing to be ashamed of, and it can help you when other measures fail.

Ready to Break Free from Insecurity?

Follow our tips, and you’ll manage your insecurities much more effectively. Remember, your feelings won’t disappear overnight—it will take some time to cope with them, but in the end, you will be in a much happier relationship(s).

You may also read: What Can Polyamory Teach Us About Attachment Styles?

Published By: Sister Wives 

Matchmakers Inc