Chris's article

All This Love but Why Do I Still Feel Low,


The holidays bring loads of joy to many people. The excitement of holiday parties and spending time with loved ones you may rarely get to see puts a smile in many hearts. However, there is a darker side to the holidays. Financial problems, family problems, relationship troubles, pressure to find the perfect gift, and the list is endless. Being in a poly relationship brings great joy to your life but can also expose you to the risk of negative situations that could turn your holiday joy into a seasonal depression.


Family members sometimes struggle accepting polygamous or polyamorous relatives and they may not realize the severe effect they have on them. Being a sister wife or being involved with multiple partners will always be outside of social norms for many people and depression from feeling like an outcast by those people is an inevitable struggle. Finding family and friends that support you as well as finding others with your poly life in common is key to overcoming the shadow some others would like to cast over you. Find groups online to form a community and turn to your partner and or partners when times feel tough. Don’t avoid these conversations in an effort to keep everyone happy. It doesn’t work in the long run.


Depression over finances is a major and growing issue for the majority of Americans. The suicide rate has been increasing dramatically and shows no sign of slowing down. Much of this is due to financial burdens, lack of resources, and low wages. The holidays can magnify financial woes and send a person over the tipping point. poly families often enjoy the benefit of multiple incomes in one household but this is too often not true or leaves one feeling they need to keep up or do more. Keeping an open dialogue about money is absolutely vital in maintaining a healthy relationship and in ensuring one of your partners is not struggling with an unknown depression over money. If money is tight there are plenty of ways to enjoy the holidays without breaking the bank.


Skip gifts altogether or choose just one great gift the whole house can enjoy. Plan an amazing holiday celebration at home instead of traveling. Draw names so each person in the household needs only to buy one gift for one other partner. If you have kids you can have everyone only buy gifts for the kids. There are few greater joys than watching the excitement when children open gifts. Spend the holidays with your poly family helping others by volunteering to feed the homeless. Helping people in need is an eye opening experience that will help you focus on the positive things in your life.


Depression can be tough to overcome. It can derive from SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder), a chemical imbalance, chronic pain, unresolved relationship issues, a loss, or many things. If you are experiencing depression that just won’t subside do not be afraid to reach out for help. If you cannot talk to your partners, friends, or family about it there are resources that allow you to remain anonymous. Phone numbers and resources can be found in this link. No matter how tough it seems, you are loved, and you can find happiness again.


Sister Wives is not just a Poly Dating Site, they are also a poly support network. Is your Poly Family depending on your situation? You are all together for a reason. Don’t forget the love you all share. Sometimes you have to force yourself to be positive and put on a happy face to push through tough times. A healthy plural relationship will see to it that each member of the poly family is lifting each other up when needed. Be mindful of those around you this holiday season to ensure you are encouraging peace and joy.










Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc - Sisterwives.com


Morality and Polyamory


Polyamorous lifestyles are all the buzz in recent years and their prevalence is reshaping the way society views intimate relationships. The freedom to enjoy multiple partners is a promising shift that can lead to living happier and more fulfilling lives. There is some suspicion that nothing is really changing at all. Society is just being more honest and accepting with each other. However, there remain a large number of people that are concerned about the implications of what they see as a society lacking real commitments. There is a moral dilemma to consider here.

 
Morality is defined as the ‘principles concerning the distinction between right and wrong or good and bad behavior.’ For centuries, marriage between two people has represented the unification and basis society needed to maintain a healthy and productive life. A 50 year wedding anniversary still symbolizes a beautiful life lived morally. These things are ultimately good for society so saying a monogamous marriage is a morally sound existence is not inaccurate, but there is another side to this story. 


Historically, monogamous marriage has often been forced onto people, used to control people, used to entrap, take advantage, extort, and the list goes on. Marriage is not always the pretty picture we like to imagine when you peel a bit of the paint from the surface. For many, monogamy will always be the best choice but it is not necessarily a moral choice. Simply a personal preference. There are other options that allow one to lead an honest, moral, and productive life that benefits society.


It is not immoral to choose a lifestyle that will allow you to be happy and content. Trying to live in monogamy when it’s not best for you will lead to temptations and possibly actions that will bury you in fear and regret and may lead to hurting people you love. Living with secrets and dishonesty is bad for society and for your mental health. Sharing your passion and intimacy with as many as you like while ensuring everyone involved is aware of the situation and under no duress to continue is a morally sound decision. 


The moral dilemma being attached to the rise of polyamory turns out to be quite false. It seems some people that disagree with polyamory can’t agree to disagree and prefer to demoralize people. That, my friend, is immoral behavior. Polyamory and monogamy could both tread into immoral territory if someone is not living honestly. Individuals living the life they truly enjoy will make better decisions and have more positive impacts on the world around them. In a nutshell, living morally is only based on individual behavior within whatever relationships are chosen.











Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc - sisterwives.com

POLY RELATIONSHIP VACATION IDEAS


Traditional hotel bars and cruise ships can be great places for couples to meet couples or a person to date but once you have a polyamorous relationship those places can be difficult to enjoy as a throuple or more. People not involved in the poly lifestyle can get confused and you’ll have to constantly explain your relationship to folks that may not think so kindly about you. The world is your oyster, of course, but sometimes you want to simply relax and enjoy the loves of your life. Here are a few ideas to escape the daily grind and the iffy situations traditional things can bring about. 


A cabin in the woods is the perfect getaway. You can cuddle up with as many lovers every night as you please knowing that every morning will start another day of total immersion with them. No hotel workers looking at you oddly as you walk by them or strange attitude from any ladies at the hotel bar last night. A cabin can be your safe place and you can plan outside adventures such as hikes, rafting, or bird watching with little or no involvement with the outside world (other than nature, of course).  


Rent a boat! Organize your own self-guided cruise rather than risk being stuck for days with people you may not want to be around. Pack all of the food and supplies you need for the number of days you will be at sea and plan fun ports of call along the way. Hire a friendly captain or if you’re so inclined train to lead the boat yourself. Fun and sun for days with your loves and with no interference will provide the perfect escape. 


Find a great Airbnb in a major busy city. This one sounds self defeating but if you treat all the people running around like background characters you can rest assured they will not be offended. The Airbnb is your home base for the vacation and you plan outings to see shows or go to events. If the views from your place are great you may not even want to go anywhere else. 


There are endless possibilities for wonderful vacations especially when the highlight is spending time with the ones you love. If you’re in an open poly relationship you may enjoy resorts or organizations that cater to the poly lifestyle. Do research and know your audience before any of them. Most of all simply enjoy your relationships. Many people never seem to find the one they love and you’ve found the many. It’s a beautiful world to explore.




Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc - sisterwives.com

What's The Difference Between A Polyamorous And An Open Relationship?

Inquiring minds would like to know...


Being in an open relationship is totally the same thing as being polyamorous, right? (Asking for a friend...)
Actually, while the two share some similar characteristics, they’re very different. “An open relationship is one where one or both partners have a desire for sexual relationships outside of each other, and polyamory is about having intimate, loving relationships with multiple people,” says Renee Divine, L.M.F.T., a sex and relationships therapist in Minneapolis, MN.
Both open and poly relationships are forms of consensual non-monogamy, and technically, polyamory can be a type of open relationship, but expectations tend to be different when it comes to these relationship styles.


ARE YOU LOOKING FOR MORE LOVE OR MORE SEX?


Open relationships typically start with one partner or both partners wanting to be able to seek outside sexual relationships and satisfaction, while still having sex with and sharing an emotional connection with their partner.
“People are looking for different experiences and want to meet the needs that aren’t being met in the relationship,” says Divine. But there’s never an intention for feelings to get involved.


In polyamory, the whole point is to fall in love with multiple people, and there’s not necessarily any relationship hierarchy, says Divine. For example, someone could be solo poly (meaning they want and seek poly relationships whether or not they’re dating anyone), and they may enter into two separate relationships at the same time and view each as equal.
In their nature, poly relationships are open, since they involve more than two people. But not all poly groups are looking to add more people to the dynamic, and aren’t always actively dating. This is called closed poly, meaning the group includes multiple relationships, but there’s an expectation that no one involved is expanding the group.


WHAT KIND OF BOUNDARIES DO YOU WANT TO SET?


In open relationships, couples may talk with their primary partner about their outside relationships, or they might decide together that it’s best to keep those exploits to themselves, says Divine. They may have sexual encounters together, in the instance of swinging, or they may go out with other people on their own.


In polyamory, there tends to be more sharing between partners about other relationships as there are emotions involved. A poly group might consider themselves “kitchen-table poly,” which means the whole group could hang out together comfortably. Two poly people might also date the same person, or have a triad-style relationship, and that typically doesn’t happen in open relationships, says Divine.


SHOULD YOU GO FOR IT?


If monogamy feels a bit restrictive to you, and you crave flexibility, open relationships or polyamory could be a good option. Which path you follow depends on what you want out of the additional relationships.
“Open relationships tend to be more focused on having sex outside a main relationship, but keeping that primary, dyadic relationship as the first priority,” says Divine. “I have run into couples where one wants a poly relationship and one wants an open relationship, but that person was not comfortable with their partner having an emotional connection with anyone but them.”
People might go into this because they’ve developed different needs over a long-term relationship, or because their looking to add excitement and interest to their lives. “But it revolves around a two-way love,” says Divine.


People who want to be poly, “believe you can love multiple people,” says Divine. “They’re open to additional people in that way, and they want that emotional attachment. Plural love is the main focus.”
In either case, expectations need to be clear with any partners who are making a change with you. “In some couples, one wants to try something new, and the other is okay with that, without participating themselves,” says Divine. “The key is communication. These relationships styles are all about being upfront and honest about what you want and what your needs and boundaries are. The most successful ones are those where people are on the same page.”
SOURCE: womenshealthmag.com

“What I’ve learned about monogamous relationships from being polyamorous.”


The following advice is aimed at adults who have been dating for a good decade already. In my opinion, you should do whatever you want with dating in your twenties, within the bounds of treating people with feelings like you would want yourself to be treated, of course.


The proverb ‘All’s fair in love and war’ is never literally true, but is whimsically true when you’re dating in high school and becomes less true the older you get and the more you should expect of yourself and others. When you are young, too much about your core self is malleable, and that’s how it should be. Other than those occasional high school sweethearts who got lucky and have been together ever since, dating in your twenties should be viewed as an experiment to find out what you want out of a partner, and what you are prepared to offer yourself.


However, at a certain point you need to get your romantic shit together. In a sense, every romantic relationship you will ever have goes through a “high school” stage in the beginning, during which you’re just getting to know each other and it’s OK to find some unforgivable deal-breaker, and break up with caring, but without much else owed to the other person.


This ends after a couple of months. The longer things go on, the more you will “owe” the other person. If you’ve just ghosted someone you’ve been seeing regularly for six months, unless you did it because you fear for your personal safety or something, you’re not a kind person.


"Being poly was a wonderful thing, and taught me a great deal."


I was poly for about four years, and have been in a monogamous relationship for over two years. Being poly was a wonderful thing, and taught me a great deal about what I wanted and what I didn’t. It started after being burned out on a decade of serial monogamy.


Being poly taught me that all those years, I was essentially monogamous for the wrong reasons. Because polyamory is less accepted by society, friends, and family, people tend to enter into relationships with whoever they went on a few dates with merely because they’d like to continue seeing them. This is not enough of a reason.


Actively learning what I wanted out of a relationship taught me how to be monogamous for the right reasons. When I was poly, I used to joke that “it takes three or four men to make one good boyfriend these days” and I was right. I knew I was ready to give it up when I found someone who felt like three or four men put together. He was enough, and then some. But I’m not talking about heightened passion or otherworldly attraction. I’m talking about the more rational process of someone possessing 90 per cent of the traits I had always wanted in one person, and didn’t really think I’d ever find.


I’m writing this today because over the past few months several of my friends have gone through painful breakups. They had been together anywhere between six months and five years, yet all of them had lovers who said to them some dreaded version of “I love you, but I am not in love with you any more”, “there’s no spark any more”, etc.


Here’s the thing: ADULTS know that the in-love part fades, then ebbs and flows with work, attention, and active caring over the years. It may take months to fade, or it may take years. But it is the obvious eventual side effect of the very familiarity you seek. True monogamists are not afraid of the lack of spark or butterflies; that wonderful but ultimately transient and even shallow feeling of being in a state of love.


I say 'shallow' because everyone eventually has had that feeling — and strongly — for a person they know they have no business dating. Chemistry doesn’t give a fuck if you’re deeply attracted to a Republican who would make you incredibly miserable. Once you’ve had an experience like that, you don’t put a lot of stock in what your blood thinks is a good idea.


True monogamists are there for the benefit of adding a partner; a family member to your day-to-day life that a sister or a mum or a pet can’t possibly provide. That goal is ultimately antithetical to romance by nature; a fact that successful monogamists use as a starting point; they do not hide from it, nor do they leave it alone and hope it will spark itself from time to time without any work.


"True monogamists are there for the benefit of adding a partner."


People who are dumped because the other person “just wasn’t feeling it” after a couple years have a right to be angry, and a right to feel betrayed. If you are that person, who has ended a long-term relationship over not feeling the magic, then you owe it to yourself and others to become a polyamorist.


You’re either a spark-chaser, or a long-burner. There is no in-between. If you are trying to be a monogamist, yet insist on expressing that desire to “be in love” through serial monogamy, then you are not being honest with yourself or your needs, and are disrespecting the needs of people you care for.


Polyamorists have the EQ to know that being a spark-chaser is nothing to be ashamed of; that it’s natural for human beings to desire others throughout their lifetime. They’re right, and they have the courage to admit they want that. Monogamists understand the same thing, they’ve just made a conscious decision to overpower it for the sake of something they have built with another.


Yet for some crazy reason, it’s still seen as more moral to be a guy who has a new girlfriend every few years, than to be the open, honest, Ethical Slut. Our culture is dead wrong about this. If you are 30 or over and always looking for the person who will satisfy every need while making you feel like you are in love, you need to stop being in relationships. Period. Relationships quite simply don’t provide that.


There is also no evolutionary purpose to the in love feeling lasting longer than it takes to produce offspring. Sorry, but nature is far from romantic. Nature doesn’t give a fuck about making you feel endless butterflies for the same person over decades.


Madison Missina opens up about what it was like being polyamorous on The Prude and the Pornstar podcast. (Post continues after audio.)


Monogamists have the EQ to know that the “spark” is replaced by other things that are more valuable to them; a sense of family with the other person, a deep sense of belonging, a partner who is there for you when you get sick. This is why polyamorists often have a dedicated “primary” who serves that role, while their other lovers serve as adventure, romance, and variety.


That doesn’t mean that monogamists shouldn’t stay on their toes in a relationship and try, whenever possible, to spark things up. They should, and they do. They are comfortable doing so because they are rooted in where the relationship is and have the emotional depth to roll with the tide, to endure the plateaus, and to always seek the best in the other person.


If your idea of looking for The One is going from relationship to relationship, you are denying who you are, hurting others, and wasting people’s time. Are you interested in always being in and out of love? Admit that poly is best for you. If you want a family, companionship, and history with the other person, and most importantly — accept the effort and antiglamour that comes with it — you should be in a relationship and should not try to make things work with those who don’t see the same way.


Certainly, there are other reasons to end a relationship that are perfectly valid. But if you’re ending it because you’re not feeling it anymore, you never felt the desire for monogamy as it actually exists in the first place. Figure out who you are, what you want, and be that. The only people who can have both are those few who are very, very good at polyamory.


SOURCE: mamamia.com.au

Polygamy In The Black Community: Why Do We Really Opt For It?

Since childhood, I’ve known that African-Americans are as eclectic as we wanna be. We are literally assorted chocolates and you never know what you’re going to get when you open the box. But when did Black polygamy become a “the thing” for some of us? And when I say some of us, I’m asking about African-American women in particular.

Last year, I had no clue that it was a “thing” — outside of some Muslims engaging in the practice — until a guy I met at a business lunch sent me a link to check out the lifestyle. First of all, let me say that there was no warning or disclaimer that came with the link he sent. It was just a link sent to my email address from his. We met through a mutual client so I assumed he was sending something that I could actually use in my work life, like a better scheduling app or a code for Uber discounts—something! But it wasn’t. Just a link that lead to me asking who, what, when, why?

Some other ladies from the business lunch told me that they received the link as well and that they were outraged! One older lady in her late 40s felt particularly disrespected, saying how dare he think she’d be remotely interested in that sort of lifestyle. I kind of felt where she was coming from but I later had to side eye her because prior to the invitation  to join”Poly Phi Poly,” she tried to tell me ol’ boy was a great catch for someone like me. Not! Luckily for me, I never follow up on dating leads that are thrown in my lap. But I did at least think dude was cool and ultra professional when I met him at the lunch, which is why my reaction to the link wasn’t oh no this negro didn’t but more like, what in the Iceberg Slim hell? And so, my inquisitive self clicked on the link.

What I found was a group for brothers and sisters who are actually living polygamous lifestyles or trying to find folks to join them so they start building their polygamous families. But what really made my small eyes pop out the sockets like a cartoon character was the influx of African-American women who were down for the cause to share one man with several women. Now, what I gathered from reading people’s posts on the site is the biggest reason why Black people should get with the polygamy program is to build families that are economically untouchable… Okay, so what’s up with all the well-to-do women on the site who were RNs, college grads, and business owners? I would think that since they’re already bringing home the bacon that they’d be cool with one faithful man who could match or exceed what they currently make on the job. A beautiful Black couple who loves God, each other, and can afford to splurge on the finer things sounds legit to me! But the more I scrolled through the site,  I saw women hardcore using their best sales pitch to get someone to move them into their homes as a sister wife. Some were even offering couples to come live with them!

I don’t think cooperative economics had a rat’s butt to do with anything for these women. It seemed to me that these ladies were opting for this lifestyle because it’s easier to let a dog roam than to expect him to behave. They would rather come into a situation knowing that their man has multiple women who all know that they are just one of multiple women. That way, they don’t have to face any surprise heartache as a result of being cheated on. That’s my belief and I’m sticking to it. Now, I will say that some other interesting points were made in defense of Black polygamy, such as one sister-wife homeschooling all the children in the unit because Black kids should be taught by people who look like them. That’s an awesome principle that I’m all for. But uh… there’s plenty of schools, both private and public, that have already done this. And if I want to homeschool my baby I can simply find a Black teacher who home schools. I don’t need to move my husband’s flavor of the month in to help me do that or anything else.

What’s polygamy really about in your opinion?

Source: madamenoire.com

‘Decriminalize’ Polygamy! Kody Brown Fights For Plural Marriages
Miserable looking Meri and the Sister Wives march in protest!

View Gallery


Divorced Meri And Kody Brown Celebrate ‘Anniversary’!


Despite a long-troubled relationship, 'Sister Wives' stars cozies up in Chicago. 


Meri and Kody Brown celebrated their “anniversary” despite the fact that the Sister Wives patriarch divorced her legally to marry Robyn, another spouse.


This weekend, Kody’s first wife, Meri, posted a photo of Kody and herself on Instagram. They were smiling at the camera together on a city street.


She captioned the post: “Kody flew out to Chicago on my last day of #LuLaRoe leadership so we could spend our anniversary together yesterday. How sweet was that?! ♡♡♡ 28 years and still here!


#LivingMyWhy #28Years #Anniversary #Chicago #Happiness.”


PHOTOS: Guns, Whiskey & Whips! ‘Sister Wives’ Son Gets Wild


Meri, who was referring to the LuLaRoe clothing line she’s been plugging, appeared to be thrilled that her multi-married husband showed up to honor their big day.


However, the situation is puzzling as Kody and Meri were divorced a few years ago so that Robyn could be Kody’s legal wife. Even though Kody considers Robyn to be his “4th” wife, he has never legally married Christine and Janelle, his other so-called spouses.


Also, Meri later got catfished, falling for someone on the internet who she believed to be a man — only to discover it was a woman named Jackie Overton, who had lied to her in a six-month relationship.


PHOTOS: ‘Decriminalize’ Polygamy! Kody Brown is Fighting For Plural Marriages


Kody admitted that he does not want to be intimate with Meri on a recent Sister Wives episode.


Meri’s feelings were hurt and she had a meltdown during the finale of the Sister Wives Tell All special.


Meri cried while the other wives discussed how she and Kody were under strain.


“We dug this hole for 25 years. It’s not something we’re going to fix with a weekend getaway,” Kody told the TV cameras about his “marriage” to Meri.








Published By: Sister Wives 

Matchmakers Inc: Sisterwives.com


Do the intense feelings in polyamory ever end?


I’m writing to you because I’ve come to what feels like a breaking point in one of my polyamorous relationships. I’m relatively new to non-monogamy — I began seeing another person for the first time in September 2017. So since then I have been with both my partner with whom I live, and this new person — neither of them are seeing anyone else, but they would if they wanted to. I don’t know how to explain how I feel in a short email, but in a few words: I feel torn in two., I feel like my heart can’t handle how much I feel for both these people, and that I almost feel too much. I want to give everything to both of them and still have some part of me to give all the other people in my life.
I am writing this after a horrendous night where they were both present at the same evening, andwhere I ended up getting really drunk and bawling my eyes out. I felt like I had to choose between them, and couldn’t. This morning I think I have made the decision to end my new relationship because it is too difficult. I wanted to ask you: how do you manage these intense feelings without feeling like you’re relegating people to small boxed off spaces?
Does it have to do with my own mental health at all? Is it that I just simply am not a strong enough and whole enough person to be able to do this? (this is how it feels).
Sorry for the intense email, but if you do have any thoughts on my situation, I’d be glad to hear them.

You can’t really change your feelings but this isn’t necessarily a problem with your feelings, it’s a problem with your expectations and thought processes which is allowing certain feelings to crop up.

The way you manage that is through two things I’ll talk about here:

  • Changing your expectations
  • Reframing your perspective
Changing your expectations

Within your letter, you don’t really explain what you mean by wanting to give “everything” to them. What does that mean? Do you mean all of your time? All of your emotional energy? The first thing I think you need to do is challenge the assumption that loving someone means giving them every aspect of your emotional energy and time, or rather that in order to love someone, you have to give them your emotional energy and time.

Because that’s an idea which monogamy encourages and especially reinforces of the cases of people who are feminine, read as women or raised as women. Specifically, it encourages these people to see their value as a person as what they have to offer others in the form of beauty, emotional labour, and pretty much anything else. I feel like there might be a lot more going on here with you expecting that you need to give “everything” to all of these people — and that you need to give things to people at all.

A relationship is an exchange and a compromise, but that goes both ways and has to go both ways. But it’s not all about you giving something to someone else. And believing a relationship involves you giving ‘everything’ to one person, I think, is one of the harmful things which monogamous-centric culture teaches you which is harmful to anyone in any type of relationship. It sounds romantic and sweet, but this is the kind of outlook which abusive people use to entrap people, so I would encourage you to rethink this and reframe your perspective on this.

To recap, the first problem that I think you’re having is your expectation of yourself and what is involved in a relationship. I think you need to look at realistically what you want in a relationship. Think about it in terms of tangibles. What time are you spending where? And what are your needs rather than your assumptions on what you’re supposed to give to whom? And what do you expect from the people you’re in relationships with? What is the lifestyle you want to have with your partner(s)? When you begin with the tangible stuff and you start from the standpoint of what you need rather than what you’re giving, it’s a lot easier to manage.

Reframing your perspective

The second thing I think you need to do is reframe your perspective and also accept your own boundaries. It worries me a bit that you assume that having these feelings means you are not “strong enough”. This is another really destructive idea that our society encourages, the idea that having or expressing emotions makes you weak or not strong. You can’t control the feelings you have. You can only control how you choose to respond to them and the framing your mind has that encourages different types of feelings.

In changing your expectations, you definitely may reframe your mind but I think you also need to furthermore reframe your feelings as fewer problems and more of signs that your body and your mind are trying to tell you something. Whenever we start a new relationship or whenever things are seemingly unstable, our feelings are going to run on high alert. You might be fighting a lot of internal conditioning of how ‘wrong’ it is for you to have more than one partner. There might be other things your brain is telling you that is keeping your emotions running on high, but the easiest way to cope with your emotions is to begin by not blaming yourself for having them. It’s a lot easier for you to cope with something if you’re not beginning the coping already injured from beating yourself up.

Regardless of what you choose in terms of your relationship style, you will not be able to avoid uncertainty and instability. For as much as we would like to be able to control all aspects of our life, we don’t. Life is ultimately outside of our control and the only thing constant is change. So you will have to be able to deal with a lot of different types of instability and change in your life. The way to deal with that is to have boundaries in place. What you want are things that ground you — but don’t restrain you or prevent you from moving where you need to move.

It might be that you just don’t like the emotions that being with both of your partners on the same evening in the same place brings. And that’s okay. One of the things I don’t like about many polyamory communities and especially the word ‘compersion’ is it puts forth this idea that the ideal for any polyamorous person is feeling no jealousy and only happiness when you see your partners with other people — but that’s sometimes not the reality for a lot of us and that’s okay. It doesn’t make us less ‘strong’ than people who do no more than anything else does. I know personally, I would rarely enjoy being with two of my partners in the same evening and in the same place — just because I’d feel nervous about my own feelings and that anxiety would defeat the entire purpose.

Does that mean I’m weak? Well, maybe some people might think so, but that doesn’t really matter. I’m not doing my relationship style as some sort of gladiator decathlon tryout. When I die, it’s not like I get a gold encrusted plaque on my burial mound that says “World’s Most Emotionally Hardcore Badass”. My loved ones won’t get some type of monetary prize if I prove my strength in some type of emotional arena. Ask yourself what you’re trying to prove? And to whom? And for what? You don’t have to be someone who is fine with them both being present at the same evening.

Listen to yourself and your feelings and instead of trying to fight an emotional battle in your own head of your own creation that has absolutely no prize for winning, give yourself permission to be yourself. And set up boundaries around that which make it easier. Hopefully, none of your partners are forcing you to do any of this, but you’re allowed to say that it just makes you feel uncomfortable. That’s okay. It doesn’t make you weak and it doesn’t make you un-whole. You are as much “whole” as any other human being who is in any other type of relationship.

Reframe your perspective and allow yourself the freedom to feel. Allow yourself permission to have feelings without assuming that is a failure. It might be a lot easier to manage your intense emotions if you’re not beating yourself up for having them or trying to suppress them. And this isn’t necessarily about mental health. People with mental health challenges can sometimes find it hard to cope with new things or changes, but it’s not impossible. I would suggest getting a polyamory friendly therapist who can help you work through your feelings, but definitely, don’t suppress them.

In summation

Allow yourself to feel your feelings and set up boundaries. Just keep in mind that when you set up boundaries, you’re doing so in order to manage feelings, not prevent them. The problem people have with boundaries and rules is that they so often create rules that are designed to prevent emotions when rules will not do that. Setting up these boundaries will not change your emotions, but in trying out polyamory, you’re in a way learning how you do these relationships. And just like you did when you were probably trying out monogamy, you had to learn over time how it worked and what you wanted out of them.

In trying something new, you’re inevitably going to feel anxious, nervous and you’re going to make mistakes. Rather than expecting ‘perfection’ from yourself, which really does not exist here, give yourself a bit of permission to learn something new. Challenge your assumptions and expectations and reframe your perspective and you might find this a lot easier in the future.

I hope this helps and good luck!

Sorry to Spread around this bit of Fake News from in Touch Weekly. From our Research here at Sister Wives Dating, TLC did not Cancel Sister Wives the TV Show


The Primer for Sister Wives the TV Show will be Jan 20th 2019 and for Seeking Sister Wife it will be Jan 14th 2019.












Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc - Sisterwives.com



Pages: « Previous ... 23 24 25 26 27 Next
Password protected photo
Password protected photo
Password protected photo