Chris's article

The polyamorous world allows for endless definitions of relationships. When people allow themselves to explore the connections and lifestyles they most identify with, they find a level of pure joy most will never begin to understand. Removing petty societal norms from your views and following your heart let’s you find your unique sources of joy in life to explore. An early discovery on the journey into polyamory will be the huge variety of options. It’s far too easy to end up with partners that don’t really suit your real desires if you haven’t explored what you want, or what you might find, ahead of the journey. Here are some terms and descriptions that can be used as a primer as you explore who you are and what relationships mean to you. 

 

Polyamory

Let’s start at the beginning. Polyamory breaks down to poly: many, and amory: love. It literally means to love many and the reference is to romantic love. In order to adopt a polyamorous lifestyle one must be capable of loving more than one person while allowing each of them to love more than just yourself, if they choose to. As mentioned before, relationships involving more than one lover come in many forms, so let’s move on to the next term.  

 

Non-Monogamy

The assumption here is that a polyamorous person wishes to practice only ‘ethical non-monogamy’ because otherwise they are simpy cheating. If you have no desire to be ethical in your relationships it’s likely you’re not even polyamorous. Polyamory infers some level of commitment to lovers, but we’ll get back to that later. A non-monogamous relationship can mean multiple partners enjoy a life with only each other, people that enjoy being swingers, open relationships, a don’t ask don’t tell policy, or whatever a group or couple of partners have decided works for them. The key to these relationships is honesty. Everyone involved needs to be straight forward about the things they enjoy sexually and romantically so that fair ground rules can be set which keep everyone happy and safe within the relationship. Multiple partners should never mean zero commitment to them all. We are responsible to bring all of our lovers joy, not heartache.  

 

Triad, Quad, Triangle

Not all love triangles have to be a bad thing! Everyone within a polyamorous situation doesn’t have to be dating each other. In fact, if the world were more honest, viewing love triangles as a healthy and normal option would save a lot of heartache in the world. The scenario where a man’s wife finds his best friend attractive, has a few drinks, and ends up sleeping with him (or her) is not uncommon. Same goes for that husband having an interest in sleeping with that best friends’ spouse. If they understood that polyamory was an option they could enjoy an even closer bond with each other and maintain their marriages as they are. Polyamory doesn’t mean you all need to live under the same roof or treat your relationship with every partner like a marriage.  

 

A triad or quad are simply terms to define relationships involving three (triad) or four (quad) people. Generally, these three or four people will share a relationship that is closer than people in a triangle that are not dating each other, but the level of commitment is determined by those involved. Triads and quads often live together and function very similar to traditional monogamous couples. They can choose to bring as many people as they’d like into the relationship, although it can become more difficult to find partners everyone is interested in as the relationship grows larger.  

 

Nesting Partner

Nesting partner/s refers to the choice of living together or separate from your partner/s. Consider the triangle mentioned before. The married couple that lives together would be considered nesting partners while the best friend that also has a relationship with the husbands’ wife, but lives elsewhere, would be her non-nesting 

partner. A lot of people in relationships choose to take advantage of the financial benefits of sharing a home but that isn’t the only option. Some people prefer living alone or only with certain others. Some people don’t mix well living together but make great lovers otherwise. You may be surprised to discover how much you enjoy living alone. If you have the means to do so, go for it! More relationships could benefit from living apart than people would like to admit.  

 

Polygamy/Polyandry

Polygamy and Polyandry refer to having multiple spouses. Polygamy refers to a man with multiple wives while polyandry refers to a woman with multiple husbands. Considering the fact that maintaining more than one marriage is illegal in most places, the labels of wife and husband are typically used only in a symbolic manner. Polygamy and polyandry have been growing in popularity along with polyamory as they are very similar concepts. Polygamy dating and polygamous lifestyles are even featured on multiple television series like ‘Sister Wives’ and ‘Seeking Sister Wife.’ This lifestyle is evolving right along with polyamory as well. Sister wives can approach relationships with each other now, unlike the more strict history polygamous families experienced. Brother husbands can be a thing as well and they can also be intimate with each other if they choose to be. The terms polygamy and polyandry today typically reference a more traditional approach to modern plural relationships, aka, polyamorous relationships.  

 

Relationship Anarchy

Relationship Anarchy is a newer term that refers to a lack of pre-set rules. This lack of rules does not refer to no rules within your relationships, rather it means no pre-set rules to follow entering relationships. The idea is to approach each relationship in whatever unique way it works best. Two people can figure out their own rules once they start dating each other. This sounds a little like going back to square one but having explored the multiple options for polyamorous relationships you might find more than one situation would work for you. This anarchy approach is a great way to leave your options open, and to keep an open mind.  

 

An article covering every term and aspect of polyamory would take months to write. It’s an ever evolving world where good people are exploring the beauty love makes possible in countless ways. There is absolutely nothing wrong with good ‘ole monogamy, but there is everything wrong with enforcing it as the only moral option. Whether you’re seeking a sister wife, looking for a third, dating five people, planning on an exciting quad, or wondering how to express feelings you can’t avoid toward someone already in a relationship, there are morally sound ways to approach everything. Don’t lie, don’t cheat, and don’t steal. Polyamory is a path to being our best selves, and to multiplying love in our world.

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc: Sisterwives.com

All people and all relationships need nourishment to survive. Just like our bodies, our relationships will show signs of ‘hunger’ and ‘thirst’ when needs aren’t being met. Polygamous and polyamorous relationships are no different in having needs to be met, but they are unique in the ways to be fulfilled. The variety of ways poly individuals refuel might require some discussion, and some understanding, but their core relationships will find many needs are the same. Keeping up with each other can be difficult but developing a few behaviors, or habits, can help prevent anyone from straying too far from the common purpose you share. 

For polygamous families it might sometimes feel they are always dating. Polygamy dating is a process that requires a lot of attention. Looking for a sister wife to join your family means considering the needs of multiple people. An existing sister wife is justified in her feelings when it seems a prospective sister wife is getting the majority of attention. She probably is. This is especially true if everyone in the existing family doesn’t feel they are part of the dating process. It’s easy to assume the husband, as in many polygamous families, should be the one that will choose a new sister wife, but involving current sister wives will keep them from feeling left out and starved of the love family should be providing them. Letting go of the strict concept of patriarchal leadership in a family, even a little, will go a long way in keeping everyone in the family happy and fulfilled. In fact, one has to question a man’s leadership if he insists on full control over decisions that affect everyone involved. Listening to women and involving them in important decisions is not feminism. It’s how you show love and respect. 

Polyamorous relationships have similar struggles. The concept of eternally dating is not easy to handle every waking moment of your life. There will be times you wish your partner would just focus on the relationship and stop bringing new elements into a situation you feel needs more attention. Involving your partner/s with your dates could also be a solution here, but if your current relationship is not doing well it may be time to give dating a break. This goes for polygamous people too. This may sound absurd because your relationship is polyamorous and always has been, but if you can’t prioritize your core lovers over new prospects, why are they your core lovers? This can be a tough balance because you also shouldn’t stop your poly lover from dating just because you aren’t ‘feeling it’ this week. Don’t be frivolous. Don’t change the rules over silly things like a personal dry spell or unfounded jealousy. Instead, determining days for only each other can assure your relationship isn’t being neglected. Even if you end up bringing dates along, knowing you’ll have specific times guaranteed for each other gives your relationship more purpose and keeps it nourished. 

Don’t neglect significant times in your relationship and never underestimate the power of a loving gesture. Anniversaries and other important dates are not something to be ignored. They represent the history you’ve built together. Making a huge ordeal out of them is just stressful for everyone, but finding simple ways to acknowledge them is sure to keep them alive as refreshing reminders of your love. An elegant dinner, a thoughtful little gift, or a charming day trip will go a lot further in nurturing your love for each other than any big events or actions. The beauty of polyamory is that polyamorous people have so much love to give. Sharing that love with intent through thoughtful gestures and actions will keep your partner/s happy, and yourself as well. While celebrating the big moments in your relationships is important, don’t forget the positive impact that everyday actions can have. Little reminders of your love for each other never get old and always warm hearts.

It’s so easy to get caught up in the daily grind and neglect important behaviors that will keep you happy and healthy. Think about how easy it is to find a cheap drive thru for a burger instead of taking the time to prepare a fresh and healthy meal at home. One of these things will eventually cause serious problems if you do it all the time. The other will never cause anything but good health and a better life overall. Living with intent is important and it applies to relationships as well. Try to stop doing anything that isn’t on purpose in your life and with your lovers. The excitement of a new polyamorous lover can quickly turn into a painful experience for another lover if they aren’t certain where they stand, or who they are to you. Being poly means you love more than one person, not that you use them until you’re tired of them then move on to another. Don’t be a sleeze. Love with intent and take your lovers emotional health seriously. 

If this is making relationships sound like too much work, you might be correct. They take a lot of work sometimes to maintain in a healthy and productive way. If this is work you have no desire to do it’s best to avoid relationships rather than pretending you ever want one. There is nothing wrong with staying single as long as anyone you date is aware of where you stand. Dating is usually in pursuit of something more serious so be clear from the start that you have no intentions beyond dating. The polyamorous world can make room for this if you find the right people and are always truthful. 

For most people the work is well worth it. Being part of a big, beautiful, polygamous family is a rewarding life that will pay someone back for their efforts exponentially. Same for successful polyamorous groups or families. Giving and receiving so much love all the time offers a life many can only dream of. Whatever your family or love life looks like. Take the time and make the effort to nurture your love. You’ll never regret making your partner/s happy every day you get to enjoy them in your life. 

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc: Sisterwives.com

The summer season is full of important social events. Weddings, fundraisers, community barbeques, cook-offs, and more. The toasty warm weather makes everyone wants to be out and about. Going public about your polygamous family is a huge step that must be approached with care. Your family or community may not be as accepting as you’d hope so being prepared for any reaction is vital to a successful reveal. Before picking your outfits and loading up for the ride to the event of the season, you need to figure out how much is appropriate to reveal, and if such an event is even the right place to start. Being the ‘talk of the town’ is probably not a desired outcome, and the nature of your family and love life is not necessarily anyone else’s business. Here are some things to consider. 

There is power in numbers. Inviting supportive friends or other polygamous families will make sure you and your family don’t feel alone. It will also reduce the notion that your family is so unusual. Unfortunately, responding with fear to something unfamiliar is a very human trait. It’s a powerful survival mechanism but isn’t always easy to shut off, even when you’re perfectly safe. Those that are unfamiliar seeing polygamous people, and their friends, socializing and enjoying themselves just like everyone else will help normalize the idea in their minds. You may not win everyone over. Some people enjoy their limited scope on life and there is nothing you can do about it. Being able to avoid those people and having friends and family near will minimize the effect of those that will never respect you. 

If you’re in an incredibly conservative community you may have to be more creative. Ultimately, what goes on behind closed doors, and the relationships that work for you, are your business. You are not obligated to explain anything to people outside of your home or relationships. It’s not the best way to live, but there are situations where being too open will cause more harm than good. So how do you attend a summer social event with all of your sister wives, or whatever you wish to call all of your partners? There is nothing wrong with ‘living with good friends,’ and there is no lie in that either. Let people wonder. Whatever simple answer you can give, then move the conversation along, can prevent people from digging too much into your private life. Eventually, ideally, you can reveal the truth with your family and/or community, but we don’t live in an ideal world. Your continued success, safety, and happiness are more important than other people knowing your personal business. 

Maintaining healthy boundaries is huge when you’re a polygamist. If you’re looking for a sister wife to join your family you can’t look just anywhere. A summer social event might not be the best place to approach a woman about becoming a sister wife. Most often the risks associated with looking for a polygamy related date at a community event will outweigh any possible benefits, however, inviting a new friend to join your family for dinner wouldn’t be out of the question. If you are interested in someone be sure to gauge your language appropriately and read their responses carefully. The last thing you want is a person simply being polite while they’re horribly uncomfortable and trying to get away from you. Don’t be a creep. Everyone has boundaries. Knowing and respecting boundaries will save you from embarrassment and regret in any situation. 

Be politely fearless. It may sound weird after talking about avoiding regret, and keeping personal information to yourself in certain situations, but being politely fearless might be the most important key to social success. Living fearlessly is about confidence and not needing the approval of others. Rising above the need for approval means you have no concern for what others might think of you. It also means you fully understand that your personal life is none of their business. You won’t be handing over power by giving information to the wrong people. When someone starts digging, or judging, you can find the finesse to change the conversation seamlessly without experiencing any of their intended negative effect.

Have fun! Polygamy dating, finding sister wives, looking for polyamorous dates, or any relationship oriented quest is not out of the question at a community event, but these things are not the actual purpose. Needless to say, they are not the purpose of a family event either, but that’s a different paper altogether. If you allow yourself to focus on building social connections with your community you’ll find the rewards will be well worth the effort for you and your lovers. There are multiple characteristics that make us individuals. Sharing the characteristics that make you a positive force in your community gives you the opportunity to help shape the community into one of acceptance and support for those that don’t follow the traditional path of a nuclear and/or hetero-normative family. 

The summer social, in whatever forms they occur, is an anxiety inducing event for most of the people attending. It’s a time to learn about the world you live in and make connections to improve your quality of life, as well as the quality of your community. Handling these social events with wit and grace will empower you and help you make the world just a little better, at least. Be the person you’ve always needed around new people. Say hello first. Your polygamist or polyamorous home and family life should have no bearing on your position in the community, or the opinions of others. Knowing you and your loved ones are prepared for whatever may come lets you drop any guards and simply enjoy the world you live in.

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc: Sisterwives.com

One amazing thing about humans is that we are all unique. You may find people with a lot in common, but barring an insanely identical twin, you are different in plenty of ways. Being the only you is an amazing thing. The contributions you offer to people around you, along with everything they bring to the table, can create a life that’s rewarding and full of pure bliss. If you’re fortunate enough to have an interest in the polyamorous or polygamous life you are probably pretty well in tune with your unique self. However, even the most confident among us should ask ourselves a few questions once in a while to make sure we’re on the right path. Here are four questions to consider that will help you find and maintain your poly groove. 

What does your perfect life look like?

Keep in mind that part of life is accepting realities that cannot be changed and making reasonable compromises in order to achieve a functional existence. That being said, there is nothing wrong with dreaming about perfection. Taking time to consider the things that would make your life feel the most complete will help with staying on the right track. Polygamy Dating or polyamorous dating are both complicated processes that you’ll need to know yourself well to navigate. A woman that wants to be a sister wife shouldn’t date a polyamorous person with no interest in building a family or committing to a relationship. A man that wants sister wives should make that clear to women he approaches for dates. Having an idea of your end goals, and sharing them freely, makes sure the people you pursue have similar desires in mind. 

What are your true main priorities?

It’s worth repeating that in life you will have to make compromises. Harsh realities cannot be avoided, however, there are concessions you should never accept. Beyond the idea of what you imagine to be your perfect life are key elements that make you the person you are. A person that knows they are a polygamist at heart should not attempt to entertain a monogamous marriage. Even though you may find great success in committing to the concept of ‘one man with one woman’ there will always be a part of you longing for more. If you know you’re incapable of committing to any relationship at all there are ways for you to date, and enjoy a love life, without hurting someone you claim to love. Accepting your real self and embracing the core elements that make you you, without compromise, will save you and people you care about a lot of time and trouble. There is no recipe for basic morality greater than honesty, integrity, and causing no harm. You can rest assured that you will find others like yourself, and can lead a very happy life, no matter what drives your sexual and emotional desires. 

What are your red flags?

You can be cruising along enjoying dates with other polygamists or poly people and fail to see red flags if you haven’t thought ahead about them. One ill-conceived relationship can ruin your poly dating life, or life overall, for indefinite amounts of time. Knowing your red flags and how to spot them is crucial to protecting yourself from life leeches or desperate people that will say or do anything for a relationship. Figure out the questions and topics that need to come up while dating in order for you to gauge people. Testing for red flags should happen as soon as possible with every new person you meet. It’s much easier to end involvement with someone early rather than when feelings have had time to develop. Don’t be desperate. Your body, mind, and soul, and maybe even your bank account, will thank you for avoiding relationship disasters. Sorry, red flags fall under the ‘no compromise’ category. 

What improvements can you make for yourself?

Being good to ourselves and finding ways to be the best person you can be should always come first. Wanting to love others and build lives with them is a wonderful thing, but making sure you have enough to offer is the first step. This isn’t referring to being wealthy or perfect in any way. It’s about knowing who you are so you’re aware of what you bring to the table. What talents can you develop? What activities get you excited? What subjects can you dive into that motivate your mind to learn and grow? Being a whole and self aware person needs to be the first goal for anyone interested in polygamy dating, or any polymorous way of life. Becoming a sister wife is not as easy as 1, 2, 3. There will be tough moments and you’ll face some vicious opposition that will require a strong mind and sense of self. A poly or polygamous man will face some especially harsh criticism. Accusations of being a womanizer, or of having an inability to commit and be a good man, don’t fall easy on the ears. You don’t work on yourself just to find a relationship. You do it to prepare yourself to find good relationships and maximize your contributions to them no matter what adversity you might face.

Whether you’re looking for a new sister wife to join your family, a woman or husband to start a polygamous family, people to join or begin a loving polyamorous group or family, or just to get out and go on dates it’s important to be your best self and know what you’re looking for. Mulling over these four questions from time to time will guide you to a better dating and love life. It sounds weird, maybe selfish, to believe working on yourself is more important than working on your relationships but it’s absolutely true. You can’t be good to someone else if you don’t even know who you are or what you really want. Sure, you can get by and maybe even maintain a love life, but you won’t thrive. Being polyamorous reveals a desire to thrive. A desire for a big polygamous family shows you’re a person that wants more than a mundane existence. Take a little time to look inside and your focus will adjust for a clearer view outside too. Don’t let anyone mess with your poly groove.  

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc: Sisterwives.com

Psychologists have recently had a lot to say about polyamory. Some are claiming it has no specific benefits beyond those of a monogamous relationship, some say there are some benefits, and others even claim it’s a sign of mental illness (it’s not). Claiming polyamory is a result of mental illness clearly comes from people with ulterior motives and lackluster educations, but it’s also silly to discount the real benefits people in both the polyamory and polygamy world enjoy. All relationships come with their ups and downs. Monogamous relationships make the down times more difficult because a person can feel extremely limited or defenseless when it’s them alone against their partner. Involving more people in your intimate life opens doors for more self expression, greater honesty, and a deeper understanding of yourself and everyone involved. These massive benefits should not be ignored.

Polygamist families are a perfect example to show the mental health benefits of a plural relationship. Sister wives may all love their husband very much, but at times will feel like they can’t even look at his face. It’s natural for lovers to have moments where they disgust each other. When a woman becomes a sister wife she is joining a family that provides not only a husband to love and adore, but sister wives to vent her frustrations with when he’s pushing her buttons. If there are major issues that need to be addressed with the husband a sister wife doesn’t have to feel alone in her approach. Too many issues are left lingering in monogamous situations because everyone is simply trying to not rock the boat. Talking to someone about a problem you have with them is not so easy when you have to do it alone. 

This flows right into another benefit. Less time feeling lonely. When a polygamous man finds a new sister wife he is introducing her into his already active family. She can choose to work or help take care of the home without fear of long days spent alone if she chooses the latter. She has multiple companions to enjoy. A sister wife can focus on how she can best contribute to her family and have plenty of time for personal development as well. She doesn’t have to be the sole source of care and affection for a man.

Speaking of ‘sole source’ opens a whole new range of benefits from a polyamorous life. Anytime a person feels the pressure of being another persons’ ‘everything’ it creates an enormous amount of pressure. In trying to be everything for a person it’s very easy to lose yourself and end up not having much to offer them at all. At least not in a genuine and healthy way. People fall in love because they love a unique individual. Evolving for each other is inevitable but when you involve more than one person in your love life everyone can actually evolve to be closer while staying more true to themselves as well. Knowing yourself well, and being yourself, makes you a better lover, and a better person overall.

All of these things that help make people better and more honest lead to mental well-being and happier lives. Your life expectancy will increase, your physical health with benefit, your ability to produce more good in the world will strengthen, and even your financial situation can benefit from the positivity inside you. A well tended polyamorous relationship can make your life exponentially better over time. The boost in mental health has no limits. 

Naysayers will always be around. Avoiding them is impossible. A refreshing lack of concern about their judgments, and the positive light you can shine into their darkness, is yet another benefit of a poly life. There is strength in numbers. The confidence you’ll find when you have a big happy home full of love goes beyond valuable. Life is tough. Having a big team that loves you unconditionally, and with whom you can share deep compassion, will make the harder times in life melt away. I can’t imagine something more inspiring than having a few sister wives that will fight as hard for you as you’d fight for yourself. Add a loving husband on top of that and you’re unstoppable. Any psychologist claiming polyamorous or polygamous families are a result of mental illness, or are of no mental health benefit to anyone, can safely be dismissed from your reality. 

If you are not currently involved in polyamorous or polygamy dating because you’ve been on the fence about it, consider giving it a try. Looking into becoming a sister wife doesn’t mean you have to become one. Chatting with potential poly dates or groups online doesn’t commit you to anything. One thing experts certainly have correct is that neither monogamy, nor polyamory, are right for everyone. Part of developing yourself is the willingness to explore and find what’s right for you. If you’re reading this article, chances are you have an interest in polygamy, or at least polyamory. The very real mental health benefits are practically guaranteed for people that are truly built to handle the ups and downs of plural relationships. Don’t dive in too quickly believing polyamory is good for everyone. Forcing yourself into situations that don’t really suit you can have a horrible effect on your overall well-being. Take your time, explore, stay in touch with yourself, and don’t be afraid to tell your potential lovers exactly what you’re looking for. Healthy relationships, plural or not, start with people in generally good mental health. The added mental health benefits come from the love and support you provide each other as you build your lives together. All love is good love. Go find the life and love that’s right for you.  

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc: Sisterwives.com

American society is heavily steeped in traditional marriage and the concept of a ‘nuclear family.’ This is odd when considering the number of unique families far outweighs the number of what is perceived as ‘normal’ families. Families come in all shapes and sizes. Many unique families were made possible by the dedication of admirable individuals that didn’t have to take on the responsibility of raising someone else’s child. Even so, some people that have had the great fortune of finding a good marriage, having healthy children, and finding decent work like to pretend they have accomplished moral superiority instead of feeling appreciation and humility. Humility is too rare, unfortunately. These folks will often gladly let you know your family is less worthy because it’s ‘flawed’ or looks different, or you’ll at least see this through their fake smiles. There’s a beautiful irony in this that polygamous and polyamorous people can embrace. While struggling is never fun, and inventing your own family based on your true self isn’t easy, it provides insight and enlightenment that those who’ve had it too easy will never understand. Consider these few things next time you feel judged, and embrace the compassion and pity you feel for the poor souls that have no idea who they really are.

Let’s start with a woman that wants to be a sister wife. Even as she steps into the complicated world of polygamy dating, which is enough pressure alone, she might have family and friends turning their backs on her. She might have to face most of the journey to find her polygamist family alone. That means no phone calls with girlfriends to talk about her struggles, no family to show her unconditional support, possibly no community around her where she can be herself and take time to let everything go. When you’ve decided to embrace who you really are, and play by your own rules, it might mean losing everything before gaining all of who you are. It’s a journey that breaks a lot of people. Finding others like yourself will ease the struggle and help make sure you stay on your correct path. Loneliness can be overwhelming and lead to compromises that shouldn’t be made. Your new community doesn’t have to be other women that are, or want to be, sister wives. People that choose to live outside of societal ‘norms’ can all help each other. The friendships you build along the way can be deeper and more enduring than you imagined possible. 

A man that wants to be a polygamist husband faces particularly harsh judgment from people that oppose the idea. Other men often stay away from a man that is looking for sister wives. Building a polygamist family is a concept they’re scared of. Women may accuse a man seeking sister wives of being a misogynist even if he’s a huge supporter of feminism. A few bad apples have painted polygamy in a bad light and a polygamist man will be all too aware of the negative views out there. Without sounding like polygamists should be too apologetic about people in the past they don’t even know, a little public good goes a long way. Volunteering in your community, helping neighbors every chance you get, sacrificing your Thanksgiving dinner to go work at a soup kitchen, etc… This is not to pay any kind of penance. This is to challenge the haters. Give them something to talk about. As you build your family the ability to add even more good to the world will grow with it. Leading by example is a concept that’s been lost on too many men today, and it’s a concept polygamous men will benefit from. Your future sister wives will admire you for it and your community will discover your family is invaluable to them. 

While polygamous families may often (not always) stick to a few traditional concepts sexually, polyamorous families or groups introduce a vast array of possibilities. Polyamorous people face scrutiny from a public that believes they pose a threat to marriage as we know it. This is hilarious when considering a ‘monogamous’ heterosexual can be on their fifth marriage and still speak out against polyamorous relationships. It’s as though people hate the idea of everyone not being under legal constraints. Preposterous! Right? The good news is that polyamory is becoming more common and it’s finding inclusion with the LGBTQ+ community. Pride today has far more to do with embracing yourself for exactly who you are (homo or not), without shame, and with no respect for the judgment of others. Parades may not be your thing, but being part of a community that promotes diversity will open your eyes to beauty and life (and fun) you won’t soon forget. 

There’s a strange tendency in humans to tear others down when they seem happier than us. The same oddity arises when we see someone that’s different from us. We may never understand why, but it must stem from a sort of survival mechanism that belongs back in the stone age. The choice to be your unique self will not be easy. Once you start crossing boundaries the world has set around you the backlash will be quick. Being prepared mentally and spiritually for your journey will make it a beautiful time in your life. As long as you know you’re being true to yourself, don’t give in to the pressures people will gladly put on you. It’s your life and your love. The people you share yourself with, and how much you want to share, is up to you. The relationships you want to invest in are your choice. Don’t hand your happiness off to others that have no real interest beyond securing their own. 

Happy Independence Day! Celebrate it your way.

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc: Sisterwives.com

While polygamy is a form of polyamory it suggests a more committed relationship involving multiple people. This is not to say that a polyamorous family or group isn’t committed to each other and practicing fidelity, nor is it to say polygamy requires your family or group to be in a closed situation. Your relationships and standards are yours to determine and the descriptor you choose for your relationship style is your business. For the sake of this article I’m using an assumption that polygamy and polygamy dating have a preference and direction toward a closed group or family and long term commitments. How does it work with more than two people building a life? Where does sex fit in? What are the limitations? How can you be sure nobody feels like a third wheel? 

It’s easy to pretend everyone in a plural relationship plays an equal role. The truth is that each person adds a unique element and their roles can be stronger or more passive depending on their preferences for involvement. When a man is looking for a sister wife to join his family he shouldn’t shy away from discussing what roles are needed in the family. This is not to coerce a woman into a family life that doesn’t suit her, rather it’s to be transparent about motivations and begin a discussion about if this family is right for her. Sexual persuasions also play a role in polygamy dating. A bisexual woman with an intent to be sexually involved with her sister wives cannot pretend to be happy with a fully heterosexual family. The first step to long term family or poly group success is to make sure everyone is on the same page. 

A refreshing idea polygamous women can enjoy is less pressure to have kids, or not. A woman that wants to be a sister wife, but cannot imagine going through a pregnancy, doesn’t have to feel she’s taking anything away from a husband that wants kids. Beyond having kids is raising them. A sister wife that doesn’t want to raise kids doesn’t have to live under the same roof with any kids from her sister wives. Removing the idea that a woman’s role is to have and raise kids for her husband is wonderfully liberating for females. Relationships based on love rather than obligations will produce healthier outcomes for everyone involved. 

Even with love at the core of your relationship, obligations are unavoidable. Beware of people that only want to be involved with your polygamous family on their own terms. With all this talk of individuals being able to live more honestly and be their true selves it’s easy for the concepts to be interpreted the wrong way. If a polygamist man finds a potential sister wife that makes it clear she only wants to sleep with him, he has a problem on his hands. Living under her own roof and even keeping mostly to herself can be acceptable, but it will require discussion with all his sister wives as to how much involvement (or lack of) they’re comfortable with. At what point is she not a sister wife, but just a mistress? Such boundaries need to be discussed and agreed upon. 

Boundaries can be tough. Whether you’re a sister wife meeting a new potential sister wife or man for your family, or a man that’s courting potential sister wives or men, you have to know and respect boundaries. If you feel any boundaries are too strict you have to discuss it. Never break a boundary your family believes you’ve agreed to because you don’t like it. If your feelings are within reason, chances are the limitations in place can be adjusted. Don’t risk it all because you don’t have the guts to reveal your feelings to your lovers. The same goes for everyone in the family. If you’re feeling something isn’t right for you, bring it up! 

Any time more than two people are involved there is a risk of someone feeling like a third wheel. There are situations where this can’t be avoided so a certain level of acceptance is a must. If, however, a lover feels this way most of the time it needs to be addressed. It can be difficult to detect someone else is feeling like a third wheel. You’re having fun, they’re trying to keep a good face up, everyone is acting like everything is fine because nobody wants to ruin the day. Pay attention to your behavior and communication. Are you being intentionally inclusive? Are you taking turns in the front and back seat? Is an unreasonable amount of conversation being directed to only one partner? Are there unresolved issues between any partners you can help settle? A polygamist family or poly group has unique challenges because multiple hearts and minds are involved. Dividing your attention sufficiently between all of your lovers will avoid heartache none of you want to cause. This includes sexual attention and being supportive of your lovers exploring their sexual desires. Nothing can make someone feel like a third wheel quicker than a genuine part of them being ignored or even ostracized. 

Polygamy dating and life can be complicated if you let it. It’s a form of polyamory that typically adheres to more traditions than polyamorous groups choose to follow. Open minds, open hearts, and open arms along with open communication will help any polygamous group find their way to a joyous life together. Respecting tradition is a good thing but keep in mind the importance of allowing your lovers to evolve as well. The only rules that matter are the rules you and your family decide on in order to grow together. Never neglect to offer your contributions to the discussion, and never make any partners feel their contribution is unwanted or unacceptable. The love and acceptance you foster among your lovers needs to be nurtured so it can keep growing. Your love, life, and sex can endlessly evolve for the better and your family can become an example for others to follow. Positive role models in the polygamy world will encourage continued growth and acceptance. With this, even more people will be willing to consider such a rewarding way of life. 

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc: Sisterwives.com

The passing of Bernie McGee came as a shock to the world of polygamy. His infectious smile is going to be sorely missed by numerous family, friends, and fans of his. Life can end so suddenly, and in too many unexpected ways. Thoughts of our own mortality, and that of our loved ones, are unavoidable in times like this. The grieving process is different for every individual and comes with different levels of severity depending on how close you are to someone that has passed away. When death touches your own family it can seem impossible to ever recover. There is no magic formula to mend your broken heart but there are ways polygamous and polyamorous people can work together to honor those that are lost while moving forward into their new reality. 

It may seem counterintuitive, but one of the most important things to provide each other is space. Everyone grieves in different ways and everyone needs to feel they have the space necessary for their unwanted journey. People can be fully available for each other without being smothering. Check in and show plenty of love because in times like this, actions truly speak louder than words. In fact, people may not even know how to put their grief into words and attempting to do so might feel like the pain is being trivialized. Never pretend to know what anyone needs to do next, or how they must feel. Offer love and support, and an ear to listen, only.  

Sister wives especially need to make themselves available for each other after the passing of a husband. They’ll need time and support from each other to determine how the family can best move forward. Eventually, they might have the difficult choice to make between finding a new polygamous man to join their family or continuing without a husband. Finding a group of sister wives that form an amazing family takes years. The women that have worked hard to maintain the family don’t have to see it end when the patriarch passes away. Together, they can work through the loss and reinvent a beautiful future with full honor being given to their deceased husband, with, or without a new one. The choice for sister wives to find a new patriarch should never be considered disrespectful. 

Don’t be afraid to seek help from a counselor that is supportive of your polygamist or polyamorous family or group. There may be issues you feel were unresolved, or you simply don’t want to share with your other partners. Never forget that your grief belongs to only you. Working through it in the healthiest possible way will result in the ability to think about the one you lost without an overwhelming feeling of emptiness. Not being able to think about the lover you lost only prolongs your grieving process.  

Embrace the darkness. That empty feeling I just mentioned is very real and you cannot avoid it. Let yourself cry, let yourself sleep too much, draw the curtains and sit alone in your dark room. Don’t fight your feelings. Do not embrace drugs or alcohol as coping mechanisms. That’s a darkness that may never go away if you let it in. Don’t forget about balance either. You can’t pretend the world around you doesn’t exist and you can’t neglect your other partners or sister wives. Sit in dark rooms embracing each other if you must. Time will heal, but the truth is, the scars never go away. You have to learn to live with them. That’s actually a good thing because they help keep your memories alive. 

At some point, most likely, you and your partners will face re-entering the world of polyamorous or polygamous dating. Finding a new sister wife when one has passed might bring about guilty feelings but don’t let that stop you. It’s not guilt. It’s only the essence of a loss and it’s okay. Your polyamorous lover, sister wife, or polygamous husband that has passed does not want you to spend the rest of your life grieving. There are plenty of others out there that have experienced a loss as well. You may find a whole new kind of love with them, and they may bring the new life your family or group needs to forge ahead.

Death is so final. Facing death is unavoidably devastating when it takes a piece of you. The hopelessness, emptiness, anger, longing, sadness, and paralyzed feeling will come and you have to be a little tough to get through it. You will never be the same. Polygamous and polyamorous people have the benefit of having each other to help. Your surviving lovers or family members can form even stronger bonds in honor of your mutual loss. Be patient with yourself, and your lovers, husbands, or wives, and hang onto all the best memories. My respects to Bernie McGee and his family. May he rest in peace.   

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc: Sisterwives.com

Saturday June 15, 2019 the Shocking news came out that Bernie McGee from Seeking Sister Wife has passed. This is a Complete Shock to us and fans of the show. His Wife Paige McGee Confirmed the sad news. The Facebook admin for the Seeking Sister Wife Group also shared this sad news with everyone. Most of the info so far has came from his wife Paige McGee.

The Death of Bernie McGee

The post in the Facebook Group said "It was just confirmed personally that with a sad and heavy heart Bernie McGee, Paige's love of her life, has passed away :( please send love and prayers to their family at this time." The fans wanted to know more, but there was just not a lot of information out yet.

What happened to Bernie McGee

From what we know about Bernie's death, he was riding his bicycle trying to lose a little weight and have over all better health.

His wife Page McGee, which was also on the Seeking Sister Wife show posted the post below.

If you are able to read it, you will see that the post shows that Bernie was Riding his Bike. He Called his wife and told her he didn't feel very good. Paige left to go pick him up, but by the time she arrived it was already too late. According to the coroner, it was a heat stroke and heart attack that caused him to pass away. This is very sad news for all of us and his fans, and was very unexpected.

Bernie and Paige McGee have two sons that were also on TLC's Seeking Sister Wife. The McGee's tried their hand at polygamy dating on the show but it did not work out and they did not end up in a polygamist relationship.

It is unknown if they were still looking for polygamy.

Bernie and Paige were married a long time before attempting to add a third to their relationship on television.

TLC has Not yet announced anything about a new season of Seeking Sister Wife. However the Brown family was spotted with cameras and seemed to be working on a new season of Sister Wives.

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc: Sisterwives.com

There are plenty of universal do’s and don’ts when it comes to relationships and marriages. Honoring commitments, being supportive, contributing to the overall well-being, and living honestly are things everyone should do with, or even without, a relationship. Polygamy comes with its own unique dos and don’ts, any polyamorous situation does. Involving more than two people in a relationship will lead to interesting situations and solutions that work for some, but not others. The list of specific do’s and don’ts will differ depending on the standards set within a relationship, but here are some basic helpful concepts to keep in mind.  

Polygamous men looking for a sister wife should avoid making assumptions about what a woman wanting to be a sister wife is looking for. Polygamist families come in many shapes and sizes and finding a family that actually suits a sister wife is not cut and dried. Polygamy dating can be complicated. Don’t jump into an exciting new prospect blindly and end up getting people hurt. Do keep an open mind while dating and consider how a sister wife with different ideas might be able to fit in your family or situation. Perfect matches are rare, but being somewhere in the same range is important. 

Women looking to explore polygamy or become a sister wife also can’t assume the men she’s meeting have the same ideas. A polygamist family with very traditional (and very heterosexual) values will never work for a bisexual woman that wants to be a sister wife. She’d be wasting her time, or ruining her long term happiness, joining such a family. Don’t compromise your real desires just to have a relationship. Do be honest about what you’re looking for from the beginning. A handsome face and lovely family are attractive, but a lifetime of denying your true self will lead to self destruction, or worse. Seek to be a sister wife with long term happiness in mind, never short term satisfaction. 

Polyamorous people inevitably face questions about sexuality at some point in their lives because polygamist and polyamorous families, or groups, naturally involve more than one person of the same gender. Whether the questions about sexuality are within you, or coming from the outside world, it’s best to handle them with grace, never with fear. Don’t let anyone inside, or outside, of your relationship limit your right to explore your sexuality. Don’t let anyone pressure you to answer a question about your sexuality you’re not prepared to answer. Be honest with yourself and unafraid of your true self. Maintaining confidence and protecting your right to privacy will ensure personal control over your journey. Just make sure your family, or everyone in your poly relationship, is on the journey with you. 

Heterosexual people in the polygamy dating or polyamorous world may never face sexual feelings toward the same sex. Consider yourself lucky to have such natural confidence in your sexuality, but never forget the importance of supporting others that are sorting out their sexual desires. This means not just your lovers, but anyone in your life that may be struggling to know themselves better. A little support goes a long way. 

Anyone in a so-called ‘alternative relationship’ will face adversity. This adversity is usually subtle and easy to ignore but in reality can escalate even to life threatening levels. ‘Life threatening’ does not only refer to physical harm. Polygamist families can be targets of a person eager to hurt others in order to achieve moral superiority in their own minds, and in the public eye. Your well-being is of no concern to them. Solidarity among polygamists and ployamorous people can help outsiders have a better understanding, and respect, for families that look different from theirs. Do indulge in the life you create but don’t forget about harsh realities. If you see a chance to help the poly community, do it. Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there, but always be prepared to handle some blowback. 

Disagreements about the definition of polygamy and polyamory are far too common even within both communities. Many polyamorous people refuse to entertain the idea of polygamy being a form of polyamory, and many polygamous people refuse to embrace their position in the field of polyamory. This is a huge problem because it’s divisive and weakens every valid definition of intimate relationships involving more than two people. Don’t dismiss another family or group’s love for each other because it’s practiced in different ways than yours. Quite frankly, it’s pure arrogance for any poly people to judge the relationship choices of others. You can’t ask for the world to be permissive of your non-conformity while insisting the unique lives of others are invalid or wrong. Diversity makes the world a better, and happier, place. Do embrace it!

People and relationships are always evolving. Your polygamist family today might look very different in five years. Your polyamorous group might add three people and lose one in years to come. Sometimes a sister wife decides she’s ready to move on. Sometime’s a polyamorous person meets someone they simply can’t share with anyone else. Allowing for these changes in your relationships and learning to support each other is so important. Nobody wants to hurt anyone, but sometimes an unavoidable choice you have to make is going to hurt. People can still love each other when their relationship dynamics change. Don’t hold each other back. If the relationship has to end, help each other forward and hang onto the memories you’ve built. If it has to change, embrace the changes. 

Even if nobody is considering leaving a relationship, at times dynamics can ostracize someone within it. Affections can ebb and flow so it’s important to pay attention, intentionally, to all of your partners. A polygamist man needs to ensure all his sister wives have his affection. A polyamorous group has to make sure everyone involved feels like they belong. Never team up against a sister wife or poly partner. If anything like that feels necessary the relationship has already gone sour. Rather than stooping to the level of joining together to attack someone you love, sit and talk about what needs to happen to resolve your grievances. Don’t ever lay the amount of pain on a loved one that jointly scheming against them will cause. 

Plenty of polyamorous people out there will tell you they have no interest in joining a group or family. They only wish to date and have minimal commitments. Listen to them. Don’t try to change them. Don’t assume you or your group might change their minds. Enjoy them all you’d like, but respect their request for autonomy and give them no caveats. If you insist, be prepared to get hurt, but it’s always better to embrace and encourage honesty.     

The range of possibilities on the poly spectrum is incredible. Options really are endless but so are opportunities to get hurt, or hurt someone else. With polygamy and polyamory only recently becoming truly mainstream many of us aren’t certain what exactly the rules are yet. On top of that, the rules are different depending on where you fall on the spectrum. Even among different polygamist families the rules run a gamit. Polygamy dating and polyamorous dating are exciting, and if approached responsibly can lead to unimaginably happy lives for so many people. If everyone on the poly spectrum can agree to some basic standards, and support each other across the spectrum, we stand to lead the world into a better future for everyone.   

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc: Sisterwives.com