Chris's article

The holidays can be a very busy, yet very gratifying, time of year. For many, it’s filled with an abundance of love, but for some, it can be a sensitive season.

Poly dating during the holiday season can be overly demanding on your mental, emotional, and physical health. You have multiple partners to consider, friends to meet, and maybe even kids to think of. If your family celebrates with gifts and food, then you may have even more on your plate. Here’s our guide on surviving the end-of-year festivities.

Before you go mad trying to plan, shop, and prepare, consider our tips on managing poly dating during the long holiday break.

Carefully plan your events, but be prepared to make accommodations

Yes, preparation is key to preventing party troubles, but overpreparing can hurt, too. One way you can manage anxiety around poly dating during the holidays is by making sure you speak with your partner(s) about expectations.

Who will be there?

It can feel uncomfortable telling new partners they won’t be included in your family party, especially if they’re new suitors. But being transparent is the best practice here. Clarify who will be where so you can make the necessary arrangements.

It’s also common practice to host different events for different groups. You can spend time with your family in the morning and with your significant others at night without feeling guilty.

How long are the festivities?

When you’re having fun, it’s easy to lose track of time. Setting temporal limits around celebrations can ensure you don’t get overwhelmed if guests overstay their welcome.

Setting a specific time is also crucial if you don’t happen to be “out” as a poly couple or individual just yet. If your family were to walk in on your polycule for instance, there’s a potential of some awkward exchanges—exchanges you maybe weren’t emotionally ready for just yet.

When you stagger events throughout the day, it becomes crucial to enforce time limits. 

Are we exchanging presents, bringing food, or just having drinks?

The holidays are big on food, drinks, and presents. Before the party, make sure you and your partners are clear on expectations around these, especially gifts.

● Are you expected to get your metamour a present?

● If you’re a secondary partner to a couple who’s hosting a dinner with their family, are you expected to bring a dish plus small gifts for everyone? 

● If you’re hosting a lunch and inviting a primary partner to you and your nesting partner’s place, are they expected to come over and help you set up?

These are just a few examples, but they can help open up some conversations about the holidays as a poly lover.

Try to fit in dedicated time with your partners

It helps to find time to speak with your partners one-on-one about holiday plans. This can help prevent hurt feelings or disappointment which could lead to resentment. For example, if you and your partner have been courting another couple for several months, does this mean you’ll have a blended family gathering? 

This can turn into a game of chicken where both sides will feel let down if the other doesn’t make a move.

Again, another situation you might find yourself in is determining whether or not all your partners would even want to spend the holidays together. If you are the host, make sure to let your partners know when the others may be coming so they can plan ahead.

Talk about and clarify boundaries if family members or friends are present

If your family doesn’t know about your poly status, you might hold off on inviting your partners to the big dinner. This can make your partner feel unloved if they assume you are hiding them from your parents, siblings, and other relatives. Prepare to have these types of conversations with an extra dose of empathy.

On the other hand, if your partner knows your situation and still wants to participate during the holidays as a “friend,” then that could be a way to slowly introduce them to your family.

You might also discuss what level of affection you’re comfortable displaying to your friends and family between you and your partners. Is hugging acceptable? Would holding hands on the couch in front of everyone be too intimate?

Start some unique traditions

One way you can strengthen bonds during the holidays is by starting some new traditions. Of course, you may already have some you carried over from childhood, like watching movies on New Year’s Day or ordering in on Christmas Eve. Here are some more wholesome ideas to try out.

● Bake a dessert together

● Exchange gratitude affirmations instead of (or in addition to) gifts

● Donate supplies or toys to your local organizations

Don’t be afraid to say no

Hosting holiday parties can be taxing. So can attending parties. Be gentle on your mind and body by saying no if you feel like you’re taking on too much responsibility or RSVP-ing to too many events.

Here are some ways you can say no.

● Be honest. Tell them you don’t have the time or resources to do X thing.

● Offer an alternative even if you say no.

● Turn them down gently by saying you’ll have to check your schedule or follow up with your work calendar.

● Thank your friend, family member, or partner for the invitation, but you simply can’t make it. You don’t owe people an explanation.

Final Thoughts

Poly dating can make the holidays feel even more of a whirlwind, but understand that most poly celebrations look just like any other party. Our main piece of advice is setting boundaries about your time, resources, and intention with every dinner, lunch, or all-day party.

If you want more tips on navigating this busy time, check out our other post about Poly Dating and Christmas.

Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc:

In poly dating, a metamour is your partner’s other partner. This definition can vary between different poly relationships. For instance, are you a triad who all have relationships with one another? Are you in a hierarchical relationship, and your metamour is the secondary partner? Are you practicing solo polyamory and not seeking to forge a relationship between your partners?

Whatever your poly dating arrangement, getting long with your metamour is as simple as establishing boundaries, respecting those boundaries, and communicating clearly. You might even find that you don’t want to create a deep relationship with them after all — for whatever reason — and that’s acceptable, too.

What is a typical metamour relationship in poly dating?

There is no typical relationship of this sort, but you might observe that most metamours at least know each other as acquaintances with friendly rapport. In many cases, they can become close friends or even romantic or sexual partners, depending on the specific relationship.

Metamours can be a source of comfort and support since you have a common partner. Your lives are likely to overlap, and it may be beneficial to have someone to talk to that’s going through the same things.

Take it slow

But that’s not to say that you have to meet your partner’s other beloved at all. In fact, if you’re the hinge of a poly relationship, be careful not to force your partners to meet each other if they don’t initiate it. Ideally, you want to have the talk with your partner(s) beforehand if they want to get to know their metamours or not.

Additionally, some partners might make it a point not to meet metamours until you’ve been together for at least a few months. Some partners might enjoy meeting everyone you have a connection with, whether or not the relationship has the potential to last long or not.

At the very least, swapping phone numbers or social media handles may be a more casual way to introduce one another. It’s also a good idea in case of an emergency. If you and your partner live together and your partner’s lover comes over often, then of course prolonging your meeting may be more difficult.

Just know that there’s no pressure to build a relationship with them if that’s not in your agreement with your partner. This is good news for introverts who may need some time to prepare to meet new people, or for people new to poly dating who have never had this kind of complex relationship before.

Establish respectful boundaries

If and when you do meet your partner’s other sweetheart, it’s important to go in with some ground rules first. No questions are too bottom of the barrel, either. You might ask what time you plan on hanging out and until when. 

Is your partner allowed you to talk to you about personal matters about your metamour, and vice versa? Who will be there? Just you two or your mutual partner, too? If your mutual partner will be present, how affectionate/intimate will they be with your metamour? Or with you?

Finally, set a time to reflect on the meeting with your partner later on. You don’t have to reveal everything you talked about, but it may be a nice way to bond and it can strengthen your relationship knowing you and their other partner have connected.

Resist the urge to mediate between your partner and your metamour

If your partner and their other partner are at odds, it’s natural to want to step in. After all, you don’t want to see your companion hurt or emotional, and you may say the same about your metamour if you are close. But boundaries are there for a reason.

They have their own relationship, and just like you wouldn’t meddle in your friends’ relationship, you might want to step back here, too. This is not to say you don’t care about the goings-on of their day-to-day, but poly dating calls for some delicate slacklining between being an external party and an involved party.

Their relationship may indeed affect you, but it’s not your job or responsibility to solve their problems. If they ask for your advice, then that’s a different case. If they do, it may be difficult for you to stay impartial, and it’s okay to say you can lend a sympathetic ear, but giving advice may be above your pay grade.

What if I don’t want to connect with my metamour?

One common fear partners have before meeting their metamour is the fear of not feeling a connection. Or perhaps, equally worse, feeling jealousy or dislike towards them. You may even ask yourself, “I don’t see what [my partner] sees in [this person].”

But guess what? It’s not your duty to see or know what your partner feels in others. They are their own person, after all, and the beauty of polyamory is being open-minded and accepting. You may feel uncomfortable if you find that you have zero things in common with someone they feel passionate about. You may feel insecure if you perceive that this potential partner is “better” than you in some ways, whether that’s in looks, career prospects, financial status, etc.

If you experience negative feelings when meeting a partner’s suitor, it can be helpful to relay them to your partner after the meeting ends. They are the common link nonethelessl, and they can provide insight into your current emotional state.

However, again, there’s no obligation to meet your metamour — just make sure you convey your reasoning with your partner and make sure you are on the same page.

Where should I meet my metamour?

If you feel ready to meet your partner’s companion, ask to meet at a place where you feel relaxed. A cafe, an outdoor park, a brunch spot — somewhere neutral where you don’t feel pressured to act a certain way. While your living room (or theirs) can make you feel anxious about your relationship with your partner, a place with no ties to either of you may be best.

Meeting your metamour is a big deal for many people in the poly dating scene, but it doesn’t have to come with a mountain of pressure. Just thinking of it as meeting your best friend’s other close friend. If you connect on a deeper level, great, if you don’t, you just maintain friendly contact.

Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc:

The freedom to make choices is the mainstay of polyamory and polygamous relationships. Whether that’s choosing to be a solo polyamorist, choosing to spiritually marry two wives, or choosing to stay in a hierarchical relationship — the point is, polyamory is about the fluid boundaries we get to determine.

But there’s also a nagging question about choice in consensual nonmonogamy: is it an innate orientation or is it a conscious choice? There’s no clear-cut answer, but the closest we can get to one is that it depends on the person and relationship(s) in question.

For many, feeling alienated by monogamy and rejecting its paradigm can be traced back to childhood. For others, exploring polyamory may have only been triggered after experiencing monogamy first. This latter example is the way most people view polyamory: a lifestyle, an alternative to monogamous relationships that people seek when they feel stifled by tradition. A way to release devious inhibitions.

LGBTQIA+ vs. Poly rights

Neither version is wrong or right. Relationship preferences, sexual orientation, gender — all these lie on a spectrum. However, the problem with viewing polyamory as a choice is that the law then justifies not protecting and advocating for polygamists’ and polyamorists’ rights using this same argument. If people who identify as LGBTQIA+ are born with a certain sexual orientation, then what right do polygamists have to the same legal protections LGBTQIA+ allies have?

This discrepancy is not meant to conflate LGBTQIA+ issues with polygamist ones, but rather highlight the shortcomings of our legal system in recognizing polygamist families as valid families. Families with three wives and a husband are valid. Families with a platonic third parent and two romantically and sexually involved parents are valid. Families that consist of a quad and multiple children are valid.

Benefits of monogamous marriage

Consider this example. A woman is married to Husband 1 but also lives with Husband 2 and Husband 3 — plus their five kids. Husband 2 is a stay-at-home parent, so they don’t have insurance through an employer. Husband 2 falls ill and requires hospitalization. Since he is not legally married to his spiritual wife, he is not on her insurance and so he cannot use her benefits to get medical help beyond the state/federal. The rest must come out-of-pocket or be taken out as debt.

This may not hold true for all insurance companies, but it is a sad reality for many poly families, especially those living on low- to modest incomes. Another stark difference between legally married partners and non-married partners is the inability to file taxes jointly.

Married monogamous couples get to enjoy tax breaks and deductibles. Even if an unmarried poly wife and multiple husbands live together and share expenses, the state does not recognize their union, so they do not enjoy the same benefits available to married couples.

There are countless other incentives to monogamous marriage, including access to a partner’s disability insurance benefits and even adoption tax credits. Moreover, parental custody for a poly parent always seems to be precarious. Coming out to friends and family as a polygamist may not be uncomfortable, but at worst, your loved ones can reject your so-called lifestyle. 

Children of polygamist families may face a constant threat of poly family in case of an untimely death. For example, one poly wife claimed that her family let her know that if she ever passed away, they would seek custody of her child instead of allowing her child to live with the blended family the child has known since infancy.

Poly identity and political discourse

So polyamory isn’t just a choice or a “born this way” attribute. It’s a label that changes meaning depending on who you ask. If you ask a staunch monogamist, they might tell you it’s a plot to oppress women through financial and social restraint. If you ask a married polygamist, they might tell you it’s where their political and personal identities converge.

For many, this crossroad of personal relationships and legal, political rights feels like a battle zone. Until the state fully accepts and recognizes multi-parent homes as legal families, practicing polygamy indeed feels more of a conscious choice than an orientation. 

It’s not just about making choices about who you’re with and what boundaries you’re setting, but choosing to take on the battles at large that include decriminalizing polygamy, destigmatizing misconceptions about polygamy, and fighting for polygamy rights. 

If you want to learn more about why polyamory and polygamy aren’t an official part of the LGBTQIA+ community, we’ve written a great article here.

Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc:

It’s official. Or at least Instagram official. On November 2, 2021, Christine and Kody Brown announced their break-up on the social media platform.

The news didn’t seem to shock many, though, considering the recent Season 16 trailer and Christine’s solo move to Utah.

She posted a text photo on Instagram: 

After more than 25 years together, Kody and I have grown apart and I have made the difficult decision to leave. We will continue to be a strong presence in each other’s lives as we parent our beautiful children and support our wonderful family. At this time, we ask for your grace and kindness as we navigate through this stage within our family. With Love, Christine Brown

The two share six children together between the ages of 11 and 26. They married in 1994, which means they were together for more than a quarter of a century — no easy feat considering the trials and tribulations of a polygamous marriage.

The timeline of their relationship

The Browns have a long history, and not all of it was captured onscreen when the hit show premiered in 2010.

1990 - Meri and Kody marry

1993 - Jenelle and Kody marry

1994 - Christine and Kody marry

2011 - The family moves to Las Vegas

2014 - Mery and Kody divorce

         - Robyn and Kody marry

2018 - The family moves to Flagstaff

2019 - The family buys Coyote Pass property

2019 - COVID hits and family has limited interaction

2021 - Christine moves into a rental (November)

         -  Christine and Kody announce split (November)

Where it went wrong

At the end of the Season 15 of Sister Wives, Christine expresses that she wants and plans to move back to Utah.

In the Season 16 teaser released in October 2021, the family seems at odds with living through the pandemic while trying to maintain a semblance of their former integrated lives.

Christine, in particular, is aware of her and Kody’s deteriorating relationship. She pointedly asks the camera in her confession why she should stay and wait for the family to move to their Coyote Pass land when Kody seems content with only one functioning marriage, i.e. his marriage with Robyn, the fourth sister wife.

Where is Christine now?

Christine is currently living in Utah with her younger children. The rental is a new, spacious duplex with a sizable yard.

Without watching the new season (which premieres November 21, 2021) we can’t know for sure what transcribed, but fans postulate that the pressure of COVID and lack of a romantic relationship with Kody sealed the deal.

What do the other sister wives and Kody have to say about the split?

Sister wives Christine, Janelle, and Robyn have yet to address the topic on their social media accounts or speak to trusted publications, but a source from Us Weekly claims Robyn is aware that her stable relationship with Kody may have been a big deciding factor for Christine.

Kody also made a statement about the split on his Instagram, claiming that “Christine’s decision to leave comes with a great deal of sadness...we will always remain committed parents.” 

From his caption, we can hypothesize that Kody may have tried to keep the family together, but we’ll know for sure when the new season hits our screens.

Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc:

In the season 16 premiere of Sister Wives from TLC, the Brown family seems to struggle with the new normal during and post-pandemic. Nevertheless, the show must go on. Here is the drama.

Meri Brown lives it up

If there’s anyone who knows a thing or two about marching on even if the going gets tough, it’s Meri.  It seems it’s always rumored she’s done with Kody and is planning to leave, but she’s sticking it out.

This year she faced familial loss, faced backlash by being associated with LuLaRoe, and reopened her quaint bed-and-breakfast in rural Utah. Even though LuLaRoe is facing controversy as an MLM company, she’s remained loyal. Many of her Instagram post captions have various LuLaRoe hashtags.

More recently, Meri’s been seen out and about with a gentleman friend and fans are quick to wonder if she’s finally done with Kody.

Janelle Brown enjoys RV life

In June 2021, Janelle Brown’s ranch home in Arizona sold, leaving her to decide quickly between finding another rental home or trying out something she’s always wanted do (plus save money in the process) — live in an RV.

Janelle’s currently living on the Brown property in Flagstaff, but her type of RV living is more luxurious than normal. The mobile home is equipped with a kitchenette featuring a full fridge, a microwave, and an oven — more than some city apartments have!

It also has a full-sized master bed, two living spaces with bunk beds and lounging furniture, and a loft. To beat the Arizona sun, the RV is decked out with two air conditioners. Janelle’s new adventure is definitely a far cry from the rugged conditions of your typical camper.

Her relationship with the rest of the family is a whole another story. In the trailer, she confides, “I'm at my wits end with this whole bulls**t stuff,” referring to the convoluted process of getting everyone on the same page about the Coyote Pass property.

Christine Brown says no to living together

In the season 16 trailer, we see Christine tearfully confess, “Why would I want to live on the property with a dysfunctional marriage where right over there he's got a full-functioning marriage?”

She is, of course, comparing her rocky marriage with Kody to Robyn and Kody’s seemingly perfect relationship. It’s no secret that Robyn holds most of Kody’s attention and affection, and at a consequential expense of his other three wives’ relationships.

The current plan is to build and move into the family’s plot of land in Coyote Pass in Flagstaff Arizona, a quick ride away from Kody’s three-bedroom home he nabbed in 2018. Christine, on the other hand, is adamant about moving back to Utah.

Sticking to her guns, in October, 2021, Christine purchased and moved into a home in Utah — a three-bedroom duplex constructed in 2019. For now, Christine is enjoying life away from the family, and it’s unclear whether she’ll join Kody and the three other wives at the Coyote Pass land later on.

Robyn Brown endures fan hate

Robyn, Kody’s fourth and most recent wife, is the clear favorite in Kody’s eyes. Unfortunately for her, fans have taken to scapegoating her for all of Kody’s decisions that seem to prioritize her and her children over everyone else in the family.

In the trailer, we hear an exasperated Kody accuse Robyn of wanting to be the head of the family. In Kody’s talking head confessional, he confides that he thinks the other three wives — Meri, Janelle, and Christine — look to Robyn as the head wife and look to her for “approval.”

We see the family read a printed list of COVID-19 rules the family is meant to follow, but we’re not privy to who wrote those just yet. Either way, Robyn is sure to get the villain edit or at the very least, be painted as overly controlling.

Fans are quick to blame her for Kody’s favoritism or any time she doesn’t agree with the other wives. For instance, she refuses to move back to Utah, making sister wife Christine feel betrayed.

It’s no wonder she confesses in the trailer that, “[The pandemic] has made me feel that the foundation that our family was built on is crumbling, I don't know."

Kody Brown still in hopes of keeping family together

Throughout the pandemic, Kody has been the only one moving from one house to another. He lives mainly with Robyn in their Arizona home. He’s taken some flak from his other wives and fans for choosing to stay with Robyn the majority of the time, but his move is understandable.

COVID-19 is a relentless, highly infectious disease, plus he and Robyn still have young children together. Nevertheless, it puts Robyn in an awkward position, who must accept face resentment from the other wives.

Kody, is of course, adamant about moving everyone to their new property, but financial troubles, family disagreements, and relationship tensions are aplenty. While the family is still in the planning phases for the Coyote Pass land, we’ll learn more when the new season premieres on November 21, 2021. Sister Wives Season 16 Trailer!

Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc:

Table of Contents

Definition of Polyandry

Polyandry (/plunder, plan-/; Greek: - poly-, "many" and v and, "man") is a type of polygamy in which a woman marries two or more men at the same time. Polygyny, on the other hand, involves one male and two or more females. Polyamory, group, or conjoint marriage refers to a wedding that includes a plural number of "husbands and wives" members of each gender. Polyandry refers to sexual encounters with numerous guys within or outside of marriage in its widest sense.

Polyandry in Different Cultures

There were 186 monogamous groups among the 1,231 societies described in the 1980 Ethnographic Atlas; 453 had occasional polygyny, 588 had more frequent polygyny, and 4 had polyandry. Polyandry is less common than this number implies, as it solely considers cases discovered in the Himalayan mountains (28 societies). Polyandry is practiced in more than 50 other civilizations, according to current research.

Tibetans in Nepal, portions of China, and northern India practice fraternal polyandry, in which two or more brothers marry the same lady and have equal "sexual access" to them. It's linked to partible paternity, which refers to the cultural notion that a kid can have many fathers.

Polyandry is thought to be more common in civilizations with limited natural resources. It is believed to help children survive by limiting human population increase. It is an uncommon type of marriage that may be seen among peasant households and the upper crust. Polyandry, for example, is linked to the land shortage in the Himalayan mountains. When all family brothers marry the same woman, the family land remains intact and undivided. If each brother married and produced children independently, the family land would be divided into unsustainable tiny pieces. In Buddhist Ladakh and Zanskar, on the other hand, very impoverished people without land were less likely to practice polyandry. The social practice for the impartible inheritance was used in Europe to avoid land division. Many of their siblings became celibate monks and priests after being disinherited.In the animal realm, polyandrous mating systems are also a widespread occurrence.

Types of Polyandry


Polyandry and polygyny can join the Indian Himalayas to form a system known as "polygynandry." Land fragmentation is reduced, domestic economic activities are diversified, and population increase is reduced due to the system.

Fraternal Polyandry

Polyandry between brothers is referred to as fraternal polyandry.

Fraternal polyandry, also known as adelphic polyandry (from the Latin fraternity), is a kind of polyandry in which a woman marries two or more brothers. Polyandry was (and still is) practiced in certain regions of Tibet, Nepal, and Northern India, where it was recognized as a societal practice. Fraternal polyandry is practiced among the Toda people of southern India. However, monogamy has lately become popular. Polyandrous marriages in rural cultures in the Malwa area of Punjab appear to occur in modern Hindu society to prevent the partition of farming land.Fraternal polyandry accomplishes a purpose comparable to primogeniture in nineteenth-century England. The eldest son received the family land due to primogeniture, while younger boys were forced to leave home and seek their job. By allowing just one successor each generation, primogeniture kept family holdings intact for decades. Fraternal polyandry achieves the same result, but keeping all of the brothers together with only one bride, resulting in only one set of heirs every generation. The bigger the fraternal sibling group, the less effective this technique appears to be.

Some types of polyandry appear to be linked to a perceived necessity to keep aristocratic titles or agricultural holdings within family groupings, as well as the frequent departure of a male from the household for lengthy periods. The priestly Sakya elite in Tibet was particularly fond of the practice.Sorority marriage is the female counterpart to fraternal polyandry.

Partible Paternity

At least 20 tribal groups, according to anthropologist Stephen Beckerman, recognize that a kid might, and ideally should, have more than one father, a concept known as "partible paternity." It frequently leads to many dads sharing the care of a child in a polyandric relationship with the mother. However, this is not always the case. Trobriand's "virgin birth" is one of the most well-known instances. The matrilineal Trobriand Islanders understand the role of sex in reproduction, but they do not think the male contributes to the kid's constitution. Therefore, the infant stays solely connected to their mother's lineage. Because they are part of the mother's lineage, the non-resident spouses of the mother are not acknowledged as dads. However, the mother's co-resident brothers are.

Polyandry in the Ancient Culture

According to inscriptions documenting the reforms of Sumerian king Urukagina of Lagash (ca. 2300 BC), the previous Sumerian custom of polyandry was prohibited in his kingdom, under pain of the woman accepting several husbands being stoned and her crime inscribed on her body.

Polyandry has been justified by a severe gender imbalance, according to some. Selective abortion of female fetuses, for example, has resulted in a substantial sex ratio margin in India, which has been claimed to result in related males "sharing" a woman.

Known Cases of Polyandry

Polyandry was prevalent in Tibet and is being practiced to a lesser level now. In a 1988 study of 753 Tibetan households, Tibet University discovered that 13% practiced polyandry. Polyandry persists among India's minorities, as well as in Bhutan and Nepal's northern regions. Polyandry has been practiced among the Toda of South India in Rajasthan, Ladakh, and Zanskar and in the Jaunsar-Bawar area of Uttarakhand.

It has also been reported in Nigeria, the Nymba, and certain pre-contact Polynesian tribes, albeit most likely exclusively among women of upper castes. It is also found in the Yunnan and Sichuan areas of China, among the Mosuo people of China (who also practice polygyny), and in some Sub-Saharan African groups, such as the Maasai people of Kenya and northern Tanzania, as well as indigenous populations in the United States. Polyandry was practiced by the Guanches, the first known inhabitants of the Canary Islands, until their extinction. Polyandry is also practiced by the Zo'e tribe in the Brazil's state of Pará, near the Cuminapanema River.

Religious Attitudes to Polyandry

Polyandry in Hinduism

The Mahabharata, an ancient Hindu epic, has at least one allusion to polyandry. Draupadi picked the Pandava brothers in a former life and wedded them. Polyandry is accepted as a way of life in this ancient book, which is mostly indifferent to the notion. When asked for an example of polyandry by Kunti, Yudhishthira mentions Gautam-clan Jatila (married to seven Saptarishis) and Hiranyaksha's sister Pracheti (married to 10 brothers), suggesting a more liberal attitude toward polyandry in Vedic culture.

Polyandry in Judaism

Although there are no examples of women married to more than one man in the Hebrew Bible, its depiction of adultery plainly suggests that polyandry is undesirable and is not practiced in Jewish tradition. Furthermore, unless he had previously divorced her or died (i.e., a mamzer), children from other than the first spouse are regarded illegitimate since they are the result of an adulterous relationship.

Polyandry in Christianity

Most Christian faiths in the Western world strongly promote monogamy, and a verse from Paul's epistles (1 Corinthians 7) can be read as prohibiting polyandry.

Polyandry in Latter-Day Saints

Polygynous marriages were practiced by Joseph Smith, Brigham Young, and other early Mormon leaders. With the 1890 Manifesto, the practice was formally stopped. In early LDS history, polyandrous marriages did exist, but in far smaller numbers.

Polyandry in Islam

Polyandry is forbidden in Islam, despite the fact that Islamic marriage law allows males to have up to four wives.Polyandrous marriages were common in pre-Islamic Arabian societies, but they were prohibited when Islam spread. Nikah Ijtimah was a pagan polyandry tradition that was denounced and destroyed after the advent of Islam in older Arab countries.

Polyandry in Biology

In the animal realm, polyandrous behavior is fairly common. Many bug and fish species have it (for example, pipefish; see Polyandry in fish). Other creatures that have it include birds (such as dunnocks), whales, and mammals like the house mouse.The bowhead whale, harbor porpoise (Phocoena phocoena), and humpback whales have all been seen to be polyandrous.

Honeybees, red flour beetles, spiders like Stegodyphus lineatus, crickets like Gryllus bimaculatus, and fruit flies like Drosophila pseudoobscura are among the important insect species. Some primates, such as marmosets, including the marsupial species Antechinus, are polyandrous.

Table of Contents

Definition of Polygyny (Polygany)

Polygyny, also known as polygany, is a practice where a man has more than one wife at a time. This is a form of polygamy, which encompases any marriage with more than two partners. Polygyny is the only type of polygamy legal in the majority of Muslim-dominated nations. Polygyny is distinct from polyandry, which is when a woman has more than one spouse.

Men are known to have one or more mistresses whom they do not marry in certain nations where polygamy is banned, even in some countries where it is allowed. Mistresses do not have the same legal standing as wives, and children produced from such relationships are still regarded as illegitimate and susceptible to legal consequences.

Where Is Polygyny Practiced?

Polygyny was once tolerated in ancient Hebrew civilization, classical Chinese society, and sporadic traditional Native American, African, and Polynesian societies. It was reported to be performed in India throughout ancient times. It was widely recognized in ancient Greece until the Roman Empire and the Roman Catholic Church came into being.

Polygyny is practiced by several Mormon groups in North America, including the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (FLDS Church).

Polygyny is now more common in Africa than everywhere else in the world.

Historical Perspective: Polygyny in Premodern Era

Monogamy and polygyny were practiced in Africa, the Americas, and Southeast Asia throughout the Premodern Era, which lasted from 600 BCE to 1600 BCE. Even in regions where monogamy was common, polygyny existed. During these periods, wealth had a significant influence on the development of family life. The most powerful males had numerous secondary spouses due to their wealth, a practice known as resource polygyny. As a symbol of authority and prestige, local rulers of villages generally had the most wives. Village conquerors would frequently marry the daughters of the previous rulers as a sign of conquest. With the emergence and growth of Islam in Africa and Southeast Asia, resource polygyny persisted. These children were deemed free because they were born into these families. Children born to free or slave concubines were free, although their status was lower than that of children born to spouses. The living arrangements differed per region. Each woman in Africa had her own house, as well as property and animals. The concept of the spouse owning all property developed in Europe and was not accepted in Africa. Wives lived together in isolation in many other regions of the world, under one home. The wives had their harem (also known as a prohibited section) in the house.

Polygyny in Africa


Let’s discuss polygyny in Africa. As many as a third to half of the married women in the African polygyny belt, that stretches from Senegal in the west to Tanzania in the east, are in polygynous partnerships, and polygyny is particularly prevalent in West Africa.

The influence of the slave trade on the male-to-female sex ratio, according to some researchers, is a major element in the establishment and strengthening of polygynous behaviors in African countries. In general, the higher the prevalence of polygyny in rural regions with rising populations, the longer young males wait to marry. The higher the average polygyny rate, the more gerontocracy, and social inequality are present.

Reasons and Explanations

Improving the division of work

Boserup 1970 was the first to argue that the high rate of polygyny in Sub-Saharan Africa is due to the sexual division of labor in hoe-farming and women's significant economic contribution.

Labor is often clearly divided between genders in various shifting agricultural zones where polygyny is most commonly reported. In many of these situations, older boys and men are in charge of cutting trees in preparation for new plots, erecting fences to keep wild animals out of fields, and sometimes even the initial planting of crops (along with hunting, fishing, and the raising of livestock). Wives, on the other hand, are in charge of various elements of the family's food production, processing, and distribution, as well as performing domestic tasks for the husband.

With many wives and presumably several young male offspring, an older farmer benefits from having a considerably bigger workforce inside his family. He may progressively extend his agriculture and grow more affluent thanks to the joint efforts of his young sons and young brides. A guy with a single wife receives less assistance in agriculture and is likely to receive little or no assistance in tree felling.

Women living in such a framework, according to Boserup's historical data, also welcome one or more co-wives to share the load of everyday labor with them. The second wife, on the other hand, will generally undertake the most exhausting labor, almost as if she were a servant to the first wife, and will be lower in status than the first wife. A 1930s study of the Mende in Sierra Leone determined that having a high number of wives is an agricultural benefit since having a big number of women eliminates the need for paid employees. In many rural regions, polygyny is seen as a financial benefit.

In certain situations, the second wife's economic function allows the husband to spend more time with his family.

In the majority of Sub-Saharan African civilizations, anthropologist Jack Goody's comparative research of marriage using the Ethnographic Atlas revealed a historical link between widespread shifting horticulture and polygyny. Goody, citing the work of Ester Boserup, observes that women perform the majority of the labor in parts of Africa's sparsely inhabited shifting agriculture zones. This favored polygamous marriages, in which males attempted to take control of the production of women "who are valued both as laborers and child carriers." Goody, on the other hand, points out that the relationship isn't perfect and goes on to describe more traditionally male-dominated but relatively large farming systems, such as those found in much of West Africa, particularly in the savanna region, where polygamy is desired more for the production of male offspring labor and wherein farming is valued.

White and Michael L. Burton analyze and support Goody's observations about African male farming systems, noting that "Goody (1973) speaks against the female contributions theory." He mentions Dorjahn's (1959) comparing of East and West Africa, which shows higher female agricultural contributions in East Africa and higher polygyny rates in West Africa, particularly in the West African savanna, where male agricultural contributions are notably strong. "The motives for polygyny are sexual and reproductive rather than economic and productive," according to Goody (1973 -1989), claiming that men married polygonally to maximize their fertility and establish big families with many young dependent males.

Desire for offspring

The majority of study on the causes of polygyny has been on macro-level issues. Polygyny is widespread among family groupings that share a common ancestor. Polygyny was also used as a "dynamic basis of family survival, development, stability, continuity, and prestige," particularly as a socially acceptable technique for rapidly increasing the number of adult employees and eventually increasing the workforce of resident children.

Scientific investigations have determined that the human mating system is relatively polygynous, based on both global population surveys and reproductive physiology features.

Economic burden

Scholars have suggested that in farming systems where males perform the majority of the labor, having a second wife might be a financial liability rather than an asset. To feed a second wife, the husband must either work harder himself or hire employees to help with some of the jobs. Polygyny is either non-existent or a luxury enjoyed by a small group of wealthy farmers in such areas.

One of the strongest appeals of polygyny to men in Africa is because of its economic aspect, for a man with several wives commands them to get more land, this can produce more food for his household and that can achieve a high status due to the wealth which he can command," according to a report by the UN Economic Commission for Africa (ECA) secretariat. According to Esther Boserup, tribal land tenure norms still apply to most of Africa. [Needs a page] This means that members of a tribe that controls a territory have a natural right to cultivate the land for food production and, in many circumstances, cash crops. An additional woman is an economic advantage in this tenure arrangement, as it allows the family to extend its productivity.

Polygyny-practicing societies, according to economist Michèle Tertilt, are less economically stable than monogamous countries. Polygynous nations have a greater fertility rate, smaller savings reserves, and a lower GDP than monogynous ones. If polygyny were outlawed, fertility would drop by 40%, savings would grow by 70%, and GDP would rise by 170 percent. Because monogamous males may save and spend their resources because they have fewer offspring, monogamous cultures have higher economic output. Males in polygynous cultures put more money into techniques of mating with women, whereas monogamous men put more money into their families and other associated institutions.

Men gain from polygynous marriages, despite the costs, because familial relationships provide economic and social security. These guys have the links they need to compensate for other income shortfalls because of their extensive network of in-laws.


Some experts believe that a strong libido may play a role in polygyny, while others dismiss the possibility. Although such libidinal perceptions were sometimes discarded in favor of seeing polygyny as a factor of traditional life, sex drive as a factor in some Asian cultures was sometimes associated with wealthy men, and those who were adjuncts to an aristocracy, such libidinal perceptions were sometimes discarded in favor of seeing polygyny as a factor of traditional life. Polygyny, according to some interpretations, is a technique employed to fend off infidelity tendencies.

Findings of the Studies on Polygyny

According to certain studies, men who live in polygynous relationships live 12 percent longer. Polygyny may be used in situations when there is a reduced male-to-female ratio, such as when male newborns are more likely to die from infectious illnesses.

According to other studies, civilizations that practice polygyny becomes more destabilized, bloodier, more prone to invade neighbors, and more likely to collapse. This has been ascribed to the polygyny inequality factor, in which wealthy men can have several spouses, leaving more impoverished men unmarried. After adjusting for other variables, the research found that African children in polygynous homes were more likely to die young owing to less attentive dads.

Effects of Polygyny on Women

In a study of the Ngwa Igbo Clan in Nigeria, Exposito discovered five primary reasons for men to have many wives: because the Ngwa husband might have more than one wife be able to have as many children as he wishes inflate his ego and elevate his status among his peers raise his social standing in the community guarantee that enough labor is available to undertake required fieldwork and the processing of commercial oil-palm output and fulfill his sexual desires. None of the reasons mentioned are advantageous to the women; instead, they are all beneficial to the husbands. Feminists in Egypt have pushed to ban polygamy, but because it is considered a basic human right, the struggle has been unsuccessful. Women have more marriage equality and are better able to convey their views on family planning in nations where polygyny is less common.

Women in polygynous marriages face many of the same marital challenges as women in monogamous marriages; nevertheless, some issues are specific to polygyny that impair women's overall life satisfaction and have serious health consequences. Polygyny exposes women to STDs, infertility, and mental health issues. Fear of contracting AIDS or getting infected with HIV has influenced women's decisions to marry polygynous partners among the Logoli of Kenya. Polygyny is seen by some as a way for males to avoid picking random sexual partners and therefore spreading STDs into partnerships. In interviews with members of the Logoli tribe in Kenya, it was revealed that they were afraid of polygynous marriages because of what they had seen in the lives of other women in similar partnerships. Some women in polygynous partnerships have reported feelings of envy, rivalry, tensions, and psychological stress. Envy, hate, and even violent physical conflicts among co-wives and their children become the norm when some spouses fail to share affection and other resources equitably. Women are less likely to engage in polygynous marriages as a result of this. According to research, competitiveness and conflict between co-wives can escalate to an unacceptable degree, prompting women to commit suicide due to psychological suffering. According to the findings, the wife's order has an impact on life satisfaction. According to Bove and Valencia, elder wives frequently abuse their status to get healthcare benefits in nations where only one wife is eligible. Higher incidences of mental health problems such as anxiety, sadness, and paranoia have been linked to conflict amongst co-wives.

The level of jealousy and conflict among wives has been reduced by a variety of techniques. Sororal polygyny, in which the co-wives are sisters, and hut polygyny, in which each woman has her own home, and the husband visits them on a rotating basis, are examples. A defined status hierarchy among wives may also be utilized to prevent fights by clearly defining each wife's rights and responsibilities. Even though there are numerous negative features of this practice that affect women, there are also documented personal and economic benefits for women, such as sharing household and child-rearing tasks. Co-wives also provide support and company to women.


Polygynous marriages serve a significant part in preserving gender norms on the African continent. Although African women account for more than half of the continent's population, they are seen as second-class citizens compared to African males. Polygyny contributes to gender inequality by establishing a legal tie through marriage that binds women to a subservient position. Although women across the continent are responsible for a substantial percentage of agricultural output (both sustainable and cash crops), males married to these women receive the advantages and are free to divide their earnings as they see appropriate.

‘Sister Wives’ Star Mariah Brown Comes Out As Gay: WATCH

Sister Wives star Mariah Brown (above) came out to her parents on Sunday night’s episode of the TLC reality show.In the clip, Mariah gathers all five of her parents together to tell them that she identifies as a lesbian.

One of 18 children in the polygamist marriage, Mariah tells her parents “I’m gay.”

In a preview for the next episode, her birth parents Kody and Meri are less than pleased about the announcement.

US Weekly reports:

Meri tells Kody, “You were like smiling and happy and saying you were so happy for her. And I’m just … I don’t …” Kody replies, “We’re not happy Mariah’s gay; we’re happy Mariah knows herself.”

However, in an interview last year sister wife Robyn revealed that although Mormon Fundamentalism does not approve of homosexuality the family believes that “all adults should be able to choose who they love and how they structure their family.”

Watch Mariah’s coming out clip and the family’s comments on same-sex marriage below.


Source : US Weekly

Seeking Sister Wife viewers are used to watching drama between poly families on the show, particularly from Dimitri and Ashley Snowden. Their rocky relationship with potential sister wives - including Christeline Peterson, who accused them both of abuse - and with each other is a big plot point each season. While every cast member struggles in their own way with the polygamous lifestyle, the Snowdens have faced more difficulties than most, with a record of failed marriages, allegations of abuse, and restraining orders.

Ashley Snowden’s Instagram Posts

Not long after allegations came out against the Snowdens, fans began speculating on the status of the remaining two members of the family, Dimitri and Ashley, after Ashley posted a cryptic post on Instagram. The caption for the post was centered around emotional maturity and appeared to be Ashley’s way of separating herself from Dimitri and the stories regarding his previous relationships. “Sometimes emotional maturity is apologizing when you were wrong…and sometimes it’s knowing what isn’t yours to apologize for,” Ashley wrote in the post. “Being emotionally mature is taking heed to red flags, giving yourself grace for past mistakes you’ve learned from, knowing your boundaries and upholding them, knowing when something is good for you and when it’s not, not giving life to every negative thought that pops into your head or being consumed by the past or thoughts of the future, and finally, looking in the mirror and knowing your worth, even if those around you don’t.” She concluded the post by saying, “Emotional maturity isn’t martyrdom. It’s learning thyself, and then applying the knowledge despite what others think they know about you. And, it’s also knowing that letting go may be painful, but perhaps the best thing that can happen for you.” 

The Instagram post, published on June 27, left many fans speculating because it seemed like Ashley was saying she was done with her marriage without actually saying that. This week, those fan theories were validated as Ashley posted again less than three weeks after her original post. In this one, she does say the words “I’m single” in the opening line of the post. She also said she is choosing to share her truth publicly because “misinformation is harmful.” She goes on to share tips that “may make this world a kinder place for everyone, especially people who are experiencing trauma.” Her tips are essentially advising people to reach out to people they’re concerned about in private and “if you can’t approach them privately, 9x out of 10, it’s none of your business.” Sometimes it’s hard to remember we may feel like we know reality stars, but they don’t know us. Even though sharing their lives publicly is what they “signed up” for, that’s really only true to a certain extent. At the end of the day, cameras aren’t rolling right now, and regardless, people do deserve to still be in control of their lives.

Dimitri Wiped His Instagram Clean

Toward the end of Ashley’s post she says, “It’s cool if you don’t like me, that’s life. However, there’s power in redirecting energy to things you do like. Unfollowing is an undervalued tool for a peaceful life. Blocking or restricting accounts are dope features, too.” Her now ex-husband, Dimitri, seems to have taken this advice and has since deleted all the photos from his Instagram. This is not the first time Dimitri has gone quiet on social media - most recently before this, he placed his accounts on private when news broke about the situation with Christeline - but it is the first time he’s actually wiped his account clean. Not just the photos with Ashley, but all of them, including ones with his children. While Dimitri has not specified why he deleted all of his Instagram postings, there are already numerous fan theories circulating. The timing of it indicates that he may be attempting to remove Ashley and their life together from his memories. While Dimitri has had at least five wives and Ashley is not his first, she has been with him the longest, and her decision to leave may be more difficult for him to accept than any of his other marriages.

Our Thoughts

Despite having five sister wives between 2003 and 2019, Dimitri clearly does not appear to be a polygamous relationship expert. Even though you’re able to delete images from social media, you cannot delete the actual memories with the person. This is especially so for Ashley and Dimitri as they have three children, so their lives will never be fully disconnected. Dimitri's 140,000 Instagram followers are ready to learn what happens next for this unconventional former couple, but it’s looking like they’re going to have to wait until the next season of Seeking Sister Wife.

We think that Dimitri’s reaction kind of shows that his method for dealing with these things is to not deal with them. Breakups, especially poly breakups, can be a lot to digest. However, if you don’t truly process them and learn from them, you shouldn’t be surprised if it keeps happening. It’s all too easy to place the blame on the person who’s not there anymore, but even if the majority of the blame does rest on their shoulders, it’s pretty rare for only one person to be completely responsible. Maybe you ignored red flags or swept their seemingly petty grievances under the rug. Whatever it is, really try to understand their perspective and identify how you can avoid those missteps in the future. The goal of this isn’t to beat yourself up or rub salt in a wound, but to adapt and grow into the best polygamous spouse you can be. 

Season 3 of Seeking Sister Wife just recently ended and many fans have already been asking for Season 4. However, as of now, TLC has neither confirmed nor denied if the show has been renewed for another season. Plus, a tell-all for season 3 has not been filmed, and considering the state of the Snowdens, fans can’t help but speculate if they will film the special. Hopefully, the show will figure out a way to move forward with the other families. Be sure to check back here for more updates on all things Seeking Sister Wife, Sister Wives, and polygamy dating/marriage!

Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc:

Seeking Sister Wife Update

Dimitri Snowden, of TLC's Seeking Sister Wife, has filed for divorce from wife Christeline Peterson. Although filing didn’t occur until this month (May 2021), their date of separation is listed as January 21 of this year, citing “irreconcilable differences” as the reason for the divorce.

Dimitri also requested that the court not grant Christeline spousal support, noting that there are no assets or debts to be divided. He also stated in the document that she "has abandoned the marriage" and that he "does not know her whereabouts."

Seeking Sister Wife fans know the Snowdens have spent the last 10 years or so searching for a third wife to add to their family. We’ve seen their journey over the course of 3 seasons now: The season 1 courting which ended with Dimitri getting intimate too soon in the relationship, the season 2 courting and marriage to Vanessa Cobbs (and subsequent break up via text), and the season 3 courting of both Christeline and Tayler Monique.

 After a few months of long-distance dating and a successful first visit, the South African native Christeline and her two children moved to California to be with the Snowdens (and Tayler) shortly before the COVID-19 travel ban. Not long after Tayler’s exit from the show, Christeline and Dimitri were legally wed in July of last year. The storyline is still unfolding on our TVs as season 3 episodes air.

Abuse Allegations

The divorce filing comes after allegations of abuse against both Dimitri and Ashley, for which Christeline attempted to get a restraining order against them both. She claims that Dimitri was physically and verbally abusive, including when the two were sexually intimate. The allegations towards Ashley were that she was aggressive and verbally abusive as well. According to documents Christeline filed to get the restraining order back in January, she claimed Dimitri woke her up by "slamming [her] head into the headboard of the bed and he was yelling at [her]." She said she filed a police report as well and was issued a temporary restraining order. However, she was unable to secure one against Ashley due to a lack of information provided to the court. In April, the temporary restraining order and case were dissolved when Dimitri appeared in court.

Additionally, a woman who was involved with the Snowden’s before Seeking Sister Wife began named Ariadne Joseph has made allegations similar to Christeline’s. After news broke about the allegations against the Snowden’s, we saw Tayler send love to Christeline via Instagram (notably, before it was revealed on the show that Tayler had left the Snowdens) while Vanessa from season 2 shared support for domestic abuse victims. It should be noted that all of the women beside Ariadne - who created a GoFundMe to support Christeline and her two children during this time - apparently signed NDAs. 

Ashley’s Miscarriage

On Mother’s Day, Ashley shared via Instagram that she had suffered a miscarriage. This news broke a few days before Dimitri officially filed for divorce from Christeline. In her post, Ashley wrote:

“To the Mothers, all the mothers, and especially the mothers who have known great loss. To those who wanted to be mothers, but never got the chance due to physical issues or forlorn relating. To the mothers who miscarried or experienced stillbirth. To the mothers who have experienced the death of their once living children. To the mothers who were “done mothering” only to be tasked with mothering another’s children. To the mothers who’s children were taken in custody battles. To the mothers of kidnapped children. To the mothers of children they gave up in adoption. To the mothers who may have incarcerated children. To the mother’s incarcerated. To the mothers who have children who don’t want to have a relationship with them. To the mothers who can’t bring themselves to face their children. To all the mothers and and their children lost during the pandemic. TO ALL THE MOTHERS.


Motherhood is a beautiful initiation. But it can be one of the most painful to endure. This Mother’s Day, I honor every aspect of motherhood. I’ve known great loss in my life, but losing a child under any circumstance certainly impacts the subtle body on multiple levels. I’ve recently had to sit in the pain of miscarriage, so I offer this message today: Be kind always, and especially, because you never know a mother’s story. Be slow to judge and quick to love, because many mothers are carrying not only their own pain, but the pain of every mother down their lineage. Until we can heal that pain, until that pain can be transmuted, reflect back love to every potential mother’s path you may cross. Reflect love.


Happy Mother’s Day to ALL THE MOTHERS.”

There’s not much else reported on her miscarriage at this time, but we send love and healing to her and anyone else who has experienced this loss.

Our Thoughts

We are deeply troubled and saddened regarding the abuse allegations against the Snowdens. While we may not know for sure what happened, and may never know, it’s always important to us to discuss and denounce allegations of abuse in the Polygamist community. We hope to gain more insight one way or the other from the Snowdens or from Seeking Sister Wife. We know that a petition to have the Snowden’s removed from the show was created, but it only has 100 signatures as of May 23.

We know how much watching the real journeys of poly families who are searching for a Sister Wife helps people like us and our members as we are on a similar path, but it’s important to remember these are real people. When situations like this arise, it can be tempting to speculate on what really happened, but we have to remember how serious of a situation it is and the real lives impacted by it. Additionally, we should also remember to never idolize people just because we enjoy watching them on TV. This also serves as a reminder of how crucial it is to take the time to choose the right poly partners for you. There’s never any reason to rush into anything, and you want to be sure everyone involved has enough time to healthily adjust to the process of finding and adding a Sister Wife to your family. You also want to be sure you really know who is joining your family, and they should be sure they really know you. 

Seeking Sister Wives airs Mondays at 9 p.m. ET on TLC.

At Sister Wives, our poly matchmaking service is committed to finding love for each and every one of our members. Be sure to check out our services and resources that serve as a guide to help you discover the best polygamy dating app for you.

Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc:

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