Chris's article

Webster’s Dictionary defines fidelity as “the quality or state of being faithful.” It’s a powerful word as it can refer to faithfulness to many things, like faithful to a religion, a marriage, a person, or an idea. However, most people think of monogamy and marriage when they think of fidelity. In fact, infidelity is one of the biggest accusations polyamorous people face when confronted about their relationships that involve multiple partners. The idea that one can be faithful to many lovers is lost on people who insist there is only one acceptable version of a committed relationship. In some cases, they may be right. A total lack of commitment to poly ‘lovers’ doesn’t necessarily mean you don’t have a polyamorous relationship. Levels of commitment and faithfulness are free to be determined by the people involved in a poly relationship. So, is it possible to cheat if you’re polyamorous? How are the lines drawn that make poly relationships legitimate in the first place?

Let’s circle back to the concept stating that levels of commitment and faithfulness are free to be determined by the people involved in a poly relationship. This concept cannot apply to only polyamorous relationships, right? It has to be the same for monogamous relationships, right? Wrong! Being monogamous comes with a set of rules that does not allow for any kind of straying from your relationship or marriage. Honestly, even looking at another person, other than your husband or wife, boyfriend or girlfriend, with sexual desire is considered being unfaithful. This may sound harsh, but according to Christian standards of monogamy, it’s absolutely true. You should only have eyes for your monogamous partner. If you do not avoid sexual thoughts about others, you are dabbling in infidelity. Therefore, freedom to determine the nature of your relationship, in this sense, only applies to polyamorous people. This is why many monogamous people feel it’s impossible for a polyamorous person to be faithful. Here’s a hint though, they’re wrong.

To limit the definition of fidelity to only fit the concept you’ve chosen to follow simply doesn’t add up. You can have full faith and commitment to the idea of a family in a form that suits your desires. To assume that a perfectly happy ‘family’ isn’t legitimate because it doesn’t conform to your standards is pure arrogance. Polygamy has earned an unfortunate reputation because of patriarchal abuses throughout history, but it doesn’t make a polygamous family any less legitimate than any other family. Same for any poly group sharing a concept of family together. A woman that wants to be a sister wife, or a man that is looking for a sister wife to join his family, needs no approval from society to validate their family or desires. Polygamy dating is complicated enough without naysayers trying to interfere. To suggest a man is ‘cheating’ on his current wife by seeking a sister wife can only be valid if his wife is unaware, or does not approve. It’s nobody else’s business.

This brings us around to the point. Whatever is considered ‘cheating’ is only the business of people involved in a polyamorous relationship. For monogamous people, it’s cut and dry. They’ve chosen a pre-set path where all the rules of monogamy apply. Even if they say they don’t mind an occasionally straying husband or flirty wife, if they aren’t only having eyes for, and especially sex with, each other, they are being unfaithful. They’d be better off declaring they are polyamorous and allowing each other to explore without the boundaries of monogamy. It doesn’t mean they can’t be married to each other. It would only mean they refuse to stay married to the concept of monogamy. It also would mean they’d have the freedom to determine their own rules and start having a more honest conversation about themselves. Once polyamory is embraced your relationship can evolve into its’ unique form.

Cheating, as a polyamorous person, can be a complicated matter. It’s difficult to pin down because cheating would require someone failing to meet the expectations that have been set with each person they are involved with. If you have one partner and an open sex policy it’s fine to have a one night stand, but developing deeper feelings for another person requires discussion with your current partner about how to move forward. A closed poly group may want to bring a new person in, but it requires everyone involved to approve, and the answer could be no. What if strong feelings have already developed? You have to be honest about staying involved with this new person, if you do, or you’d be cheating. There are many ways to ‘cheat’ if you’re polyamorous depending on how your relationships are set up. The rewards polyamory offers are endless if you can handle so much nonconformity while remaining honest and true to your commitments. It requires a strong and open mind. The pre-set expectations of monogamy have their own complications, but you certainly won’t be alone when issues arise. Monogamy is cut and dry, which might be best for most people.

Whether you choose monogamy, polyamory, polygamy, or to stick it out on your own, it’s important to be supportive of everyone around you. If you can’t be supportive, be kind. No matter what relationship we’re in, it can be tough. Dating can be hell. Polygamy dating and poly dating are no different than monogamy in this sense. We all have to ride the emotional roller coaster and figure out the things that are best for us. If we help each other find those best things, and live honestly from square one, we can all avoid a lot of cheating and broken hearts. If your girl says she wants to be a sister wife, help her find a good family. If your boy says he’s bisexual, help him find a good bisexual poly couple. If your best friend says they are anything out of the ordinary, help them be the best at it. Don’t cheat any of the people you love out of their best lives.

Published By: Sister Wives 

Matchmakers Inc

Non-traditional things are often met with distrust, or even disdain. 

It’s natural to fear the unfamiliar. That fear helped humans evolve into the dominant species on planet Earth today. The term ‘fearless,’ in fact, refers to an impossible state of being. It’s not possible to be without fear. Instead, we find ways to manage our fears and to use fear to guide us to better decision making. Managing risks, and considering if possible benefits are worth a risk, is part of the journey into adulting like a pro. The twist is, when we become so comfortable that we stop taking any risks, life tends to slip out from under us anyway. It’s important to stay fresh and keep on moving. The same applies to our relationships. We owe it to the people we love to not let life stagnate. 

Polyamory is not the only answer to avoid stagnation, but more people should consider the benefits.

Maybe your first thought is that if your relationship is fine, why would you change anything? Think about a car or a computer. You can wait for a problem to reveal itself, or you can be proactive to avoid issues. 

Having an issue with your car doesn’t mean you’ve done anything ‘wrong’ 

at all, but it does mean you weren’t proactive in order to avoid issues. 

Hopefully the issue is small, but something catastrophic can result from general neglect. Same with a computer. Once a virus has taken over your system it can result in years of recovery from a stolen identity, or worse. These things, like relationships, require attention. They have to be nurtured. When working with another human on anything, you have to expect them to change over time. Being open to your relationship itself changing can help avoid the type of rigidity that refuses to bend, then eventually breaks.

Define Sister Wives

Being married, or in any long term relationship, should not mean that a woman’s desire to be a sister wife, or a man's desire to explore finding a sister wife or polyamorous wife, is an insane option to grow more together. Polygamy dating is just dating and requires no commitments. A long term couple can safely explore the lifestyle without damaging their existing relationship as long as communication is excellent, minds and hearts are open, and intents are in the right place. This is not practice or prepping for a separation. It’s embracing your love on a deeper level and exercising the trust you share to see if growing your relationship this way could work for you. The discomfort you may feel as you start dipping your toes into the polygamy dating pool is nothing but societal pressure to ‘stay within the lines.’ If those lines are thwarting your growth or happiness it’s best to jump right over them! Two people that love each other can make the transition into a poly lifestyle without falling apart. Lean on each other.

Polyamorous Wife

Terms like ‘sister wife’ and ‘polygamy’ can seem especially hard to swallow, so it’s important to remember they are only two of many terms that refer to options in the world of polyamory. The whole idea of polyamory is that your love life should suit you and the ones you love, not what others believe is right for you. If ‘polygamy dating’ is not your jam, you can easily trade the term for general ‘polyamorous dating.’ You also are not required to define yourself by terms like gay, lesbian, queer, or anything that doesn’t suit you even if you’re involved, in some way, with someone of the same sex within your polyamorous relationship. Two men dating the same woman doesn’t mean the men are even bisexual, even if they all enjoy sex together. You define you. Polyamory allows for this freedom to find and define your real self. Sexual relationships aren’t even required for a loving group of people to form a poly family of their own. It’s important to remove sex as such an important factor in forming legitimate, loving, lifelong relationships.

Taking control of your life and relationships leads to living more honestly. Having three husbands or wives, or boyfriends or girlfriends, is just as healthy (if not more) as living in a monogamous arrangement. 

The key is that everyone involved is encouraging everyone to live authentically. Authenticity paired with plenty of love and support results in lives that feel more complete and full of purpose. If you have the maturity to allow each of your lovers to live and love in ways that are right for them, you can find success in polyamory. If relationships work better as a form of control for you, polyamory would be a tough path.

Ultimately, we should all follow the paths that suit our beliefs, feelings, desires, and capabilities. Polyamory is not right for everyone just the same as monogamy is not the golden answer to happy relationships. No matter what a relationship should look like to you, don’t be a person that judges relationships that would never work for you. This works both ways as there are too many polyamorous people that will claim monogamy is a terrible, unnatural, way to live. The truth is, there is little natural about human life at this point. We have the gift to make choices and pursue our individual joy. If polyamory is workable for you, consider it a blessing. If monogamy is best for you, consider yourself blessed. Knowing yourself and pursuing your unique happiness while supporting others trying to do the same is the only way to be truly happy. It’s even in the Bible. “Judge not...”

Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers, Inc:

No relationship will ever be without a struggle from time to time. 

Friendships and family relationships get tested over time just like our 

intimate relationships or marriages. No two people are able to love 

every single thing about each other. Tolerance and forbearance are often 

key. Once you start going after every little thing that annoys you or 

are constantly picking a loved one apart, the relationship is at a high 

risk of failure. You see this all the time. Some of what you thought 

were the best relationships end up at each other's throats even in the 

public eye. Maintaining long term partnerships takes a lot of patience 

and work. What if you discovered a source of new energy, new 

perspectives, and fresh adventures you and your partner could share? 

What if the answer to your stagnation and frustrations is simply 

expanding your relationship? Polyamory could be the answer to your 


Before completely dismissing this idea as preposterous, let's cover a 

few things. How many relationships are ruined, or at least are 

permanently damaged, by cheating? One of the main causes of cheating is 

an inability to be honest about attractions and desires that are outside 

the bounds of the general standards of monogamy. Even if a couple never 

acts on any poly persuasions, simply opening up this channel of honesty 

can bring two people closer together. Why keep an entire part of 

yourself closed off from a person you love so deeply? By the way, 

polyamorous relationships also don't have to be sexual at all. There are 

many ways to express love and intimacy that don’t involve sexual 

activity. Adopting a polyamorous lifestyle offers a life in which you 

and your partner actually end up with more control over the destiny of 

your relationship. You set the rules, you define the boundaries, and you 

decide what’s best for the expression of love in your life and 


Imagine you’re a woman that’s married to a wonderful husband, but you 

notice his wandering eye occasionally and you think it’s cute. You don’t 

feel threatened by it. He, however, may fight to hide the fact he ever 

looks at another woman because he’s terrified of hurting you, or even 

making you feel insecure. There are a couple ways this can turn out. One 

is to continue ignoring the reality that your husband finds other women 

attractive and keep a sort of wedge between the two of you. Another is 

to tell him it’s not a problem and you’re happy he has a healthy sexual 

appetite. This could even create an entire new way for the two of you to 

bond sexually. Maybe you’ve even thought of becoming a sister wife 

already, and you’re excited he has a sexual interest in other women. 

Finding a sister wife together and expanding your family could be the 

perfect solution for a man with a high sex drive, or a woman that would 

simply enjoy bonding with another woman over a shared husband. It’s 

important to be open minded and support the dreams of the people you 

love even if it means experimenting with a little polygamy dating and 

exploration. This also should work both ways. If your wife has a strong 

interest in other men (or women) you should keep an open mind and be 

open to growing your family instead of forcing anyone to quell their 

healthy natural desires.

It’s very easy to insist on sticking with the status quo. Trying 

something daring and new can be too scary, too risky, and the fear of 

judgment is a massive deterrent. The world of polyamory is often viewed 

negatively by people that have worked so hard on their monogamous 

relationships. None of this means you need to limit your love or 

experience to please the world around you. If two people truly love each 

other they should be able to explore anything together. Allowing for 

exploration will bring two people closer together, and in ways they 

likely never imagined. Sexuality is complex. If your husband or wife, or 

partner, express an interest in someone of the same sex it doesn’t mean 

it ever has to happen, but it does mean you should help them explore 

those feelings. It’s important to bring up homosexuality because, unless 

your idea is to explore other people separately, one of you will likely 

encounter a homosexual experience, homo-adjacent at least. You need to 

be prepared for it. Watch some videos, maybe, and decide your limits. 

Exploring polyamory and sexuality with your partner does not mean you 

have to perform, or receive, unwanted sexual behavior. It’s not about 

making yourself feel violated, it’s about helping your lover find their 

full potential.

Too many relationships spend too much time putting on the public 

performance expected of them and growing old while resentment and 

desperation set in so deep they can’t escape it. It doesn’t mean the 

love isn’t there, but the love has become an afterthought to the 

excessive sacrifice they’ve unnecessarily forced on each other. As wild 

as becoming a polygamous family, or inviting more lovers into your home, 

may sound it may be the perfect way to break out of the emotional prison 

monogamy can become. Your polyamorous experience with the love of your 

life can be as extreme or light as will work for your situation. As 

mentioned before, sex is not a requirement in order to have a 

polyamorous relationship. Any intimate relationship that involves more 

than your average friendly time spent, and deeper commitments, can be 

considered a polyamorous bond. People really shouldn’t be so afraid of 

the poly label. Having more than one person with which to share intimacy 

in your life can sometimes be the glue that holds everyone in your 

relationships together. The level of sexuality preferred among a 

polyamorous group or polygamous family should be determined by a fair 

assessment of the comfort levels of everyone involved. This can, and 

should, evolve over time.

Truth be told, most adults are involved in a polyamorous relationship at 

some point in life even if they’ve never pursued a poly or polygamous 

date. It’s impossible for humans to avoid strong emotional connections 

with other humans at different points and places in their lives. The 

expression of those connections are often boxed with just being a good 

friend, but sometimes the bonds are even stronger than those of a 

husband and wife. We limit ourselves, and our loved ones, through our 

desperation to define and label everything too much. Part of opening up 

to poly relationships is realizing you can’t stop an emotional bond that 

is meant to be. It’s better to work with it and let life evolve in 

constructive and positive ways. We should be helping our loved ones grow 

and encouraging them to maintain a healthy sexual and emotional life. 

Find the boundaries you can handle, open your heart and mind, and let 

life flow through you and your loved ones without desperately grasping 

at the guise of control. In letting go we can find true love, and an 

ability to share it with no bounds.

Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers, Inc:

If there is anything some people like more than getting into your business, it’s nosing around in your sex life. These people typically don’t have much of a sex life of their own, so they get their kicks by blowing yours up. They might even like you, and be a ‘friend,’ but cannot help themselves when it comes to juicy gossip. Being sexually exposed can be traumatic and can cause a lot of damage. Any invasion of privacy is going to harm your trust in people and possibly damage your reputation. Polyamorous and polygamous people are especially vulnerable to harmful attacks lodged by people that are either jealous of you, or hold negative views of your personal life choices. It’s easy to say people should just be confident in their sexuality and not worry about what people might say or think, but the reality is the stress of keeping your privacy private can be overwhelming. Here are some ideas about refusing to be shamed, fully embracing your sex life, and handling meddlers that have set out to hurt you.

First off, even if you’re a ten out of ten on the kink scale, you deserve sexual autonomy and privacy. If your behaviors are responsible and sexual desires carried out in healthy ways there is nothing you need to work on except for new ways to explore. Most people are probably not even very kinky, or maybe have tried a few things once or twice they’d rather keep private. Anyone that nefariously reveals your private sex life is 100 percent in the wrong. Sometimes you can approach especially egregious oustings legally. Don’t for one second believe you’ve done anything wrong. If someone’s goal is to shame you, you have to reject any feeling of shame and handle the situation appropriately. Avoid revenge, but don’t sit quietly and allow people to beat you down emotionally.

When a woman wants to become a sister wife she can face extremely judgmental attitudes. Some people will say that any man that is looking for a sister wife is a sexual predator. We all know this is not true. 

Even the people making these claims know deep down they’ve considered some version of a poly lifestyle at some point in their life. It’s natural. If they never thought about it, it wouldn’t be on their radar to consider harassing people that are polyamorous in any way. Jealousy pushes people into terrible, and sometimes dangerous, mental spaces. 

Your polygamy dating life and your polygamous family are your business, and your business alone. You are not required to share one damn thing about how your sex life works. If you do share in an effort to help someone build an understanding and they turn up their nose, simply walk away. They don’t deserve your time or energy. You have to be a little tough when you choose your own path in life. Following pre-set formulas for love and life is for weaker people.

Taking polygamy a step further, even among the whole poly community some have a tendency to define whatever polyamorous lifestyle they have chosen for themselves and hold others to their personal standards. This is as bad as rejecting polyamory or polygamy in general. A polygamous family can include as many of either gender and/or sexual persuasions as will work for their individual family. There is absolutely no rule about what your poly or polygamous family needs to look like. Without refusing to support more ‘traditional’ polygamous families, you can make it clear their judgments about your unique family are not welcome. If you have a couple sister wives that enjoy sexual intimacy together, or two men in the family that enjoy each other sexually, you are absolutely still a polygamous family and can reject any opposition to this fact. Some extremely traditional polygamists only allow the one husband to sleep with one wife at a time. If that is your thing, go for it, but don’t look down on polygamists that enjoy all of their partners sexually at the same time. Don’t judge fellow polyamorous people any more than you want your family or lovers to be judged.

Moving on from polygamy and more into general polyamory, one has to remember the need to be open to each individuals interpretation of what love and sexuality mean to them. There is a difference between disagreeing and being judgmental. Many polyamorous people think that fully ‘open’ relationships don’t meet the criteria of being polyamorous. 

‘It’s just sleeping around.’ However, it’s entirely possible for two people to love each other just the same as a sexually committed pair and allow for free sexual exploration. Your discomfort with the idea doesn’t disqualify its validity. Many gay people find hetero sex uncomfortable to think about, and vice versa. It doesn’t mean that hetero or homo sex are either gross or invalid forms of emotional connection. Being an adult is knowing when you need to keep something to yourself, because expressing it will only cause harm, even if that’s not what you intend. 

The same can be said for answering sexual inquiries. Know your audience, know their opinions change nothing about you, and know how to reject antagonism. We’re all adults in these conversations and the power to put a hateful person in their place is always encouraged when needed.

We’ll never know why some people just have to harass others, or why this behavior never seems to go away. There is no shame in cutting people out of your life if they are hindering your progress or desires. If you know being a sister wife is right for you, don’t keep people around that will make you feel uncertain about the life you want. If you love two or more people emotionally and sexually, don’t let anyone encourage you to think your yearnings are somehow immoral. Morality is in your hands. Morality is living and loving honestly, and not harming others for living and loving honestly. Sex can be as public or private as you choose to make it. Your sexuality belongs to you and the people you choose to share it with. Handle attempts of shaming as no different than a young kid acting out for attention. Ultimately, anyone trying to steal your joy is lacking their own, and you don’t owe them anything.

Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc:

Old habits are hard to break. This includes dating and lifestyle habits we’ve adopted through our years of life. It’s especially true when social pressure is a factor in forming the life that is expected of us. 

Millions of people are in marriages that aren’t necessarily unhappy, but feel like something is missing. Millions are also single and can’t seem to find the love life that really works for them. It’s not a result of people being insufficient or incapable of healthy relationships, rather it’s a result of adhering to illogical limitations we tend to force on each other. The mere mention of a polygamous family or polyamorous group of lovers too often garners reactions more suited to criminal behavior. 

Why so many people insist on holding everyone to a standard that fails so often is a mystery for the ages. If you have considered exploring polygamy or polyamory, don’t give up on the idea just because you’re getting up in years. You’ll be pleasantly surprised how many wonderful people you’ll meet. Even if you, and your current partner if you have one, never get involved with anyone else beyond friendship, you can still gain a wealth of experience you won’t regret.

The sooner the better is certainly true in many facets of life. If you had washed a sink full of dishes yesterday you wouldn’t be adding to the pile today. Humans have a tendency to find comfort in complacency. While there is certainly nothing wrong with a ‘bless this mess’ attitude in life, finding ways to progress and accomplish goals effectively leads to greater happiness. Is your marriage on the rocks even though you love each other dearly? Are you ignoring problems in order to keep the peace? 

Dating someone else together might be exactly what you need. It provides an adventure into something new to share, a new perspective, new energy, and possibly a whole new piece that’s been missing from your life together. If you’re single and cannot find a person that makes you feel complete in a relationship, perhaps it’s time to give an existing couple a chance? There is no one size fits all when it comes to matters of the heart.

A modernized version of polygamy has been gaining appeal in recent years, largely due to TV shows and other media depicting very ‘normal’ 

families living a polygamous lifestyle. Looking for a sister wife or looking to become a sister wife has become far easier with online options and greater acceptance socially. For women that find the idea of a lifetime serving one husband lonely, becoming a sister wife can be a dream come true. Polygamy offers the option for her to have more than one husband as well, if she were to choose that direction. If you’re part of a happy couple, or single with a lot to offer, don’t let your age stand in the way of offering a good home to a good person (or

people) that can be a great asset to your life. Even if you’re not comfortable revealing the nature of your poly relationship publicly, it’s your business, and all your joy to gain.

Polyamorous and polygamy dating can be complicated if you’re unable to keep a light heart about it in the beginning. An existing couple can’t treat every person they meet like they’re ‘the one,’ just like a single person can’t get too hung up on every couple they meet. It can be tough because the dating pool is a bit smaller, but don’t jump into a poly situation just for the sake of it. Treat poly dating like it’s something fun and let relationships evolve naturally. Showing too much interest too quickly can cause rifts in existing relationships as well, so be mindful of your affections. Keep calm and carry on, as they say. True love and happiness cannot be forced.

So far, we’ve discussed considering poly and polygamy dating as a relevant option for people that are just no longer young pups. What about people that are getting into what we consider the elderly years? 

Relationships for the older generation serve different purposes than for younger people. Considering the increasing need for help in everyday life as we age, polyamory is a wonderful option for elderly people. 

Imagine a family of 7 all over 70 years in age. The laughs they would share alone would make life pure joy. Beyond that, each of them using their ability to help each other maintain health and longevity is a perfect solution for the dwindling capacities that come with age. The older generation right now might be the hardest to convince, yet they stand to benefit the most. Younger generations today will be able to experience the benefits of sharing love and life with multiple people as they age far more commonly, and we should be thankful for it. Not to get too dark, but imagine not having to be so alone when you lose a loved one. Life throws a lot of difficult times our way. Facing the hard times with multiple lovers committed to your happiness can carry you smoothly through the darkness and back to the light.

Again, love is not a one size fits all concept. Lovers and relationships will come and go, marriages will fail or last, and many people will never consider polygamy or polyamory a viable option. Some people are happy to embrace complacency because change can be big and scary. Change is a little scary, progress is often difficult, and growth doesn’t come without growing pains. Getting past fear will be one of life’s greatest accomplishments if you achieve it. Building a polyamorous love life, or family, will take work and might feel impossible at times. However, if you’re one of the people that feels the poly lifestyle would work for you, embrace your good fortune and never be afraid to start exploring.

Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc:

Polyamorous families were handed a huge victory this year in Somerville, Massachusetts. The city, in an effort to expand access to healthcare and solutions during a crisis, broadened the definition of domestic partnerships to include families with more than two adults. This is an important step and it happened in a state that tends to be a leader in championing rights to legally maintain relationships that happen to fall outside of societal ‘norms.’ Massachusetts was the first state to legalize gay marriage back in 2004. It took more than a decade for the rest of the country to catch up, many states by force, when gay marriage was declared legal by the Supreme Court in June of 2015. The fascinating aspect of this new approach to domestic partnerships is the lack of insistence on defining your relationship at all. The drafter of the ordinance, Lance Davis, explained that “I don’t think it is the place of the government to tell people what is or is not a family. Defining families is something that historically we’ve gotten quite wrong as a society.” Legalizing polyamory is really legalizing love in all forms. 

Are we on the verge of a new civil rights movement?

The legacy of polygamy in the United States sours many people on the idea of plural marriage or families. It’s understandable when considering religious based polygamous families tended to be more about control than love. Finding or becoming a sister wife historically was not about freedom of choice like it most often is today. The strange practice of marrying off young teenage girls to an adult male, and believing it was God’s will, is rightfully outlawed and viewed as despicable. It’s unfair, however, to place modern polygamists and other polyamorous people in the same box as these unsavory groups of the past. 

Modern polyamory and polygamy are entirely different concepts based on everyone’s basic right to pursue whatever life with the people they love is right for them. People are starting to look at monogamy often with as much mistrust as monogamous people find with the idea of polyamory. If justice can play out in coming years, the worst aspects of monogamy will stop being hidden, or swept under a rug, and we can move away from the patriarchal stronghold we’ve been under for centuries.

Imagine a world where heterosexual, homosexual, monogamous, or polyamorous relationships are not promoted or denounced. Society can reach a place where sexuality and relationships are a free space to explore the right things for each individual. Sexual intimacy doesn’t even need to be a factor, especially when it comes to the people we may choose as a life partner. One exciting factor in Somerville’s decision to recognize polyamorous families is it’s recognition that family is to be defined by individuals, therefore the nature of your domestic partnership is of no consequence under the new ordinance. For years we’ve told everyone that a family can only be one man, one woman, and however many kids they decide to have. The ‘nuclear family’ concept is promoted as the ideal while all other family structures are deemed somehow inferior, or even harmful. Correcting our approach to defining families will save many people from the soul crushing notion of failure that’s difficult to avoid when you aren’t considered ‘normal.’

As much as this new law will pull many families up out of ‘hiding,’ it won’t change as much as people might think. These families existed anyway. That’s the funny thing when laws exist to promote or punish people for loving and living certain ways, they only cause harm while producing almost none of the desired results. It’s better to embrace the reality that relationships and families will always be diverse. They come in all shapes and sizes. If you’re turned off by the idea of polygamy dating, consider this, isn’t it better to accept it rather than sending people off into isolation to do it anyway? Men that are seeking a sister wife aren’t inherently bad by nature (like some might assume) and a woman wanting to be a sister wife is no different than a woman wanting any kind of family of her own. It’s all natural and can be healthy if society can promote honest living instead of forcing everyone into limiting boxes. Polygamous families and polyamorous families will find better protection when they can be part of the mainstream, both legally and personally. The strange cults marrying underage girls to old men didn’t develop naturally. They came from being pushed into isolation and from a few bad seeds taking advantage of communities that either felt helpless or developed Stockholm Syndrome from years of living under such conditions.

Polygamy isn’t likely to get a stronghold in modern culture as much as general polyamory will. That’s also where we’ll find the most progress although we should be sure to include polygamy in the conversation. 

Plural  marriages are just a legal contract away from being the same thing as a poly family. Polyamorous dating has been growing fast in popularity so more and more people are becoming familiar with it and are no longer suspicious about it. Most people under 40 probably know at least one polyamorous family. Ultimately, the overall push needs to focus on offering some kind of recognition and equal treatment for any relationship two or more people decide to form in order to get through life together. Many relationships don't feel a need for any government recognition, but the day will come that it will be vital to protect the legal interests of your loved ones. Legal challenges from conservative groups are very likely in Somerville. It’s definitely a developing story to watch. Whatever the outcome is for now, they’ve opened a door that can’t be closed again. It’s time for all poly minded people and their supporters to start speaking out for fair treatment under the law, whatever that may turn out to be.

Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers, Inc:

The world feels like it’s crumbling all around us these days. Heat waves, pestilence, civil unrest, and political disillusionment has everyone either feeling helpless, or ready to scream at the top of their lungs! Never in recent history have we had to isolate in our homes en masse to avoid a deadly pandemic. We’ve had our share of civil unrest and terrible politicians over the years, but the current leaders and situation in the US seems to be hopelessly dysfunctional. While it’s important not to put our heads in the sand and ignore reality, it’s also unhealthy not to take a break from the madness. A road trip is a perfect escape if you and your polyamorous or polygamous family are fortunate enough to have the time and money to make one happen. Some basic planning and precautions can keep you all safe without sacrificing any of the fun or intimate moments a road trip so readily provides.

In a time of pandemic safety preparations are imperative. Finding a new sister wife or poly lover isn’t impossible, but spending more time with current partners is usually a better idea. There are always safety measures needed for poly people to keep each other safe, but be sure to implement enhanced precautions according to guidelines set by the CDC and other health organizations. Currently, social distancing and masks are effective in slowing the spread of Covid-19. If 14 day quarantine periods or other precautions are doable it may be reasonable to even include a new partner for your poly road trip. Assess the risk wisely and be prepared.

Once who is safe to come along is determined it’s time to plan the destination and route. Normally you might look for cities or regions where polyamory or polygamy are common so you can connect with like-minded people, but current circumstances are not normal. Seeking a polygamous family to spend a weekend learning from would only put you both in danger. It’s better to avoid visiting people, stay away from dense population centers, be mindful of ‘hot zones,’ avoid enclosed public spaces as much as possible, and stay away from crowds. Plan your route according to whatever restrictions might be in place in each region. If you live in Florida it’s best to not drive to New York this summer because a mandatory 14 day quarantine will really put a damper on a fun vacation. You might even designate one person to get out to refill gas and buy road snacks at each stop along the way to reduce exposure risks. Looking for stops that aren’t crowded in the first place is even better. Destinations that are a bit remote are also a good idea this summer. Maybe consider doing that long trail hike you’ve been considering for years. Anything to keep the number of people you’ll encounter lower, and increase time spent outdoors, will help.

Consider accommodations with safety in mind. You don’t spend so much time and energy looking for poly relationships just to end up sick from poor accommodation choices! There is some uncertainty about the safety of recycled air. Enough of the coronavirus may be able to pass through the filtering to get people sick, especially with prolonged exposure. 

It’s recommended to bring your own bed linens and only stay in rooms with a dedicated air conditioning system. Open all doors and windows to the unit with the air conditioner left on for about 20 minutes in order to clear any lingering virus before staying in the room for any extended period of time. The less busy a hotel or motel is the better. In fact, campgrounds are likely the best option, especially if you have an RV. 

Any option that offers minimal social contact is preferred. Don’t even think about vacationing in a hot zone right now.

All of this talk about a pandemic seems like it should be enough, but it’s not. Welcome to the year 2020, which is being endearingly referred to as the year of the dumpster fire. Seeking sister wives, poly lovers, polygamous or poly families is such a beautiful life that the realities we face in today's world seem impossible, but alas, we’re amidst a crisis. Civil unrest is an unavoidable result of injustice and progress. 

It’s very likely that your poly family is directly affected by injustice itself. People of color, however, bear the brunt of injustice in too many parts of the world today. It’s not impossible to show your support while still being able to get away to recharge and unwind. Pay attention to current events in cities and regions along your route in order to avoid interfering with important movements and possibly putting yourself, or others, in danger. If you do encounter protesters remember that cooler heads prevail. There is no reason not to show your support. 

Most of the time you’ll find demonstrators to be peaceful and willing to lend a helping hand. Don’t get wrapped up in media hype or frustration. 

Be a part of the solution.

Polyamorous people are full of love, which is exactly what the world needs more of today. Unfortunately, much of that love has to be from a distance, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t there. While poly and polygamy dating are a bit more complicated right now, poly people can use this time to strengthen their existing relationships by being present for each other even more than usual. Finding safe ways to get away and build stronger connections to each other can help prepare us for a better world in the near future. We will learn and grow from everything happening this year so far. We’ll look back on 2020 as a very difficult and scary time, but not every memory has to be a bad one. Get out and make some good memories while you can!

Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers, Inc:

The year 2020 is showing us how quickly the world around us can crumble. 

Our political machines are being tested to their limits, a pandemic is revealing a terrifying aversion to discomfort even when it’s for safety, and centuries of racial injustice are coming to a head in streets around the world. Of course, with so many major issues we’re facing head-on, personal relationships are being tested as well. People are being blocked on social media at alarming rates and disparate feelings about current events are causing folks to choose a side while vehemently rejecting all others. One could say the year 2020 was the year ‘social harmony’ was dealt its final blows. Where we end up after all of this is a mystery. There are forces trying to maintain the status quo and insisting the pandemic is being blown out of proportion, racial injustice is already improving so just be patient, and politics have always been dirty. On the other hand many insist that it’s simply respectful to protect yourself and others by wearing a mask and isolating, there should be no peace until we have racial justice, and it’s high time we address the dirty politicians and corporate interests that have hijacked governments around the world. No matter where you stand on or between these issues your beliefs are being challenged today. What if someone you love holds strong opinions that are in complete opposition to yours? How do you reconcile two polar opposite belief and value systems? When might it be time to walk away, if ever?

It’s normal to have disagreements with someone you love. To expect anyone to agree with everything you think is absurd. Often we’re able to use a little humor to smooth over our differences and maintain healthy relationships. That’s not so easy when opposing attitudes about a deadly pandemic can literally lead to becoming infected. Poly families need to discuss where they stand concerning their overall health and what risks are acceptable to everyone involved. If you’ve recently become a sister wife or are pursuing being a sister wife watch for the ways your family of interest handles decisions that affect the whole family. Getting away from a poorly managed family is easier to do before you’re too deeply involved. Same goes for anyone new to a polyamorous situation. True love means not putting you at risks you’re not comfortable taking. Once you’re already involved you might have to keep a little distance from a lover that isn’t willing to ensure your safety. If two in your family are serious about masks, social distancing, and isolating when necessary, but one or more are out partying like it’s 2019 there is no shame in avoiding contact while a deadly virus is spreading like wildfire. It doesn’t have to be a breakup. True love can operate via video messaging and chats if it means respecting safety boundaries. If a lover isn’t willing to make it work, and keep you feeling safe, it might be time to reconsider the title of ‘lover’ for this person.

Issues involving social justice are a bit more complicated. If a member of your polyamorous or polygamous family is part of a group facing the injustice there is only one answer to how to proceed. You let them take the lead. Listen to them, support them, protect them, and do the things you can to help correct the injustice. If someone in your family feels passionate about issues concerning social injustice don’t dismiss their attempts to share their passion. If they are in opposition to any group struggling for justice it gets a little hairy. You have to ask a few questions. What are their core beliefs on race and where do they come from? Are they actually racist? If yes, this is a problem. Or, do they just not grasp the struggle of certain groups of people due to a lack of exposure? There are a lot of viewpoints to come from on this issue and it’s important to make sure your loved ones do not come from a position rooted in racism or hate. If they do, and refuse to investigate their feelings with a heart open to change, it’s time to start asking more questions. Would you be willing to defend their beliefs or actions? Are you willing to earn the reputation of either condoning or supporting these beliefs or actions? Is the situation safe or is this person militant in the opposition of another group of people? If you can’t calm them or keep them from aggression the only healthy option is to get away. If it’s all armchair politics it can be safe enough to simply push them to change, but don’t stick around for someone you know is crazy for fear of being alone.

So then we come to general politics. Politics and religion are two things we should never talk about, right? Well, if you are looking for a new sister wife, or are a woman looking for a polygamous family, you certainly need to discuss these things. General polyamorous dating can be a bit more open to opposing religious and political views, but polygamy dating often requires more cohesion in order to build a harmonious family. Your best bet is to not shy away from religion and politics when looking for possible long term intimacy. You don’t want to get involved with someone that will require you to renounce your personal values in order to validate the way they and/or their family have always done things. Is it okay for a devout atheist to date a devout Christian? It could be. Is it healthy? Very likely not. The sense of camaraderie needed for healthy relationships would be hard to muster. 

However, many people have lighter religious beliefs and are perfectly capable of dating outside of their personal faith. Religion is only being mentioned this much because it has a big part in shaping political views. Politics and religion in the poly and polygamy dating world can be awkward, but don’t shy away from them. If you’ve found yourself with someone you love, but cannot stand their views, there are other ways to satisfy your personal needs. Find groups that share your beliefs. Get involved in your community to help bring positive change. Spend more time with lovers that share more in common. If you can’t do these things because one lover makes it difficult, it’s time to reconsider the relationship.

Perfect harmony is a lovely concept and it’s pursuit is noble, but it can only be a journey rather than a destination. We will never have a world of perfection and our relationships will always face struggles. 

Some from within and some from the outside world's interference. Having a polygamous family or a polyamorous group to lean on is a true blessing when life and situations get tough. Molding your group or family into one of harmony is an unending effort that might require a few difficult choices along the way. No matter how much you may love a person, if they are affecting your life, or your family's life, in negative ways you cannot stand by and watch everything you’ve built fall apart. People evolve and sometimes into someone you no longer recognize. If efforts to pull them back from the abyss are unsuccessful your poly family has to protect itself. Don’t be insensitive, don’t be unforgiving, and don’t give up too easily, but especially don’t leave rotted fruit to spoil everything it touches.

Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers, Inc:

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