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A Pastor’s Path to Polygamy: One Man’s Unconventional Family and Their Fight for Recognition

Sixty-year-old Thom Miller, a pastor in Mansfield, Ohio, found himself at the center of controversy after marrying his pregnant teenage girlfriend while still married to and living with his first wife. Far from a secret tryst, this arrangement has the blessing of all parties involved, including wife number one, 44-year-old Belinda Miller.

The story began nearly a decade ago, when Thom met Belinda, then a mother of seven from a previous relationship. Their connection deepened through faith, family values, and a shared vision of forming a large, supportive household. Over time, Belinda found herself contemplating polygamy, an idea she mentioned to Thom in passing. Although polygamy is illegal in every U.S. state, the couple saw it as an expression of their religious beliefs and a way to build what they call a “complete family.”

Meeting Reba

Nineteen-year-old Reba Kerfootruba was not a stranger. Thom had known Reba’s family for years; he recalled her as a young girl before she moved away from Mansfield. The two reconnected when Reba visited Thom’s church as a volunteer. Something shifted during that meeting. Thom remembers her warm embrace was unlike any friendly hug he had received before. In that moment, he says, he recognized romantic feelings he had not anticipated.

“When she hugged me, it wasn’t a normal hug,” Thom explained. “I wanted to keep hugging her, and I realized, wow, I’m really appreciating this woman.”

It did not take long for Reba to move into the Millers’ household. Belinda grew fond of her immediately. “I wanted to have more of a family; I wanted it to feel complete,” she explained. “Having another lady in the house is a beautiful thing. It’s like having a sister, and it enriches our family life.”

A Three-Way Marriage

Just seven years after Thom wed Belinda in their church, the trio arranged another ceremony in the same place, this time uniting Thom and Reba as husband and wife. The relationship structure is polygynous, with one husband and two wives. All three state that their faith supports the arrangement, pointing out that there are scriptural examples of plural marriages in religious texts, even though mainstream Christianity widely discourages it today.

However, their union is not recognized under Ohio law, or federal law, for that matter. With same-sex marriage now legal throughout the United States, Thom wonders why his own plural marriage remains beyond the bounds of official acceptance.

“I have no problem with homosexuals,” he clarified. “But I think it’s wrong that their marriage is now recognized by the state, while my second marriage is not. This is America, and my wives and I should have the right to live any way we please, provided we’re not hurting anybody.”

Community and Family Reactions

When Reba’s relatives first learned of the unconventional arrangement, they disapproved. “At first, my family thought that what we were doing was not right because of him being married already,” she recalled. Yet, as they saw that she was happy and secure, her family gradually grew more supportive.

To date, Thom, Belinda, and Reba say they have experienced a wide range of reactions from both their local community and online audiences. Some people express curiosity, others show disapproval, and a few outright condemn their lifestyle as immoral. Nevertheless, the Millers maintain that their faith-led approach to family, complete with shared spiritual practices, communal chores, and open communication, offers them stability and love.

The New Addition

At the heart of the public fascination is Reba’s pregnancy. The trio plan to raise the baby together, with Reba and Belinda sharing maternal duties. “The baby will have two moms, which I’m okay with,” Reba said. Thom believes this expanded, cooperative parenting style will strengthen the family’s bond.

Behind closed doors, the arrangement is less unconventional than some might think. Thom alternates sharing his bedroom with each wife on different nights, a schedule all three agreed upon. “Thom is the love of my life, and Reba is the blessing of my life,” Belinda said. “So it all works.”

From Enforcer to Pastor

Thom’s spiritual journey is particularly remarkable. Years ago, he was a mafia enforcer, an occupation he now freely admits. A bar fight that ended in a stabbing led to a seven-year prison sentence, during which Thom discovered the Bible. He credits his religious conversion in prison for turning his life around completely and inspiring him to become a pastor upon release.

Now, as he stands at the head of a growing family and a congregation that looks to him for guidance, Thom’s path has taken an unusual turn.

Polygamy in America: A Brief Context

Polygamy is illegal throughout the United States, with many tracing the legal ban back to the 19th century, when it primarily targeted Mormon communities in Utah. Today, most polygamous relationships remain underground due to legal ramifications. However, there have been modern movements, especially following the 2015 Supreme Court decision legalizing same-sex marriage, arguing that consenting adults in polyamorous or polygamous relationships should have the same rights as other couples.

Critics warn that legitimizing polygamy could lead to exploitative practices, particularly if younger partners feel pressured or are not free to consent. Advocates counter that stigma and secrecy cause more harm, and that creating a legal framework would provide protection and oversight.

Looking Ahead

As Thom pushes for legal recognition of his second marriage, he highlights a broader question currently debated in both religious and legal circles: Should consenting adults be free to form multiple-adult marriages, and, if so, should the government grant them the same legal protections and responsibilities that come with monogamous marriage?
For now, though, the Miller household is focused on building their life together, preparing for a new baby, juggling household chores, and navigating the persistent curiosity of their neighbors. In their view, love, faith, and mutual respect form the bedrock of a family, regardless of how many partners share it.

“I may be walking a path that’s unfamiliar to most people,” Thom said. “But I’ve never felt more guided by faith, and I’ve never felt more at peace.”

You can watch a segment featuring Thom, Belinda, and Reba on Barcroft TV.

Published By: Sister Wives 

Matchmakers Inc

'No one who comes to us has the right to put their cultural roots, or their religious beliefs, above our laws,' says justice minister

Germany is to end its unofficial tolerance of polygamy - including marriages involving minors, the country's justice minister has vowed.

Heiko Maas said the move was designed to prevent people in Germany committing to more than one marriage.

“No one who comes to us has the right to put their cultural roots, or their religious beliefs, above our laws,” Mr Maas told Bild newspaper.

“For that reason multiple marriages cannot be recognised in Germany.”

Polygamy is a criminal offence in Germany, but Bild alleged German authorities “often look the other way” if a migrant brings several wives to the country.

Mr Maas said arranged marriages also needed to be addressed, especially in cases where underage girls were involved.

“We cannot tolerate forced marriages,” he said.

According to Unicef, there are 39,000 child marriages every day in the world.

Authorities are unable to register more than one wife to the same man, which has proved difficult and causes other problems such as listing other wives as single mothers and the distribution of inheritance.

In 2013, Germany’s president Joachim Gauck became an honorary godfather to a baby of a couple where the man had more than one wife. Under the law, parents can apply for the status if they have seven children as part of the president’s duties to support families with multiple children.

A Christian Democratic Union MP called for the president to renounce the title on the grounds of polygamy being illegal.

Polygamy, where a man has multiple wives, is legal in much of the Muslim world including the Middle East, Indonesia, and almost all of Africa.

In 2015, India’s Supreme Court ruled out polygamy for Muslims, stating it was not a fundamental right for followers of the religion. Having more than one wife is illegal in US, but is still quite widely practiced in Utah, where there are said to be around 30,000 polygamists.

Society tells us being a heterosexual in a closed monogamous relationship with a legal contract to prove it is the ideal. With the divorce rate hovering around 45% one has to wonder how valuable this path is to follow. Funny enough, with marriage equality recently passing nationwide in the US, more people waiting for marriage later in life, and attitudes about alternative relationships shifting, the divorce rate is decreasing. This is because people today are not only waiting for marriage they are also open to more honest and possibly ‘open’ relationships of some form. Living a life with a partner/s that suits the true desires of all involved naturally leads to better life satisfaction and overall happiness 

So what are the options? What relationship could be right for you? Here are a few basic concepts to consider. 

Closed Monogamy: This will likely remain the top choice for decades to come because no amount of imagination will convince many people it isn’t the best option. People that can remain faithful and honest to their partner for life can find this is a very happy existence with many benefits. There will be less exposure to outside issues and a legal contract (Marriage) between the two will help with major life decisions if the other becomes incapable. The ‘good ole-fashioned’ married life can absolutely be wonderful for two people that are committed to the lifestyle and to each other. 

Open Relationship: In an open relationship a partner is free to have sexual relationships outside of their core relationship. This may or may not include ‘dating’ outside of the core relationship but sexual activity is acceptable and can either be something you tell each other or respect one and the others privacy. The benefit here is that maintaining sexual freedom gives an individual the feeling of self determination and two people that love each other and want a life together aren’t always ideal sexual partners. This is a great way to build a life with someone of differing sexual persuasions or for two people that are not interested in sexual fidelity to any individual. Being honest and straightforward about your shifting boundaries and willing to compromise when needed is vital to maintaining a healthy open relationship. 

Closed Polyamorous: A group of three or more people that choose to be together in a committed fashion can make for some exciting times, but keep in mind, it’s not all about sex. If a group has decided to be closed they can ‘date’ new people together, or not at all, depending on the desires of the collective. There are more feelings to work with because the more you add to the group the more possible feelings that could be hurt. Everyone involved has to be given a voice and full respect of their feelings. This style of relationship is becoming far more common in our day. People use the word ‘polygamy’ to describe many of these relationships, but polyandry can also apply, or no defining term at all is necessary. A relationship is what you make it. Legally a group of people cannot be bonded together in a marriage but two people within a group can marry if they wish. 

Many polyamorous people however do not care to concern themselves with legal contracts to define their relationships. 

Open Polyamorous: A person can feel close to many people sexually and emotionally but never develop a desire for full commitment to a person or group. They may have a few groups they date or even a core group that is still allowed to date others. They may have a core relationship with one person but are allowed to date others and have relationships without limitations with others while maintaining their core relationship. Open and polyamorous is wide open for each individual to define for themselves. This can be the toughest poly lifestyle to have or maintain but it can also be the most rewarding if handled well. It requires a great deal of honesty, understanding, respect, and forgiving. It is nearly guaranteed to bring situations where jealousy will creep in and you have to remember what you’re dealing with. 

Gay or bisexual situations can apply to any of these according to what suits the people involved. Judgment of anyone living honestly in whatever lifestyle they feel they belong is to be avoided, shunned, and/or ignored if it’s directed at you. Modern society has come a long way into accepting ‘alternative lifestyles’ and we are all better off for it. It’s important to make sure you never contribute to any regression by imposing your ill will onto others with your words or behavior. Check out this previous article on dealing with bullies. 

The poly life is not for everyone. If feelings of jealousy are too overwhelming and the thought of multiple partners absolutely turns you off it is not recommended to try and involve yourself in an open lifestyle, plural relationship, or any poly situation. Dating a happy group or open person while being uncomfortable with the entire idea is not just some fun for you. It can hurt a lot of people that take their relationships seriously. On the other hand, if you think joining a group to date or starting one sounds exciting I recommend checking out ​Sister Wives. It’s a dating site and online community of like-minded poly people. When you find the lifestyle that would make you happiest the possibilities to share that joy are endless. It is no longer necessary to subscribe to only doing as told. Explore your truth and enjoy life to its fullest!

Published By: Sister Wives 

Written By: Mark Kennedy 

Matchmakers Inc 

PHOENIX (AP) — A jury verdict against two polygamous towns in Arizona and Utah for discriminating against nonbelievers now puts the future of the communities in the hands of a judge who will have to remedy the sweeping civil rights violations.

Federal authorities haven't specified the changes they'll seek in Colorado City, Arizona, and Hildale, Utah, but the judge has several options, including disbanding the towns' shared police force, one of the targets in the Monday's verdict.

Former church member Richard Holm, who was arrested by local police for trespassing on a property to which he held the title, said the jury's decision would be hollow if the judge doesn't disband the Colorado City Marshal's Office and instead put county sheriffs in charge. "For there ever to be a decent community, there's gotta be new faces, new control," Holm said.

The jury concluded the towns violated the constitutional rights of nonbelievers by denying them basic services such as police protection, building permits and water hookups. U.S. District Judge H. Russel Holland is expected to order changes to the communities in the coming months.

The trial marks one of boldest efforts by the government to confront what critics have long said was a corrupt regime in the neighboring communities. It provided a rare glimpse into the communities that for years have been shrouded in secrecy and are distrustful of government and outsiders.

The jury awarded $2.2 million to Holm and five other residents for emotional distress as a result of housing discrimination, but the towns will have to pay only $1.6 million because of a settlement in that part of the case that was reached while the jury was deliberating.

Other possible remedies that Holland could order include barring town officials from discriminating, requiring fair-housing training for town employees and having a court-appointed official monitor whether the town is complying with court's orders.

The possibility of disbanding the marshal's office was raised earlier by the state of Arizona in a separate housing discrimination case against Colorado City, though that case's judge kept the police force intact.

Town leaders will abide by whatever changes are ordered by the judge, Colorado City attorney Jeff Matura said, but the government's actions won't change people's religious beliefs.

"There is nothing that the government can do or really should be able to do to change someone's faith," Matura said.

The towns were accused of doing the bidding of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, a radical offshoot of mainstream Mormonism, which disavowed polygamy more than 100 years ago. The trial came as the federal government waged fights on multiple fronts to rein in church activities.

A grand jury in Utah has indicted several church leaders on charges of food stamp fraud.

The U.S. Labor Department has a separate action against a ranch with ties to the church over a pecan harvest in which prosecutors allege that children were forced to work long hours with few breaks.

During the civil rights case, the Justice Department said town employees assisted the group's leader when he was a fugitive and took orders from church leaders about whom to appoint to government jobs.

They say local police ignored the food stamp fraud scheme and marriages between men and underage brides.

Jurors concluded officers treated nonbelievers inequitably when providing police protection, arrested them without having probable cause and made unreasonable searches of their property.

One woman who was denied a water connection testified that she had to haul water to her home and take away sewage for six years. A former sect member said police ignored hundreds of complaints of vandalism on his horse property because he was no longer part of the church.

The towns deny the allegations and say the government is persecuting town officials because it disapproves of their religion.

"If this was any other community in America, this would not be happening at this level," Hildale attorney Blake Hamilton said after the verdict. "The scrutiny these communities have been under is just unprecedented."

A new study commissioned by the federal government recommends that Canada legalize polygamy and change legislation to help women and children living in plural relationships.

The paper by three law professors at Queen's University in Kingston argues that a Charter challenge to Section 293 of the Criminal Code banning polygamy might be successful, said Beverley Baines, one of the authors of the report.

"The polygamy prohibition might be held as unconstitutional," Ms. Baines said in an interview last night.

"The most likely Charter [of Rights and Freedoms] challenge would be brought by people claiming their freedom of their religion might be infringed. Those living in Bountiful would say polygamy is a religious tenet."

The possibility of a Charter challenge to polygamy laws has added significance since Paul Martin pledged this week that the first act of a new Liberal government would be to remove the federal government's ability to use the Constitution's notwithstanding clause to override Supreme Court decisions dealing with Charter rights.

Polygamy has been practised for more than 60 years in Bountiful, in southeastern B.C. Last year, the RCMP launched an investigation into allegations of child abuse and sexual exploitation within the fundamentalist Mormon community of 1,000 people. No charges have ever been laid.

The Martin government commissioned the $150,000 study into the legal and social ramifications of polygamy just weeks before it introduced divisive same-sex marriage legislation. Same-sex marriage was approved last June.

Critics said at the time that the study underscored a deep concern in the federal government that legalized homosexual marriage could lead to constitutional challenges from minority groups who claim polygamy as a religious right.

"In order to best prepare for possible debate surrounding Canada's polygamy policy, critical research is needed," a Status of Women Canada document said last year.

"It is vital that researchers explore the impacts of polygamy on women and children and gender equality, as well as the challenges that polygamy presents to society."

Sayd Mumtaz Ali, president of the Canadian Society of Muslims, said last year that he opposes same-sex marriage, but said if it is legalized in Canada, polygamists would be within their rights to challenge for their choice of family life to be legalized.

"This is a liberally minded country with regards to equal rights, and literally millions live common law," Mr. Ali said.

Multiple marriage is legal in most Muslim countries, he said. But Muslim men who take more than one wife must prove to local courts that they are capable of treating them all equally, Mr. Ali said.

Chief author of the report Martha Bailey told The Canadian Press that criminalizing polygamy serves no good purpose.

"Why criminalize the behaviour?" she said. "We don't criminalize adultery.

"In light of the fact that we have a fairly permissive society, why are we singling out that particular form of behaviour for criminalization?, Ms. Bailey told The Canadian Press.

Ms. Baines said polygamy is rarely prosecuted. "No one is actually being prosecuted but the provision is still being used in the context of immigration and refugee stuff. People are not being admitted to the country."

She said removing it from the Criminal Code will not force marriage laws to recognize it, but would only remove criminal sanctions.

The report -- commissioned by the Justice Department and Status of Women Canada and written by Ms. Baines, Bita Amani and Ms. Bailey -- also says the criminalization of polygamy does not address the harms that women in polygamous relationships face and suggests Canadian laws be changed to better serve women by providing them spousal support and inheritance rights.

"They are denied access to our divorce law.... You have a great deal of difficulty claiming your rights with access to children, custody of children and financial support for the children," she said. "We are starting to make accommodations for some small things in some of the provinces [such as] extending support law to women and children in any kind of marriage.

"Polygamous marriages are legal in some countries. They come to Canada, the vast majority of them will not know the law and they have no legal protection. They could be prosecuted. Suddenly, they're living in fear."

Polygamy, outlawed in Canada but accepted in many countries, typically means a man having several wives at the same time.

Source: Legalize Polygamy