Chris's article

Online dating is a modern phenomenon that connects people across geographic and social barriers. People from completely different walks of life can meet and fall in love before they ever see each other in person. The exponentially larger selection of opportunities has led to millions of happy relationships that previously were not possible. There are so many options! Finding your perfect match has never been easier. However, online dating has also led to rashes of fraud and abuse. The illest of intentions can be lurking behind a dating profile. Polyamorous and polygamous people are especially at risk of scammers and fakes due to their more open nature and perpetual dating habits. It’s important to follow a few basic standards to protect yourself. 

First, vet each profile.

This is not to say everyone’s profile will be prolific but there are statements and situations which point out a fraudulent profile. Profiles that feel rushed or poorly written often reveal someone that isn’t worth your time, at the very least. Only two or three pics is not a good sign. A person from Estonia looking for a sister wife or polygamist family in Alabama is highly suspect. A polyamorous couple in Southeast Asia looking for dates in Texas is likely a fake. However, if there are unusual circumstances that are reasonably explained in the profile, it may be safe to approach cautiously. If that polyamorous couple in Southeast Asia is moving to Houston for a job, and looking for dates ahead of the move, that’s not hard to believe. Most people are going to seek a sister wife or polyamorous date within a reasonable range. Go with your gut feeling when vetting profiles. Better to pass up a few real opportunities than get wrapped up in a scam.

Second, Money talks very loud.

The mere mention of exchanging money early in an online dating interaction should lead to immediately blocking and reporting a profile. Anyone online you don’t know asking for help moving money around, in any way, is attempting to scam you. There is no gray area here. Do not accept money from anyone you don’t know and do not send money to anyone you don’t know. If the person, or people, you’re dating online cannot afford their own travel expenses they need to save up until they can (same goes for you). Do not send money for family emergencies or offer money, in any form, for anything related to an online interaction on a dating site. You do not know them and anyone worth their salt would not ask you for money. 

After multiple interactions, video chats, and building a rapport you can ease up on the idea of absolutely no exchange of money. It’s natural you’d eventually want to meet and may need a flight covered to do so, for example. Even if you have reached this point in the relationship be prepared to cover your own accommodations. The person, or people, you thought you knew so well may be completely different in person and you need to be able to get away. Exchanging money for anything but expenses related to meeting should always be a nonstarter. 

Third, say no to strange requests (or refusals).

Requests for other ways to chat should be approached carefully. Pulling you away from a dating site to another resource helps scammers hide and gives you fewer options to call them out. There are plenty other options for chat but be wary of the intentions behind moving off the platform you’re already using. Giving access to your other profiles and social networks provides information. Your information could be what a scammer is after. Access to your phone number, social media profiles, and other possibly revealing information has to be earned. 

One way to earn more access to you is through video chat. Talking on the phone is a close second but video chat puts a face on your new companion. Refusal to arrange times to talk over the phone, or video chat, should result in cutting off communication altogether. You may pass on a few real prospects by adhering to this standard but the trouble you’ll avoid is worth it.

Don’t send nudes!! If you insist on sending nudes don’t include your face and stop sending them if it’s not reciprocal. Asking to see your breasts, or package, should happen only when some rapport has been achieved and basic trust has been established. Be aware of the risks and send accordingly. The more revealing, the more blackmail worthy.   

Some people are only scheming to gain followers on their various social media outlets. While this is generally harmless, it’s annoying behavior that should not be rewarded. If anyone asks you to follow them just ignore the request and move along. A link in their profile is fine but their pushing for followers is a waste of your time. 

Last, don’t hesitate to poke holes in stories.

Inconsistencies in a narrative are one of the surest signs of dishonesty. Claiming to have grown up in Omaha yet speaking, or typing, in broken English is an unlikely scenario. Claims of wealth don’t add up when you suddenly have a request to help with a financial emergency. Many scammers are very good and have practiced their narrative heavily, but paying close attention will help you spot the holes. Don’t be so desperate for love that you forgive glaring inconsistencies in anyone’s story. 

If a man claims to have multiple happy wives and is looking for a new sister wife to join his family you should expect photos to reliably back up his story. A polyamorous couple isn’t as believable if they are not both in touch with you, even if one is in touch far less than the other. Poly dating doesn’t always involve everyone in an existing relationship but pay attention to their story. You don’t want to get wrapped up in one of them cheating on the other either. 

The dangers of online dating have kept numerous people away from dating sites but they are truly missing out. The rewards far outweigh the occasional fake or scammer that might come along. Not getting too excited when you come across a seemingly perfect candidate goes a long way in avoiding trouble. A polyamorous or polygamous person can often detect a non-poly scammer early in a conversation. Pay attention to your gut and trust it. Learning to keep it fun while being vigilant about safety means finding additions to your polyamorous group, or polygamist family, will always be an exciting adventure.

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc:

Relationships are work. The daily grind puts a big damper on many of the fantasies we strive to explore with our lovers. Growing apart or losing the romantic spark are unfortunate possibilities as the years wear away on any relationship. Polygamous and Polyamorous relationships face unique challenges in the attempt to hang on to the romance. Multiple partners adds a level of complexity that can be daunting. If jealousy or resentment infects a relationship it is usually fatal. Everyone in your group or family needs to be committed to each other and to the efforts required to maintain a healthy love life for everyone involved. 

It’s not uncommon for a sister wife to feel a little jealous about the amount of time they have with their husband. If her husband is dating a new sister wife he may be investing more energy in her for some time until she is comfortable in her new family. Polygamy Dating and home life can be complicated. During a pregnancy it’s understandable for a polygamist husband to focus more attention on a pregnant sister wife at the expense of the others. Situations that require more attention on one or another are simply inevitable. The health of a polygamist family relies on everyone respectfully communicating their grievances and working to understand circumstances rather than allowing jealousy or resentment to take over. 

Polyamorous groups or families face similar challenges. If the relationship is open it can only be expected that jealousy will pop up from time to time. Knowing your partner, or partners, are out sharing romance with others takes a great deal of trust and patience. Polyamorous dating ebbs and flows. Seeing your partner excited about someone new while you can’t even get a response from anyone is the worst! Rather than resenting your lover you should share in the excitement. A time will come when you’re meeting people and your partner is having a dry spell. Better to know you can lift each other up through these times instead of feeling bad for enjoying yourself. Sharing the joy will enhance the joy and could lead to sharing your dates and maybe growing your relationship as well. 

Mistakes will be made. Details will be overlooked when you’re asking about how your partner met someone or how the date went. Boundaries will be stretched and emotions will be tested. Every time something isn’t perfect there is a chance for resentment to settle in. Of course there are unacceptable things like outright lies and intentional deceit, but those are red flags signaling bigger issues. When your partner makes a mistake, and you know they were not out to hurt you, you have to let it go. If you can’t let it go, or it’s unforgivable in your eyes, end the relationship. Don’t stay in a relationship if you’re incapable of real forgiveness. Resentment will block any chance of lasting romance. 

Even closed polyamorous groups aren’t without struggles. A happy home with five happy lovers cannot expect every day to be rosy. Pairing up based on similar interests isn’t uncommon in a closed poly group or family. Two gardening lovers may spend the most time together while two night owls end up spending every Friday night out together. None of this means the group should split off. It’s normal to be drawn to people that share similar interests. It does mean to be cautious. Unintentionally causing a lover to feel left out or lonely is no fun. Efforts should be made for the entire group to spend time together and for each person to spend time with each other individually. One night a week dedicated to everyone being together would go a long way. By avoiding behaviors that bring division to your group, and deliberately celebrating your poly love, you can expect romantic moments to easily find their way in. 

Forcing romance is cringe worthy. It just cannot be done. Romance can, however, be ruined quite easily. Harboring anger, resentment, or jealousy not only kills romance, it slowly kills you! People that are unable to forgive and let things go have dismal prospects in any dating or relationship situation. They are, essentially, toxic people and we all know what to do with toxic people. Kick them to the curb before they curb check your happiness. Any two or more people that are committed to each others bliss, and are working to build each other up, will experience natural romantic moments that won’t soon be forgotten. Find sister wives or lovers that love to love. You have more power when you first meet someone new so trust your gut instincts and remember not to compromise so much you lose yourself in a loveless relationship. Waiting for the right lovers will pay off by giving all of you a lifetime of delightful romance. 

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc:

The world of polyamory provides boundless possibilities for lovers to form lives and relationships that bring them joy. The diversity of desires among polyamorous people shows, while we are often very different, we share a belief that love’s only limits should be the ones we choose. Polyamorous dating and polygamous dating are exciting. It’s time to meet new people and share ideas. Discovering relationships, lifestyles, and connections you may have never considered before helps you grow and eventually build a life that makes you truly happy. Here are a few rules to keep in mind along your journey. A few things that will help you stay on your fitting path. 

Never compromise your true self or values.

If you are a sister wife looking for a polygamist man or family it’s possible to come across a situation that doesn’t really fit what you’re seeking. Some polygamist families are very religious, or strict in other ways, and many modern sister wives, or women wanting to become sister wives, prefer a more modern situation. This also works in the reverse. If you wish for a strict religious family it wouldn’t make any sense to compromise your desires in order to date a more liberal polygamist man. Bending yourself too much to suit another person won’t lead to a happy outcome. 

Polyamorous dating also requires individuals to know what they are seeking, or are open to, at least. A guy that wants no commitments has no business dating a couple or group looking for someone to join their closed situation. It’s possible the closed group may want a one night stand, or occasional rendezvous, with this guy but everyone involved needs to be clear about expectations. Ideas about what polyamory means to you are important, early and often, when dating among polyamorous people. 

Don’t judge!

Not everyone will be like you. You will meet people with a lot in common and you will meet people with almost nothing in common. Embrace it. Before you start judging the sexuality, ideals, or desires of others consider the fact that you are also the target of senseless judging from monogamous people who think you’re sick. So just stop it. Get over yourself and accept people for who they are. This way, they can be honest and upfront about themselves and save you both a lot of time and trouble if it’ll never work.

Honor your commitments.

People say plenty of things to get somebody in bed with them This is often no different in the polygamous or polyamorous dating world. At a basic level it can be harmless as long as everyone involved knows it’s just a little fun. It’s okay to be explorative about your intentions early in any dating relationship. Talk about your thoughts and feelings openly. Enjoy your dating time while you sort out a possible future and how it might look. Don’t, however, start making commitments you’re uncertain about or don’t intend to keep. 

Successful polyamory requires the ability to trust your lovers. A strong polygamist family requires everyone in the family to be truly invested. Knowingly breaking this trust, or your commitments, can cause permanent damage and make future joy for a lover, or family, more difficult to find. Don’t be responsible for the lasting sorrow of someone you claimed to love. Don’t make agreements as a tactic for short term happiness when it comes to affairs of the heart. Take yourself and your potential lovers seriously. 

Keep an open mind.

Life is more fun around people with open minds. Polyamorous people generally have open minds or they wouldn’t be polyamorous in the first place. It’s easy to become jaded or set in our ways. Becoming set in our ways may even be inevitable. The trouble with closing off possibilities is the danger of limiting yourself, and relationships, to situations that aren’t working for everyone any longer. If a partner or someone you’re dating expresses interest in something new, don’t compromise your values, but don’t dismiss new things with zero consideration. Don’t forget the fun and excitement you’re privy to by being polyamorous. 

Be an advocate.

Living outside the normal expectations of society can be nearly impossible for many people. Polyamorous and polygamous people have their fair share of adversity. There are plenty of folks that simply will not accept any long term relationship except for a monogamous, heterosexual, marriage. Vocally supporting good people from all walks of life only serves to make the future better for everyone. You don’t have to go pounding the pavement in every march for equality to make a big difference. A simple word or two when needed, or showing basic empathy toward others, can go a long way in the world immediately around you. 

Finding the polyamorous relationships that work for you, and your style, should be a fun and enlightening experience. Finding a sister wife to join your polygamist family should be an exciting process. A woman finding her perfect family to join as a sister wife should thoroughly enjoy the journey. If we follow some basic standards, everyone, no matter which polyamorous style they have an interest in, can enjoy the dating experience. Excellent communication and a strong sense of self leads to beautiful bonds being formed. Friendship bonds are equally as important as the bonds you share with your lovers. Finding your poly style will open the correct doors for you. Letting your style perpetually evolve will keep them opening.

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc:

Healthy friendships are an important part of a happy life. Friends give us an ear to listen, a shoulder to lean on, and provide some of the most exciting times we’ll ever have. Polyamorous people are often drawn to each other because they share similar lifestyles. Sometimes we want relationships that includes sex, sometimes not. Everyone needs friends without the complications sex can introduce. Feelings of comradery can evolve into sexual attraction even if that’s the last thing you’d want with a close friend. Facing these feelings and sorting out the direction you wish to go with a friend is terribly stressful and the strain on yourself, and your romantic partners, can cause long lasting harm. How do two polyamorous people maintain a non-sexual relationship when unwanted sexual attraction becomes part of the equation? 

Romantic feelings among sister wives in the polygamist community are sometimes not allowed to be explored, but, that doesn’t mean they don’t exist. When a polygamist man finds a sister wife to grow the family he’s often finding women that have a few things in common. Traits he finds attractive. These similarities lead to close friendships among sister wives and those friendships can lead to more intimate feelings. If those feelings are unwanted, or not allowed, the two wives will have to discuss ways to set them aside. Avoidance is not really an option in a polygamist family so it will come down to self control. Avoid opportunities for intimacy, get some space when you can, and don’t be afraid to talk about your love for each other along with the importance of boundaries. Sexual feelings that have not been acted on can safely be kept between those involved. Learn to love each other the ways you can and never be ashamed. 

Polyamorous people outside of the polygamist world will run into many people throughout life that are potential romantic partners. Not every polyamorous person you meet, however, will have a mutual attraction. Often the only desire from one side or the other is to simply be friends. Before considering how to be ‘just friends’ with someone in your life when sexual attraction develops you have consider the facts. What motivates you to maintain the friendship? Is the feeling mutual? Will sex be too risky with this friend? If unwanted, or unwise, sexual attraction is involved you’ll have to sort it out. Here are a few things to ponder. 

First, is sexual attraction creeping in from one or both sides of the friendship? 

If you have one-sided romantic feelings toward a friend you can’t ignore the situation in hopes they will slowly fade away. The feelings will soften over time but you have to prepare yourself to handle it until then. Unrequited love can be dangerous. Consider the possibility your friend may also have feelings for you and you’re responding to a mutual attraction. If that is not the case you have to get yourself under control. It’s often best to keep such feelings to yourself and learn to embrace your friendship for what it is. Let go of the things you cannot control. You may need a little less time together until the friendship feels more natural again, but that’s better than losing everything because you can’t have exactly what you want from someone. 

If a friend has romantic feelings towards you, and you’re aware of it, you need to be as supportive as possible. Consider it a compliment and show them you value their friendship. If you can help them move past the feelings you stand to keep a friendship that’s based on some pretty deep roots. As experienced in most intimate relationships, romantic feelings soften over time. Sex takes a back seat eventually in most relationships and friendship becomes the main drive. This same process should occur with friends that never act on their sexual attraction to each other.  

If the attraction is mutual you really have a hurdle to climb. Maybe you’re both polyamorous but already involved in closed groups. Maybe you aren’t out as bisexual yet and can’t spring that on your current partners. Whatever the reason, if you’re both sexually attracted but committed to maintaining a ‘friends only’ situation, it will take effort and great self control. It’s probably best not to be alone in a private room together and you might only hang out together among other friends until your attraction eases up. The desires will lessen over time. It would be healthier to go ahead and come out as bi, or discuss your feelings with your lovers, but things can be more complicated than that. Some people can be true friends with benefits and your romantic partners won’t mind. If that’s you, consider yourself lucky! Most of us have to be careful about intertwining sex in our relationships too easily. 

As the saying goes, “With great joy comes great sorrow.” A Sister Wife honoring her family by setting aside unwanted sexual desires is not easy, but the light her family brings to her heart will make it worthwhile. Two friends parting ways because they’re aware their relationship will only lead to trouble is horrible, but the lovers they spare from pain are worth it. Finding a new sister wife or a new polyamorous lover is exciting. The commitments made in the process are important. We can try to avoid much ‘sorrow’ by leaving relationships very open, but boundaries cannot be avoided. All hope is not lost. There are plenty of ways to love someone on a deep level without getting sex or intimacy involved. Find an alternative to sex that can strengthen your bond in other ways. Be mindful, be respectful, and don’t give up too easily on good friends.   

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc:

Television shows and social media are exposing the masses to real polygamist families and to relationships involving more than two people on a daily basis. Shows like ‘Seeking Sister Wife’ and ‘Sister Wives’ have shown us the very real joys and struggles a polygamist family faces and how similar they are to all of us. Many of us have a friend or two on Facebook that are involved in a triad (or more) relationship and they have grown comfortable being public about their situation. Exposure is a key element in progress. With so many eyes being opened to other options for a love life we can expect the future of polyamorous and polygamist relationships to be bright. 

In the recent past the term polygamy carried a heavily negative connotation. It historically can bring up bad elements in a solely patriarchal approach to marriage. This is not to say a sister wife won’t want a patriarch to lead the family, but that most women today can make that choice. There will always be unfortunate circumstances, but as polygamy becomes better known, and less hidden, it will be easier for society to suss out the bad apples while better enabling the good ones. Rights to form relationships and marriages to match your situation are inevitable as we realize polygamist families are simply being true to their harmless desires. If people in a relationship want to find sister wives to join them it can do absolutely no harm to anyone not involved. As long as everyone involved is there by choice there is no reason for anyone to intervene and threaten the relationship. Acceptance of polygamy will continue to grow if we stay on the current path.

Polyamorous relationships have also had the good fortunate of more positive exposure. There is a wider range of relationship styles among polyamorous people and some of them even maintain elements of polygamist families or involve sister wives. The gay community has been an early adopter of triads or other multiple partner relationships. Not having a long standing tradition of marriage and monogamy made this an easier option for many gay people. The hetero community nowadays is not far behind. The realization that relationships belong to the people involved and should reflect only their desires is liberating. As more people find they are not alone in their feelings, and we don’t have to follow a preset formula to build relationships, monogamy as we know it will be increasingly less common. 

Polyamory does not equal unfaithful. Even a group of people in a relationship will usually want some form of commitment. The level of commitment and level of sexual freedom depends on the individuals involved and can change over time. Sometimes a polygamist family will be looking for a new sister wife and other times they will be focusing on the existing family. A triad may spend some time dating others to grow their relationship but otherwise enjoy a closed situation. An interesting aspect of poly love is the greater attention to sharing and exploring new ideas about love and sex. The openness makes the ability to stay on the same page as your partner/s much easier. Even monogamous couples can decide to occasionally play with others as polyamory becomes more understood and accepted socially. 

With all progress comes a backlash. Some people just cannot stand to see others living happy lives when it doesn’t match their opinion of a good and happy life. There is nothing you can do about people like this. The only response is to continue loving yourself, loving your partners, and loving your family. Keeping your relationships happy and healthy will make the naysayers sound like a tiny peep instead of a loud roar. 

The future for polyamorous and polygamist people is bright. Society will adjust policies and standards to accommodate new realities in modern relationships. Progress is already underway in redefining what relationships can be and progress is relatively fast once it begins. In the year 2000 most people didn’t think they’d live to see gay marriage legalized nationally in the United States yet by the end of the decade that’s exactly what happened. Once society begins to realize they have views based on false information and fear it changes quickly. Polyamory is the latest frontier in the never ending quest for a more free and fulfilling world. Multiplying love is a beautiful thing.   

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc:

Relationships bring lives together. Individuals that don’t know each other today may be moving across the world to be closer to each other just months from now. When people fall in love the desire to be together can often conquer any obstacle in their way. Polyamorous people could easily have lovers in multiple locations and the strain of distance can be tough on the bond you share with others. Many long distance relationships prove to be too difficult and the people involved end it in order to stop the emotional strain. If splitting up is not an option there are plenty of ways to keep the magic alive. 

Polygamist relationships typically involve a family with multiple sister wives and a husband at the core. As a polygamist husband finds more sister wives he’ll run into unique situations and will need to make decisions on how he wants his polygamist family to exist. He may prefer all the sister wives to live under one roof, or, he may prefer that the sister wives live in multiple places. He may find having sister wives in different geographic locations works as well. It’s important that the husband discusses his preferences with the sister wives and forms a family which works for everyone involved. A sister wife might greatly enjoy having him all to herself for a week or month at a time but they must ensure this works for the whole family. Avoid crossing the line of neglecting one sister wife while favoring another. 

Sister wives are part of one family even if they live in separate homes or locations. They don’t have to be incredibly close but time does need to be spent developing a relationship with each other. The husband needs to be available to all of his sister wives, when needed, at all times. Video chat or conference calls are great tools to help maintain a family that lives in multiple locations. Communication is key. There is no option of skimping on communication. Full family gatherings should be frequent and fun. 

Polyamorous relationships have countless options when it comes to living situations. Living with a husband or wife, or boyfriend or girlfriend, while maintaining another lover in another location is commonplace. Something so simple as a job relocation can lead to living with a boyfriend or girlfriend far from your husband or wife. The relationships you keep and the way you maintain them is entirely up to everyone involved. Again, technology like video chat makes long distance relationships much easier to maintain. Not so long ago the idea of a long distance relationship was nearly fantasy. Frequent communication and being available when you are needed by any of your partners will keep your bonds healthy. 

A fun idea for closed polyamorous groups, or even for sister wives, is to consider long distance relationships an opportunity to travel frequently. Having a home in multiple locations is a bonus most people never have access to. It’s exciting to have a love life that provides the opportunity to get away so often and easy. Be careful not to run away from one partner to another over frustrations. Leaving issues unresolved through escapism will lead to bigger problems ahead. If you aren’t able to see a partner that lives far away frequently make sure to bring up issues of importance even if your time together is short. Leaving a lover in the dark is the fastest way to make them feel unloved and disconnected. 

Being forward about your feelings and open minded about your partner’s feelings will lead to long, happy, relationships regardless of geographic circumstances. It’s very easy to feel isolated when you can’t be with the people you love. Sister wives or polyamorous lovers need to know the signs of problems and find ways to address them. Knowing the one you love is with another lover can feel unbearable. Polyamory requires one to control jealous feelings as jealousy is inevitable. Don’t be afraid to discuss the issue but never approach it from a negative or angry position. A sister wife has to accept that her husband will be with her other sister wives, and not her, sometimes. A polyamorous person has to accept that their lover will be with other lovers sometimes, and not them, regardless of the location. Lean on each other, and support each other, to get through the difficult moments. Never forget that even when your partner is with another lover, they miss you too. 

Ideally, geographic location would have little effect on the bond two polyamorous people share, but, the world is often less than ideal. No amount of communication can resolve the feeling of longing for some people and not seeing your lover for a month is simply not an option. Sometimes a long distance relationship is a nonstarter and that’s okay. Limiting relationships this way is a bit sad but an acceptable reality. When you are seeking a sister wife or dating in the world of polyamory it’s important to discuss possibilities like long distance situations. It’s important for a man to tell potential sister wives up front about the family life he wants to build. It’s important that potential partners are aware you’ll be away with another lover occasionally. It’s only fair to be up front about it. It boils back down to communication, love, and understanding.

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc:

Humans have opinions. Some opinions are very strong while others may be of little importance. Either way, we are full of them. It’s good to have opinions! They are developed from experience and knowledge and they help keep your life on a stable track that you can comprehend and make progress on. Sometimes we think we know more than we do and sometimes that leads to attitudes or words that only work to harm the world around us. Knowing when and where your opinions can help or when they will only cause harm is a trait everyone needs to develop. 

Polygamous and polyamorous people are no stranger to opinions that only work to cause harm. If a woman mentions she wants to become a sister wife she will face harsh scrutiny by people that disagree with polygamy. It’s important for a man looking for a sister wife to know his prospective sister wives face this scrutiny so he can be supportive. It’s the same story for polyamorous people. Discussing the issue and providing support to your partners, and your peers, is a necessity. Unfortunately, there are too often harmful opinions being expressed even within the polygamist and polyamorous communities. The inability to accept the diversity of lifestyle and choice does serious damage to the happiness and viability of polygamist and poly families. 

Diversity conjures images of a multi-ethnic group. While the right to date a person of any background you please is important, diversity means this, and so much more, in the polyamorous world. Diversity refers to every possible variation in the world outside of yourself. There is diversity in dating standards. Diversity in religious views. Diversity in expectations. It’s everywhere you look! Other people are not always like you and accepting this will free you from creating negativity in the world. 

Here’s a great example. A current ‘Sister Wives’ star recently expressed her disapproval of a couple on ‘Seeking Sister Wife’. She feels their choice to have sex before marriage was morally wrong. At the very core it is none of her business. It’s not her family or relationship and she has no place even sharing an opinion on the matter. While it may seem harmless on the surface, words like this go a long way in making life more difficult for polygamist people. Words like this are divisive and seek to put others below yourself as if, somehow, it makes you morally superior. People questioning polyamory or polygamy may hear this and use it to help form a negative opinion of both. It shows a lack of solidarity and a belief that polyamory is basically immoral at its’ core.

Solidarity is vitally important when you don’t live according to societal norms. People that want to express disapproval, and prove they are correct, will look for any cracks they can find and expose them. Having an opinion and convincing others to agree with you is like a drug for some people. They can’t get enough and if you give them the power they’ll have everyone they know shunning you. Every time you think you’re winning their approval by saying things against others like you, they’re actually getting further ahead. Don’t feed the beast of negativity. 

The old saying, “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all,” fits perfectly here. A sister wife can approach a fellow sister wife privately with questions about her choices, but they should avoid nasty judgments when speaking publicly about each other. The same goes for the polyamorous community. Concern for one another is healthy. Judging each other is not. A good rule of thumb before expressing disapproval of others is to first ask yourself, “is this helpful, is it doing any good?” If the answer is no it’s best to keep your opinion to yourself. 

Finding sister wives is like finding gold for a polygamist man. Finding multiple partners you love is heaven for polyamorous people. The joy polygamist and polyamorous lives can bring is beyond words. There are too many miserable people in this world that want nothing more than to rain on your parade. They find multiple romantic partners, of any sort, to be morally corrupt and they aren’t afraid to say it. The entire poly community must maintain solidarity. They must learn to respect the many different possibilities when more than two people love each other. Embrace the diversity. This is the only way to show the world against us how beautiful our lives really are. 

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc:

A new season of Seeking Sister Wife has kicked off and the drama has taken no time to start. There are very different approaches to courting a potential new sister wife and some very differing ideas about boundaries. Negative reactions to your man talking to another woman begs to question how does a sister wife expect him to find new sister wives. Jealousy is difficult but where does it fit in a polygamist family? How can you find a new sister wife if the boundaries don’t allow for the development of a new relationship?

Accusing your partner of essentially cheating when affection develops in another of their relationships is completely in opposition to being a polygamist or in a polyamorous relationship. A sister wife cannot expect a man to only have eyes for her and it’s ludicrous to demand standards that will prevent other relationships from developing. What’s the point of being a polygamist if you don’t want your partner to have other relationships and potentially grow the family? Why would you claim to be polyamorous if you don’t want to allow your partner to show affection to anyone but you? 

None of this is to suggest you shouldn’t have boundaries, but when your boundaries essentially push for monogamy you should stop pretending to be poly. It’s unseemly (or worse) to claim you are polygamous or polyamorous, if you’re not, then corner a lover into a life they don’t desire. It’s absolutely possible to ‘cheat’ if you’re polyamorous but setting standards that guarantee your partner eventually ‘cheats’ is cruel. A polygamous family is the same. Standards are important but futile if they only ensure failure. Cheating also doesn’t have to be the end of a relationship.

‘Cheating’ is a tough situation in any relationship. It’s even more difficult and confusing among polygamous families or in polyamorous relationships. The key to coping with cheating is to consider the intent. Monogamous relationships are black and white where the answer to sex with or dating other people is just no. If a polygamous family wants to grow they have to allow for finding new sister wives which means dating other women. If polyamorous people are truly polyamorous they have to allow their partners to express affection with others and not interfere with new relationships. 

If you’re poly partner or spouse is frequently sexting or staying over with a new partner it can feel  heartbreaking. Sharing your established love life with someone new is not always easy. However, getting angry with your partner for doing these things is not necessarily fair. Have you discussed your boundaries with them? Are they outwardly trying to hurt you, or do they even know their behavior upsets you? Do you know your own boundaries?

If you’re uncertain of your own boundaries it’s vital that you spend time considering them. You can save your relationship, and a ton of heartache, if you have set clear expectations with your partners. If your standards basically don’t allow your partners to date or spend time developing other relationships you need to reconsider your entire attachment to your partner. Are you really polyamorous? Or do you really want to be part of a polygamist family? 

If the answer to either question is yes… you have to embrace the lifestyle. If the jealousy is too much to handle sometimes you have to find coping mechanisms to keep it out of your mind. Tell your partner the things you simply can’t handle and create some basic rules you both follow to ensure your relationship stays healthy. 

Don’t be naive. Boundaries will be pushed. When boundaries get pushed be careful to address the situation reasonably. Keep an open mind and don’t forget the love you share with your partner. If the intent was cruel and your partner completely disregarded your feelings you might have a real problem. Some people cannot be trusted, or believe your feelings are nonsensical, and you have to decide if you can handle a partner that refuses to follow any rules. Maybe you also don’t really like rules. In the long run, you don’t want your partner afraid of always telling the truth. At times boundaries have to be be elastic to keep them from breaking. It cannot be stressed enough that intent is the only relevant factor when it comes to cheating in the poly world. 

Seeking Sister Wife is exploring these topics incredibly well this season. The differing approaches to what is perceived as cheating are very interesting. I can’t help but feel one of the situations is revealing a person that isn’t truly comfortable being a polygamist. Another approach is proving to be compassionate and understanding of the inevitability of imperfection. The polyamorous and polygamous world have unique struggles but the payoff can be a life full of love. Nobody is perfect but that doesn’t mean you can’t allow for a little fun. Isn’t that largely why we fall in love? It’s fun. Keep it that way.    

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc -

Polygamist families and polyamorous lovers already demonstrate a capacity to march to the beat of their own drum. The narrow expectations of society have little effect on the good and fulfilling choices being made in the lives of poly people. Along with this individuality comes an ability to explore oneself deeply and approach inner desires without fear. Curiosities about your partner’s, or your own, sexuality are inevitable. People that are romantically involved need to discuss sexuality without barriers or judgment. It can be difficult if a partner surprises you by saying they might be bisexual, or only bi curious, but helping them explore their passion will bring you closer together. 

I use the terms bisexual and bi curious for simplification. If you are involved with someone, heterosexual or not, the news that they have sexual desires you are not familiar with, and maybe don’t share, can be hard to swallow. There are many morally sound sexual persuasions out there and they should all be handled with respect. You should not be with someone to hold them back, especially when they invite you to share their journey. 

In the poly world, a polygamist family with sister wives seeking sexual fulfillment from one husband may be most harshly affected by a variation in sexuality. When a man finds a sister wife the sexual relationship is with him. If a sister wife expresses sexual feelings toward another sister wife it seems to throw the relationship off balance. One could say the sister wife should have expressed these feelings before joining the family, but sexual attraction can develop over time. She may have never felt this way toward another woman before. Should the family evolve to allow this? 

The answer is yes, but, few things are so simply black and white.

If your family is religious and your religion does not allow anything but heterosexuality the situation is grim. Expressing your desire can come with implications as heavy as being asked to leave. Finding the balance between protecting your family and your life, and not living in the dark, is much more difficult when you have to do it alone. Don’t let secrets chip away at your happiness. Do not hesitate to find a counselor or friend that will help you address the issue and mitigate any damage as much as possible. 

If you are not heterosexual due to a religious requirement consider yourself fortunate. Being a polyamorous person means you’re very likely to encounter variations in sexuality and can learn to address them respectfully and according to your persuasions. If you’ve looked for a new sister wife and really like a potential candidate that says she is bisexual it’s really a whole new world you can explore. The same goes if you are a sister wife and your husband expresses sexual attraction to a man. A strong relationship will help explore new feelings and ideas rather than making each other bottle it up inside or feel shamed. The same open mind that makes the beautiful world of polyamory possible is needed when a partner expresses new desires. 

The unfamiliar can seem scary or even gross. Don’t let childish reactions prevent the potential joy of something new. Before diving in it may be best to specifically discuss things you want to try or maybe role play to build some familiarity. Sexy talk about new ideas during sex can help with arousal when the time comes. If one of your partners expresses interest in exploring with someone of the same sex you may have another partner that would enjoy them with you. Polyamorous people can form group relationships quite easily and many even prefer a closed group.  

Many people, even polyamorous people, are only heterosexual. Many polygamist men will seek sister wives that only want to enjoy him sexually. Many polyamorous relationships are simply heterosexual people that enjoy sharing love and sex with more than one person. There is absolutely nothing wrong with any of this. It would be hypocritical though to treat variations in sexuality with anything but full support and respect. If you love someone enough to maintain a relationship with them you should also love them enough to fully accept everything about them. 

The world does not need to be grim. Narrow minds do not have to prevail when it comes to acceptable sexual inclinations. Sex should be fun! Plural relationships make opportunities for fun multiply endlessly. It seems silly needing to express the importance of open minds to polyamorous or polygamist people, but it’s very easy to dismiss new things when you’re too comfortable with your status quo. Never stop spicing up your life. Find sister wives or polyamorous lovers with open minds and let the adventures begin!

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc -

As happy days go by in your polyamorous or polygamist life it’s easy to forget about the inevitable changes coming in the future. All sister wives will face uncertainty when a husband finds a new sister wife to court. Any partner will feel a twinge of jealousy when a new love interest presents itself. There is real fear in not knowing what to expect. The best way to approach new relationships alongside your existing one will be a little different for everyone. Different people will struggle with different factors. Being prepared requires introspection and the ability to communicate your feelings honestly and without judgement. 

Imagine you’re out having a fun night in a busy club. You and your partner have been chatting with attractive people and enjoying a dance with them when your favorite songs come on. You felt some attraction but haven’t considered expressing that attraction but suddenly notice your partner is making out with one of your new friends. It can initially be shocking and hurtful but it’s important to approach the situation logically. Have you discussed the rules in situations like this? Have you set up basic standards to follow when you do find another interest? Are these actions meant to be hurtful to you or is it naive fun that’s crossed a line, in your opinion? 

In a polygamist family this situation is somewhat unlikely as a man seeking a sister wife typically finds them in other ways. However, in many polyamorous relationships, a night out as described above is not an uncommon occurrence. It’s important to consider you shouldn’t be too angry over rules being broken by someone that didn’t know the rule existed. There is outright rude and disrespectful behavior and there is behavior in which the perpetrator may have no idea they’re being hurtful. This is why discussing practices and standards is so important with your poly partners. Comfort levels are diverse. Knowing your partners comfort levels is key to respecting their boundaries and making sure everyone stays happy. 

Even in a polygamist family the same standard of communication is important. A husband dating a new sister wife needs to be aware if certain behaviors are going to unknowingly hurt an existing sister wife. It cannot be expected that no romance be allowed in new polyamorous situations so be reasonable in your demands. It is equally unfair to make demands that could prevent any new relationship forming in addition to your own. If you find yourself unable to handle your partner having romantic involvement with another person you may want to reconsider being a sister wife or your involvement in a poly relationship at all. Polygamy and polyamory don’t follow normal monogamous standards. They require an open heart and mind. 

Talk to your partners. Every sister wife and every polyamorous person has feelings that deserve respect. The conversation doesn’t have to be heavy or serious. It’s fine to discuss things in hypothetical terms simply to reveal the feelings of everyone involved and form standards that respect everyone as well. As a sister wife you even have the benefit of other involved women to run ideas by first. The important factor is that you’re not keeping your feelings to yourself. Being prepared for, and ahead of, difficult situations will get your love life back on track handily. Celebrate your polygamist family or polyamorous love life. Love without limits is a beautiful thing.

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc -

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