Chris's article

Online dating is a modern phenomenon that connects people across geographic and social barriers. People from completely different walks of life can meet and fall in love before they ever see each other in person. The exponentially larger selection of opportunities has led to millions of happy relationships that previously were not possible. There are so many options! Finding your perfect match has never been easier. However, online dating has also led to rashes of fraud and abuse. The illest of intentions can be lurking behind a dating profile. Polyamorous and polygamous people are especially at risk of scammers and fakes due to their more open nature and perpetual dating habits. It’s important to follow a few basic standards to protect yourself. 

First, vet each profile.

This is not to say everyone’s profile will be prolific but there are statements and situations which point out a fraudulent profile. Profiles that feel rushed or poorly written often reveal someone that isn’t worth your time, at the very least. Only two or three pics is not a good sign. A person from Estonia looking for a sister wife or polygamist family in Alabama is highly suspect. A polyamorous couple in Southeast Asia looking for dates in Texas is likely a fake. However, if there are unusual circumstances that are reasonably explained in the profile, it may be safe to approach cautiously. If that polyamorous couple in Southeast Asia is moving to Houston for a job, and looking for dates ahead of the move, that’s not hard to believe. Most people are going to seek a sister wife or polyamorous date within a reasonable range. Go with your gut feeling when vetting profiles. Better to pass up a few real opportunities than get wrapped up in a scam.

Second, Money talks very loud.

The mere mention of exchanging money early in an online dating interaction should lead to immediately blocking and reporting a profile. Anyone online you don’t know asking for help moving money around, in any way, is attempting to scam you. There is no gray area here. Do not accept money from anyone you don’t know and do not send money to anyone you don’t know. If the person, or people, you’re dating online cannot afford their own travel expenses they need to save up until they can (same goes for you). Do not send money for family emergencies or offer money, in any form, for anything related to an online interaction on a dating site. You do not know them and anyone worth their salt would not ask you for money. 

After multiple interactions, video chats, and building a rapport you can ease up on the idea of absolutely no exchange of money. It’s natural you’d eventually want to meet and may need a flight covered to do so, for example. Even if you have reached this point in the relationship be prepared to cover your own accommodations. The person, or people, you thought you knew so well may be completely different in person and you need to be able to get away. Exchanging money for anything but expenses related to meeting should always be a nonstarter. 

Third, say no to strange requests (or refusals).

Requests for other ways to chat should be approached carefully. Pulling you away from a dating site to another resource helps scammers hide and gives you fewer options to call them out. There are plenty other options for chat but be wary of the intentions behind moving off the platform you’re already using. Giving access to your other profiles and social networks provides information. Your information could be what a scammer is after. Access to your phone number, social media profiles, and other possibly revealing information has to be earned. 

One way to earn more access to you is through video chat. Talking on the phone is a close second but video chat puts a face on your new companion. Refusal to arrange times to talk over the phone, or video chat, should result in cutting off communication altogether. You may pass on a few real prospects by adhering to this standard but the trouble you’ll avoid is worth it.

Don’t send nudes!! If you insist on sending nudes don’t include your face and stop sending them if it’s not reciprocal. Asking to see your breasts, or package, should happen only when some rapport has been achieved and basic trust has been established. Be aware of the risks and send accordingly. The more revealing, the more blackmail worthy.   

Some people are only scheming to gain followers on their various social media outlets. While this is generally harmless, it’s annoying behavior that should not be rewarded. If anyone asks you to follow them just ignore the request and move along. A link in their profile is fine but their pushing for followers is a waste of your time. 

Last, don’t hesitate to poke holes in stories.

Inconsistencies in a narrative are one of the surest signs of dishonesty. Claiming to have grown up in Omaha yet speaking, or typing, in broken English is an unlikely scenario. Claims of wealth don’t add up when you suddenly have a request to help with a financial emergency. Many scammers are very good and have practiced their narrative heavily, but paying close attention will help you spot the holes. Don’t be so desperate for love that you forgive glaring inconsistencies in anyone’s story. 

If a man claims to have multiple happy wives and is looking for a new sister wife to join his family you should expect photos to reliably back up his story. A polyamorous couple isn’t as believable if they are not both in touch with you, even if one is in touch far less than the other. Poly dating doesn’t always involve everyone in an existing relationship but pay attention to their story. You don’t want to get wrapped up in one of them cheating on the other either. 

The dangers of online dating have kept numerous people away from dating sites but they are truly missing out. The rewards far outweigh the occasional fake or scammer that might come along. Not getting too excited when you come across a seemingly perfect candidate goes a long way in avoiding trouble. A polyamorous or polygamous person can often detect a non-poly scammer early in a conversation. Pay attention to your gut and trust it. Learning to keep it fun while being vigilant about safety means finding additions to your polyamorous group, or polygamist family, will always be an exciting adventure.

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc:

Relationships are work. The daily grind puts a big damper on many of the fantasies we strive to explore with our lovers. Growing apart or losing the romantic spark are unfortunate possibilities as the years wear away on any relationship. Polygamous and Polyamorous relationships face unique challenges in the attempt to hang on to the romance. Multiple partners adds a level of complexity that can be daunting. If jealousy or resentment infects a relationship it is usually fatal. Everyone in your group or family needs to be committed to each other and to the efforts required to maintain a healthy love life for everyone involved. 

It’s not uncommon for a sister wife to feel a little jealous about the amount of time they have with their husband. If her husband is dating a new sister wife he may be investing more energy in her for some time until she is comfortable in her new family. Polygamy Dating and home life can be complicated. During a pregnancy it’s understandable for a polygamist husband to focus more attention on a pregnant sister wife at the expense of the others. Situations that require more attention on one or another are simply inevitable. The health of a polygamist family relies on everyone respectfully communicating their grievances and working to understand circumstances rather than allowing jealousy or resentment to take over. 

Polyamorous groups or families face similar challenges. If the relationship is open it can only be expected that jealousy will pop up from time to time. Knowing your partner, or partners, are out sharing romance with others takes a great deal of trust and patience. Polyamorous dating ebbs and flows. Seeing your partner excited about someone new while you can’t even get a response from anyone is the worst! Rather than resenting your lover you should share in the excitement. A time will come when you’re meeting people and your partner is having a dry spell. Better to know you can lift each other up through these times instead of feeling bad for enjoying yourself. Sharing the joy will enhance the joy and could lead to sharing your dates and maybe growing your relationship as well. 

Mistakes will be made. Details will be overlooked when you’re asking about how your partner met someone or how the date went. Boundaries will be stretched and emotions will be tested. Every time something isn’t perfect there is a chance for resentment to settle in. Of course there are unacceptable things like outright lies and intentional deceit, but those are red flags signaling bigger issues. When your partner makes a mistake, and you know they were not out to hurt you, you have to let it go. If you can’t let it go, or it’s unforgivable in your eyes, end the relationship. Don’t stay in a relationship if you’re incapable of real forgiveness. Resentment will block any chance of lasting romance. 

Even closed polyamorous groups aren’t without struggles. A happy home with five happy lovers cannot expect every day to be rosy. Pairing up based on similar interests isn’t uncommon in a closed poly group or family. Two gardening lovers may spend the most time together while two night owls end up spending every Friday night out together. None of this means the group should split off. It’s normal to be drawn to people that share similar interests. It does mean to be cautious. Unintentionally causing a lover to feel left out or lonely is no fun. Efforts should be made for the entire group to spend time together and for each person to spend time with each other individually. One night a week dedicated to everyone being together would go a long way. By avoiding behaviors that bring division to your group, and deliberately celebrating your poly love, you can expect romantic moments to easily find their way in. 

Forcing romance is cringe worthy. It just cannot be done. Romance can, however, be ruined quite easily. Harboring anger, resentment, or jealousy not only kills romance, it slowly kills you! People that are unable to forgive and let things go have dismal prospects in any dating or relationship situation. They are, essentially, toxic people and we all know what to do with toxic people. Kick them to the curb before they curb check your happiness. Any two or more people that are committed to each others bliss, and are working to build each other up, will experience natural romantic moments that won’t soon be forgotten. Find sister wives or lovers that love to love. You have more power when you first meet someone new so trust your gut instincts and remember not to compromise so much you lose yourself in a loveless relationship. Waiting for the right lovers will pay off by giving all of you a lifetime of delightful romance. 

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc:

The world of polyamory provides boundless possibilities for lovers to form lives and relationships that bring them joy. The diversity of desires among polyamorous people shows, while we are often very different, we share a belief that love’s only limits should be the ones we choose. Polyamorous dating and polygamous dating are exciting. It’s time to meet new people and share ideas. Discovering relationships, lifestyles, and connections you may have never considered before helps you grow and eventually build a life that makes you truly happy. Here are a few rules to keep in mind along your journey. A few things that will help you stay on your fitting path. 

Never compromise your true self or values.

If you are a sister wife looking for a polygamist man or family it’s possible to come across a situation that doesn’t really fit what you’re seeking. Some polygamist families are very religious, or strict in other ways, and many modern sister wives, or women wanting to become sister wives, prefer a more modern situation. This also works in the reverse. If you wish for a strict religious family it wouldn’t make any sense to compromise your desires in order to date a more liberal polygamist man. Bending yourself too much to suit another person won’t lead to a happy outcome. 

Polyamorous dating also requires individuals to know what they are seeking, or are open to, at least. A guy that wants no commitments has no business dating a couple or group looking for someone to join their closed situation. It’s possible the closed group may want a one night stand, or occasional rendezvous, with this guy but everyone involved needs to be clear about expectations. Ideas about what polyamory means to you are important, early and often, when dating among polyamorous people. 

Don’t judge!

Not everyone will be like you. You will meet people with a lot in common and you will meet people with almost nothing in common. Embrace it. Before you start judging the sexuality, ideals, or desires of others consider the fact that you are also the target of senseless judging from monogamous people who think you’re sick. So just stop it. Get over yourself and accept people for who they are. This way, they can be honest and upfront about themselves and save you both a lot of time and trouble if it’ll never work.

Honor your commitments.

People say plenty of things to get somebody in bed with them This is often no different in the polygamous or polyamorous dating world. At a basic level it can be harmless as long as everyone involved knows it’s just a little fun. It’s okay to be explorative about your intentions early in any dating relationship. Talk about your thoughts and feelings openly. Enjoy your dating time while you sort out a possible future and how it might look. Don’t, however, start making commitments you’re uncertain about or don’t intend to keep. 

Successful polyamory requires the ability to trust your lovers. A strong polygamist family requires everyone in the family to be truly invested. Knowingly breaking this trust, or your commitments, can cause permanent damage and make future joy for a lover, or family, more difficult to find. Don’t be responsible for the lasting sorrow of someone you claimed to love. Don’t make agreements as a tactic for short term happiness when it comes to affairs of the heart. Take yourself and your potential lovers seriously. 

Keep an open mind.

Life is more fun around people with open minds. Polyamorous people generally have open minds or they wouldn’t be polyamorous in the first place. It’s easy to become jaded or set in our ways. Becoming set in our ways may even be inevitable. The trouble with closing off possibilities is the danger of limiting yourself, and relationships, to situations that aren’t working for everyone any longer. If a partner or someone you’re dating expresses interest in something new, don’t compromise your values, but don’t dismiss new things with zero consideration. Don’t forget the fun and excitement you’re privy to by being polyamorous. 

Be an advocate.

Living outside the normal expectations of society can be nearly impossible for many people. Polyamorous and polygamous people have their fair share of adversity. There are plenty of folks that simply will not accept any long term relationship except for a monogamous, heterosexual, marriage. Vocally supporting good people from all walks of life only serves to make the future better for everyone. You don’t have to go pounding the pavement in every march for equality to make a big difference. A simple word or two when needed, or showing basic empathy toward others, can go a long way in the world immediately around you. 

Finding the polyamorous relationships that work for you, and your style, should be a fun and enlightening experience. Finding a sister wife to join your polygamist family should be an exciting process. A woman finding her perfect family to join as a sister wife should thoroughly enjoy the journey. If we follow some basic standards, everyone, no matter which polyamorous style they have an interest in, can enjoy the dating experience. Excellent communication and a strong sense of self leads to beautiful bonds being formed. Friendship bonds are equally as important as the bonds you share with your lovers. Finding your poly style will open the correct doors for you. Letting your style perpetually evolve will keep them opening.

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc:

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