Chris's article

While polygamy is a form of polyamory it suggests a more committed relationship involving multiple people. This is not to say that a polyamorous family or group isn’t committed to each other and practicing fidelity, nor is it to say polygamy requires your family or group to be in a closed situation. Your relationships and standards are yours to determine and the descriptor you choose for your relationship style is your business. For the sake of this article I’m using an assumption that polygamy and polygamy dating have a preference and direction toward a closed group or family and long term commitments. How does it work with more than two people building a life? Where does sex fit in? What are the limitations? How can you be sure nobody feels like a third wheel? 

It’s easy to pretend everyone in a plural relationship plays an equal role. The truth is that each person adds a unique element and their roles can be stronger or more passive depending on their preferences for involvement. When a man is looking for a sister wife to join his family he shouldn’t shy away from discussing what roles are needed in the family. This is not to coerce a woman into a family life that doesn’t suit her, rather it’s to be transparent about motivations and begin a discussion about if this family is right for her. Sexual persuasions also play a role in polygamy dating. A bisexual woman with an intent to be sexually involved with her sister wives cannot pretend to be happy with a fully heterosexual family. The first step to long term family or poly group success is to make sure everyone is on the same page. 

A refreshing idea polygamous women can enjoy is less pressure to have kids, or not. A woman that wants to be a sister wife, but cannot imagine going through a pregnancy, doesn’t have to feel she’s taking anything away from a husband that wants kids. Beyond having kids is raising them. A sister wife that doesn’t want to raise kids doesn’t have to live under the same roof with any kids from her sister wives. Removing the idea that a woman’s role is to have and raise kids for her husband is wonderfully liberating for females. Relationships based on love rather than obligations will produce healthier outcomes for everyone involved. 

Even with love at the core of your relationship, obligations are unavoidable. Beware of people that only want to be involved with your polygamous family on their own terms. With all this talk of individuals being able to live more honestly and be their true selves it’s easy for the concepts to be interpreted the wrong way. If a polygamist man finds a potential sister wife that makes it clear she only wants to sleep with him, he has a problem on his hands. Living under her own roof and even keeping mostly to herself can be acceptable, but it will require discussion with all his sister wives as to how much involvement (or lack of) they’re comfortable with. At what point is she not a sister wife, but just a mistress? Such boundaries need to be discussed and agreed upon. 

Boundaries can be tough. Whether you’re a sister wife meeting a new potential sister wife or man for your family, or a man that’s courting potential sister wives or men, you have to know and respect boundaries. If you feel any boundaries are too strict you have to discuss it. Never break a boundary your family believes you’ve agreed to because you don’t like it. If your feelings are within reason, chances are the limitations in place can be adjusted. Don’t risk it all because you don’t have the guts to reveal your feelings to your lovers. The same goes for everyone in the family. If you’re feeling something isn’t right for you, bring it up! 

Any time more than two people are involved there is a risk of someone feeling like a third wheel. There are situations where this can’t be avoided so a certain level of acceptance is a must. If, however, a lover feels this way most of the time it needs to be addressed. It can be difficult to detect someone else is feeling like a third wheel. You’re having fun, they’re trying to keep a good face up, everyone is acting like everything is fine because nobody wants to ruin the day. Pay attention to your behavior and communication. Are you being intentionally inclusive? Are you taking turns in the front and back seat? Is an unreasonable amount of conversation being directed to only one partner? Are there unresolved issues between any partners you can help settle? A polygamist family or poly group has unique challenges because multiple hearts and minds are involved. Dividing your attention sufficiently between all of your lovers will avoid heartache none of you want to cause. This includes sexual attention and being supportive of your lovers exploring their sexual desires. Nothing can make someone feel like a third wheel quicker than a genuine part of them being ignored or even ostracized. 

Polygamy dating and life can be complicated if you let it. It’s a form of polyamory that typically adheres to more traditions than polyamorous groups choose to follow. Open minds, open hearts, and open arms along with open communication will help any polygamous group find their way to a joyous life together. Respecting tradition is a good thing but keep in mind the importance of allowing your lovers to evolve as well. The only rules that matter are the rules you and your family decide on in order to grow together. Never neglect to offer your contributions to the discussion, and never make any partners feel their contribution is unwanted or unacceptable. The love and acceptance you foster among your lovers needs to be nurtured so it can keep growing. Your love, life, and sex can endlessly evolve for the better and your family can become an example for others to follow. Positive role models in the polygamy world will encourage continued growth and acceptance. With this, even more people will be willing to consider such a rewarding way of life. 

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc:

The passing of Bernie McGee came as a shock to the world of polygamy. His infectious smile is going to be sorely missed by numerous family, friends, and fans of his. Life can end so suddenly, and in too many unexpected ways. Thoughts of our own mortality, and that of our loved ones, are unavoidable in times like this. The grieving process is different for every individual and comes with different levels of severity depending on how close you are to someone that has passed away. When death touches your own family it can seem impossible to ever recover. There is no magic formula to mend your broken heart but there are ways polygamous and polyamorous people can work together to honor those that are lost while moving forward into their new reality. 

It may seem counterintuitive, but one of the most important things to provide each other is space. Everyone grieves in different ways and everyone needs to feel they have the space necessary for their unwanted journey. People can be fully available for each other without being smothering. Check in and show plenty of love because in times like this, actions truly speak louder than words. In fact, people may not even know how to put their grief into words and attempting to do so might feel like the pain is being trivialized. Never pretend to know what anyone needs to do next, or how they must feel. Offer love and support, and an ear to listen, only.  

Sister wives especially need to make themselves available for each other after the passing of a husband. They’ll need time and support from each other to determine how the family can best move forward. Eventually, they might have the difficult choice to make between finding a new polygamous man to join their family or continuing without a husband. Finding a group of sister wives that form an amazing family takes years. The women that have worked hard to maintain the family don’t have to see it end when the patriarch passes away. Together, they can work through the loss and reinvent a beautiful future with full honor being given to their deceased husband, with, or without a new one. The choice for sister wives to find a new patriarch should never be considered disrespectful. 

Don’t be afraid to seek help from a counselor that is supportive of your polygamist or polyamorous family or group. There may be issues you feel were unresolved, or you simply don’t want to share with your other partners. Never forget that your grief belongs to only you. Working through it in the healthiest possible way will result in the ability to think about the one you lost without an overwhelming feeling of emptiness. Not being able to think about the lover you lost only prolongs your grieving process.  

Embrace the darkness. That empty feeling I just mentioned is very real and you cannot avoid it. Let yourself cry, let yourself sleep too much, draw the curtains and sit alone in your dark room. Don’t fight your feelings. Do not embrace drugs or alcohol as coping mechanisms. That’s a darkness that may never go away if you let it in. Don’t forget about balance either. You can’t pretend the world around you doesn’t exist and you can’t neglect your other partners or sister wives. Sit in dark rooms embracing each other if you must. Time will heal, but the truth is, the scars never go away. You have to learn to live with them. That’s actually a good thing because they help keep your memories alive. 

At some point, most likely, you and your partners will face re-entering the world of polyamorous or polygamous dating. Finding a new sister wife when one has passed might bring about guilty feelings but don’t let that stop you. It’s not guilt. It’s only the essence of a loss and it’s okay. Your polyamorous lover, sister wife, or polygamous husband that has passed does not want you to spend the rest of your life grieving. There are plenty of others out there that have experienced a loss as well. You may find a whole new kind of love with them, and they may bring the new life your family or group needs to forge ahead.

Death is so final. Facing death is unavoidably devastating when it takes a piece of you. The hopelessness, emptiness, anger, longing, sadness, and paralyzed feeling will come and you have to be a little tough to get through it. You will never be the same. Polygamous and polyamorous people have the benefit of having each other to help. Your surviving lovers or family members can form even stronger bonds in honor of your mutual loss. Be patient with yourself, and your lovers, husbands, or wives, and hang onto all the best memories. My respects to Bernie McGee and his family. May he rest in peace.   

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc:

Saturday June 15, 2019 the Shocking news came out that Bernie McGee from Seeking Sister Wife has passed. This is a Complete Shock to us and fans of the show. His Wife Paige McGee Confirmed the sad news. The Facebook admin for the Seeking Sister Wife Group also shared this sad news with everyone. Most of the info so far has came from his wife Paige McGee.

The Death of Bernie McGee

The post in the Facebook Group said "It was just confirmed personally that with a sad and heavy heart Bernie McGee, Paige's love of her life, has passed away :( please send love and prayers to their family at this time." The fans wanted to know more, but there was just not a lot of information out yet.


What happened to Bernie McGee

From what we know about Bernie's death, he was riding his bicycle trying to lose a little weight and have over all better health.

His wife Page McGee, which was also on the Seeking Sister Wife show posted the post below.

If you are able to read it, you will see that the post shows that Bernie was Riding his Bike. He Called his wife and told her he didn't feel very good. Paige left to go pick him up, but by the time she arrived it was already too late. According to the coroner, it was a heat stroke and heart attack that caused him to pass away. This is very sad news for all of us and his fans, and was very unexpected.

Bernie and Paige McGee have two sons that were also on TLC's Seeking Sister Wife. The McGee's tried their hand at polygamy dating on the show but it did not work out and they did not end up in a polygamist relationship.

It is unknown if they were still looking for polygamy.

Bernie and Paige were married a long time before attempting to add a third to their relationship on television.


TLC has Not yet announced anything about a new season of Seeking Sister Wife. However the Brown family was spotted with cameras and seemed to be working on a new season of Sister Wives.

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc:

There are plenty of universal do’s and don’ts when it comes to relationships and marriages. Honoring commitments, being supportive, contributing to the overall well-being, and living honestly are things everyone should do with, or even without, a relationship. Polygamy comes with its own unique dos and don’ts, any polyamorous situation does. Involving more than two people in a relationship will lead to interesting situations and solutions that work for some, but not others. The list of specific do’s and don’ts will differ depending on the standards set within a relationship, but here are some basic helpful concepts to keep in mind.  

Polygamous men looking for a sister wife should avoid making assumptions about what a woman wanting to be a sister wife is looking for. Polygamist families come in many shapes and sizes and finding a family that actually suits a sister wife is not cut and dried. Polygamy dating can be complicated. Don’t jump into an exciting new prospect blindly and end up getting people hurt. Do keep an open mind while dating and consider how a sister wife with different ideas might be able to fit in your family or situation. Perfect matches are rare, but being somewhere in the same range is important. 

Women looking to explore polygamy or become a sister wife also can’t assume the men she’s meeting have the same ideas. A polygamist family with very traditional (and very heterosexual) values will never work for a bisexual woman that wants to be a sister wife. She’d be wasting her time, or ruining her long term happiness, joining such a family. Don’t compromise your real desires just to have a relationship. Do be honest about what you’re looking for from the beginning. A handsome face and lovely family are attractive, but a lifetime of denying your true self will lead to self destruction, or worse. Seek to be a sister wife with long term happiness in mind, never short term satisfaction. 

Polyamorous people inevitably face questions about sexuality at some point in their lives because polygamist and polyamorous families, or groups, naturally involve more than one person of the same gender. Whether the questions about sexuality are within you, or coming from the outside world, it’s best to handle them with grace, never with fear. Don’t let anyone inside, or outside, of your relationship limit your right to explore your sexuality. Don’t let anyone pressure you to answer a question about your sexuality you’re not prepared to answer. Be honest with yourself and unafraid of your true self. Maintaining confidence and protecting your right to privacy will ensure personal control over your journey. Just make sure your family, or everyone in your poly relationship, is on the journey with you. 

Heterosexual people in the polygamy dating or polyamorous world may never face sexual feelings toward the same sex. Consider yourself lucky to have such natural confidence in your sexuality, but never forget the importance of supporting others that are sorting out their sexual desires. This means not just your lovers, but anyone in your life that may be struggling to know themselves better. A little support goes a long way. 

Anyone in a so-called ‘alternative relationship’ will face adversity. This adversity is usually subtle and easy to ignore but in reality can escalate even to life threatening levels. ‘Life threatening’ does not only refer to physical harm. Polygamist families can be targets of a person eager to hurt others in order to achieve moral superiority in their own minds, and in the public eye. Your well-being is of no concern to them. Solidarity among polygamists and ployamorous people can help outsiders have a better understanding, and respect, for families that look different from theirs. Do indulge in the life you create but don’t forget about harsh realities. If you see a chance to help the poly community, do it. Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there, but always be prepared to handle some blowback. 

Disagreements about the definition of polygamy and polyamory are far too common even within both communities. Many polyamorous people refuse to entertain the idea of polygamy being a form of polyamory, and many polygamous people refuse to embrace their position in the field of polyamory. This is a huge problem because it’s divisive and weakens every valid definition of intimate relationships involving more than two people. Don’t dismiss another family or group’s love for each other because it’s practiced in different ways than yours. Quite frankly, it’s pure arrogance for any poly people to judge the relationship choices of others. You can’t ask for the world to be permissive of your non-conformity while insisting the unique lives of others are invalid or wrong. Diversity makes the world a better, and happier, place. Do embrace it!

People and relationships are always evolving. Your polygamist family today might look very different in five years. Your polyamorous group might add three people and lose one in years to come. Sometimes a sister wife decides she’s ready to move on. Sometime’s a polyamorous person meets someone they simply can’t share with anyone else. Allowing for these changes in your relationships and learning to support each other is so important. Nobody wants to hurt anyone, but sometimes an unavoidable choice you have to make is going to hurt. People can still love each other when their relationship dynamics change. Don’t hold each other back. If the relationship has to end, help each other forward and hang onto the memories you’ve built. If it has to change, embrace the changes. 

Even if nobody is considering leaving a relationship, at times dynamics can ostracize someone within it. Affections can ebb and flow so it’s important to pay attention, intentionally, to all of your partners. A polygamist man needs to ensure all his sister wives have his affection. A polyamorous group has to make sure everyone involved feels like they belong. Never team up against a sister wife or poly partner. If anything like that feels necessary the relationship has already gone sour. Rather than stooping to the level of joining together to attack someone you love, sit and talk about what needs to happen to resolve your grievances. Don’t ever lay the amount of pain on a loved one that jointly scheming against them will cause. 

Plenty of polyamorous people out there will tell you they have no interest in joining a group or family. They only wish to date and have minimal commitments. Listen to them. Don’t try to change them. Don’t assume you or your group might change their minds. Enjoy them all you’d like, but respect their request for autonomy and give them no caveats. If you insist, be prepared to get hurt, but it’s always better to embrace and encourage honesty.     

The range of possibilities on the poly spectrum is incredible. Options really are endless but so are opportunities to get hurt, or hurt someone else. With polygamy and polyamory only recently becoming truly mainstream many of us aren’t certain what exactly the rules are yet. On top of that, the rules are different depending on where you fall on the spectrum. Even among different polygamist families the rules run a gamit. Polygamy dating and polyamorous dating are exciting, and if approached responsibly can lead to unimaginably happy lives for so many people. If everyone on the poly spectrum can agree to some basic standards, and support each other across the spectrum, we stand to lead the world into a better future for everyone.   

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc:

Life throws new things at you constantly. Some good, some bad, but often surprises you’d never expect. Handling excitement with a little restraint, and disappointment with grace, is an art form people must learn if they want to be happy as they grow older. One of the most tempering factors a person can trust is to be surrounded by people that love them. Polygamous families or groups are incredibly fortunate to be inundated with multiple sources of love. Plenty of shoulders to lean on, people to share affection with, or even minds to pick for advice means the support a polygamist is privy to has them far ahead in the game of life. Maybe polygamy faces so much scrutiny because non-polygamists know this and resent it?

When a man is looking for a sister wife, or a woman is looking to date a polygamist, they are far less limited in options than the average monogamous person. If a woman is interested in a man that already has a wife it doesn’t mean they cannot explore their feelings together. If a woman is with a man already she maintains the option to explore polyandry. Polygamy allows people in relationships more control of their destiny together. Feelings of resentment are easier to avoid because the level of honesty involved, and the ability to set your own unique rules, keeps your love growing and evolving together. The arbitrary limitations of typical monogamous relationships aren’t there to force polygamists into boxes that feel like traps.

While polygamy is essentially a form of polyamory they differ in some key factors. Polyamory can often mean a complete absence of commitment and no desire for any long term relationships. People interested in polygamy dating are looking for long term relationships, and eventually devotion to a group or family. While polyamory certainly also has its perks, the fidelity still inherent in polygamy brings the comfort of a more traditional family life and love into the equation. This may be something some people don’t want, but there is no denying the benefits that are gained from a loving home. 

Day to day life in a family with multiple adults is a glaring bonus. Sharing household responsibilities and financial burdens among five grown-ups is a lot easier than tackling life on your own, or with just one partner. The loss of one job in a household with four other sources of income can be almost unnoticeable for many polygamist families. This isn’t necessarily untrue for polyamorous people, so it may be a perk many of them also enjoy, however, polygamous groups tend to have a more ‘all-in’ attitude. Polyamory often involves a couple only dating others with no desire for anything long term, or an individual remaining single and only ever dating with no strings attached. Polygamy is about building a household, or at least a group, with intentions of staying together until the end. Polygamy is arguably a better choice because it offers permanence, and the stability of knowing you won’t be left out in the cold when life throws a curve-ball. 

The best times for a polygamist group or family are, of course, when everything is going well. Dinner tables surrounded by people that are committed to each others happiness. Holidays with a house full of just your family celebrating the life and joy you share. The joy on the face of a new sister wife being welcomed into the family. A life so full of real bliss results in good things, and good things lead to more good things. The access to so much love and support polygamy offers means everyone involved will have the ability to exponentially produce more good. Polygamy can literally help people make the world a better place!

It’s not always easy to live our best lives. Negativity can build up so easily and people sometimes can’t find their way back to happiness. Through no fault of your own, the world can cave in so hard there is no way to recover. The quality of life polygamy provides can stop the world from caving in and draw out the negativity before it digs too deep. Beyond the day to day fun polygamists enjoy, and the freedom to live as you choose, are some very real advantages that protect you inside and out. Even if you’ve always leaned more into polyamory, you shouldn’t ignore the possibility that polygamy could answer any dilemmas you’re struggling with. Polygamous love can be expressed in many shapes and forms and you won’t regret finding how you can fit in. Building a family or group based on a deep love for one another lifts you up and supports living your best life, and anything helping keep your life 100% is a beautiful thing.

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc:

The recent Netflix hit ‘Tidying Up’ with Marie Kondo started a trend of mindfully cleaning up our spaces and lives. Humor about considering all the items around us and keeping only those that bring joy has found its way into modern comedy, it’s a funny idea, but it remains an incredible tool for polishing up our lives. The same concept can be used to help your relationships. This is not to say you should get rid of people in your life, but rather aspects of your relationships that don’t bring you joy should be explored. Things evolve over time, people change, desires shift, and expectations can diverge dramatically. Taking time to tidy up will keep your relationships healthy and vibrant.  

It’s easy to hold something in because you don’t want to spend the emotional energy you know it will take to air it out with your significant other. It’s easy to imagine sister wives letting little annoyances with each other build up because they want to keep the family functioning and happy. It’s even easier to imagine sister wives in a family being annoyed while watching their husband find new sister wives to date and potentially join the family. Embracing polygamy dating can be strenuous for even the most seasoned of polygamist families. Just a little time spent intentionally and mindfully exposing the things that are not bringing joy gives everyone involved a chance to find solutions. It’s hard to be mad at a polygamist husband that knows seeking sister wives is perfectly natural when he has no idea a current wife is struggling. Creating space to speak candidly about issues will help find resolutions before they are too big to tackle. 

Whether your interest is in polygamous dating, or another form of polyamorous dating, moments spent tidying up along the way can assure the relationships you’re exploring are what everyone involved really wants. A woman that wants to become a sister wife may find her real interest is in a polyamorous lifestyle. A woman that is enjoying her polyamorous life might eventually find her true joy in becoming a sister wife. A man that believes he is heterosexual and enjoys dating women can discover he has developed a strong attraction to men as well. Being polyamorous gives you the power to explore whatever paths you come across and being mindful with yourself, and your partners, can make sure nobody gets hurt and everyone is truly enjoying themselves. Keeping everyone on the same page ensures you’re all writing the same story together. 

As important as it is to maintain strong communication, a great deal of tidying up your relationships needs to happen in your own heart and mind. When you find something is not bringing you joy you need to figure out why it isn’t bringing you joy. Sometimes you’ll find that when you lay out the details behind your feelings, they’re unreasonable. Dating a potential new sister wife is not against the rules for a polygamist, so figuring out what is actually bothering you is important before telling your husband you don’t like a woman he’s seeing. An evening alone while your boyfriend is out seeing another man or woman may not be the most fun experience, but it is to be expected for an open poly couple. Being mindful and tidying up before getting too involved will avoid landing you in a situation that does not genuinely make you happy. You have to be honest with yourself before you can be honest with anyone else. In fact, the worst kind of dishonesty comes from not knowing yourself because you end up unintentionally hurting yourself and others. 

Never lose sight of why you originally joined a polygamist family or got involved in a polyamorous relationship. The potential joy in these situations is off the charts and you get to explore who you really are rather than following a blueprint for a ‘perfect’ life. Being so in touch with your authentic emotions and desires will draw endless opportunities and happiness into your life, but you can’t be afraid to face dark moments or thoughts. With all light comes darkness. Facing difficult feelings takes courage and sharing them with the people you love might seem impossible. However, creating a safe space and time to occasionally tidy up your relationships means you can help each other through struggles rather than experience the agony of faking a smile just to keep everyone comfortable. Fake smiles can carry you through a little while but they can’t stop whatever is building up inside you.

The more often you clean something the easier it is to keep it clean. You don’t want to ‘clean’ so much that you wear things out, but as you learn to take time to be mindful in your life, and tidy up, it will start to come naturally. Creating an intentional safe space for your loved ones to freely express their feelings periodically will translate eventually into a constant more open and supportive life together. Sweeping everything out from under the rug consistently will keep negativity from overwhelming your love life. Something, or someone, not bringing you joy needs to be thoughtfully considered and addressed. The last thing you want is any of those someone’s you truly care about stepping out of your life because you were too afraid to be honest. Celebrate your polyamorous or polygamous love lives together and make sure all your loved ones are always finding great joy.    

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc:

Exploring polyamory isn’t for the weak. Dealing with jealous feelings, fear of not being good enough, anxiety about possibly damaging your existing relationship, and exhaustion from the thought of dating again are just a handful of reasons people may not even entertain the idea. The level of honesty and the strength of the bond in your relationship that is required sometimes just isn’t feasible, and monogamy remains a safe place to be settled. For others, polyamory is an excellent path for growing and strengthening intimate relationship/s. What if you want this, but your significant other is not so sure? 

Never present the idea as though it’s an answer to problems, or anything lacking, in your relationship. A man telling a woman he wants to find other women to bang because she doesn’t put out enough will, rightfully, get nowhere. A couple exploring polyamory is an adventure you want to share because you already have a good relationship. If you don’t, work on that first. Multiply love, not issues. 

Highlight the benefits of polyamory. It’s entirely reasonable that a happily married husband and wife may want to find a sister wife. Having an additional female companion in your home brings new life and more love to an already successful marriage. Same goes if a wife decides she’d like to have two men. Brother husbands could have an outstanding life together and keep a lady very satisfied. Having multiple adults in a relationship can expand both finances and the capacity to accomplish family goals. Multiple intimate relationships grows your ability to give and receive love.

If polygamy dating is not your cup of tea, polyamory is wide open with options. This is yet another reason a happy couple can safely explore their polyamorous inclinations. They can cater their poly dating and relationships to exactly what works for them. Dating others separately, dating only other men together, or women together, don’t ask don’t tell, always ask always tell, meeting poly dates on vacation only, sex only with others, or whatever works. This is where raw honesty plays a massive role and your bond can grow stronger while you explore your deeper sexuality together. Keep an open mind.

Polyamory and polygamy usually aren’t on your mind when you’re younger and new to exploring love and relationships. Americans, especially, tend to get married very young and are pushed to maintain boundaries that cause more negative outcomes than positive. Too many marriages that haven’t ended in divorce are drowning in lies and deceit. Polyamory orpolygamy dating can help two people that truly love each other hang onto the spark that brought them together. Few things can be as intimate as dating another person together or talking about a date you enjoyed. Even if every poly date falls through you’ll learn so much about each other it’ll be worth it. Working together to stay on the same page and opening up about your feelings will only make your relationship stronger.

Embracing the fact that your relationships can be whatever you and your significant others want them to be is empowering. Embracing your authority over self-determination while becoming a more open and honest lover will bring true joy to your relationships. The transparency, respect, and support needed for polyamorous relationships to thrive makes them some of the closest intimate companionship's anyone knows. Best wishes that your significant other will indulge your curiosity and join you for a beautiful poly adventure. 

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc:

Polygamy has enjoyed some time in the spotlight in recent years and is now very publicly  running into difficult realities. Shake-ups in well established polygamist families have eliminated any delusions that polygamous relationships are lacking in serious hardships, as in any other relationships. As polygamy evolves and grows, and continues blending into modern society, it faces an identity crisis. We’re a long way from the days of it being a tradition in only a few religious sects or cultures. The lifestyle is reaching across all cultural and social barriers. As we witness this evolution we need to consider the ways to affect positive change. We need to ensure darker aspects in the history of polygamy don’t find their way back into the mix.

Female empowerment is one of the most profound influences on modern polygamy. Women today can choose the husband they want to marry and are not expected to ‘submit’ to him as they have done in the past. This goes for monogamous relationships too. The power of choice is something women have fought long and hard to enjoy. A woman that wants to become a sister wife can now explore her options, weigh them, and choose the most fitting family or man. Modern polygamists can welcome a broader spectrum sexually as well. Polyandry is a relationship in which a woman has more than one male mate. Roles can be reversed! This is where the lines between polygamy and polyamory begin to blur. A question starts to present itself. Is polygamy simply a form of polyamory?

Polygamy, in my opinion, should fall under the umbrella of polyamory. There are so many options for intimate relationships and it’s difficult to categorize them all. For the sake of this argument, let’s consider maintaining any intimate relationship with more than one person at a time polyamory. From this view, a very traditional polygamist family involves a male with multiple wives, or lovers, and is therefore polyamory. Some will refuse to accept this view, but when considering the benefits, it’s hard to deny it would help countless people find and maintain successful poly relationships across the board. Being inclusive is almost never a bad thing.

There is power in numbers. Segregating one alternative relationship form from others isn’t really helping anyone. There is also power in helping normalize alternative relationships that make people truly happy. Helping polygamy evolve into a socially acceptable option for those wanting to be sister wives is a benefit. A prospective sister wife should be able to openly date multiple options and not have to settle for a less desirable situation, possibly dangerous, because she has been limited by society. Allowing for the persecution of a woman that wants to be a sister wife only alienates her and encourages rash and desperate decisions. Polyamorous people need to build each other up and help keep each other safe. All of us.

Polygamy may be a concept you’ve never considered because polyamory is the only thing you’ve explored. Believing you are one thing so strongly that you refuse to consider other ideas is selling yourself short. You may find you could enjoy a polygamist family, or something similar. The term does have a bad connotation for some, but it’s time to shift it away from that. A relationship involving multiple people can operate like a traditional polygamist family and be every bit as healthy as any other polyamorous family. The patriarchal constructs are no longer necessary with polygamy. Polyamorous people shouldn’t be afraid to explore the lifestyle if they feel so inclined.

If a man in a relationship with a woman is looking for another woman to date, and both women are aware of it, he is seeking a polyamorous situation (not cheating). This is no different than a man with a wife seeking a sister wife. It’s important not to get bogged down in specific characterizations to define your relationships because it can lead to limits you don’t desire. Polygamous people embracing the idea of being polyamorous leaves doors open for opportunities or desires that might make sense for your family. In the reverse, polyamorous people being open to polygamy might find restraints they do ultimately desire. Being open all the possibilities in polygamy and polyamory will strengthen relationships for you and the entire poly community. It’s perfectly reasonable for a poly family to practice polygamy for a period of time then open up the relationship, or vice versa.

Unfortunately, a lot of people in the poly community have a tendency to place themselves in strict categories and defend their relationship style staunchly. Rather than keeping an open mind we sometimes like to school each other in things like poly ethics, or whatever. It’s a defense mechanism. Life is tough, so segregating yourself into a narrow world feels safe, and you feel you must defend that safe place. This needs to change. Monogamous people often feel very strongly about what relationships should be, and yours isn’t it, but their disapproval shouldn’t push you to be as narrow minded as them. We need attitudes and laws to change to make sure we are all safe and allowed our personal pursuit of happiness. The first attitudes that need to change are ours. Polygamists and polyamorous people should work together, as one in the same, to bring equality to plural relationships.

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc:

Coasting through life not doing anything outside of the expected is an easy way to live. Maintaining a happy family, raising a couple of good kids, and being a positive influence in your community are all admirable things. Funny as it seems, assumptions will be made when you live an exemplary life like this. ‘That fella must have one beautiful wife at home taking good care of him.’ Even funnier is that people in plural relationships or families are actually better equipped to accomplish these things, yet so many people refuse to consider polyamory as an option. More people should give it serious consideration because polygamous and polyamorous people are fortunate in many ways, and way ahead of the curve in life.

Many days there are a million things to do! The pantry is almost empty, your check engine light is on, Mother’s Day is a few days away, you know you can’t get away from the office until after 7, and you just remembered the PTA meeting you cannot miss is at 8. You end up eating fast food, wearing out your car prematurely, canceling important plans, and your poor mother only gets a rushed call on her special day. Now imagine all the same daily tasks but more than one or two people to accomplish them. Every addition to your poly family enhances your capacity to fulfill obligations exponentially. Beyond obligations, imagine one family that includes a General Practitioner, Master Mechanic, Chef, Contractor, etc… They’d be unstoppable! While looking for a sister wife, or addition to your poly relationship, there is no harm in considering the perks they bring to your family. Be realistic, of course.

The grind of daily life gets old for everyone and after knocking out daily tasks it’s time to unwind. Two people can, without question, thoroughly love and enjoy each other but everyone needs a little diversity in their life. Finding multiple lovers, or sister wives, provides natural variation so a family or group can constantly mix things up. Polyamorous people also enjoy less time doing things they don’t really enjoy. If two members of your group or family love the aquarium, and the rest don’t, they can go enjoy it together instead of dragging you along. The joy of a big loving family is undeniable. Who could complain about an amazing dinner party nearly every night?

On top of the pleasantries, and maybe more important, is the amount of unconditional love and support poly people enjoy. Life will throw terrible things in everyone’s path. Having sister wives or multiple lovers you can confide in, and rely on, means your struggles may pose less frustration. Everyone should have friends they can turn to, but the connection among sister wives or lovers is deeper. Multiplying those type of connections in your life will carry you with grace when needed.

This same support system can reach super hero levels of power when it comes to raising kids. Three or more grown-ups focusing on the best for their kids produces incredible results. When one of you is at a loss of what to say or do, in whatever situation, there is a good chance one of the others will know, or have a pretty good idea. Each parent can impart their strengths into their kids’ lives and raise a person that is incredibly well-rounded and smart. An instinctual tolerance toward people with unique approaches to life is an added bonus.

The kids (if you have them), and you, will also enjoy the financial aspects of a plural relationship. Multiple working adults contributing to a common household means options can be wide open. Forget settling on the starter home you can still barely afford. Being responsible with money is always important but it’s easier to be responsible when you have access to more money. Four or five lovers sharing a room on vacation can be the difference between a smelly motel room by a highway interchange, or a downtown suite with a balcony and amazing view. Enjoy it.

Poly relationships will never be an option for too many people. It’s unfortunate, but seeking a sister wife will never seem like a reasonable direction for many men. If you’re a man that would like to find sister wives and build a family, consider yourself lucky! If you’re a woman that would like to be a sister wife, you are blessed with an instinct to know how to live your best life. The same goes for any polyamorous people. We know our best lives are possible and finding poly lovers to build a loving family or group brings us great joy. The core of polyamory is love. The benefits shouldn’t be your focus but an enjoyable possible result of your choices. Embrace your lovers, if you have them, and keep up the good work. The future of polyamory is bright because we know a secret path to tremendous bliss. 

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc:

Picture the perfect house with a white picket fence in one of the best neighborhoods your town has to offer. The lawn is well manicured, trees are full and green, and the whole place simply looks like a dream. Now imagine your poly family making this perfect place your home. Maybe you’re a polygamist family with a man and three sister wives. Maybe a polyamorous group with three men and two women. Whatever your polyamorous arrangement might be, everything is going beautifully and it seems you couldn’t be happier. Now imagine a neighbor walking by giving you nothing but side eye and you have no clue why. You wave and smile and they only pick up the pace to get away. It can be easy to slough it off. Chalk it up to the people’s occasional strange behaviors. Most often these things are harmless but the ill effects of judgy neighbors can accumulate or even become a hindrance to your well-being. In some cases it can become dangerous.  

Face it. When some people hear the terms polygamy or polyamory they cringe. Most well-adjusted adults can have their opinion and keep it to themselves but just one nimby (not in my back yard) can make your life a living hell. Some people simply cannot mind their own business and find pleasure in torturing others. Living a lifestyle outside of societal ‘norms’ brings about situations that are difficult and learning to handle them with grace is crucial. 

Decide how much of your life, and what aspects, you wish to keep private and keep it that way with the public. You don’t have to discuss anything with anyone unless you want to. There are many factors to consider. While many of those factors are personal, don’t neglect to consider factors beyond your control as well. Consider the region you live in and the social expectations that make up the local ‘norms.’ Are the people in your area very aggressive about enforcing their views? What religious ideologies are the most widespread and how strict are they? Four people in a poly household can exist anywhere they’d like but they can be far more open about their situation in Los Angeles as opposed to Jackson, Mississippi. A man can be looking for a sister wife anywhere he lives but in many areas he needs to keep fairly private about it or risk being ostracized by his community. Get over the idea that everyone can just live as they want and expect the world to deal with it. 

The world will, in fact, deal with it, but in that dealing you could lose your job, friends, opportunities, or even your life in extreme cases. You cannot constantly be showing all your cards if you expect to compete! This is not suggesting for anyone to live a lie, but some things are nobody else’s business. Especially things people can, and will, use against you. People interested in polygamous and polyamorous dating need to be smart about it. If you live in an area that makes you feel like your only choice is to live a lie the best option is to move away, but of course not everyone can do that. Whether you decide to move or stay put there are ways to help assure your future can withstand a horrible neighbor. 

Know your rights and responsibilities. Laws surrounding plural relationships can be tricky and a nimby will not hesitate to tie you up in legal problems if they don’t want a polygamist or poly family on their block. Knowing your state and local codes concerning marriage and cohabitation will give you the tools to ensure your family, or group, can present itself in a legal way. 

Find, and support, your allies. Finding other polygamist families or polyamorous people in your community will build a support network you can all rely on. Beyond polygamy and polyamory there are other marginalized groups you can befriend. Gay and lesbian people have learned to handle plenty of criticism for their personal relationships. They make great allies when times get tough. 

Be a good neighbor. You cannot expect others to extend any respect to you if you refuse to treat them with general respect. Sign the social contract to be generally friendly and try, at least, to never personally make anyone have a bad day. Just do it! Be a nice person. It will come back to you in positive ways. Someday, being a nice person will come naturally (if you hate the idea of it). Either way… it’s worth it. 

Choose battles wisely. Nobody can go through life constantly battling. Some people will never like you and some situations will never work out the way you’d prefer. Accepting disappointment and moving along is a tough lesson everyone has to learn eventually. There are battles worth fighting. Make sure you save your energy for the important things. 

Refuse Other People’s Bullshit. You and your poly partners will have enough of your own dramas in life. A nimby neighbor, most often, should be the least of them. Rolling your eyes at a neighbor trying to marginalize you is a great way to remove the nasty energy they send your way. Don’t find joy in knowing they have their own problems, find the humanity in it. We’re all only human and anyone trying to harm others, in any way, is not a very happy human. Pity them. 

Finding sister wives and building a family is a joy many people will never get to experience. Enjoying dinners and dates with polyamorous lovers while nurturing a loving group of companions is a beautiful thing. Not everyone feels the same things are beautiful in this world and they never will. Protect your home and your loved ones by showing others compassion. Showing the world your joy is the best weapon against those that will wish you harm. Never forget that your love and life is your business. Nimby’s aren’t worth your energy.

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc:

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