Chris's article

WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A POLYAMOROUS RELATIONSHIP AND AN OPEN RELATIONSHIP?

Inquiring minds often wonder if being in an open relationship is the same as being polyamorous. While the two share certain characteristics, they’re actually quite different. According to Renee Divine, L.M.F.T., a sex and relationships therapist in Minneapolis, MN, “An open relationship is one where one or both partners have a desire for sexual relationships outside of each other, and polyamory is about having intimate, loving relationships with multiple people.” Both are forms of consensual non-monogamy, but the specifics can vary depending on your goals and boundaries.

ARE YOU LOOKING FOR MORE LOVE OR MORE SEX?

Open relationships typically begin with partners who want additional sexual experiences beyond their main relationship. They still share intimacy and affection with each other, but they seek fulfillment or novelty from others in a physical sense. The idea is that everyone consents to these outside sexual encounters, but there isn’t usually an expectation of deeper emotional involvement. Divine points out that “People are looking for different experiences and want to meet needs that aren’t being met in the relationship, but there’s never an intention for feelings to get involved.”

Polyamory goes beyond this by welcoming emotional connections with more than one partner at a time. It’s not just about physical experiences. Divine explains that in polyamory, “The whole point is to fall in love with multiple people,” so relationships can be on equal footing rather than having one primary partner. For instance, solo poly folks may have multiple loving relationships simultaneously, all treated with the same level of commitment.

KEEPING THINGS OPEN OR CLOSED

By definition, poly relationships are open in the sense that more than two partners are involved. However, not all poly groups seek new partners. Some are “closed” and not actively dating anyone else. In a closed poly setup, a group might have multiple loving bonds among its members, but no one is looking to expand the group any further.

In an open relationship, on the other hand, there’s usually a core couple, and they allow some degree of sexual exploration. They may or may not share details of these outside encounters with each other. Some people prefer transparency about every date or hookup, while others keep it private to maintain boundaries and minimize potential jealousy.

WHAT KIND OF BOUNDARIES DO YOU WANT TO SET?

Open relationships often have guidelines about what is acceptable when seeking outside sexual connections. Some couples might want to discuss every aspect of these encounters, while others feel more comfortable staying in the dark about them. There can also be decisions about whether partners can spend the night elsewhere, how often they go out with others, and whether they engage in group scenarios such as swinging.

Polyamory usually involves more frequent and deeper conversations about boundaries because it includes emotional connections. People often talk about being “kitchen-table poly,” meaning everyone in the group can hang out together and share daily life. It’s also possible for two poly partners to date the same person or form a triad, which is less common in an open relationship that focuses only on outside sexual activity.

SHOULD YOU GIVE IT A TRY?

If monogamy feels limiting and you crave more flexibility, exploring open relationships or polyamory could be worth considering. Which style fits best depends on whether you want purely physical connections or if you’re interested in building emotional bonds with more people.

Divine notes, “Open relationships tend to be more focused on having sex outside a main relationship, but keeping that primary, dyadic relationship as the first priority.” Some couples discover that one person is comfortable with the other seeking purely physical connections, but they don’t want emotional attachments forming outside the partnership.

People may be drawn to these relationship styles for a variety of reasons. Some have been together for years and want to spice up their connection. Others feel that a single partnership isn’t enough to fulfill their romantic or emotional needs. “It revolves around a two-way love,” Divine says of those who prefer open relationships that remain grounded in a main pairing.

Polyamory, on the other hand, revolves around the belief that you can love more than one person wholeheartedly. Divine says, “They’re open to additional people in that way, and they want that emotional attachment. Plural love is the main focus.”

COMMUNICATION IS KEY

No matter which path you choose, communication is essential. Let all partners know what changes are happening, what you expect, and where your boundaries lie. Divine says, “In some couples, one wants to try something new, and the other is okay with that, without participating themselves.” That can work if everyone is honest and respects each other’s comfort levels.

The best results typically come from mutual understanding and ongoing check-ins. Be upfront about needs and any concerns that come up. When people share a common goal and stay transparent about their experiences, these non-monogamous relationships can thrive for everyone involved.

Published By: Sister Wives 

Matchmakers Inc

Benefits of Polyamory

(A reflection on how exploring non-monogamy can inform healthier, more intentional relationships.)

Dating in Your Twenties: Explore Freely

When you are in your twenties, it is natural to experiment with different types of relationships. You are still discovering who you are and what you really want. Most of us do not stay with our first love from high school, and that is perfectly okay. Your twenties are a safe space to figure out your likes and dislikes, as well as what you bring to the table. At some point, though, you reach a stage where you want to take your romantic life more seriously.

In the early weeks or months of every relationship, it is understandable to walk away if you spot a deal-breaker. That is a time of figuring out whether the connection has real potential. However, if you have been seeing someone for six months and disappear without a word (unless you need to protect your safety), that is unkind.

How Polyamory Changed My Perspective

I stumbled into polyamory after a decade of serial monogamy. For four years, I explored what it was like to love more than one person at a time, and it completely reshaped my understanding of commitment. Looking back, I realized I had been monogamous for the wrong reasons. Social norms often push us to settle into relationships simply because we happen to like someone enough, rather than truly considering our deeper needs and values.

My joke was that it took three or four men to make one really fulfilling partner. That humor was my way of saying I felt I would never find all the traits I wanted in one person. Eventually, I met someone who showed me otherwise. He checked off nearly every quality I was searching for, which made me realize I was ready to switch back to monogamy. It was not about a blazing spark or a dizzying state of infatuation. It was simply the recognition that I had found the kind of connection I thought was impossible.

When the Spark Fades

Many friends of mine have recently ended long-term relationships, ranging from six months to five years. They all heard that painful line: “I love you, but I am not in love with you anymore.” While it hurts, the truth is that the honeymoon phase does not last forever. Over time, the giddy excitement settles into a different rhythm. You can reignite the spark with mutual effort, but it will not be the exact same rush as those first few months.

A genuine monogamist understands this cycle. Losing the butterflies is not a sign that the relationship is doomed. Long-term love is not about constantly chasing that exhilarating high; it is about building a life together. When the sparks inevitably cool, you can choose to work together to keep the relationship fulfilling.

Polyamory vs. Serial Monogamy

If you leave every relationship the moment the magic fades, consider whether you might be a spark-chaser rather than a long-burner. Polyamory can be a great fit for those who want to experience the thrill of new connections without hiding it from their partner. There is nothing shameful about needing variety, as long as you approach it ethically and honestly.

In our culture, people often view a serial dater in a more positive light than someone who embraces ethical non-monogamy. Yet someone who chooses polyamory is often more transparent about their desire for multiple connections than a person who cycles through relationships looking for endless passion.

Building Lasting Bonds

Neither polyamory nor monogamy can promise you a lifetime supply of butterflies on autopilot. Nature is not that romantic; it usually just needs you to stick around long enough to reproduce, which is hardly a recipe for endless excitement. People who practice monogamy learn to value the deeper rewards that come with a shared life: companionship, family, commitment, and mutual care.

Many polyamorous folks also have a primary partner who fulfills that supportive role, while other partners offer fresh experiences, novelty, and fun. Monogamists do their best to keep sparks alive, but they do so on a foundation of steady devotion. They know relationships have seasons and that you have to ride out the lows to enjoy the highs again.

Finding Your Place

If your version of searching for “The One” involves constantly jumping from relationship to relationship, hoping to feel an everlasting rush, it may be time to acknowledge who you really are. Spark-chasers often thrive best when they embrace non-monogamy, because it aligns with their natural desire for newness.

On the flip side, if you yearn for a long-term teammate who stands beside you through every season of life, then monogamy may be your best path. Embracing that choice requires understanding that real love is not always glamorous. It can be deeply fulfilling, but it also involves patience and work.

For a rare few, the best of both worlds is possible when someone masters the art of polyamory, balancing multiple relationships with clarity and respect. For most people, though, the key is figuring out what you want and living that truth openly. If you prefer to date multiple people, then do so honestly. If you want a stable, one-on-one connection that endures, invest in the effort, communication, and willingness to let the butterflies rest occasionally.

Whichever path you choose, what matters is self-awareness and respect for your partners. That is the foundation for building a relationship (or relationships) where everyone feels seen, supported, and fulfilled.

Published By: Sister Wives 

Matchmakers Inc

Since childhood, I’ve known that African-Americans are as eclectic as we wanna be. We are literally assorted chocolates and you never know what you’re going to get when you open the box. But when did Black polygamy become a “the thing” for some of us? And when I say some of us, I’m asking about African-American women in particular.

Last year, I had no clue that it was a “thing” — outside of some Muslims engaging in the practice — until a guy I met at a business lunch sent me a link to check out the lifestyle. First of all, let me say that there was no warning or disclaimer that came with the link he sent. It was just a link sent to my email address from his. We met through a mutual client so I assumed he was sending something that I could actually use in my work life, like a better scheduling app or a code for Uber discounts—something! But it wasn’t. Just a link that lead to me asking who, what, when, why?

Some other ladies from the business lunch told me that they received the link as well and that they were outraged! One older lady in her late 40s felt particularly disrespected, saying how dare he think she’d be remotely interested in that sort of lifestyle. I kind of felt where she was coming from but I later had to side eye her because prior to the invitation  to join”Poly Phi Poly,” she tried to tell me ol’ boy was a great catch for someone like me. Not! Luckily for me, I never follow up on dating leads that are thrown in my lap. But I did at least think dude was cool and ultra professional when I met him at the lunch, which is why my reaction to the link wasn’t oh no this negro didn’t but more like, what in the Iceberg Slim hell? And so, my inquisitive self clicked on the link.

What I found was a group for brothers and sisters who are actually living polygamous lifestyles or trying to find folks to join them so they start building their polygamous families. But what really made my small eyes pop out the sockets like a cartoon character was the influx of African-American women who were down for the cause to share one man with several women. Now, what I gathered from reading people’s posts on the site is the biggest reason why Black people should get with the polygamy program is to build families that are economically untouchable… Okay, so what’s up with all the well-to-do women on the site who were RNs, college grads, and business owners? I would think that since they’re already bringing home the bacon that they’d be cool with one faithful man who could match or exceed what they currently make on the job. A beautiful Black couple who loves God, each other, and can afford to splurge on the finer things sounds legit to me! But the more I scrolled through the site,  I saw women hardcore using their best sales pitch to get someone to move them into their homes as a sister wife. Some were even offering couples to come live with them!

I don’t think cooperative economics had a rat’s butt to do with anything for these women. It seemed to me that these ladies were opting for this lifestyle because it’s easier to let a dog roam than to expect him to behave. They would rather come into a situation knowing that their man has multiple women who all know that they are just one of multiple women. That way, they don’t have to face any surprise heartache as a result of being cheated on. That’s my belief and I’m sticking to it. Now, I will say that some other interesting points were made in defense of Black polygamy, such as one sister-wife homeschooling all the children in the unit because Black kids should be taught by people who look like them. That’s an awesome principle that I’m all for. But uh… there’s plenty of schools, both private and public, that have already done this. And if I want to homeschool my baby I can simply find a Black teacher who home schools. I don’t need to move my husband’s flavor of the month in to help me do that or anything else.

What’s polygamy really about in your opinion?

Source: madamenoire.com

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Divorced Meri And Kody Brown Celebrate ‘Anniversary’!

Despite a long-troubled relationship, 'Sister Wives' stars cozies up in Chicago. 

Meri and Kody Brown celebrated their “anniversary” despite the fact that the Sister Wives patriarch divorced her legally to marry Robyn, another spouse.

This weekend, Kody’s first wife, Meri, posted a photo of Kody and herself on Instagram. They were smiling at the camera together on a city street.

She captioned the post: “Kody flew out to Chicago on my last day of #LuLaRoe leadership so we could spend our anniversary together yesterday. How sweet was that?! ♡♡♡ 28 years and still here!

#LivingMyWhy #28Years #Anniversary #Chicago #Happiness.”

PHOTOS: Guns, Whiskey & Whips! ‘Sister Wives’ Son Gets Wild

Meri, who was referring to the LuLaRoe clothing line she’s been plugging, appeared to be thrilled that her multi-married husband showed up to honor their big day.

However, the situation is puzzling as Kody and Meri were divorced a few years ago so that Robyn could be Kody’s legal wife. Even though Kody considers Robyn to be his “4th” wife, he has never legally married Christine and Janelle, his other so-called spouses.

Also, Meri later got catfished, falling for someone on the internet who she believed to be a man — only to discover it was a woman named Jackie Overton, who had lied to her in a six-month relationship.

PHOTOS: ‘Decriminalize’ Polygamy! Kody Brown is Fighting For Plural Marriages

Kody admitted that he does not want to be intimate with Meri on a recent Sister Wives episode.

Meri’s feelings were hurt and she had a meltdown during the finale of the Sister Wives Tell All special.

Meri cried while the other wives discussed how she and Kody were under strain.

“We dug this hole for 25 years. It’s not something we’re going to fix with a weekend getaway,” Kody told the TV cameras about his “marriage” to Meri.

Published By: Sister Wives 

Matchmakers Inc: Sisterwives.com

I’m writing to you because I’ve come to what feels like a breaking point in one of my polyamorous relationships. I’m relatively new to non-monogamy — I began seeing another person for the first time in September 2017. So since then I have been with both my partner with whom I live, and this new person — neither of them are seeing anyone else, but they would if they wanted to. I don’t know how to explain how I feel in a short email, but in a few words: I feel torn in two., I feel like my heart can’t handle how much I feel for both these people, and that I almost feel too much. I want to give everything to both of them and still have some part of me to give all the other people in my life.

I am writing this after a horrendous night where they were both present at the same evening, andwhere I ended up getting really drunk and bawling my eyes out. I felt like I had to choose between them, and couldn’t. This morning I think I have made the decision to end my new relationship because it is too difficult. I wanted to ask you: how do you manage these intense feelings without feeling like you’re relegating people to small boxed off spaces?

Does it have to do with my own mental health at all? Is it that I just simply am not a strong enough and whole enough person to be able to do this? (this is how it feels).

Sorry for the intense email, but if you do have any thoughts on my situation, I’d be glad to hear them.

You can’t really change your feelings but this isn’t necessarily a problem with your feelings, it’s a problem with your expectations and thought processes which is allowing certain feelings to crop up.

The way you manage that is through two things I’ll talk about here:

• Changing your expectations
• Reframing your perspective

Within your letter, you don’t really explain what you mean by wanting to give “everything” to them. What does that mean? Do you mean all of your time? All of your emotional energy? The first thing I think you need to do is challenge the assumption that loving someone means giving them every aspect of your emotional energy and time, or rather that in order to love someone, you have to give them your emotional energy and time.

Because that’s an idea which monogamy encourages and especially reinforces of the cases of people who are feminine, read as women or raised as women. Specifically, it encourages these people to see their value as a person as what they have to offer others in the form of beauty, emotional labour, and pretty much anything else. I feel like there might be a lot more going on here with you expecting that you need to give “everything” to all of these people — and that you need to give things to people at all.

A relationship is an exchange and a compromise, but that goes both ways and has to go both ways. But it’s not all about you giving something to someone else. And believing a relationship involves you giving ‘everything’ to one person, I think, is one of the harmful things which monogamous-centric culture teaches you which is harmful to anyone in any type of relationship. It sounds romantic and sweet, but this is the kind of outlook which abusive people use to entrap people, so I would encourage you to rethink this and reframe your perspective on this.

To recap, the first problem that I think you’re having is your expectation of yourself and what is involved in a relationship. I think you need to look at realistically what you want in a relationship. Think about it in terms of tangibles. What time are you spending where? And what are your needs rather than your assumptions on what you’re supposed to give to whom? And what do you expect from the people you’re in relationships with? What is the lifestyle you want to have with your partner(s)? When you begin with the tangible stuff and you start from the standpoint of what you need rather than what you’re giving, it’s a lot easier to manage.

The second thing I think you need to do is reframe your perspective and also accept your own boundaries. It worries me a bit that you assume that having these feelings means you are not “strong enough”. This is another really destructive idea that our society encourages, the idea that having or expressing emotions makes you weak or not strong. You can’t control the feelings you have. You can only control how you choose to respond to them and the framing your mind has that encourages different types of feelings.

In changing your expectations, you definitely may reframe your mind but I think you also need to furthermore reframe your feelings as fewer problems and more of signs that your body and your mind are trying to tell you something. Whenever we start a new relationship or whenever things are seemingly unstable, our feelings are going to run on high alert. You might be fighting a lot of internal conditioning of how ‘wrong’ it is for you to have more than one partner. There might be other things your brain is telling you that is keeping your emotions running on high, but the easiest way to cope with your emotions is to begin by not blaming yourself for having them. It’s a lot easier for you to cope with something if you’re not beginning the coping already injured from beating yourself up.

Regardless of what you choose in terms of your relationship style, you will not be able to avoid uncertainty and instability. For as much as we would like to be able to control all aspects of our life, we don’t. Life is ultimately outside of our control and the only thing constant is change. So you will have to be able to deal with a lot of different types of instability and change in your life. The way to deal with that is to have boundaries in place. What you want are things that ground you — but don’t restrain you or prevent you from moving where you need to move.

It might be that you just don’t like the emotions that being with both of your partners on the same evening in the same place brings. And that’s okay. One of the things I don’t like about many polyamory communities and especially the word ‘compersion’ is it puts forth this idea that the ideal for any polyamorous person is feeling no jealousy and only happiness when you see your partners with other people — but that’s sometimes not the reality for a lot of us and that’s okay. It doesn’t make us less ‘strong’ than people who do no more than anything else does. I know personally, I would rarely enjoy being with two of my partners in the same evening and in the same place — just because I’d feel nervous about my own feelings and that anxiety would defeat the entire purpose.

Does that mean I’m weak? Well, maybe some people might think so, but that doesn’t really matter. I’m not doing my relationship style as some sort of gladiator decathlon tryout. When I die, it’s not like I get a gold encrusted plaque on my burial mound that says “World’s Most Emotionally Hardcore Badass”. My loved ones won’t get some type of monetary prize if I prove my strength in some type of emotional arena. Ask yourself what you’re trying to prove? And to whom? And for what? You don’t have to be someone who is fine with them both being present at the same evening.

Listen to yourself and your feelings and instead of trying to fight an emotional battle in your own head of your own creation that has absolutely no prize for winning, give yourself permission to be yourself. And set up boundaries around that which make it easier. Hopefully, none of your partners are forcing you to do any of this, but you’re allowed to say that it just makes you feel uncomfortable. That’s okay. It doesn’t make you weak and it doesn’t make you un-whole. You are as much “whole” as any other human being who is in any other type of relationship.

Reframe your perspective and allow yourself the freedom to feel. Allow yourself permission to have feelings without assuming that is a failure. It might be a lot easier to manage your intense emotions if you’re not beating yourself up for having them or trying to suppress them. And this isn’t necessarily about mental health. People with mental health challenges can sometimes find it hard to cope with new things or changes, but it’s not impossible. I would suggest getting a polyamory friendly therapist who can help you work through your feelings, but definitely, don’t suppress them.

Allow yourself to feel your feelings and set up boundaries. Just keep in mind that when you set up boundaries, you’re doing so in order to manage feelings, not prevent them. The problem people have with boundaries and rules is that they so often create rules that are designed to prevent emotions when rules will not do that. Setting up these boundaries will not change your emotions, but in trying out polyamory, you’re in a way learning how you do these relationships. And just like you did when you were probably trying out monogamy, you had to learn over time how it worked and what you wanted out of them.

In trying something new, you’re inevitably going to feel anxious, nervous and you’re going to make mistakes. Rather than expecting ‘perfection’ from yourself, which really does not exist here, give yourself a bit of permission to learn something new. Challenge your assumptions and expectations and reframe your perspective and you might find this a lot easier in the future.

I hope this helps and good luck!

Sorry to Spread around this bit of Fake News from in Touch Weekly. From our Research here at Sister Wives Dating, TLC did not Cancel Sister Wives the TV Show

The Primer for Sister Wives the TV Show will be Jan 20th 2019 and for Seeking Sister Wife it will be Jan 14th 2019.

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc - Sisterwives.com

By Brady McCombs and Felicia Fonseca | AP August 25

FLAGSTAFF, Ariz. — The patriarch of the polygamous family from TV’s “Sister Wives” drove around his new hometown in northern Arizona, admiring the mountain views but still thinking about the heap of boxes that needed sorting at the homes he rented for his four wives and 18 children.

“We moved to heaven, but we’re in living hell right now,” Kody Brown said, laughing, during a recent phone interview with The Associated Press.

Packing up four moving trucks in Las Vegas during triple-digit July heat and taking his family to Flagstaff, a liberal college city in largely conservative Arizona, was no easy task.

But the Browns said they needed a new place to call home — and film their TLC reality show — after realizing they didn’t want to grow old in Las Vegas. They said they lived there in “exile” after fleeing Utah in 2011 under the threat of prosecution following the premiere of their groundbreaking show.

Flagstaff residents have a “live and let live” attitude, and the City Council has passed resolutions promoting diversity and inclusion. The city has snowy winter seasons and is a popular destination for desert dwellers to cool off.

That open-mindedness and beauty attracted the Browns after they ruled out returning to Utah, where they feel discrimination persists against plural families.

“Let’s just say there’s a lot of hippies in Flagstaff, and they’re awesome,” Brown said.

Being married to more than one person, or bigamy, is illegal across the United States. The law in Mormon-heavy Utah is considered stricter because of a unique provision that bars married people from living with a second “spiritual spouse.”

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints abandoned polygamy in 1890 and strictly prohibits it today. The Browns consider themselves fundamentalist Mormons.

In a memo addressing legal questions about the family, Flagstaff police said Brown could not be charged with bigamy because he is legally married to one woman, Robyn Brown. The patriarch says he’s “spiritually married” to the other three women.

The Browns bought four lots totaling almost 15 acres a few miles from downtown Flagstaff for $820,000 in June, according to property records. They said they eventually plan to build a home or homes but are now living in four rentals scattered throughout the community.

Producers told city officials the TV show will do most of the filming at the homes and in a commercial building space the Browns rented. Season eight of “Sister Wives” is set to debut on TLC in January 2019.

Flagstaff has been abuzz about the move, with residents sharing sightings of the family on social media.

Pete Page lives across the street from the Browns in a quiet neighborhood where homes are spread out amid a meadow and surrounded by ponderosa pine trees. 

He doesn’t object to the family’s lifestyle but doesn’t want to see environmental damage, streets blocked off for filming, more traffic and noise, or fans driving around trying to get a glimpse.

“Everyone has the same concern: ‘Is this going to turn into a circus?’” fellow neighbor Michael Reidy said. “Most of us don’t think it will, but that will be the fear.”

Jessie Luckey, who lives in east Flagstaff with her husband and two children, said she enjoyed watching “Sister Wives” and would be courteous to the family, but views their lifestyle as patriarchal and sexist.

“This is not a culture I want here,” she said, “normalizing a behavior that I don’t think should be normalized.”

The Browns initially imagined returning to Utah despite suing over its unique cohabitation law, alleging it violated their religious freedom. They scored an early legal victory, but an appeals court ruled they couldn’t sue because they had not been charged under the law.

“Utah is hostile toward polygamists,” Kody Brown said. “There is a very natural and subtle discrimination from the public because of those anti-polygamy laws.”

The family doesn’t regret its time in Nevada, where the kids blossomed because they could be normal and not singled out as polygamous kids like in Utah, the wives said. They now range in age from 2 to 24.

Three of the Browns’ children are married, and two others are in serious relationships — including one daughter who is a lesbian. None plans to practice polygamy.

“I am very comfortable with their choices regardless of what they are,” Brown said.

___

McCombs reported from Salt Lake City.

A Pastor’s Path to Polygamy: One Man’s Unconventional Family and Their Fight for Recognition

Sixty-year-old Thom Miller, a pastor in Mansfield, Ohio, found himself at the center of controversy after marrying his pregnant teenage girlfriend while still married to and living with his first wife. Far from a secret tryst, this arrangement has the blessing of all parties involved, including wife number one, 44-year-old Belinda Miller.

The story began nearly a decade ago, when Thom met Belinda, then a mother of seven from a previous relationship. Their connection deepened through faith, family values, and a shared vision of forming a large, supportive household. Over time, Belinda found herself contemplating polygamy, an idea she mentioned to Thom in passing. Although polygamy is illegal in every U.S. state, the couple saw it as an expression of their religious beliefs and a way to build what they call a “complete family.”

Meeting Reba

Nineteen-year-old Reba Kerfootruba was not a stranger. Thom had known Reba’s family for years; he recalled her as a young girl before she moved away from Mansfield. The two reconnected when Reba visited Thom’s church as a volunteer. Something shifted during that meeting. Thom remembers her warm embrace was unlike any friendly hug he had received before. In that moment, he says, he recognized romantic feelings he had not anticipated.

“When she hugged me, it wasn’t a normal hug,” Thom explained. “I wanted to keep hugging her, and I realized, wow, I’m really appreciating this woman.”

It did not take long for Reba to move into the Millers’ household. Belinda grew fond of her immediately. “I wanted to have more of a family; I wanted it to feel complete,” she explained. “Having another lady in the house is a beautiful thing. It’s like having a sister, and it enriches our family life.”

A Three-Way Marriage

Just seven years after Thom wed Belinda in their church, the trio arranged another ceremony in the same place, this time uniting Thom and Reba as husband and wife. The relationship structure is polygynous, with one husband and two wives. All three state that their faith supports the arrangement, pointing out that there are scriptural examples of plural marriages in religious texts, even though mainstream Christianity widely discourages it today.

However, their union is not recognized under Ohio law, or federal law, for that matter. With same-sex marriage now legal throughout the United States, Thom wonders why his own plural marriage remains beyond the bounds of official acceptance.

“I have no problem with homosexuals,” he clarified. “But I think it’s wrong that their marriage is now recognized by the state, while my second marriage is not. This is America, and my wives and I should have the right to live any way we please, provided we’re not hurting anybody.”

Community and Family Reactions

When Reba’s relatives first learned of the unconventional arrangement, they disapproved. “At first, my family thought that what we were doing was not right because of him being married already,” she recalled. Yet, as they saw that she was happy and secure, her family gradually grew more supportive.

To date, Thom, Belinda, and Reba say they have experienced a wide range of reactions from both their local community and online audiences. Some people express curiosity, others show disapproval, and a few outright condemn their lifestyle as immoral. Nevertheless, the Millers maintain that their faith-led approach to family, complete with shared spiritual practices, communal chores, and open communication, offers them stability and love.

The New Addition

At the heart of the public fascination is Reba’s pregnancy. The trio plan to raise the baby together, with Reba and Belinda sharing maternal duties. “The baby will have two moms, which I’m okay with,” Reba said. Thom believes this expanded, cooperative parenting style will strengthen the family’s bond.

Behind closed doors, the arrangement is less unconventional than some might think. Thom alternates sharing his bedroom with each wife on different nights, a schedule all three agreed upon. “Thom is the love of my life, and Reba is the blessing of my life,” Belinda said. “So it all works.”

From Enforcer to Pastor

Thom’s spiritual journey is particularly remarkable. Years ago, he was a mafia enforcer, an occupation he now freely admits. A bar fight that ended in a stabbing led to a seven-year prison sentence, during which Thom discovered the Bible. He credits his religious conversion in prison for turning his life around completely and inspiring him to become a pastor upon release.

Now, as he stands at the head of a growing family and a congregation that looks to him for guidance, Thom’s path has taken an unusual turn.

Polygamy in America: A Brief Context

Polygamy is illegal throughout the United States, with many tracing the legal ban back to the 19th century, when it primarily targeted Mormon communities in Utah. Today, most polygamous relationships remain underground due to legal ramifications. However, there have been modern movements, especially following the 2015 Supreme Court decision legalizing same-sex marriage, arguing that consenting adults in polyamorous or polygamous relationships should have the same rights as other couples.

Critics warn that legitimizing polygamy could lead to exploitative practices, particularly if younger partners feel pressured or are not free to consent. Advocates counter that stigma and secrecy cause more harm, and that creating a legal framework would provide protection and oversight.

Looking Ahead

As Thom pushes for legal recognition of his second marriage, he highlights a broader question currently debated in both religious and legal circles: Should consenting adults be free to form multiple-adult marriages, and, if so, should the government grant them the same legal protections and responsibilities that come with monogamous marriage?
For now, though, the Miller household is focused on building their life together, preparing for a new baby, juggling household chores, and navigating the persistent curiosity of their neighbors. In their view, love, faith, and mutual respect form the bedrock of a family, regardless of how many partners share it.

“I may be walking a path that’s unfamiliar to most people,” Thom said. “But I’ve never felt more guided by faith, and I’ve never felt more at peace.”

You can watch a segment featuring Thom, Belinda, and Reba on Barcroft TV.

Published By: Sister Wives 

Matchmakers Inc

'No one who comes to us has the right to put their cultural roots, or their religious beliefs, above our laws,' says justice minister

Germany is to end its unofficial tolerance of polygamy - including marriages involving minors, the country's justice minister has vowed.

Heiko Maas said the move was designed to prevent people in Germany committing to more than one marriage.

“No one who comes to us has the right to put their cultural roots, or their religious beliefs, above our laws,” Mr Maas told Bild newspaper.

“For that reason multiple marriages cannot be recognised in Germany.”

Polygamy is a criminal offence in Germany, but Bild alleged German authorities “often look the other way” if a migrant brings several wives to the country.

Mr Maas said arranged marriages also needed to be addressed, especially in cases where underage girls were involved.

“We cannot tolerate forced marriages,” he said.

According to Unicef, there are 39,000 child marriages every day in the world.

Authorities are unable to register more than one wife to the same man, which has proved difficult and causes other problems such as listing other wives as single mothers and the distribution of inheritance.

In 2013, Germany’s president Joachim Gauck became an honorary godfather to a baby of a couple where the man had more than one wife. Under the law, parents can apply for the status if they have seven children as part of the president’s duties to support families with multiple children.

A Christian Democratic Union MP called for the president to renounce the title on the grounds of polygamy being illegal.

Polygamy, where a man has multiple wives, is legal in much of the Muslim world including the Middle East, Indonesia, and almost all of Africa.

In 2015, India’s Supreme Court ruled out polygamy for Muslims, stating it was not a fundamental right for followers of the religion. Having more than one wife is illegal in US, but is still quite widely practiced in Utah, where there are said to be around 30,000 polygamists.